A Benson - Cabot Romance
by darkclocks
Summary: A prequel to The Noah Series. Starting from Olivia and Alex meeting, falling in love, and raising three children. There will be humor, angst, and romance. But less angsty than my "Between the Scenes" series. As usual, I promise happy endings. AO. #Cabenson. No other ships here. Mature rating for later chapters.
1. Alex Cabot: Meet Olivia Benson

A/N: Prequel to "The Noah Series." Will archive how Alex and Olivia met, fell in love, and had three children. It will be long and angsty, but less angsty and rocky than my "Between the Scenes" series. And as usual, I promise happy endings.

* * *

 **ALEX CABOT: MEET OLIVIA BENSON**

 _August 2000_

Alex Cabot didn't have much of a social life. She didn't have time. She had a high-pressure job and political ambitions. She had been with the Manhattan DA's office just over three years and was one of the up and coming ADAs. It was no secret that her eye was on the District Attorney's chair in the future.

But tonight she was going to forget all of that. It had been a rough week, and she wanted nothing more than to go out somewhere, have a drink, and hopefully let loose and have a good time.

Soon after work, she found herself at a bar where she had never been, Chauncey's. She ordered a gin and tonic and had resigned to drinking her cares away. The picked up her first drink and nearly downed it in one gulp before promptly ordering another.

"Long day?" the brunette a few seats away asked. She was nursing a beer and had been there since before Alex came in.

"Something like that," Alex said. "Long week, actually."

She watched as the brunette sized her up. Alex looked around and realized she didn't exactly belong here. It looked like a cop bar if she had to guess. She was dressed in the suit she wore to court, and everyone else in there was dressed in more casual gear. Black pants. Jeans. Work shirts. Some suits, but cheap ones. Yes, this was definitely a blue collar bar.

"I'm Alex," she said to the brunette. Not that she asked, but Alex had a mission tonight. She was going to do something that wasn't work. She was going to make a friend and not spend the evening in her apartment reading law books.

"Olivia."

"It's nice to meet you, Olivia," Alex said. She got up and move closer, leaving one seat between them at the bar.

"So, no offense, but this doesn't seem like your typical bar," Olivia said. "I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you here."

"Very observant," Alex said. "I've never been here. I actually rarely get out. I just needed to get away tonight."

"I understand," Olivia said. She'd had a long week herself. She'd been with SVU as a detective for two years but it still hadn't made the cases any easier. She'd learned to cope with it in her own way, but this week just needed to blow off some steam.

Over the course of a couple more drinks, they learned that Alex was an ADA with the DA's office and that Olivia was with the NYPD. Neither were specific about their assignments. It didn't seem relevant, and neither was interested in sharing too much personal information.

"So what is a Harvard educated attorney doing working for the DA's office? I'm sure you could make a lot more money defending creeps," Olivia said.

"I could," Alex said. "I did for a while, but I hated every minute of it. It's not the reason I went to law school. I wanted to seek justice. I figured the best way to do that was to be a prosecutor."

"What about you?" Alex asked after a silence. "What made you want to become a cop?"

"I guess I figured someone needed to speak for the victims," Olivia said. Olivia didn't give her statement any explanation, she just left it out there, and Alex didn't ask. She knew there had to be a story with it, but it was far too soon for whatever it was.

They talked more during the night. Alex discovered Olivia's mother was an English Professor and had passed on the love of English literature to her daughter. Olivia didn't say much else about her, however. Olivia discovered Alex's family was well-off and fairly influential, but Alex seemed uninterested in it. She clearly wanted to make her own way in the world.

Olivia grew up in the city. Alex grew up in Long Island. Olivia went to public school and then Siena College. Alex went private schools and then Harvard. They were from a different world, but somehow on the same path of pursuing justice. Both were intellectual and compassionate, even if neither would admit the latter. Both were career-driven and didn't see that ending for the foreseeable future.

Yet, both were drawn to the other.

"Can I walk you home?" Olivia offered. "You've had quite a bit to drink tonight, and I want to make sure you get home safe."

"What about you? Alex asked.

"I'll get a cab back, and besides, I have my gun," Olivia said.

Alex agreed. She wasn't sure why. She was attracted to Olivia but had no reason to think the brunette was interested in women. Alex was, however. She wasn't exactly open about it, but those closest to her knew. Alex wasn't interested in chasing a straight woman, or really anyone for that matter, but didn't want her night to end just yet, so she accepted Olivia's offer to walk her home.

"This is me," Alex said when they got in front of her her apartment building.

Olivia looked up at the tall apartment building. "Nice place."

"Yeah, it's definitely above my pay scale, but that's a story for another time," Alex said.

"I'd like to hear it," Olivia said. "I mean, if you want to hang out again. I had a nice time tonight."

"Me, too," Alex said, smiling. "Here's my number. Why don't you call me and we can hang out again, or get dinner." She wrote her number down on a business card and handed it to Olivia.

"Thanks," Olivia said. "I um, guess, I'll go."

"Yeah, it was um, nice to meet you, Olivia," Alex said.

Alex entered the building and took the elevator up to her floor. Her mind had a million thoughts about the night she'd had. She liked Olivia. She found her interesting and attractive, but more than anything, she thought she'd make a good friend, even if she turned out to be straight.

Of course, Olivia was a cop, so that wasn't ideal for an ADA. However, Olivia didn't work in her precinct or unit, so even if they became friends, or even more, it shouldn't matter. She decided if Olivia called her, she'd spend time with her and get to know her. At the very least, it couldn't hurt to make a new friend, especially one that wasn't a lawyer.


	2. This Sucks

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews. Glad you are enjoying it. Not much to add here except that I won't promise daily updates on this one (though will try), but will at least get every other day. I don't like to keep you all waiting too long :)

* * *

 **"THIS SUCKS"**

 _September 2000_

"I was beginning to think either you didn't like me as many times as we had to reschedule," Alex said after they ordered their dinner.

"Hey, you canceled on me at least once," Olivia said. "I don't take all the blame here."

"I guess that's just the life of an ADA and an NYC Detective," Alex said.

It had been nearly a month since Olivia had met Alex. She had called her a few days later and invited her to dinner, but then ended up catching a case and barely left the squad room for a week. Alex canceled on their next plans. A trial had taken an unexpected turn, and she had to prep witnesses and re-write cross-examination questions. They went on like this until early September, after Labor Day. But tonight, their schedules finally synced up.

Olivia appreciated that Alex understood and didn't seem to mind. Most of her dates and even friends didn't get it, and would be easily frustrated with her unpredictable schedule. It was why she rarely dated and had very few friends.

"Well, I'm glad we finally got to do this," Olivia said. "As you can imagine, I rarely have time for fun."

"I wish I didn't know what you meant," Alex said. "Tell me about your job."

Olivia still wasn't sure how much to share about her job. Most people she knew were either creeped out by her work or just a little too fascinated by it for comfort. She decided to stick to the basics.

"I've been a cop for eight years and a detective for two years," Olivia said. "I have a good partner. We don't always see eye-to-eye, but I trust him with my life, and his family has become like my own. I enjoy my work a lot, at least when justice prevails. Though, I guess enjoy isn't the right word. I'd prefer if our jobs didn't even need to exist."

"I know what you mean," Alex said. "I'd like to say I enjoyed my job, but working white collar isn't exactly exciting. And it seems like even when we get justice, we don't really. We end up cutting some kind of backroom deal, and everyone goes back to doing what it is they do. But, hopefully, that will change soon."

Olivia gave her a curious look.

"My boss says he may have a new assignment for me," Alex said. "Though I have no idea where or what it is yet. It can't be much worse, though."

"Okay, enough about work, tell me about your family," Olivia said.

"Well, my mom and dad live out on Long Island, and I have a brother and a sister," Alex said. "I'm the oldest, then my brother Adam, and sister Rebecca. What about you?"

"No siblings," Olivia said. "It's just my mom and me. No other family to speak of. Pretty boring. I told you my mom is an English Professor. She lives in the city, and we see each other every now and then. We're not super close."

Olivia could tell Alex was curious and wanted to ask more, but she didn't, which made Olivia like her even more. They talked more throughout dinner - favorite bands, favorite movies, where they would go if either of them ever had time to take a vacation. Olivia couldn't remember a time when she'd had more fun out with someone - be it a friend or a date. She wasn't sure which Alex was yet.

When they were done with dinner, they exited to the sidewalk.

"Can I walk you home?" Olivia offered.

"You know, you don't always have to walk me home," Alex said, teasing. "I'm not helpless."

"Oh, a girl like you? I would never assume that you were," Olivia said. "I just...I've had a good time and I thought we could talk more while we walked."

"Well, when you put it like that, I'm all yours," Alex said. She took Olivia's elbow as they began walking. Olivia smiled to herself, hoping this was the sign of definite interested that she needed.

They continued their conversation while making their way to Alex's apartment. They even made plans for to go to a concert in the city coming up in late September if their schedules matched up. Before they realized it, they were in front of Alex's apartment.

They stopped and stood awkwardly outside of Alex's building.

"I had a really nice time, Olivia," Alex said. "I hope we can see each other again. Maybe next time it won't be so long."

"Me, too," Olivia said. "And I'd like that." They were standing close and both of their eyes alternated being fixated on the others eyes and lips. It was obvious Alex was hoping for a kiss.

"I would invite you up for coffee, but I have trial tomorrow and ..." Alex said.

"No, it's fine," Olivia said. "I'll probably have an early morning as well."

They exchanged a smile, and both made an awkward move for a goodbye hug. When they pulled back, they both kept their hands on the others arms and stared at each other for a moment.

Olivia began to lean forward, and Alex closed her eyes, waiting for their lips to touch.

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

Olivia's cell phone went off, distracting her out of habit as she looked down. Alex opened her eyes disappointed. Olivia let go of Alex. She saw it was her partner, Elliot Stabler. She closed her eyes and sighed a sigh of disappointment.

"I'm so sorry," Olivia said. "It's my partner. I have to go."

Alex gave her a half smile. "I understand. We'll talk soon and make plans."

"That sounds good," Olivia said, running off toward the corner to hail a cab to the precinct.

#

"What do you mean we're getting our own ADA, Captain?" Elliot said a few days later as they sat in the squad room.

"One P.P. thinks it will help us _play by the rules_ better if we have a dedicated ADA for this unit," Captain Cragen said.

"So a babysitter?" Olivia said.

"Look, we all need to play nice until we figure out what the agenda is of this new ADA," Cragen said. "I'm meeting with her tomorrow morning."

"Who is she?" John Munch asked.

"Alexandra Cabot," Cragen said. "She's coming from White Collar."

Olivia's face went white. Alex was going to be their new ADA? There is no way this was going to end well. She caught herself staring off into space wondering if Alex knew SVU was her unit yet. She hadn't shared that information, but Alex would soon have to know who her SVU detectives were.

"Liv...Liv." Olivia snapped out of her daze at the sound of Elliot's voice calling her name.

"Oh, sorry," Olivia said.

"We need to go," Elliot said. "Munch and Jeffries went to see the ADA to get a warrant, but we need to try to find Michael."

Olivia nodded. She wanted to call Alex, but she knew they needed to go, and work wasn't exactly the place to have this conversation.

#

Alex was surprised by her assignment to SVU but was excited the prospect of what it could do for her career. However, any surprise she had by her assignment was surpassed once she found out who her detectives were. Right there in the files was the name of the woman she hadn't been able to take her mind off since their date - Olivia Benson.

Part of her was mad that Olivia hadn't told her she was an SVU Detective, but since she hadn't known she was going to be assigned there, it wouldn't have mattered. She wondered if Olivia had found out yet.

Most of her first day was spent trying to get a warrant for Munch and reviewing the Morris Commission files. She was glad Olivia's name wasn't one of the detectives in the unit with "behavioral problems," but she noted that her partner, Elliot, was.

Due to the nature of the first case she had with SVU, she hadn't had a chance to talk to Olivia. When Cragen and Elliot came to her office, she wondered why Olivia had been the only detective from the squad she hadn't met. Of course, Olivia probably knew what she knew - there was no way this was going to end well.

The first time Alex saw Olivia at work was as she was watching during an interrogation. It made her smile to see how good Olivia was at her job and how committed she was to the victims. She reassured her that Olivia really was the person that she thought she was.

#

Once the grand jury was over, Olivia knew she and Alex needed to talk. It had been a tough week, pretending like she didn't know Alex, avoiding her when she could, being questioned by her during the Grand Jury testimony. Everything so far has been strictly professional. But now, they needed to talk.

"Hi," Alex said, answering her phone. She recognized the number and knew it was Olivia calling.

"Hi," Olivia said. "I guess we should talk."

"We should," Alex said. "Do you want to meet for a drink?"

"Actually, I'm downstairs, so we can go somewhere from your place, or just talk here," Olivia said.

"I'll buzz you up," Alex said.

Olivia hung up and went up to Alex's apartment. Alex greeted her at the door, and Olivia immediately noticed how different she looked than she had in the courtroom earlier that day. The suit was gone, replaced by flannel pajama pants and a Harvard t-shirt. She had let her hair down as well. It's not that Olivia hadn't seen Alex dressed somewhat casual. She'd worn her hair down and jeans on their date just last week, but this Alex looked relaxed and even more beautiful. Olivia smiled as she entered the apartment.

"Wine?" Alex offered. She had already poured a glass herself. She had only been home long enough to change and pour a glass of wine to work up the courage to call Olivia.

"Yeah, I have a feeling we may need it," Olivia said.

"Olivia, I just found out about my assignment," Alex said. "I had no idea until after that you were even a detective with that unit."

"I know," Olivia said. "I don't share that with everyone right away. Most people can't deal with it."

Alex nodded.

"What are we supposed to do?" Olivia asked quietly.

"I don't know," Alex said. "I like you, Olivia. And I guess I hoped that we would be more than friends. I mean, last week when you walked me home..."

"We almost kissed," Olivia said. "Yeah, I know. I've wanted to kill Stabler every day since then, too."

Alex chuckled and took a drink of her wine.

"But, I just don't know how this works," Alex said. "I mean, we barely know each other."

"We could be friends," Olivia said.

Alex raised her eyebrows. "Friends?"

"Well, I mean, we could get to know each other, as friends," Olivia said. "And if there is something more between us, then we deal with it when it comes."

Alex nodded. "I can live with that, I think."

Olivia sighed and took a drink of her wine. "This sucks."

"Yep, this sucks," Alex said.


	3. Funeral

**FUNERAL**

 _December 2000_

Olivia sat alone on her couch. Her mother's funeral had been that day, and she felt fortunate Cragen had let her come back and work after. All she wanted to do was keep her mind off what happened. She had accepted long ago that her mother was an alcoholic and that this day may come, but she still hadn't been prepared for it. All she wanted to do was solve the rape case they were in the middle of and maybe, just maybe, she'd let herself feel something.

She flipped channels on the television until she heard a knock at the door. She hadn't been expecting anyone, although she had ignored several calls from both Elliot and Alex that evening.

If she were a gambler, she would have put money on Elliot being at her door. He never quite knew when to leave things alone. She got up and went to the door, peeked through the door hole, and was surprised to see Alex. She opened the door.

"Alex, I wasn't expecting you," Olivia said. "Did we have plans that I forgot?"

Since they decided to become friends they generally made plans to see each other one or two times a week, depending on how busy they were. They had become good friends in the meantime, even though both of them still wanted more.

"No, I just wanted to check on you," Alex said. "I was surprised to see you back at the precinct after the funeral today."

Olivia moved out of the way to let Alex inside. "I just needed to focus on work. It helps."

"I understand," Alex said. "I thought you could use dinner, and I brought your favorite wine."

She held up a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of wine.

Olivia laughed an ironic kind of laugh.

"What's so funny?" Alex said. "Did I do something wrong?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, you didn't. It's just...the wine. It's kind of ironic tonight of all nights."

"I don't follow."

"My mother was an alcoholic," Olivia said. It wasn't something she freely admitted to most people, but she trusted Alex, even if they hadn't had the conversation before. "She was drunk when she fell before dying."

"Oh, Olivia, I'm so sorry," Alex said. "I had no idea. I feel like such an idiot."

"Please don't," Olivia said. "You had no way of knowing. It's okay. Like I said, just ironic. Let me get us some plates and glasses and we'll eat dinner and toast my mother. It's what she would have wanted, anyway."

Alex gave her a half-smile. She felt awful about her blunder, but she was also worried that Olivia wasn't dealing with what was happening. However, even though they were friends, she didn't feel it was her place to push her too much on it. She decided to sit down for dinner, talk, and listen if Olivia chose to talk. If not, she would keep her mind off things.

After they had finished dinner, they moved back to the couch and continued the conversation. Alex finally got up the nerve to ask if Olivia wanted to talk.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex said.

"There's nothing really to talk about," Olivia said. "I've spent most of my life preparing for this day."

"But you have to feel something," Alex said.

"That's the thing, I don't know how I feel yet," Olivia said. "I mean, our relationship was difficult, but..."

"She was still your mother," Alex said, finishing Olivia's sentence when she paused.

Olivia nodded. She felt her eyes filling with tears, so she looked away and took another sip of her wine.

"You know, she liked you," Olivia said.

"Really?" Alex said. "I only met her the one time."

"You made an impression," Olivia said.

Olivia and Alex had dinner plans one night when Serena, Olivia's mother, called to see if Olivia wanted to have dinner. Olivia planned to reschedule with her mother, but Alex had insisted Olivia either cancel their plans or invite Serena along. Neither option had been appealing to Olivia, but since she had wanted to spend time with Alex, she agreed to invite her mother to dinner with them.

Alex smiled thinking about the fact that Olivia's mother had liked her.

"I think she knew," Olivia said.

"Knew what?" Alex said.

"How I felt about you," Olivia said. "She indirectly hinted at it about a week after our dinner with her."

Alex gave her a sad smile. She had feeling for Olivia, too, and they had grown since they became friends and colleagues. She knew Olivia had feelings for her, and vice verse, but they never talked about it. Things still seemed too soon with Alex being in her position just under three months, never mind the ramifications and risk of it getting out.

Alex was lost in thought, debating whether to tell come right out and tell Olivia how she felt, when she heard Olivia talking again.

"Anyway, I appreciate the dinner and wine," Olivia said. "It was thoughtful. And I'll be okay, I just have to deal with this in my own way."

"Okay, well, if you need anything at all, or just want someone to talk to, you know I'm here," Alex said. "You shouldn't have to do this alone.

"Thanks, Alex," Olivia said. "Can we just maybe watch a movie tonight or something?"

"Anything you want," Alex said.

Olivia turned on a movie, and they settled back on the couch. It had a been a long week, a long day even, and as much as Olivia would have hated to admit it, she was exhausted. Within an hour into the movie, she had fallen asleep and fell over onto Alex's shoulder.

Alex smiled but sat there unsure what to do. She didn't want to wake Olivia since she obviously needed the sleep, but she also thought Olivia should go to bed. However, Alex enjoyed the closeness of Olivia on her shoulder, so she sat still and silent, letting Olivia continue to sleep. She'd wake her when the movie was over.

When the movie was finally over, she gently ran her fingers through Olivia's hair to rouse her.

"Liv," Alex whispered.

Olivia stirred and opened her eyes, a little out of it until she realized she had fallen asleep on Alex. "I'm sorry for...falling asleep."

"It's okay," Alex said. "I didn't want to wake you. You looked like you needed the rest."

Olivia leaned her head back on the couch and smiled at Alex, gazing intently into her eyes. "Thanks, Alex. For everything tonight. This was nice."

"Anytime," Alex said, staring back. They were sitting close on the couch, facing each other. Alex lifted her hand to move a stray hair out of Olivia's face that had gotten out of sorts while she was sleeping. She brushed it out of her face and everything she had been feeling the past three months came rushing back.

She took a deep breath, lightly wet her lips and moved forward to kiss Olivia.

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Fuck," Olivia said, closing her eyes. Alex dropped her head to Olivia's shoulder and let out a sigh. "I'm going to kill Elliot," Olivia said before flipping open her phone to answer.

" _What?"_

" _Yes, I'm fine."_

" _No, I don't need anything."_

" _Alex brought dinner. She's here now."_

" _Yes, I said Alex."_

" _Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."_

She closed her phone. Alex had moved back to her spot on the couch by this point.

"I'm so sorry, Alex," Olivia said. "Elliot obviously has the worst timing."

"Well, at least he didn't call while you were sleeping and wake you up," Alex said, trying to see the positive.

"Alex..." Olivia said, reaching out for Alex's hand. She didn't want her to go. She wanted to finish the kiss they had almost started...for the second time.

"Olivia, I need to apologize," Alex said. "I shouldn't have done that."

"What?" Olivia said, obviously hurt.

"No, I don't mean I didn't want to," Alex said. "I really did. But right now, you're vulnerable, and I just don't want to take advantage."

"Alex, I'm fine," Olivia said.

"And I believe you," Alex said. "But maybe Elliot is the universe's way of telling us to wait for an even better moment. I mean, make no mistake, I want this. But I just want it to be right for both of us."

Olivia sighed but nodded. "You're right. I do want this, too. And like you, I want it to be right. So we wait until it's right. Until we know if the risk is worth it."

"Well, on that note, I should say goodnight," Alex said, standing up from the couch.

"Goodnight, Alex," Olivia said.

* * *

A/N: Once again, thanks for the great reviews. If you don't know, this is the prequel to "The Noah Series" of course it'll have a happy ending.

Also, I won't keep you waiting too much longer for that first kiss. But I did need to torture you (and them) just a little longer. :-)


	4. We Can't Be Friends

**WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS**

Alex Cabot had a bad day. It wasn't a terrible day. She hadn't lost a case or even a victim, but she had spent most of the afternoon sparring with Elliot about interrogating the mother of a rape victim who was a murder suspect.

Seeing eye to eye with Elliot wasn't a new thing for her, but this time was different. Olivia hadn't said anything, but Alex knew she agreed with Elliot. When it came time to interview the suspect, after Elliot left, Alex couldn't hold back her snark when she asked if Olivia was capable of handling the interview or if she should get other detectives who could. She hadn't meant it the way it sounded, but she let the annoyance with Elliot take over. Of course, it didn't matter how she meant it; it mattered how Olivia took it. And based on Olivia's response, it wasn't well.

 _It's not a problem,_ Olivia had said curtly before shooting Alex a look.

Of course, it was about so much more than that. Olivia had been short with her for about a week and had canceled their plans for dinner that week. Alex's best guess was that it had something to do with them running into some some old colleagues of Alex's while with the SVU squad celebrating a case at a bar one night. Colleagues that happened to include a very short-lived ex-girlfriend of Alex's.

Kate had made a point to flirt with Alex, especially once she noticed how closely Alex was sitting to Olivia. She whispered in Alex's ear for her to call her, loud enough for Olivia to hear, and even though Alex politely declined her invitation for a drink later that week, Olivia's demeanor had changed.

At first, Alex didn't think much of it. Afterall, she had no interest in Kate, and well, Olivia had agreed they weren't ready. But as the week drug on, Alex could tell something was up. The events of the day had just brought them to head. Rather than supporting Alex, or even making an impassioned plea on behalf of her partner, trying to help Alex understand their position, Olivia just shut down and turned cold.

So Alex Cabot had had a bad day and wanted nothing more than to go home and have a glass of wine to relax.

Alex had been long enough to change and pour herself some wine when she heard a knock on the door. The only person who came to her place was Olivia, and she very much doubted it was the brunette, however when she opened the door, she was surprised to see her standing there.

"Can I come in?" Olivia said. She was standing there, head down with her hands in her jacket pockets.

"Yeah," Alex said, moving aside. "Can I offer you a glass of wine?"

"No thank you," Olivia said. "I just need to say something."

Alex tensed up at Olivia's words. She could feel the tension and sensed she may not like what she was about to hear.

"Say what you need to," Alex said in a curt tone.

"I don't want to be your friend," Olivia said. "I -"

"What?!" Alex said. She had expected Olivia to be mad at her, to say some kind of peace, but she didn't expect this. They hadn't even had a fight. "Olivia, we have a disagreement at work, and you decide we can't be friends anymore? What is that about? I mean, I thought we were mature enough to keep our professional lives and personal lives separate."

Olivia stopped and put her hands on her hips.

"Are you done?" Olivia said. "Can I finish?"

"I just don't see why -" Alex said.

"Jesus, Alex, stop already," Olivia said. "What I'm trying to say is I don't want to _just_ be your friend anymore."

"What?" Alex said.

Olivia grew frustrated with Alex for not listening to her and decided to make her intentions for coming over there crystal clear. She grabbed Alex's waist, pulled her toward her, and kissed her. No time to think about it. No leaning forward in anticipation. No ringing cell phones. She just kissed her.

When she finally pulled back, Alex stood there stunned.

"Do you understand now?" Olivia said.

Alex nodded. "Where's your phone?"

"It's on silent," Olivia grinned.

Alex immediately pulled Olivia back in for another kiss. This time more passionately and gentle. This time, she was prepared. They both were.

After a few minutes, they broke apart and Alex led Olivia to the couch to sit down.

"Do you have any idea how long I've waited for that?" Alex said.

"Yeah, I have a little bit of an idea," Olivia said. "Did it meet your expectations?"

"It surpassed them," Alex said. "Can I ask you a question, though?"

"Sure."

"Why the change of heart? I mean, it hasn't been that long since..." Alex said. S _ince your mom died and I tried to kiss you?_

"Honestly, I saw you with Kate last week and it made me jealous," Olivia said.

"You have nothing to be jealous of, Olivia," Alex said. "That was over nearly before it began."

"I know," Olivia said. "But it made me realize that I shouldn't take you for granted. I mean, I'm sure there are a million women, and men, out there who'd love to be kissing Alex Cabot. I didn't want something silly like a phone call from my partner to stand in the way of me being one of those people."

"So you're not mad about today?" Alex said.

"Work is work. This, us, is different," Olivia said. "We both have a job to do, and we're not always going to agree."

"So, how do we do this?" Alex said.

"I was hoping you knew the answer to that," Olivia said. "I've not been exactly forthcoming about my sexuality at work. I mean, a few people know, Elliot has his suspicious, but I don't talk about it."

"Same here," Alex said. "And nothing against you or us, but I'd like to keep it that way for now."

Olivia nodded. They both understood the implications of being outed in the workplace, especially since it wasn't widely accepted then.

"So then we agree that we'll date, but not tell anyone?" Olivia said.

"Yes," Alex said. "And we'll have to keep work strictly professional. Disclosing at this point may be premature until we know for sure."

"Agreed," Olivia said. "So we'll date. We'll be discreet and professional, and we'll see how it goes?"

Alex leaned her head back on the couch. "Wow."

"Wow, what?"

"I just, I've thought about this. A lot," Alex said. "And it still seems unreal to me."

"Well, I think we have a few kisses to make up for," Olivia said. "Maybe that will help make it more real for you."

Alex smiled, and Olivia reached up tuck a strand of hair behind Alex's ear before leaning and pressing their lips together once again. Olivia was pretty sure she could get used to this.

* * *

A/N: The wait is over :) Thank you for all the kinds words on this story so far. I'll have more for this story, and a Noah Series update tomorrow (Thursday).


	5. Bed & Breakfast

A/N: The girls get away. Thank you for the reviews and tweets. I'm going for sweet in this story, though, if you know me, there will have to be some angst eventually. But I'm working hard to keep this one on the mostly sweet spectrum and less angsty than some of my other fics.

* * *

 **BED & BREAKFAST**

"Alex, I want to take you out," Olivia said. "Like, on a real date. I feel guilty that we spend all of our time together in one of our apartments. You deserve more than that."

"Liv, we can't exactly be seen in public," Alex said. "And I don't mind being in one of our apartments. I get you all to myself that way."

"You'll still get me all to yourself," Olivia said. "We used to go out to dinner all the time before we started dating."

"That's before I knew what it was like to be able to freely kiss and touch you," Alex said. "Who says I can control myself?"

"We manage it at work just fine," Olivia said.

"Speak for yourself," Alex said. "Do you have any idea how hot it is to watch you interrogating suspects through that window?"

Olivia leaned over and kissed Alex. "We can just pretend it's work and talk about cases."

"Oh, that sounds romantic," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"Listen, I'm sure it will be fine," Olivia said. "We'll go somewhere out of the way. Out of the city if you want. I just want to be able to go out with you. I want to have dinner in public with you and hold your hand, and kiss you."

"Well, we definitely can't do that in the city," Alex said.

They two had been dating for about two months and spending quite a bit of time together. Always at one of their apartments, though. They had also managed to keep their relationship PG-13 for the most part, neither want to move things along too quickly in case it went sour. Work had been manageable, though their flirting and longing looks had increased. However, if anyone noticed, they hadn't commented on it.

"Maybe we could go away for the weekend," Olivia said. "Check into a bed and breakfast?"

Alex looked at Olivia suspiciously. "A bed and breakfast?"

"Or whatever you want to do," Olivia said, suddenly nervous that she had suggested too much. They had slept over with each other a couple times, even though they weren't sleeping together. But she realized what her suggestion implied.

"No, I think it's a good idea," Alex said. "I would enjoy a weekend away with you at a bed and breakfast...especially the bed part." She winked and got up from the couch to refill her glass of water.

Olivia swallowed hard and took a deep breath before finally smiling.

"How about next weekend?" Olivia said. "Munch and Fin are catching on-call, so I'll just let Cap know I'm not available."

"And you'll tell Elliot not to call you?" Alex teased.

"Yes, I'll definitely tell Elliot not to call," Olivia said.

#

The following Friday, Olivia was packing up quickly to go home and meet Alex for their trip. Elliot noticed her hurrying to get out and questioned her again about her plans.

"So you're going away for the weekend?" Elliot said.

"Yes, I told you," Olivia said.

"And you won't say where," Elliot said.

"El, I'm just going upstate," Olivia said. "A mini-vacation."

"You don't take vacations," Elliot said.

"Which is exactly why I need one," Olivia said.

"Are you going with someone?" Elliot said. "Are you seeing someone?"

"Elliot..." Olivia said.

Just then Alex walked into the squad room and exchanged a glance with Olivia.

"Alex, you two are friends, did Olivia tell you where she was going this weekend?" Elliot asked.

"You're going away this weekend?" Alex said smirking.

"I am," Olivia said, returning the smirk.

"Where are you going?" Alex said.

"It's a secret," Olivia said.

"And what exactly do you plan on doing, Detective?" Alex said, very slowly, still smirking.

Olivia blushed for a moment. "Wouldn't you like to know, Counselor."

"Hey, Alex, are you going to be around this weekend if we get what we need for a warrant on Michaels?" Elliot said.

"No, I'm not here," Alex said. "Kinnett is on-call."

"Where are you going?" Elliot said.

"To see my parents," Alex said, crossing her arms. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Geez, you two and your secret plans," Elliot said.

"Well, I'd love to stay, but I need to get going," Olivia said. "Don't forget, no phone calls. I'll see you Monday, Elliot, Counselor." She nodded, picked up her bag, and left the precinct.

#

In just over two hours, they had arrived at their destination. The bed and breakfast wasn't far outside of the city, but far enough away that it would give them privacy. They checked in and went to dinner before getting settled it.

It was a nice change of pace for them - dinner out, again. Friday, they opted for something casual since it was getting late. They found a pub nearby. They ordered some burgers, beers, and played darts against a couple of guys that were in the bar. When Alex nailed the bullseye and won the game, Olivia pulled her in for a kiss. It surprised both Alex and the men who were hoping to take them home with them. It was a good surprise for Alex though. It helped her realize what they had been missing out of by never leaving their apartments.

When their food arrived, they excused themselves back to their booth and ate their dinner. Alex reached across the table and took Olivia's hand.

"I'm glad we did this," Alex said. "It's nice being out with you, enjoying ourselves. Not that I don't enjoy our time already, but this is a nice change from Chinese food and movies."

"It is," Olivia said. "I know we can't exactly do this yet at home, but until then, we should make a habit of it, whether it's for the weekend, or just for a night."

"You think Elliot really doesn't know?" Alex said.

"I'm pretty sure he has no idea," Olivia said. "I don't think he'd be able to keep that to himself. And I'm sure when he find outs, he'll get upset that I didn't tell him."

"Do you think we should tell him?" Alex said.

"No," Olivia said. "I trust him, but if someone finds out and there is blowback, I don't want him to get any of it."

"Okay," Alex said. "Well, he is your best friend, so if you choose to tell him, I'll support that."

"What about you?" Olivia said. "Have you told anyone?"

"My mother and sister know I'm seeing someone," Alex said. "But they don't know who."

"Does your family..."

"Know that I'm gay?" Alex said. "Yes. And they accept it, even if my parents don't understand it. I think that's why my mom doesn't ask a lot of questions about my dating life."

Olivia nodded and took a drink of her beer.

"You know, you could meet them if you want to," Alex said slowly. "I mean, you don't have to, but, if you're interested..."

"What?"

"It's stupid, nevermind," Alex said.

"No, it's not stupid," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was just um, surprised. I would love to meet your family if you're ready for that. I mean, at some point, I have to meet them, right?"

"Planning our future together, already, Benson?" Alex teased.

"I plead the 5th on that, but I will tell you what I have planned for tonight," Olivia said, leaning forward across the table.

She whispered into Alex's ear, who's face turned red while a huge smile crept across her face.

"Those are some awful big plans, Detective," Alex said. "You better get me out of here if you plan on accomplishing all of that tonight."

Alex got up and took Olivia's hand. They had already paid the bill so they immediately left and walked the short distance it was to the bed and breakfast. Olivia's hands never left Alex's waist the entire way until they got to the door to unlock it.

As soon as Olivia opened the door, Alex pushed her inside and then back against the door to close it. She pressed against Olivia and their lips crashed into each other. She reached down the locked the door and moved her hands directly back to Olivia, tugging at the bottom of her shirt. Once Alex had it in her grasp, she pulled Olivia's shirt off over her head. Olivia immediately did the same to Alex.

Their hands explored each other's breast, and Alex moved her mouth down to the flesh above Olivia's bra while her hands worked at Olivia's belt.

"Wait," Olivia said panting.

"What?!" Alex said, freezing and giving Olivia and ice cold stare.

"Not here," Olivia said. "I don't want our first time to be against a door. We're going to the bed."

She didn't Alex a chance to respond before she picked Alex up, garnering a small squeal from the blonde who wrapped her legs around Olivia to hang on. When they reached the bed, Olivia gently tossed Alex back on the bed, and climbed up to her, tugging the blonde's pants off in the process. Alex reached around to unhook her bra while Olivia completely undressed herself.

She climbed back in bed and lay on top of Alex, putting her weight on her elbows. She brushed Alex's hair out of her face and hovered over her, staring at her for a moment. She leaned down and touched their lips together, breathing Alex in. Suddenly, she stopped and lifted her head.

"Liv? Is everything okay?" Alex said. "We don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable."

Olivia smiled. "Everything is perfect, Alex. I can't imagine it being more perfect. I'm so glad that I'm here with you, that you took a chance on me, and that we took our time with everything."

"Me, too," Alex said, smiling.

"Alex, I love you," Olivia said. She hadn't planned to say it, but she meant it. "I'm not just saying this because of what we're about to do. And I know we've only been dating for two months, but I started falling for you all those months ago when we met, and I kept falling for you when we were friends. And now that we're here, together, I just want you to know that, I'm in this for as long as you'll have me. And I don't expect anything in return, I just wanted you to know in case you're not okay with that."

Alex put her hand on Olivia's cheek and smiled softly. "Oh, Liv, it's more than okay. And you're right, it is soon, but I love you, too. And this, tonight, is perfect."

Olivia smiled like she was surprised that Alex returned her feelings.

"Now, shall we get back to the task at hand?" Alex said, putting her hand on the back of Olivia's neck and pulling her back down to her.

Olivia smiled again before kissing Alex's neck and running a hand down to Alex's breast, eliciting a gasp from Alex, the first of many from both of them during the weekend.

#

Monday morning, they both returned to work refreshed and glowing. Alex came into the squad room early that morning to review the weekend cases, and propped herself down on Olivia's desk, even though she was there to talk to Munch and Fin.

"How were your parents?" Elliot asked.

"Huh?" Alex said. She was distracted watching Olivia attempt to work with Alex's long legs next to her, picturing them wrapped around her as they had been during the weekend.

"Your parents. You said you were going to see them," Elliot said.

"Oh, yeah, they're fine," Alex said.

"Liv, how was your weekend?" Elliot asked.

"Huh?" Olivia was still distracted by Alex's legs.

"Your weekend?" he said.

"Oh, my weekend. It was fine," Olivia said. "Relaxing." She looked up and gave an eye shag to Alex, who blushed slightly before removing herself from Olivia's desk.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you both got laid over the weekend," Elliot said casually, nothing thinking much about it until they both gave him a guilty look and Alex quickly picked up her bag to leave.

 _What was that look about? You don't suppose they're...Nah...Liv would've said something, right?_ Elliot just shook his head and the thoughts of it. They were so far-fetched that he put it out of his mind completely and chalked it up to Monday morning haze.


	6. Fight

A/N: Set in "Wrath" (3x02) - Alex and Olivia have been together about 6 months now.

* * *

 **FIGHT**

"Olivia, maybe Elliot is right," Alex said. "Maybe you do need a protective detail. I mean, whoever this is obviously has a grudge."

"Not you, too," Olivia said. "I can handle myself."

"I have no doubt of that, Liv," Alex said. "But I'd still rather you be safe than sorry."

"You know what, I'm tired," Olivia said. "I think I am ready for bed."

Olivia was tired. This case was under her skin. Someone was killing victims she had helped; someone who had a grudge against her and she was certain it was Eric Plummer. Elliot suggested a protective detail earlier that day, and she shut him down. The last thing she expected was for Alex to take his side on anything.

"Okay, fine," Alex said. "Let's go to bed."

"Alex, you should probably go home," Olivia said. "I haven't been sleeping well, and I don't want to keep you up."

"Are you serious right now, Liv?" Alex said.

"I'm fine, Alex," Olivia said. "Besides, if whoever this creep is wants to try something, I'd rather you not be here. It's better he doesn't know about you. You know, _it's better to be safe than sorry_."

Alex clenched her jaw at Olivia throwing her words back at her, but decided to give Olivia her space. She knew Olivia was tired and if it meant she could get some sleep, then she'd go home.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Alex said and shrugged. "Dinner?"

"Sure, depending on how the day goes," Olivia said. She walked over and kissed Alex goodbye before the blonde left.

#

The next day, Olivia was standoff-ish to pretty much everyone, especially Alex and Elliot. Alex called earlier in the day about dinner plans, and Olivia blew her off, saying she wanted to go home and be alone.

That afternoon when Munch and Fin invited Olivia out for a drink, she accepted, however, thinking she could use one. Of course, she was planning on Alex walking into the squad room right then.

"Teflon!" Munch called to Alex. "Care to join us for a drink tonight, too?"

Alex glared at Olivia. She was upset Olivia had blown her off yet was going out with the guys.

"No, thanks," Alex said. "I have plans."

Olivia looked down, knowing she had a pissed off girlfriend on her hands, but not much caring at the moment. At the bar later though, she had second thoughts. After finishing just two beers, she decided to call it a night. She planned to go see Alex and apologize for blowing her off.

However, upon leaving, she saw Eric Plummer. He was stalking her and she ran after him, only to be stopped by a protective detail. Her plans to see Alex went out the window as she made them drive her out to Queens to chew Elliot out for putting them on her without telling her.

The following day, she made an impassioned plea with Alex about Plummer, but got nowhere. Then Alex had the nerve to ask her how many drinks she'd had. Olivia was certain Alex was stalling because she was pissed at her, and she made a point of avoiding Alex at all cost until the case was finally over - a case that ended in Plummer forcing Olivia to shoot him.

#

Alex showed up at Olivia's apartment after the shooting. She knew Olivia probably didn't want to talk to her. She didn't even know if Olivia was still her girlfriend after the week they'd had. But she wanted to try and explain herself, and she wanted to support Olivia.

"Hey," Alex said when Olivia opened the door for her. She stayed in the hallway until she was invited.

"Hi," Olivia said. "Are you coming in?"

Alex nodded and stepped inside. Olivia shut and locked the door behind her and Alex took her jacket off and hung it up. Olivia went back to sit on the couch where she had been laying most of the evening. Alex joined her.

"Are we okay?" Alex asked.

"Alex, I killed a man today," Olivia said. "Do you think I care right now whether or not you thought I was drunk the other night?"

"First off, you didn't kill Plummer," Alex said. "He killed himself by setting you up. And second off, I never thought you were drunk."

"Yeah, well, you had a funny way of showing it," Olivia said.

"Liv, I was doing my job," Alex said. "Look, sometimes it's going to put us at odds. We know that. But I never doubted you for a second. I'm sorry I didn't make that more clear, but you weren't listening to rational thought."

"You still sound like Elliot," Olivia said.

"Have you talked to him?" Alex said.

"No, he's called several times tonight," Olivia said. "But Captain told me to take a couple of days, so I'm not talking to Elliot until I go back to work."

"I heard you had a couple of days off," Alex said. "I took tomorrow off, too."

"Why?" Alex said.

"Why? Because my girlfriend just went through a traumatic experience and I want to support her," Alex said. "Also, you never answered my question. Are we okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay," Olivia said. "I know I was being unreasonable, but for the record, I was right."

"You were," Alex said. "Now, to be clear, I don't care what you say, tonight, I'm staying with you and I plan on staying in bed with you all day tomorrow, too."

"I may not be much fun," Olivia said.

"Well, I'll have to see what I can do about that," Alex said, leaning over and kissing Olivia. "Liv, I love you, and I want to be here to support you, even if we have to be careful at work."

"I love you, too, Alex," Olivia said. "Can we go to bed now?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Alex said.

#

Elliot called Olivia on his way to work the following morning. He knew she was pissed at him, but usually, eventually, she answered - even if just to yell at him for calling so much. This time, though, her phone was going straight to voicemail. He assumed it was because she'd turned it off, but he was still concerned about her. She hadn't been herself lately. She hadn't been spending as much time with him and had been secretive. At first, he thought she was maybe seeing someone, but that usually never lasted long - not as long as this phase had, and she hadn't mentioned anyone. He hadn't even heard any out of the ordinary phone calls.

Elliot knew how Olivia got when she wanted to be alone, but this was a tough case. He wanted to apologize to her and make things right, and he wanted to make sure she didn't get so low that she started questioning her job and her abilities. He understood the demons she was facing. He'd be them himself and Olivia had always been there for him.

So he decided enough was enough. He'd show up with coffee and bagels, say his peace, let her know he was there for her and go to work. Then she'd get over it when she was ready, but at least he'd know they would be okay.

Elliot knocked on the door several times with no answer. He tried Olivia's cell phone again and it still went straight to voicemail. He was about to leave until he heard a noise. It was muffled through the door, but it sounded like a scream. The panic alert went off in his head and he pulled out Olivia's spare key and entered her apartment.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He called out for Olivia with no answer. He drew his weapon and made his way back toward Olivia's bedroom after seeing the rest of the tiny apartment was clear. He hadn't noticed the tan trench coat hung up by the door.

When he reached Olivia's door, he began to push it open and heard the noise again.

 _That wasn't a scream that was a moan...oh my God_.

As soon as he figured out what was happening, he saw his partner naked in bed, moaning in pleasure until her eyes met his.

"Elliot!" she screamed.

"What the fu-" a muffled voice under the covers said as a head attempted to pop-up. Olivia shoved Alex's head back down between her legs, ensuring she was still covered by the blanket.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Elliot said, turning around. "You weren't answering the door, and I heard a scream, and I didn't ... shit, I'm sorry."

Olivia sat up, rolling Alex to the side, still under the covers.

"And you couldn't leave well enough alone?" Olivia yelled at him. "I don't want to talk to you right now. Take a hint."

Elliot turned back around long enough to speak when his eyes saw a familiar skirt and blazer crumpled on the floor. He then looked to the bed and saw just a smidge of blonde hair sticking out the top of the covers.

"Is that?" Elliot started to say and Olivia's eyes widened. "Are you and..."

Alex knew they were busted, so she pulled down the covers enough so that he could see her head. "Hi," she said.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Olivia said.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Elliot said. "You know what, maybe I can." He turned to walk out of the apartment, and Olivia jumped up, still naked.

"Olivia! You're naked," Alex said. Olivia didn't care, but grabbed the robe on the back of the door on her way out to chase Elliot.

"Stop, Elliot," Olivia said. "We couldn't tell you."

"So it's fine for you to keep something like this from me, but I can't try to protect you without telling you?" Elliot said. "Talk about trusting your partner."

"Elliot, I did it to protect you, in case anyone ever found out," Olivia said.

"Well, if you can't trust your partner, it's time to get a new one," Elliot said before slamming the door on his way out.

In the meantime, Alex had made her way to the living room where Olivia was.

"What was that about?" Alex said.

"You should have stayed hidden," Olivia said.

"He knew, Liv," Alex said. "Besides, why the hell is he just walking into your apartment?"

"He has a key," Olivia said. "He's never needed to use it before, though."

"Seems to me the kind of thing you'd mention," Alex said. "I don't even have a key to your apartment."

"Alex, Elliot is my partner," Olivia said. "I gave it to him a long time ago. Don't tell me you're jealous of Elliot."

"No, I'm not jealous of Elliot," Alex said. "Although, when you yelled his name out, I may have been until I realized what was happening."

"Yeah, well, now I have to figure out how to fix this with Elliot," Olivia said.

"Why would he care?" Alex said.

"I didn't tell him," Olivia said. "I should have told him."

"You don't need to tell Elliot everything," Alex said. "He needs to realize that he can always be the most important person in your life."

"Maybe so, but we're going to have to fix this," Olivia said. "I know I'm pissed at him, but I can't lose our partnership over this."

"What do you mean _over this?_ " Alex said. "Elliot more important than I am?"

"That's not what I said," Olivia said.

"But you implied it," Alex said.

"I did no such thing," Olivia said. "I just mean that I don't want something like who I love to impact Elliot being my partner. Jesus. I love you, Alex. And I'd choose you over Elliot any day, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him, too."

"You're right, I was overreacting," Alex said. "It's been a hard week on all of us, especially you."

Olivia shrugged.

"Do you want to go back to bed and finish what Elliot interrupted?" Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "But, of course."

"I'd also like to point out that Elliot has the absolute worst timing," Alex said.


	7. Elliot

A/N: Okay, a little bit of angst here. Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

 **ELLIOT**

When Olivia returned to work, she knew she was going to have to talk to Elliot. It was true that it wasn't any of his business who she was seeing, but he was her partner, and not only that, he was her best friend. She knew she should have told him rather than try to protect him from it. She just wasn't sure how he would react. He and Alex didn't always get along, and even though they respected each other, Elliot still saw her as somewhat an obstacle to them doing their jobs, fair or not.

Olivia was already at her desk when Elliot arrived.

"Morning," she said when he walked in.

"You're here early," he said, not making eye contact with her.

"I figured after two days off, it wouldn't hurt to be here early," she said.

Elliot got up to get coffee, and Olivia followed him.

"El, can we talk about the other morning?" Olivia said. "You're right, I should have trusted you enough to tell you."

"You know, I've wondered a time or two about the two of you," he said. "But I never thought in a million years you'd do this."

Olivia sighed.

"Look, it's none of my business who you screw," Elliot said. "I just thought you would have learned with Cassidy to keep it out of our office."

"El, it's not..." Olivia wasn't sure what to say. _It's not just sex._ That's what she meant to say but didn't.

"It's not what?" he asked.

"Nothing," Olivia said. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Just keep this between us, okay?"

"Sure thing, _partner_ ," Elliott said bitterly and walked back off to this desk.

A few hours later Alex came to the precinct to meet with Cragen and stopped by Olivia and Elliot's desk on her way in to check on the status of an open case. Olivia barely looked up and Elliot still looked pissed off. Alex stood next to their desk and turned her head slightly to look down at Olivia.

"Detective Benson will let you know when we have an update," Elliot said cooly to Alex, even though he was glaring at Olivia. Olivia looked up at Alex and nodded. Alex left. She was feeling upset with Elliot that he was being such a dick, but this was his and Olivia's thing to work out and she'd let them.

#

Over the next day, Elliot warmed back up to Olivia, and they had this sort of unspoken understanding to not talk about it. Elliot hadn't been upset Olivia was sleeping with Alex, he was more upset that Olivia hadn't told him, though he still didn't understand the complete nature of their relationship. That wasn't his fault, though. Olivia hadn't taken her opportunity to tell him. As far as he knew, it was just occasional sex.

"How are things with Elliot?" Alex asked that night when they picked up dinner and took it back to her place.

"Better," Olivia said. "We have just kind of agreed not to talk about it."

"How did he take the news?" Alex said.

"Um, well, he was just upset I didn't tell him sooner," Olivia said. "Obviously walking in on us wasn't ideal."

"But he's okay with us?" Alex said. "He's still not talking to me much."

"He'll be fine," Olivia said. She didn't actually know if Elliot was fine with _them_ since she hadn't actually told him they were dating. Not just dating, but in love. She wasn't sure why she hadn't told him, though.

#

The following day Olivia was out on a call with Fin and Elliot was interviewing a suspect. Alex opened the door during the middle and instructed Elliot to let the suspect go. His lawyer was there, and they didn't have enough to hold him.

Elliot was pissed and once the suspect was gone, cornered Alex.

"What the hell was that?" he said.

"We didn't have enough to hold him on," Alex said. "Get some more evidence."

"I was trying!" he said.

"He asked for a lawyer, and you kept talking to him," Alex said.

"He didn't ask for a lawyer, he just mentioned that maybe he should get one," Elliot said.

"Same difference," Alex said. "And you know better. I think you just have a problem with me."

Elliot shook his head and laughed. "I don't have a problem with you."

"Sure you do," she said. "That's why you haven't talked to me since you found out about Olivia and me. You're just upset that you're not the only person in her life anymore."

"You think so?" Elliot said. "Listen, who my partner decides to screw to get her fix is none of my concern. It's not like you're the first around here, and I'm sure you won't be the last. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find more _evidence_."

He pushed past Alex while she stood there speechless at his words. He thought they were just _screwing_. What had Olivia told him? And what did Elliot mean by not the first? Alex blew out the breath she had been holding and turned around and stormed out of the precinct.

#

Olivia showed up at Alex's apartment that night, as they had planned earlier in the day. Instead of being greeted with a smile and kiss, Olivia was greeted with an eye roll and cold shoulder.

"Bad day?" Olivia said, joining Alex on the couch.

Alex gave an ironic laugh and crossed her arms. "Did you talk to Elliot?"

"No, he was gone when I got back," Olivia said. "Why?"

"Well, he seemed to think that you and were just screwing, you know, as a way for you to get your fix," Alex said. "Where would he get an idea like that?"

Olivia opened her mouth. _Shit._ "Alex, I..."

"He also said I _wasn't the first around there and wouldn't be the last_ ," Alex said. "Care to explain that one, too."

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose. "Elliot doesn't know what he's talking about."

"He's your best friend and partner," Alex said. "He obviously knows more about you than I do."

"Alex, it's not what you think," Olivia said.

"Then tell me what it is, Olivia," Alex said.

"He just...he thought it was just about sex and I didn't see the need to correct him," Olivia said. "The less he knows..."

"You didn't see the need to correct him?" Alex said. "So, it's better to let him think we're just what _fuck buddies_?"

"Alex, you're the one that said people didn't need to know," Olivia said.

"Yes, and I also told you that you could tell Elliot at any time," Alex said. "And who all else have you fucked? What was that about?"

"Alex, it's not like that," Olivia said. "It was one person, and it was a mistake. I told him that right away."

"Who?"

"Brian Cassidy," Olivia said. "He left the squad shortly before you came. I didn't tell you because it didn't mean anything."

"And you didn't tell Elliot about us, why? Because it doesn't mean anything?" Alex said.

"Alex, I love you," Olivia said. "How can you even say that?"

"How can I say that?" Alex said. "You let your partner think that we were just fucking. That I was just another notch on your belt."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I'll talk to Elliot tomorrow and tell him we're together."

"Don't bother," Alex said.

"What does that mean?" Olivia said. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Would it matter to you?" Alex said. "I mean, I'm sure you could just go find someone else to screw. Why not Elliot?"

"You are unbelievable," Olivia said. "Look, I screwed up. I should have told Elliot. I just didn't want to deal with his reaction."

"How bad could it be? I mean does he hate me that much that he'd be upset by the two of us dating?" Alex said.

"No, it's just, I don't know, Alex," Olivia said. "I'm not good at this relationship stuff, and I froze. But, if you're breaking up with me, I don't suppose it matters."

"I'm not breaking up with you," Alex said. "I'm just...pissed...and hurt."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "It wasn't about you. It was just about me. I will talk to Elliot tomorrow and set him straight."

"I'll do it with you," Alex said. "You know, so I can make sure you really tell him this time."

"Alex..."

"Olivia, those are my terms," Alex said.

Olivia nodded her head. "Okay."

They finished dinner and Olivia went home, feeling guilty. Alex was still pissed at her and she had no idea how things were going to go with Elliot the next day, but she knew it had to happen.


	8. The Key

A/N: The talk with Elliot and a step forward for AO. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. Yes, we have to have some trouble in here every now and then. There will be some issues that will come up going forward, but they're moving in the right direction here.

* * *

 **THE KEY**

Olivia invited Elliot out for a drink after work the next day so that Alex and her could talk to him. Of course, she didn't tell Elliot that Alex was coming since she figured he'd be more likely to go if it was just the two of them.

They grabbed a booth in the pub, ordered a couple of beers, and made basic chit-chat for a while. Alex's plan was to give them 10-15 minutes before she showed up and Olivia was nervous in the meantime. She fiddled with one of the spare cardboard coasters on the table while she nursed her beer and asked Elliot about Kathy and the kids.

She knew the minute Alex showed up because Elliot's face went from smile to frown as he raised his eyes. Olivia looked up at Alex and scooted over so she could sit down.

"Counselor," Elliot said. "What brings you here?"

"Actually, I invited her," Olivia said.

"I should get going home," Elliot said and started to get up. Olivia reached out and grabbed his arm.

"El, wait," Olivia said. "We actually wanted to talk to you."

"Listen, you don't owe me any explanation," Elliot said. "You two can do whatever you want."

"Elliot," Alex said firmly. Elliot sat back down.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Olivia said. "What I should have told you from the beginning."

"What?"

"This isn't a _whatever_ thing," Olivia said.

Elliot turned his head, slightly confused. "You're actually dating?"

They both nodded.

"How long?"

"About six months," Olivia said. "Actually, we met just before Alex was assigned here, and well, the timing was just off."

"I can't believe I didn't see it," Elliot said.

"We tried hard to make sure no one did," Olivia said.

"Can you give us just a minute, Alex?" Elliot said.

Olivia nodded to Alex to go, and Alex got up to order another drink at the bar.

"Olivia, why didn't you tell me?" Elliot said.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "At first, I think we wanted to make sure it was something real, and then, well, you two don't always get along that well, so I wasn't sure how you'd feel."

"You know if anyone found out -"

"We know," Olivia said. "And again, we want to make sure this is worth the risk before we disclose. Look, it's not like either of us planned this. We tried to just be friends at first. But..."

Alex had begun to slowly approach the table, she could mostly hear what was being said, but was waiting for a time to interrupt to sit back down.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Elliot said.

Olivia nodded. "Yes, I love her. And she loves me."

Elliot sighed. "Okay, well, if this works for you two, then I guess I have to be okay with it."

"Elliot, I need you to be more than okay with it," Olivia said. "I love her, and I think I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I mean, it's too soon to tell, but I'm pretty sure."

Alex took a sharp breath while watching upon hearing Olivia's words. She loved Olivia, too, and was sure she wanted the same things, but they hadn't talked about their future like that yet.

"Already, huh?" Elliot smiled.

"Well, we've been together six months, but known each other nearly a year," Olivia said. "And even that seems way too soon to be thinking these things, but there is just something about her, El. I've never felt this way." Olivia smiled when she talked about it, and Elliot couldn't help but smile back, seeing his partner like this.

"Okay, well, if it means that much to you, then I'm more than okay with it," Elliot said. "Your secret is safe with me, but just be careful...with both your job and your heart."

Alex took the moment of silence to approach the table again.

"Can I sit?" she asked.

"Yeah," Elliot said. Alex sat their drinks down on the table and took her spot back next to Olivia. Alex smiled at Olivia and Olivia wondered how much she had heard.

"Alex, I owe you an apology," Elliot said. "I misunderstood your relationship with Liv, and I just want you to know I'm happy for you two."

"Thank you, Elliot," Alex said.

"Well, we should probably get going soon, but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the restroom first," Olivia said.

Alex moved to let her out and sat back down and waited with Elliot.

"You're really okay with this?" Alex said.

"If you are what makes Liv happy, then yes," Elliot said.

"You act like you're not convinced I can do that?" Alex said.

"It's not that," Elliot said. "I like you, Alex. I know we don't always get along, but I do like you. And I've never heard Liv talk about someone the way she just talked about you. I'm just protective of her and I don't want to see her get hurt if this is just a passing thing for you."

"I assure you, Stabler, that this isn't a passing thing for me," Alex said. "I love her."

"Okay then, we shouldn't have a problem," Elliot said. "I really am happy for you, and her. Just don't hurt her."

"I won't," Alex said.

#

"What did you and Elliot talk about when I was in the restroom?" Olivia asked when they arrived back at her apartment.

"Oh you know, just the _if you hurt her, I'll hurt you_ speech," Alex said, laughing.

"He did not?" Olivia said, in an annoyed tone.

"No, he didn't threaten me, but he needed some reassurances from me about how I felt about you," Alex said. "It was kind of sweet in an Elliot kind of way."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be," Alex said. "I'm glad that you talked to him and cleared things up."

"Alex, if you think we should disclose..."

"Liv, I'm sure about us, but I don't think we should rush to that just yet," Alex said. "I mean, one of us would likely have to be transferred."

"Okay, I just don't want you to think that this is something casual for me," Olivia said. "That anything Elliot said yesterday was true."

"I know," Alex said. Alex debated telling Olivia what she overheard at the bar but wasn't sure how to bring it up.

They both changed into more comfortable clothes and curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Olivia laid her head down in Alex's lap. Alex stroked her hair while they watched tv and could sense the tension in Olivia's body.

"Everything okay, babe?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I'm just glad that went well," Olivia said.

"Me, too," Alex said. "But it seems like you're still tense."

"I was just thinking that..." Olivia said. "I um, got Elliot's key back from him."

"Okay...?"

"I was thinking that, if you want, I could give it to you," Olivia said. "I mean, I want to give it to you. I want you to have the key to my place."

Alex smiled. It wasn't exactly the conversation about their future she has hoped for. It was still too soon for that, though. But this, this was a start.

"You're adorable, you know that?" Alex said. "And yes, I would like that. In fact, I have a spare key in my purse for you, you know, in case you ever asked."

"Oh, so waiting on me to make the move, huh?" Olivia teased.

"Maybe," Alex said.


	9. T-Shirt

A/N: AO getting a little careless. Glad you guys liked the way the convo with Elliot went. Thank you so much for the reviews. I love seeing them

* * *

 **T-SHIRT**

 ** _Two months later_**

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

It was Friday night, and Olivia and Alex were sleeping at Olivia's place. Alex was draped across Olivia, and she could barely move with Alex's weight. She reached out and was happy she was able to reach the phone without moving Alex.

"Benson."

"Benson...uh, it's Fin."

"What do you need, Fin?" Olivia said, sleepily. It was the middle of the night.

"I need you to take a look at something with me," Fin said. "You know I wouldn't call, Liv, if it wasn't important."

"Ugh, okay, I'll be right there," Olivia said. It wasn't like Fin to call in the middle of the night and ask for much of anything, so as much as she didn't want to get out of bed, she did anyway.

She snapped the phone shut and slid out from underneath Alex. When she groaned, Olivia leaned down and gave Alex a kiss on her head. "Fin needs me at the squad room. I'll be home when I can."

"Careful," Alex muttered instead of _be careful._

"I will," Olivia said. She threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and took off for the squad room.

When she arrived, Fin showed her what he had found. He had what he thought he needed to get the evidence to arrest their perp. It seemed clear and Olivia wasn't sure why he needed her opinion, but she didn't complain.

"It looks like a clear MO," Olivia said. "We should be able to get a warrant for his. You call Cabot yet?" She knew he hadn't, but it was part of their cover...asking questions they already knew the answer to about the other.

"I was just about to call her," Fin said.

"I can do it if you want," Olivia said.

"Nah, I got it," Fin said, picking up the phone and calling Alex.

A short time later, Alex showed up at the squad room looking still half asleep. Olivia smiled because she thought she looked beautiful in her casual clothes.

"Please tell me this was worth waking me up for?" Alex said when she got to Fin's desk. She glanced over at Olivia and gave her a small smile.

"It is, Counselor," Fin said. "I need a warrant for Jenkins place."

"And this couldn't wait until morning?" Alex said.

"Do you want to give him even a few more hours to snatch another girl?" Fin said.

"Fine, show me what you got," Alex said.

After she had reviewed the evidence with them, she agreed that they should be able to get a warrant and started thinking about what judge she could wake up in the middle of the night on a Friday.

"I'll take care of it," Alex said. "But we better be right about this."

"We are," Olivia said.

Fin watched the interaction between Olivia and Alex closely. Alex listened when Olivia spoke. Olivia defended Alex frequently to Elliot. They had a level of comfort between them, but Fin had never thought much about it until tonight.

"Counselor, I thought you went to Harvard," Fin said before Alex left.

"What? I did," Alex said.

Fin eyed Alex, debating whether to say something. "Liv, didn't you go to Siena College?"

"Yeah, why?" Olivia said, not looking up from her desk.

"What are we doing, detective?" Alex said.

Fin grinned and looked down at Alex's breast, where the writing was on her t-shirt.

"See something you like?" Alex snapped at him, and Olivia looked up to see what was going on. When she looked over, she saw exactly what Alex was looking at. Her eyes widened and when Alex saw that she looked down to see what they were both looking at.

 _Shit. Olivia's Siena College t-shirt._

"Oh, this?" Alex said casually. "I had dinner at Olivia's and spilled food on my top. She gave me this to wear home."

Of course, that wasn't true. When Fin called, she had gotten dressed in the dark as quickly as Olivia had, and grabbed the first thing she could find from the t-shirt drawer, not looking at it. They had been keeping clothes at each other's place, but they were all dirty, and so she had to grab something of Olivia's.

"Really?" Fin said.

"Yes," Alex said. "I don't know what you think you know, but I can assure you, you're wrong."

Olivia smirked to herself. Alex's confidence in her lies was cute.

"Okay, okay, then you won't mind if I call you," Fin said.

"What? Why would you call me?" Alex said.

Fin picked up his phone and selected a contact, ignoring Alex's questions. He held the phone out so that Alex could see it was dialing _CABOT._

The phone on Olivia's desk began ringing.

 _Busted._ The look on both Alex and Olivia's face gave them away.

"I'm guessing if I called Benson, the phone in your pocket would ring?" Fin said.

Olivia and Alex just stared at each other.

"Fin..." Olivia said.

"Hey, don't worry about me," Fin said. "You two and do what makes you happy. I mean, someone around here needs to be getting some."

"Actually, it's more than that," Olivia said quietly.

"You two are a thing?" Fin said. "Elliot know?"

Olivia nodded to both questions.

"Good for you," Fin said. "Listen, either way, I don't care. I'm happy for ya. Oh, and Benson, sorry I woke you up and drag you down here for nothing. I actually was calling Cabot. You just answered her phone."

"Now that makes more sense," Olivia said.

#

Saturday afternoon when Olivia got home, Alex was at her place and had dinner ready for her.

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry about the phone thing this morning."

"It was bound to happen," Alex said. "Me wearing your shirt didn't help. We should get different phones or at least different cases."

"Yeah, we should," Olivia said.

"Or..." Alex said. "We could tell our bosses. I mean, Elliot knows. Fin knows. Eventually, they're all going to find out."

"We could, but one of us would probably get transferred," Olivia said.

"I would transfer," Alex said.

"I can't let you do that," Olivia said.

"No, I can't let you be transferred," Alex said. "SVU was never supposed to be permanent for me. For you, it's everything."

"You're everything," Olivia said.

"As you are for me," Alex said. "But it makes more sense that if one of us gets transferred, it should be me."

"Alex, I love you, but we have a good thing right now in SVU," Olivia said. "Convictions are up and you're damn good at your job. Are you sure you're ready to leave?"

"Honestly? No, but I will for you," Alex said.

"I know," Olivia said. "But let's wait a little longer. Not because I'm not sure about you, but because our work, your work at SVU isn't done. We can do this."

"Okay," Alex said and let out a sigh of relief. She really didn't want to leave SVU but would in a heartbeat for Olivia. "But I will. I want this, us, and a future with you."

Olivia smiled. "I want the same thing, too."

"Hey, I know I mentioned it a few months ago and it hasn't happened yet, but do you want to meet my family?" Alex said. "I mean, I guess if we are going to disclose at some point and have a future, they should know you."

"I think...that is a perfect next step for us," Olivia said. She leaned over to where Alex was sitting at the dinner table and kissed her. "I also notice you still have my t-shirt on from this morning."

"It smells like you," Alex said. "I kind of like it."

"I kind of like you in it," Olivia said. "Although, I'd prefer you in it with nothing else on."

"If you tell me how wonderful this dinner was I cooked for us, you may get your wish later," Alex teased.

"Oh, this is the best dinner I've ever had," Olivia said.

"Well, then we'll have to see if I can give you the best dessert you've ever had, too."


	10. Meet the Parents

A/N: Extra long chapter and full of angst that starts mild and works up to more serious - BUT, there is a payoff in the end. Also, there will be a shorter Part 2 to this chapter. I just couldn't get more in tonight. This has angst and sweetness in it. And for those that like the more "sexy" stuff, the part two will include some of that.

Thanks for reading and for the reviews. I appreciate them all.

* * *

 **MEET THE PARENTS**

"You ready?" Alex Cabot had strolled into the squad room Friday afternoon at the end of the work day to hurry Olivia up for their trip to see her parents. At Alex's words, Olivia looked nervously around to see if anyone was listening.

"Relax, no one is around but Fin, and well..." Alex said. "You promised you'd be ready by 6:00 pm. I don't want to put this off again."

Olivia had happily agreed to meet Alex's parents. She had even been excited about it. But the closer they got to it actually happening, the more nervous she became. What if they hated her? What if they thought she wasn't good enough for Alex? What if they asked questions about her family? What if she hated them?

Olivia didn't really do the meet the parents stuff, and as much as she wanted to do it with Alex, she was still nervous and insecure. That's why she had canceled the past two weekends and gave some excuse about having to work, or having a migraine.

"Yeah, let me just make sure the Captain doesn't need anything before I go," Olivia said.

"Really?" Alex said. "You have the weekend off. You did tell him you are going out of town, right? That you're taking time off?"

"Yes, but -"

"Then he'll be okay," Alex said. "Tell him goodbye and let's go. I'll meet you at the car, and so help me, if you aren't there in 10 minutes or less -"

"I'll be there," Olivia said. She got up from her desk and walked into Cragen's office to say goodbye for the weekend.

"I'm taking off, Cap," Olivia said.

"Sure thing," Cragen said. "Have a good weekend. Where you going?"

"Just Long Island with some friends," Olivia said.

Cragen nodded and gave her an odd look. Olivia had friends? He smiled. "Have a good time and I don't want to see you before Monday. You deserve some time off."

Olivia picked up her purse and headed to the parking garage where Alex was waiting not so patiently. They had put their bags in the car before they left for work that morning and Alex had already changed out of her work clothes and into jeans.

As they got on the road, Alex turned the heat on in the car and some music. They further they got up the road, the warmer Olivia was getting and the more annoyed with Alex's music she was - it had been jazz music for the entire drive so far.

"Do you have any other music? Or can we at least turn on the radio and not listen to this the entire way?"

"What's wrong with my music?" Alex protested.

"Nothing is wrong with it, I'm just tired of it," Olivia said.

"Well, the driver controls the music, and I was jazz," Alex said with a laugh and looking over at Olivia, who was rolling her eyes. "What?"

"You always control the music, no matter who is driving," Olivia said. "Even at home."

"That's not true," Alex said. "You forced me to listen to the entire Bon Jovi's _Slippery When Wet_ album the other weekend."

"I didn't force you, and that's a good album," Olivia said.

"It is, but I didn't need to hear the whole thing again without you letting me talk," Alex said. "But fine, turn whatever you want on."

Olivia knew Alex didn't mean her offer to change the music, but she was going to do it anyway. Truth be told, she only barely tolerated jazz music, and that was just because Alex enjoyed listening to it. She found an 80s station and turned the volume up just a bit. She also tried to covertly turn the heat down.

"What are you doing?" Alex said.

"I just turned the heat down a notch," Olivia said. "I'm nearly sweating."

"Well, I'm cold," Alex said.

"Shocking, coming from the Ice Princess," Olivia mumbled.

"You know what? If you're going to be in a bitchy mood this weekend, we may as well turn around and go home," Alex said. "I thought you wanted to do this?"

"I do," Olivia said.

"Then start acting like it," Alex said.

"Just because I'm warm and don't enjoy your taste in music, I'm a bitch?" Olivia said.

"I didn't call you a bitch," Alex said. "I said your mood was bitchy."

"Whatever, don't lawyer me with the technicalities," Olivia said. "Put whatever music you want on and whatever temperature you want. How much longer?"

Alex let out an exasperated sighed. "30 minutes."

Olivia didn't say anything, but she turned the heat back up to where it was and pulled her sweater off. They rode in silence the remainder of the trip as 80s love ballads played in the car.

 _We both lie silently still in the dead of the night._

 _Although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart inside._

#

They arrived at the Cabot's at just before 8 pm and Alex's mother greeted them at the doors when she saw the headlights from Alex's car pull into the driveway. The house was large, but not nearly as big or intimidating as Olivia feared.

The house was quiet. Caroline and John had finished dinner and were just watching TV when Olivia and Alex arrived. Alex's siblings were supposed to visit on Saturday to meet Olivia.

"Olivia, I'm so glad to finally meet you," Caroline said as she reached out to give Olivia a hug. Alex smirked as she knew Olivia hadn't expected a hug, nor was she a hugger in most social situations. "We've heard so much about you."

"It's nice too meet you, too, Mrs. Cabot," Olivia said.

"It's Caroline, sweetie. Now, let's go see if we can get John out of his recliner," Caroline said.

As they made their way into the den, John Cabot had got up to greet them as they came in. He was a tall man with broad shoulders and a huge smile, which appeared once he saw Alex.

"Daddy, this is Olivia," Alex said.

Unlike Caroline, John stuck out his hand for a handshake. "Olivia, it's nice to meet you. Alex tells us you are a detective, and you all work together."

"It's nice to meet you, too," Olivia said. "And yes, I'm a detective with SVU."

"Well, I'm glad you were able to make it this weekend," John said. "Now, if my baby girl will come over here and give me a hug, my night will be perfect."

Alex smiled and walked over to give her father a big hug. John returned to his recliner and Caroline ushered them back toward the kitchen.

"Have you girls eaten? We have leftovers."

"We had sandwiches on the way, so I'm good," Alex said. "Liv?"

"Oh, no thank you, Caroline," Olivia said.

"Well, I'm sure you two want to get settled in," Caroline said. "Alex, you know where everything is. Olivia, make yourself at home. We'll be in the den when you're done."

Alex and Olivia grabbed their bags from the foyer and Olivia followed Alex upstairs to their bedroom. They were staying in Alex's childhood bedroom. It was more _pink_ than Olivia anticipated. She smiled as she looked around the room. Trophies. Photos. Dolls.

"Were you a cheerleader?" Olivia asked as she walked over to a picture on a push pin board. A high school aged Alex was in a cheerleading-like outfit, standing with her hands on her hips in her bedroom.

"Drill team," Alex said.

"Do you still have it?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Can I see it? Or more specifically, can I see you in it?" Olivia asked.

"That depends on if your mood improves this weekend," Alex said with a smirk and gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

Olivia ran her hand through her hair. She had temporarily forgotten about their stupid fight in the car. "Your family seems nice."

"They are," Alex said. "Except, well, you haven't met my siblings yet. Becca will probably be fine, but Adam can be kind of an ass."

"How so?" Olivia asked.

"Uh, he's just a bit more conservative than the rest of my family, even my parents," Alex said. "Hopefully, he won't come tomorrow."

"Oh." Olivia was fairly sure she understood what Alex was implying - that Adam was a fan of Alex's lifestyle. Olivia knew that Alex's parents hadn't been crazy about it when Alex first came out, but that over the years, they had come to accept it and support Alex, even if they didn't fully understand it. Alex's dad seemed a bit more comfortable with it than Alex's mother, but according to Alex, Caroline had come a long way.

"Anyway, we should get back downstairs," Alex said. "I'll give you the grand tour tomorrow."

Olivia followed Alex once again back down to the den where they watched the History Channel with Alex's parents and chit chatted until everyone turned in for bed.

#

Alex woke up grumpy the next morning. She hadn't slept well due to them being in a full size bed and Olivia breathing on her neck and face all night. Anytime Alex tried to turn or move away, sleeping Olivia held on tighter. Then there was the snoring.

Olivia wasn't usually a snorer, but when she did, Alex would wake her and make her put on a breathing strip. Or if she was sick, she would put it on before bed. She knew they hadn't packed any for the trip so she didn't bother waking Olivia. Of course, Olivia could have packed them herself, but since she put off packing for so long the night before they left, Alex got frustrated and packed her bag for her - and failed to back the breathing strips.

Olivia hadn't slept well either. The reason she stayed so close to Alex during the night was because she was cold and Alex had a nasty habit of hogging the blanket. If she was closer to Alex, then she had a better chance of at least being under part of the blanket. Then there was the kicking. In a queen size bed, it was less noticeable, but in this full size bed, there was no getting around it. At least if she was close, she could pin Alex's legs down with her own to keep from having bruised shins.

Olivia felt Alex pull away and pull the blanket, again. Olivia yanked back. The blanket tug-of-war went on for a few moments until Alex finally rolled over to face Olivia.

"Stop," Alex said.

"Me? I've been freezing my ass off all night because someone is a blanket hog," Olivia said.

"I don't see how you're cold as much hot air as you breathed on me last night," Alex said.

"I was trying to keep under the blanket," Olivia said.

"And snoring in my ear apparently," Alex said.

"I wouldn't have to be so close if I didn't need to pin your lefts down to keep from being kicked all night," Olivia said.

"Well, fine, take all the blanket you want," Alex said. "I'm going downstairs for coffee."

Alex abruptly got out of bed, throwing the blanket back on Olivia. She grabbed her robe from the door and headed downstairs, slamming the bedroom door on her way out. Olivia laid there for a few minutes before getting up and taking a shower. She wasn't ready to go downstairs and see Alex, but she also knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. A shower and a cup of coffee would make everything better.

Alex went down to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. She joined her mother in the dining room where Caroline was reading the newspaper.

"What would Olivia like for breakfast?" Caroline asked.

"I don't know, you'd have to ask her," Alex quipped.

"Well, what does she like?" Caroline said.

Alex sighed. "She'll eat whatever. Eggs are fine."

"You're kind of grumpy this morning," Caroline said. "Is everything okay with you two?"

"It's fine," Alex said. "We just argued in the car on the way over here, and then again this morning."

"Over what, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Honestly, stupid stuff," Alex groaned. "Music. Temperature. Blankets."

Caroline chuckled. "Well, dear, welcome to adult relationships."

Alex rolled her eyes and went back to her coffee. Caroline got up and went to make breakfast for everyone.

#

Alex spent the day giving Olivia the tour of the house and property, as well town, and taking a walk to the beach. After that, they came to help Caroline with dinner and wait for Adam and Rebecca to show up.

"Your sister called," Caroline said. "She invited a few friends to come over. It's been so long since she was here, she thought she'd kill two birds with one stone since a lot of people are in town early for the holidays." It the weekend before Thanksgiving.

"Ugh, really?" Alex said. "Mom, this was supposed to be a casual night for everyone to meet Liv."

"Alex, it's fine," Olivia said. "I don't mind."

"Yeah, well, you don't know my sister's friends," Alex said. "Of course, everyone is her friend. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't invite half the town."

"Oh, Alex, I'm sure it's not that many people," Caroline said. "Becca said it was just 4 or 5 people tops."

So far, Olivia and Alex had had a good day besides their morning spat. Alex seemed genuinely happy to show Olivia around and let her into that part of her life, and Olivia enjoyed seeing it. It only made her love Alex even more. They had both relaxed and despite Alex not being happy about the unexpected guests, the weekend was finally going well.

Olivia had spent time individually getting to know both John and Caroline. She and Rebecca hit it off right away and she was even able to get along with Adam. Adam wasn't overly friendly or excited about Olivia, but he was at least on his best behavior so far.

After dinner, Rebecca's friends showed up and she escorted them out to the pool house while Olivia and Alex busied themselves helping Caroline clean up. The pool house had a bar, heaters, and the pool was heated. It was the perfect place for post-dinner drinks.

Adam was friends with one of the guys Rebecca invited, so he excused himself outside as well. When Olivia and Alex finished, they joined everyone else outside. Rebecca was true to her word, only five people were there aside from family, much to Alex's surprise.

"A margarita and a tequila shot for the guest of honor," Rebecca said as she grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her over to where the bar was set up and offered her a drink.

"Oh, I don't know about shots," Olivia said.

"Come on," Rebecca said. "It's a party."

"Go ahead," Alex said. "We're not driving anywhere and I'm drinking them, too."

"Fine, but only one shot for me tonight," Olivia said. She and Alex toasted their shots and downed it. Alex leaned forward and kissed Olivia before they took the margaritas and began to wander around as Alex introduced Olivia to everyone.

About 45 minutes later, and several shots later for Rebecca, they heard her squeal.

"Julie!"

Two more people had arrived. Julie apparently and a friend of hers.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Alex said.

"What is it?" Olivia said.

"Nothing," Alex said. "I'll be right back." Alex got up and went and grabbed Rebecca, glaring at the girl that was with Julie. In the meantime, Julie came over and introduced herself and her friend to Olivia.

"I'm Julie," she said. "A friend of Rebecca's and this is Sara."

"Hi, I'm Olivia."

"Alex's girlfriend, right?" Sara said.

"Yes."

The two left and went to make themselves a drink while Olivia looked around for Alex.

Outside the pool house, Alex was yelling at Rebecca.

"What the hell were you thinking inviting her here?" Alex said.

"I didn't invite her specifically," Rebecca said. "I texted Julie, and she asked if she could bring a friend. I didn't know it was Sara until just a couple hours ago."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"Julie wasn't even sure they were going to make it," Rebecca said. "I figured no reason to stress you out if she wasn't going to be here."

"Oh, and her surprising me didn't stress me out at all," Alex said. "I can't believe Mom even let her in the house."

"I gave Mom a heads up," Rebecca said. "Besides, why do you care? You have Olivia here."

"Why do I care?" Alex said. "In case you forgot, it was messy when Sara and I broke up. Jesus Christ, Rebecca."

"I didn't forget, but you're over it, and her, right?"

"Yes, I'm over her," Alex said. "But it doesn't mean I care to ever see her face again, especially in my house."

"I'm sorry," Rebecca said. "I didn't realize how bitter you still were. I mean, you never talked about it so I just assumed..."

"Well, that tends to happen when someone breaks your heart into a million pieces," Alex said. "But you know what, it's fine. I have Olivia and I love her much more than I ever loved Sara, so it'll be fine. I'll just try not to rip her face off. Oh, and don't say anything to Olivia, please."

"You're not going to tell her?" Rebecca said.

"I'll tell her after Sara leaves," Alex said. "She knows about her, she just doesn't know her name, or that she's the girl sitting by my pool right now. She might rip her face off, too, if she knows."

Rebecca smiled. "Good," Rebecca said. "At least you have someone now that gives a damn about you. Hey, Lex, I really am sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's fine," Alex said. "I'll deal with it and we'll move on."

Alex and Rebecca returned to the party to find Olivia chatting with some of the others and seemingly enjoying herself, or at least the stories about Alex as a child.

"Do you want another drink?" Alex asked Olivia when she came back to where she was.

"No, I'm good," Olivia said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine," Alex said. "We'll talk about it later tonight. But I need another drink right now. I'll be right back."

Everyone had migrated outside. It wasn't warm out, but the gas heaters and fire pits and the alcohol made for a nice night around the pool.

Alex made her way into the pool house and poured herself another drink, as well as another shot. She took the shot and slammed the shot glass back down on the table. When she looked up she saw Sara come inside.

"Help yourself, I was just leaving," Alex said flatly, as she grabbed her drink.

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you," Sara said.

"We have nothing to talk about," Alex said.

"I'm sorry," Sara said. "I shouldn't have come here tonight."

"You're right," Alex said. "You shouldn't have."

"I just...I was hoping that maybe we could make amends or something," Sara said.

"Make amends?" Alex said.

"Or at least not hate each other," Sara said.

"I don't hate you," Alex said. "In fact, I don't think about you."

"Really?" Sara said. "Then why did you get so pissed off when I showed up?" She took a step closer to where Alex was.

"Because this is my house and I don't want you here," Alex said.

"Alex, I'm sorry about what happened between us," Sara said. "I regret it so much."

"Good for you," Alex said. "I don't, because I've finally moved on."

"Olivia seems nice," Sara said.

"She is."

"Alex, please, just talk to me," Sara said. She was close enough to reach out to Alex now, but when she did, Alex pulled her arm back.

"Don't touch me," Alex said. "You don't ever get to touch me again."

"Alex, I'm sorry," Sara said. "I was scared and I screwed up. I would like to make things right."

"Yeah, and how do you plan on doing that?" Alex said.

"Have dinner with me when you get back to the city," Sara said.

"Not a chance," Alex said.

"Alex, don't you get it?" Sara said. "I fucked up, but I still love you. God, I never stopped loving you."

"No, you don't get to do that," Alex said. "Two years. Two years we were together and you threw it away for a one-night stand."

"I was drunk and I made a mistake," Sara said. "Jesus, it's not like you were perfect."

"Well, I never fucked anyone else in our bed while you were away," Alex said. "Is this the only reason you came here tonight?"

"Yes," Sara said.

"Well, then you should leave," Alex said. "I don't want you. I'm with Olivia. I love her, and she loves me a hell of a lot more than you ever did."

"Oh, fuck that, Alex," Sara said. "I loved you. We had a goddamn fight and you left to _think about us_. So I got drunk and slept with someone else who didn't mean anything. I made a mistake and I'm sorry. And you can't tell me you don't care about me too still. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so pissed off right now."

"I'm pissed off because you broke my heart," Alex said. She was yelling at this point and Olivia thought she heard Alex's voice. She wondered what was taking Alex so long. She decided she should probably go check on her.

Sara stepped even closer to Alex and grabbed her wrists.

"Fine, then tell me you don't still love me and I'll leave," Sara said.

"I don't love you," Alex said.

Sara clenched her teeth and started to turn to leave, but before she did she turned back around and kissed Alex, pushing her back up against the wall.

Alex was taken by surprise. At first, it felt natural, Sara kissing her, but she didn't kiss her back...she was just stunned. When she realized what was happening, she pushed Sara away only to see Olivia standing at the door with her jaw open.

Alex made eye contact with Olivia who looked pissed. _She couldn't be pissed at me? I didn't do anything wrong?_ Alex was wrong though. From Olivia's perspective, she couldn't tell who was kissing who. She sat her drink down and turned to leave. She left the pool area by a side entrance that went to Alex's yard. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she didn't want to stay here.

"Fuck you, Sara," Alex said. "Get out of my house." Alex pushed by Sara and ran after Olivia.

"Where did she go?" Alex asked Rebecca when she got outside to the pool.

"Out the side door," Rebecca said. "What happened?"

Alex didn't respond, she just took off after Olivia. In the meantime, Rebecca walked into the pool house, saw Sara standing there distraught, and put two and two together.

"What did you do?" Rebecca said.

"I just...I thought..." Sara said.

"Julie, can you please take your friend home?" Rebecca said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Becca," Julie said, glaring at Sara.

Once Julie and Sara left, everyone else followed suit soon after. They all seemed to know something was going down and none of them wanted to be around for it.

Alex found Olivia sitting in the grass a few yards away from the pool area and sat down beside her.

"That wasn't what it looked like," Alex said quietly. "I didn't want her to kiss me."

"Well, it didn't look like you did much to stop her until you probably saw me," Olivia said. She didn't even look up at Alex.

"Olivia, don't do this," Alex said. "Look, I know what it looked like, but I didn't even know you were there."

"Obviously," Olivia said.

"No, what I mean is, she surprised me," Alex said. "When I pushed her away it wasn't because you were standing there. It was because I didn't want her to kiss me."

"Who is she? I mean, besides Sara."

Alex sighed. Telling the truth wasn't going to help her case. "She's my ex-girlfriend. The one that I was with for two years."

"Oh, so the love of your life?" Olivia said. "Great."

"Okay, she is not the love of my life," Alex said. "You are. But yes, I did love her, or I thought I did. I don't even know anymore. But I didn't know she was going to be here tonight."

"And you didn't say anything when she showed up?" Olivia said.

"I was going to tell you tonight," Alex said. "That's why I disappeared with Becca. To yell at her for inviting her."

"Alex, I just...I can't right now," Olivia said. "I don't know what I'm feeling. I mean, I saw your face when she kissed you. There was something -"

"It was startling and surprising," Alex said. "That's all you saw. Olivia, you have to believe me."

"How could you even be in that situation?" Olivia said. "No, wait, I don't even want to know."

"Olivia, please," Alex said. "Can we just talk about this?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Olivia said. "I don't want to think about it. I don't want to picture her kissing you. I just need you to leave me alone right now. That's all. I'm not saying we can't talk about it, I just can't do it right now."

"Okay," Alex said. "I'll be in the pool house until you come in, no matter how late it is."

Olivia nodded and Alex got up and left to walk back to the pool house. Rebecca was in there waiting.

"How's Olivia?"

"She's confused," Alex said. "She walked in on Sara kissing me."

"What a bitch," Rebecca said. "If I'd have thought for one second...well, if I'd thought at all, I'd never said okay. I just really thought you were okay and past it. I mean, Alex, you left her and never looked back. Never second guessed it. Never even mentioned her again after you left. I guess I was naive to think that meant it still didn't hurt."

"It hurt because I trusted her and felt betrayed," Alex said. "I mean, she was my first love. It's ironic that I left her because she cheated on me, and now my relationship with Olivia is in jeopardy because she thinks I cheated on her with Sara."

Alex sat on the couch, put her face in her hands, and began to cry. Rebecca sat down next to her and pulled her in for a hug.

"Alex, I'll fix this," Rebecca said. "I created this problem, and I'll fix it. I'm so sorry. But trust me, it'll be okay. Olivia loves you. I can see that. And she treats you so much better than Sara ever did."

Alex leaned into her younger sister and let herself cry a little longer before laying down on the couch.

"Just stay here," Rebecca said. "I'll be back in a little bit."

Rebecca left Alex in the pool house and joined Olivia outside in the yard.

"Hey," Rebecca said. "Can I sit?"

Olivia looked up and nodded.

"Olivia, I'm sorry," Rebecca said. "This is my fault."

"I don't think you're the one that made Alex kiss Sara," Olivia said.

"Okay, first of all, Alex didn't kiss Sara," Rebecca said. "Sara kissed Alex and Alex pushed her away. Maybe not as soon as she should have or wished she would have, but she did. Second of all, I'm the one that agreed to Sara coming and it was a dumb idea.

"Look, Sara and Alex dated, I'm sure you know that by now. And I know Alex told you about the relationship - how Sara cheated on her and everything. But when they broke up, Alex never looked back. She never mentioned Sara. She moved on. Yes, I knew she was hurt, but I guess I didn't realize before tonight just how hurt she had been. I should have. Anyone would have been. But that's Alex, she has to be strong. So when I agreed to let Sara come, I just assumed Alex would be fine with it - that she would ignore her and move on. I was wrong, and stupid, and naive.

"But, please, Olivia, don't blame Alex for this. She loves you. She loves you much more than she ever loved Sara. Her and Sara were still young and stupid and had no idea what real love was. What you and Alex have...the way your relationship started...how you were friends and moved slowly until the time was right...that's real love. You treat her as an equal, not an object or a pawn or someone who should just worship you. You both do, and it's perfect. Don't get me wrong, I know all relationships have their ups and down, but you and Alex have something special. Don't throw it away because I made a mistake."

"What? I wasn't going to throw it away," Olivia said. "Is that what Alex thinks? I just, I believe her, I just needed time to process. It hurt seeing that."

"Well, what should she think?" Rebecca said. "You bolted before she could explain and then you just sent her away. And if anyone understands that hurt, it's Alex. She will be loyal to you to a fault. I mean, she and I don't always see eye-to-eye, but trust me, Alex is not a cheater."

Olivia nodded.

"She's still in the pool house," Rebecca said.

"Thanks, Becca," Oliva said. She got up and started to walk away. "Wait, one thing. Can you do something with me tomorrow?"

#

Olivia made her way back to the pool house where she saw Alex laying on the couch, still crying.

"Hi," she said as she stood in the doorway. Alex looked up through her red, puffy eyes.

"Liv," Alex said and sat up on the couch. Olivia walked over and sat down next to her. She pulled her into her arms and gave her a hug.

"I'm sorry for running away from you and for sending you away," Olivia said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just need to...I don't know, process, I guess."

"Liv, I really didn't -"

"I know," Olivia said. "Your sister explained things to me. I wish you'd said something sooner, but it's okay. I trust you and I believe you. I was just shocked and hurt by what my mind thought it saw."

"I understand," Alex said. "And I wouldn't blame you for being mad."

"I'm not mad at you," Olivia said. "I kind of want to kick Sara's ass, but I'm not angry with you."

"You have to know Liv that I don't have feelings for her," Alex said. "I mean, it took me a while to get over being hurt, and I guess I was just in shock seeing her tonight. I haven't seen her since the day I left her. And just all of that anger came back. And she sat there, trying to tell me she still loved me, and I was honest with her. I told her I didn't love her. That I love you and that you are my future."

Olivia smiled. "I love you, too. And yes, I'm angry with Sara for kissing you, but I'm also angry with her for hurting you the way that she did."

"Well, if she hadn't, we may not be here," Alex said.

"I guess so, but still," Olivia said. "Look, Alex, I know we've had a rough weekend full of stupid fights and then this, but I love you no matter what. Nothing will ever change that. And I want a future with you, too. I've wanted one with you for a while, I just never want things to feel rushed with us. But Alex, I want to share my life with you...all of it. Family, kids, house, white picket fence, dog, everything."

"A white picket fence in New York City?" Alex said smirking.

"You know what I mean," Olivia said.

"I do know what you mean," Alex said. "I want it, too. And we'll have it some day."

"I love you so much," Olivia said. "I'm sorry for making you doubt that tonight."

"Olivia, stop apologizing," Alex said. "I'm the one who screwed up tonight. I should have left this room as soon as Sara came in and tried talking to me. I should have told you earlier."

"It's okay," Olivia said. "We've both allowed to make mistakes. You're allowed to hog the blankets and I'm allowed to snore and you're allowed kick and listen to crappy music."

"Hey!"

"And sometimes we're going to screw up bigger things," Olivia said. "And have real reasons to be angry. And that's not okay, but as long as we stay true to our commitment to each other, I have faith there isn't anything we can't get through."

"How did I get so lucky?" Alex said.

"Who said anything about you getting lucky?" Olivia said, eyebrows raised.

"You know, no one can hear us out here?" Alex said.

"Seriously?" Olivia said.

"Well, I mean, if you want to turn down sex, then -"

Alex didn't need to say another word. Olivia pressed their lips together and pushed Alex down on the couch, not wasting anytime before she pushed her hand up under Alex's shirt and began to caress her breasts. Alex's tilted her head back and Olivia began kissing the hollow of her neck while Alex ran her fingers down Olivia's back and gasped her ass, pulling Olivia's thigh harder between her legs. Alex began moving her hips into Olivia and when Olivia suddenly bit down on her down on her collarbone, Alex jerked in surprise, knocking Olivia to the floor and hitting her head on the coffee table on the way down.

"Shit! Liv, are you okay?" Alex said.

Olivia grabbed her head but was okay. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Once she saw Olivia was okay, Alex covered her mouth to keep from laughing at the situation.

"You let some other woman kiss you, throw me on the floor, and then laugh at me?" Olivia said, with a smirk.

"I'm sorry," Alex said. "It's just...well, it's humorous. Not the kiss part, but you, on the floor."

Alex sat up and offered Olivia a hand.

"Come on, let's go back to the house and go to bed," Alex said. "We won't be able to be as loud, but it'll probably be safer."

Olivia took Alex's hand and got up. She walked over to the couch and grabbed a blanket off of it.

"What are you doing?" Alex said.

"I'm bringing my own blanket tonight," Olivia said. "I may trust you not to cheat on me, but I certainly don't trust you not to steal all the covers."


	11. Confrontation

A/N: **WARNING: SMUT CHAPTER** \- So there is a fun little confrontation in the beginning and after that, it's basically all smut. Be warned :)

* * *

 **CONFRONTATION**

"So what did you tell Alex so that so freely agreed to let me come with you?" Olivia asked Rebecca on Sunday morning after breakfast.

"I told her I needed you to help me pick out her Christmas present," Rebecca said.

"Good thinking," Olivia said as they pulled into a parking lot of a local diner. "And you know she's here?"

"Julie owed me," Rebecca said. "She's here."

They got out of the car and walked into the restaurant. Rebecca looked around for a moment and spotted who she was looking for. When Julie saw her, she excused herself from the table. Her dining guest was sitting with her back to the door. When Julie was gone, Olivia went over and took her spot in the booth.

"Olivia?" Sara said when she realized it was not Julie who sat back down in the booth.

"Sara."

"Where's Julie?" Sara said, turning to look around.

"She's helping Rebecca with something," Olivia said. "So, I guess it's just you and me."

"What do you want?" Sara said.

"You know what I want," Olivia said. "I want you to stay away from Alex."

"I think that should be Alex's decision," Sara said.

"I think it was last night when she told you she didn't want to see you again," Olivia said.

"Why do you care?" Sara said. "I mean, if what you and Alex is so _real_ , why should you feel threatened?"

"I'm not threatened by you," Olivia said. "But I do care about you upsetting Alex and I won't let that ever happen again."

"I didn't intend to upset Alex," Sara said.

"But you did," Olivia said.

"How long have you two even been dating? I mean, you're just now meeting her parents?" Sara said. "Because I can promise you that what you think you have with Alex is nothing like what she and I had."

"Oh, I know it's not," Olivia said. "See, I actually love Alex and would never cheat on her, and that's why Alex is with someone like me and not someone like you. I don't treat Alex like shit and expect her to always forgive me."

"You know, she's not as perfect as everyone seems to think she is," Sara said.

"Oh, I'm aware of that," Olivia said. "But again, unlike you, we don't keep score and expect perfection."

"Yeah, well, we'll see when she has enough and leaves you," Sara said. "I'll be waiting."

"You won't be, because Alex and I are endgame, and you're never going to come near Alex again," Olivia said.

"Or what?" Sara said. "Are you going to threaten me, Detective?"

"I don't need to make threats," Olivia said. "But I will do what it takes to keep her from getting hurt by you ever again."

"Are we done?" Sara said.

Olivia stared at Sara for a minute. Sara was obviously uncomfortable and nervous. Olivia had done her job and gotten through to her. Olivia got up from the table, and _accidentally_ knocked over a glass of ice water into Sara's lap on her way up.

"Now, we're done," Olivia said, smirking to herself as she walked out of the dinner and met Rebecca outside at the car.

"All done?" Rebecca asked.

"We are," Olivia said. "Thank you, Julie."

"It's the least I could do," Julie said. "Hey, Sara is my friend, but that was a bitch move she made last night. I had no idea she'd pull such a stunt."

"It's fine," Olivia said. "We're all good."

#

Alex and Olivia's drive back to the city was much better than their drive there. They agreed to let Alex control the music for the first half of the trip and Olivia for the second half. Alex brought along a jacket she could slip on if she got cold and Olivia had one she could easily take off if she got warm. Compromise.

When they were nearly back Alex finally decided to ask Olivia about her adventure with Rebecca that morning.

"So where did you and Rebecca go this morning?" Alex asked.

"She told you, Christmas shopping for you," Olivia said.

"Did she find what she needed?" Alex said. She wasn't buying the story.

"Uh, nope," Olivia said. "It was a bust."

"Really?" Alex said. "That's just strange."

"Why?"

"It's just, Rebeca never Christmas shops before like a week before Christmas," Alex said. "Seems strange she'd be thinking about it before even Thanksgiving."

"Maybe she's turning over a new leaf," Olivia said. Olivia was playing it cool. She didn't particularly want Alex to know about her seeing Sara. Not that she thought Alex would get mad, she just wanted to keep it secret. Alex certainly didn't need defending.

"Where'd you go? Like which store?" Alex said.

"Um, the department store," Olivia said.

"Robertson's?" Alex said.

"Yeah, I think so," Olivia said.

"Hmm," Alex said. "That's funny. I could have sworn they didn't open until noon on Sunday, and well, you guys were back before then."

 _Shit. She tricked me,_ Olivia thought.

"So, do you want to try again and tell me what you two were really up to?" Alex said, smirking at Olivia.

Olivia was quiet. She wasn't sure what to say.

"Alex..."

"Olivia..."

Olivia sighed. "Okay, but promise you won't get mad."

"I'll make no such promises," Alex said. "But I will get mad if you don't tell me."

"We went to the diner," Olivia said.

"What? Why? We had breakfast," Alex said. "Was this some sort of _hurt my sister and I'll hurt you_ speech like Elliot gave me?"

"Not exactly," Olivia said. "We met Julie there."

Alex gave her a confused look.

"And Sara...except Sara didn't know we were coming," Olivia said, sheepishly.

"Oh God, Olivia, what did you do?" Alex said.

"I didn't _do_ anything," Olivia said. "Sara and I just had a chat."

"A chat, huh?" Alex said. "About what?"

"About you," Olivia said. "I may or may not have told her to stay away from you."

"You did what?" Alex said.

"Look, I'm sorry if you're upset, but she hurt you and she upset you last night, and it's not okay what she did," Olivia said. "I'm not threatened by her or jealous, I just don't her coming around you and upsetting you to be a habit."

"You're not threatened or jealous?" Alex said. "Not even a little?"

"Okay, maybe a little," Olivia said, smiling. "But that's not why I did it."

"Did you threaten her?" Alex said.

"Not exactly," Olivia said. "I told her I didn't need to make threats."

"Good grief, Liv," Alex said. "Is that all?"

"Mostly," Olivia said.

"Explain mostly," Alex said, glancing over at Olivia.

"I may have accidentally spilled water in her lap," Olivia said, grinning.

"You did not?!" Alex said, laughing.

"It was an accident," Olivia said, almost with a straight face.

"Accident, my ass," Alex said.

"Are you mad?" Olivia said.

They had finally reached Alex's apartment and was in the process of parking the car.

"Mad? No, not in the least," Alex said. "In fact, it's kind of hot."

"Hot?"

"Yeah, I mean, you defending me, it's a bit more of a turn on than I expected," Alex said.

"Really?" Olivia said, smirking at Alex.

#

By the time they made it up the elevator to Alex's apartment, the heat between them had went from moderate to hot and they struggled to get in the door. Bags were dropped before the door was even shut and Alex pushed Olivia back against the door, slamming it in the process.

Olivia moved both of her hands up to Alex's face, kissing her hard, and pushing back the other way, right into a table that knocked over a vase.

"Shit," Olivia mumbled into Alex's mouth.

"Don't care," Alex said reaching down and pulling her shirt off. She then began kissing the nape of Olivia's neck, moving them toward the living room and backing them into another wall. Olivia's head hit a picture on the wall.

"Oh, God, Alex," Olivia moaned. She reached down to unbutton Alex's pants while Alex tugged Olivia's shirt over her head. Olivia dipped her hand down into Alex's pants feeling the wetness between her legs. Alex tingled at the touch of Olivia's hands.

Olivia guided them back toward the couch while Alex unhooked her belt buckle and jeans. They stumbled all the way there, neither looking where they were going. A chair. The coffee table. Finally Olivia landed on top of Alex on the couch. Olivia unhooked Alex's bra and took her niple into her mouth as Alex stroked her hands through Olivia's hair.

"Flip over," Alex whimpered.

"What?"

"Let's flip," Alex said.

Olivia didn't ask any more questions, she just did what Alex said and when she laid down on the couch, Alex immediately began to pull Olivia's pants off. Alex then hoved over Olivia, kissing her mouth, then behind her ears, neck, breast, stomach, slowly moving her way down as Olivia moaned and got goosebumps with every touch from Alex.

Alex ran her tongue along Olivia's inner thighs, teasing her with occasional tongue flicks to Olivia's slit. "Please, Alex, no teasing," Olivia begged.

Alex took the hint and dove into Olivia's center, eliciting a gasp from Olivia as her tongue drove inside of Olivia, and then back out and up to her clit. "Oh, fuck, yes," Oliva continued to moan. She arched her back and lifted her hips for more intense contact with Alex's mouth. Alex pushed them back down and took hold of Olivia's ass, massage it as she circled Olivia's clit and stroked her center. "So good, baby," Olivia panted.

"It was...so hot...hearing you...defending me...,"Alex moaned out between licking and sucking.

"Ahhh," Olivia said. The alternating starting, stopping, and vibrations were pushing her closer to climax. "Don't stop, please."

Alex used the strength in her tongue to push into Olivia one more time before latching onto Olivia's clit and more feverishly working to bring her to climax.

"So...close..." Olivia said before letting out a scream as her thighs began to shake and she jolted below Alex. Alex continued working, just easing off as the waves through Olivia subsided and she was left panting to catch her breath. Finally, Olivia pulled her away and tugged for her to move back up.

Sweat was dripping from Olivia's forehead, and Alex wiped it away as she brushed her hands through her hair.

"You know I love you, right?" Alex said. "More than I've ever loved or felt for anyone."

"I know," Olivia said. "I feel the same way. I love you, Alex."

"Then, let's do this," Alex said. "Let's disclose, let's move in together. Let's start planning our future."

Olivia smiled. "Okay, when?"

"After Christmas. January. February. Let's disclose and we can figure out living arrangements after that," Alex said. "We'll have been officially together around a year at that point. That doesn't seem too fast or too far off."

"Let's do it."


	12. Adam Cabot

A/N: Alex's brother comes in to stir up some trouble.

* * *

 **ADAM CABOT**

"Are you sure want to drive tonight?" Olivia asked as Alex was finishing packing a few things for her Christmas trip to her parents.

It was December 23rd, and Alex was going to her parents for Christmas. Olivia was stuck working Christmas Eve and was on-call Christmas Day, but planned to make the drive Christmas evening.

"Yeah, I don't want to deal with traffic tomorrow," Alex said. "Although, I'm sure it won't be much better tonight. But I'd rather sleep in tomorrow."

"Please be careful and call me when you get there," Olivia said. She walked over to Alex and wrapped her arms around her from behind. "I'm sorry I have to work, but I'll be there Christmas night."

"I promise to call," Alex said. "And I wish you could go tonight, too, but I understand." She turned around and kissed Olivia before closing her bag and picking it up to go.

The next morning was Christmas Eve, and Alex had slept in as she planned. When she finally got up, most of her family was already sitting around the breakfast table drinking coffee.

"It's about time you joined the living," Rebecca said. "We were starting to wonder if you were alive."

"I can't remember the last time I got to sleep in," Alex said.

"Well, all that morning sex will do that to you," Rebecca said laughing. Alex's parents snickered, and Adam made a disgusted look on his face and rolled his eyes.

"You always have to go there, don't you?" Alex said. "Can we please talk about something else?"

"I have to go make some phone calls," Adam said as he excused himself from the table.

"Mom and I were about to go into town," Rebecca said. "Do you want to come? But we're leaving right now."

"No, I'll just stick around here," Alex said. "Until I have some coffee and a shower, I don't think the world is ready for me."

"We'll be home in a couple of hours," Caroline said as her and Rebecca got up to leave, leaving only Alex and her father sitting at the table.

"How's Olivia?" he asked when it was just the two of them.

"She's good," Alex said. "She'll be here tomorrow night."

"Good," John said. "It'll be nice to see her. I take it the two of you are still doing well?"

"We're great, Daddy," Alex said. "We're talking about moving in together soon, which means disclosing at work. It's a big step, but we're both ready."

John took a deep breath and began to fiddle with his coffee cup. "There was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Okay?" Alex wasn't sure what it could be. He seemed okay with her relationship with Olivia, but she couldn't figure out where he was going.

"I just want you to know that your mother and I love you, and we'd never ask you to be someone that you aren't. We like Olivia, too. I just want you to know that first and foremost."

"Okay, you're worrying me," Alex said.

"Your brother is considering a run for a district seat, and with that with come some level of scrutiny for the whole family, you included," John said.

"And?"

"He and his team are concerned that your relationship with Olivia will hurt his platform," John said.

"You mean his ultra-conservative platform?" Alex said.

"His running on traditional family values. That's what the people in his party want and to them, the idea of traditional family values -"

"Doesn't include same-sex couples," Alex said. "Unbelievable. Sometimes I can't even believe I'm related to Adam."

"Listen, Alex, no one is asking you to break up with Olivia," John said. "Adam just wants..."

"He wants me to hide the fact that I'm a lesbian and is too chicken-shit to ask me himself, so he sent you to do his dirty work," Alex said. "I can't believe you'd even ask this."

"Alex," John said. "I don't feel good about it. But, this is really important to your brother. Once he's elected, it won't matter. It's a sacrifice."

"That apparently I'm the only one being asked to make," Alex said. "Why does it even matter to his voters? He can distance himself from me if he really feels that way."

"Because, splits within our family isn't a good look either," John said.

"I am not okay with the stuff he spews," Alex said. "If he were in my district, I wouldn't even vote for him. What makes you think I'd be okay with this?"

"Alex, we all have to do things we don't like sometimes," John said. "It's part of being in a family. Now your mother and I have never asked much of you and have never judged you, despite what we may have thought about it early on. It's a few months while he campaigns, and he's your brother. Some day you're going to be running for DA seat, and I'm sure you're going to want his support then."

Alex laughed. "Like I'd want it! This is just un-fucking-believable. Where is Adam?"

"I think he went into the den to make a call," John said. "Wait, Alex!"

Alex didn't wait. She got up from her chair and stormed into the den where Adam was still on the phone.

"We need to talk, now!"

Adam spun around to see a pissed off Alex standing in the doorway.

"I'm on the phone," he said, dismissively.

"I. Don't. Care."

"I need to call you back," he said. "My sister is flipping out...Yes, that one." He snapped the phone shut and looked at Alex.

" _That one?_ " she asked. "By _that one_ , I assume you mean the lesbian who's going to kill your 'family values' campaign?"

"Oh, get over yourself and think about your family for once," Adam said. "It's a few months. It won't kill you."

"Do you even know that Olivia and I were about to disclose and move in together?" Alex said.

"You can't do that," Adam said.

"What you are asking is ridiculous," Alex said. "Do you even believe half this stuff you spew?"

"Alex..." Adam said. "Look, it's just a campaign tactic. And yes, I believe it. I can't believe Mom and Dad are so okay with it."

"Fuck you," Alex said.

"Look, it was one thing when you were a teenager, or even in college, but grown up Alex and realize how the world works," Adam said. "You think New York is going to elect a gay DA?"

"If it means being something I'm not, then I don't give a damn," Alex said.

"Whatever," Adam said. "You want a political career as much as I do. It's a shame you're throwing it away for that cop."

" _That cop_ happens to be a detective in one of the most elite divisions of the NYPD and spends her days getting child molesters and rapists off the streets," Alex said. "Sounds like something you and your _family values_ voters would like."

"What's it going to hurt to wait a few months until after the election?" Adam said. "It's really just the primary election. After that, it won't matter. Besides, it's not like you and her can even get married anytime soon."

"Yeah, thanks to people like you," Alex said.

"Oh come on," Adam said. "It's not like you'd marry a woman even if you could. That would be political suicide."

"You know what, I can't have this conversation with you," Alex said.

"Fine, but just remember, one day you're going to need something from me," Adam said.

Alex stared at him before turning and leaving the den. She passed her father on her way upstairs to her room, but didn't speak to him. She laid down on her bed and cried because she was so angry.

She was angry with Adam for his beliefs and for asking such a thing. She was angry with her father for assuming she'd be okay with it - sacrificing for the family. She was angry with society that in 2001, she still felt like a second-class citizen. She figured that her Mom and Becca knew and hadn't said anything. That made her angry, too. For as much as she loved her family, she couldn't stand the thought of being around them right now. All she wanted to do was go home to Olivia.

She started packing her things and put them in the car. She decided she'd stay through gifts and dinner to make her parents happy, but that she was going back to the city. At the very least, she could spend all of Christmas Day with Olivia unless Olivia got called in. Still, waking up Christmas morning with her would be better than what she was feeling right now.

She helped her mom and Rebecca prepare dinner and didn't say anything about her plans or her conversation with Adam. Neither of them mentioned it as well. She faked her way through dinner with pleasant conversation, despite the tension between her and Adam, and then opened gifts with her family before announcing her plans to leave that night.

"You're what?" Rebecca said. "Alex, you can't leave on Christmas Eve."

"I can, and I'm going to," Alex said. "Besides, I'd rather wake up with Olivia in the morning so she's not alone." She glared at Adam when she said it.

"Honey, Olivia will be here tomorrow," Caroline said. She didn't understand why Alex was leaving so suddenly.

"Let her go, Mom," Adam said. "She's just being a bitch because she's pissed off at my over my campaign."

"What does your campaign have to do with Alex?" Rebecca asked. She looked at her parents who were both quiet. "Wait? Are you serious? You said something to her?" Rebecca was horrified as she looked at Adam and her parents.

"Unbelievable," Rebecca said. "And Adam, if anyone here is a bitch, it's you. That's just bullshit."

Alex smirked at her sister defending her.

"Can we all watch our language, please?" Caroline said. "I've had enough. This is Christmas. Alex, you are not leaving. Besides, I have a big dinner planned tomorrow night for when Olivia gets here."

"Well, I'm not staying here with him," Alex said.

"How about this?" Rebecca suggested. "How about Alex and I will drive back to the city tonight and stay with Olivia, then the three of us can come back for dinner tomorrow night?"

Alex nodded. She didn't want to come back, but she would agree to at least that much.

"Do you promise you'll come back?" Caroline said. "I can't stand Christmas without my kids."

Alex took a breath and felt guilty. "Yes, Mom. I promise we'll be back. I just really want to see Olivia tonight."

Rebecca got some clothes together while Alex walked out to the car. Her father followed her.

"Dad, I don't want to talk about this," Alex said.

"Honey, I understand why you are upset," John said. "But, please, think about this rationally for me. Will you? Look, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. Don't let your momentary anger toward Adam being a jerk let it affect your relationship with him, and his future."

"I'll think about it," Alex said. "But I can't imagine I'm going to feel much differently about it."

Rebecca hurried outside and threw her bag in the car. The two of them headed back to the city, ready to surprise Olivia.

When they arrived, Alex could tell Olivia was home because she could hear the television on. She pulled her key out and slowly opened the door.

"Alex?" Olivia said, looking up from her pajamas while eating a bowl of ice cream and watching _It's a Wonderful Life._

"Hi," Alex said with a smile. "Oh, and I brought Becca."

"Hi, Liv," Rebecca said behind Alex.

"We were hoping we could crash with you tonight," Alex said. "Don't worry, Becca said she loves sleeping on couches."

Olivia laughed and got up to greet them, giving Alex a big kiss.

"I don't understand," Olivia said. "What are you doing here? Not that I mind at all."

"It's a long story, that I'll tell you all about tomorrow," Alex said. "But right now, I just need you to hold me tonight."

"Always," Olivia said. "Hey, I just started the movie, if you two want to get your PJs on. I'll make some more popcorn, too, and open a bottle of wine."

"That sounds like a perfect Christmas Eve," Alex said.

The remainder of the night, Alex snuggled into Olivia on the couch while the three of them watched Christmas movies until the early morning hours.

* * *

A/N: This is not the last we've heard of this or seen of Adam. Alex and Olivia will have a conversation about Adam's request.


	13. Christmas with the Cabots

A/N: More Adam. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. Yes, Adam is a JERK. Hopefully, you like how this one plays out. But we still haven't seen the last of Adam.

* * *

 **CHRISTMAS WITH THE CABOTS**

Olivia woke early Christmas morning to the sound of Alex crying. Alex hadn't told her the night before what was wrong, and it was late when they finally went to bed, so Olivia decided to let it go until the next day.

"Alex, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her closer. She wiped away the tears while Alex regained her composure.

"My brother," Alex said. "He's running for office."

"Okay, that's a good thing, right?" Olivia said.

"Sure, except for the fact that he wants us to hide our relationship until after the election because it could hurt his campaign of traditional family values," Alex said.

"What?!"

"Yes, and apparently my dad thinks it's a good idea, too," Alex said. "Essentially my family wants me to hide who I am so that Adam doesn't look bad to his bigoted voters."

"That's ridiculous," Olivia said. "How could they ask you such a thing?"

"You know, it's all about making a sacrifice for the family," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

Olivia took a breath. She was angry by what she heard but also knew Alex was probably angry enough for the both of them.

"Alex, I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"I just...I mean, why? Why is it like this?" Alex said. "It's 2001, almost 2002, for God's sake."

"I don't know, babe, I don't know," Olivia said. "I mean, I think I'm fortunate to be in SVU where most everyone there is sensitive and understanding, but as a patrol officer, it was tough...and still is for a lot of gay officers."

"I know, I get it in the DA's office, too," Alex said. "Probably a bit less than cops do, but our profession and apparently my family is still like a _good ol' boys club_."

"What are you going to do about Adam?" Olivia said.

Alex looked at her incredulously. "What do you mean _what am I going to do_? I'm not changing who I am for that asshole."

"Okay, I'm not asking you to," Olivia said. "But he is your brother, so just know that I will support whatever decision you make."

"Olivia, I am not backing down to him," Alex said. "I can't even believe you would suggest it."

"I'm not suggesting it," Olivia said. "Trust me, I'd like to punch him myself. I'm simply saying this is your family so I will understand whatever you decide. Of course, I don't _want_ you to back down. But don't let my feelings sway you. I will love you, regardless if the whole world knows, or just us."

"I can't give into him," Alex said. "Not on this."

"Okay," Olivia said. "Then we won't give in." She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Alex's lips. "I'm going to make some coffee and breakfast. Had I known you were coming, I'd be able to offer you more than cereal for Christmas morning breakfast, but..."

"Cereal is perfect," Alex said. "I'm going to take a shower."

Olivia went into the living room to find Rebecca already awake already drinking coffee.

"Oh, you already made coffee," Olivia said. "You're a godsend, and also up early."

"I didn't sleep well," Rebecca said.

"I'm sorry about the couch," Olivia said.

"No, it wasn't that," Rebecca said. "Alex tell you what Adam did?"

"Yeah, just now," Olivia said. She went to the kitchen and poured coffee, then joined Rebecca at the dining table. "What do you think?"

"I think Adam is an asshole and told him as much last night," Rebecca said. "I take it Alex hasn't changed her mind?"

"Nope," Olivia said.

"And what about you? What do you think?" Rebecca asked.

"I told her this was her family, so it was her decision," Olivia said. "I will support and be okay with any decision she makes, even if I want to punch your brother in the mouth."

"I get first dibs on the punching," Rebecca said. "Look, I love how supportive you are of Alex, and probably even willing to go along with my family's asinine request if Alex wanted to. But our family can push a lot of buttons and twist arms, so right now, she's going to need you to be strong with her. That's why I left with her last night. I wanted her to know she wasn't alone in this. I may not be gay, but I will fight anyone who tries to make any group of people feel less, especially if that person is my sister."

"Thank you, Becca," Olivia said. "Alex is lucky to have a sister like you. And don't worry, I will stand firm with Alex. Always."

"I can see why Alex loves you," Rebecca said.

"You're not in here hitting on my girlfriend, are you?" Alex said, coming in wearing her robe and her wet hair messy.

"Like you never hit on my friends?" Rebecca said. "But no, I was just telling Olivia how lucky you two are to have each other."

"Hey, I was thinking of running out to get some food and pick-up supplies to make some cookies today," Olivia said. "I'm pretty sure there will be at least one store open. It is NYC."

"Sounds like a good plan," Alex said. "And when you're done being on-call, I promised my mom we'd go back tonight for dinner."

"Sounds good," Olivia said. "I'll be done at 4 pm."

#

"Olivia, are the holidays a busier time for your kind of work?" Caroline asked while they were eating dinner.

"It can be," Olivia said. "Stress is high for a lot of people. I was lucky today, though. I only had one call for a domestic dispute over a child custody issue. We were able to resolve it, thank goodness. I just always feel bad for the kids in those situations."

"I can imagine," Caroline said.

"Olivia is great with kids," Alex said. "A lot of them come in and have to deal with some pretty tough stuff, but she somehow always seems to gain their trust and make them feel comfortable."

Caroline smiled, and Olivia blushed.

"You're pretty good yourself," Olivia said. "Getting them to testify, sometimes against a parent or mention. That's a tough job."

"You do all the hard stuff," Alex said.

"Do the two of you plan on having kids someday?" Caroline asked.

"Mom!" Adam said. "Seriously, I'm sure Alex isn't thinking about that right now. They can't even get married."

"Actually, _Adam_ , we have talked about having kids," Alex said. "Whether we can get married or not."

"That's good," Caroline said, ignoring Adam. "I'm sure the two of you will make excellent parents." It was her small way of apologizing to Alex for Adam and assuaging her guilt in going along with this in the first place.

The dinner conversation changed quickly to everyone else, and Alex was thankful for that. She already felt like her life was under too much of a microscope. Adam announced he was going to ask his girlfriend, Stacy, to marry him, even though Alex was sure it was another campaign tactic. Adam and Stacy had been off and on for so many years, and he had said on more than one occasion that he wasn't in love with her. But still, everyone, even Alex, congratulated him.

After dinner, they all retired to the living room where Caroline promised to bring dessert and coffee. Olivia excused herself to the restroom, and when she was done, Adam caught her in the hallway.

"Olivia, I take it Alex talked to you," Adam said.

"She did."

"Come on, you have to be able to see what I'm trying to do here," Adam said. "It's for the good of the family, and down the road, when Alex runs for the DA's seat or whatever, it will help if she has a brother in high places."

"Adam, all I can see is you being selfish," Olivia said. "Have you even stopped for one second to consider how Alex feels knowing her own brother hates her lifestyle and wants to treat her differently because she doesn't love the same way you do?"

"Look, I love Alex, and I want her to be happy," Adam said. "I've tried to understand, and I don't. But this isn't about her or about me. This is about our family and the constituents."

"No, this is all about you," Olivia said. "You're wasting your breath trying to convince me of anything. I love Alex, and I am going to stand with Alex on this and everything else we have to face."

Olivia pushed by him to return to the den.

"Don't do this, Olivia," Adam said. "You'll only be hurting Alex."

Olivia turned around. She was angry and moved closer, but kept her hands to her side. "No, the only one here who is hurting Alex is you."

When Olivia turned back around to leave, Alex was standing at the end of the hallway, arms crossed and smirking.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"Don't be," Alex said. "Adam is the only one who should be sorry."

Adam walked past them to leave and muttered _bitch_ under his breath on his way back to the den.

Alex slipped her hand around Olivia's waist and pulled her forward for a kiss.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Alex said.

"I do," Olivia said. "But if you wanted to get that drill team uniform out and show me tonight, I may be even more convinced."

"Just let me go tell Mom, we'll be skipping dessert with the family," Alex said. "And for what it's worth, Adam's room is right next door to mine, so we don't have to be _that_ quiet tonight."

Olivia watched as Alex walked away, smirking the entire time, and thinking that it couldn't be possible to love that woman any more than she already did.


	14. Munch

**A/N:** This chapter isn't done, but since I teased it on Twitter, I wanted to get out the first half in case I don't' finish before I have to leave tonight. I'll get the rest up before I go, or as soon as I get home tonight (late). Rough edited version.

* * *

 **MUNCH**

"Alex, I wish you would wait and drive tomorrow," Olivia said. "It's going to be late when you get to your parent's house."

It was Friday afternoon and the squad room was nearly empty. Olivia had directed Alex up to the crib so they could talk privately.

"I know, but I want to sleep in," Alex said. "Otherwise, I'm going to have to get up early just to get there in time to let the gardener in. I wish you could go with me."

"Me, too, but I'm on-call this weekend, and the Captain is gone," Olivia said.

It was early January. Olivia and Alex had just begun apartment hunting. Alex was headed to her parent's house. They were out of the country, vacationing in Paris, but needed to have some yard and landscape work done to the house that weekend. Rebecca was going to be at a bachelorette party in the city and Adam was _too busy_ with his recently launched campaign to be there, even though he was the closest. Alex agreed to go and was looking forward to a relaxing weekend away from work - even if she was going to miss Olivia.

"I know," Alex said, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'm just going to miss you. I don't like waking up without you."

"Soon enough you won't have to," Olivia said. "I mean, it's not like you do now that often anyway."

Alex smiled, and Olivia gave her a quick kiss, something that rarely happened at work. "Be careful on your drive and call me when you get there," Olivia said.

"I will," Alex said. She headed out of the squad room and said goodbye to everyone before she left.

"Have a good weekend, Counselor," Munch said.

"You, too, Detectives," Alex said, glancing back over at Olivia, who tried to hide her blushing by looking down at her desk.

Alex got on the road, and Olivia decided she would work late since she didn't have anyone to get home, too. She needed to get caught up on her DD5s and other paperwork. Everyone was gone with the exception of Olivia and Munch.

"What are you here so late for?" she asked him.

"Captain left me in charge, and well, like you, I don't have anyone to go home to," Munch said.

"What makes you think I don't have anyone to go home to?" Olivia said.

"Oh sorry, I just assumed...since you hadn't mentioned seeing anyone that you were single like the rest of us," Munch said. "Well, except Stabler."

Olivia didn't exactly like lying to her squad, especially since Elliot and Fin already knew, but she knew she had to keep the charade up for just a little bit longer. When they found a place, they would disclose, and it could be open, but until then, they decided to keep it under wraps.

"You know what they say about people who assume," Olivia grinned.

"Yeah, yeah," Munch said. They both went back to working on paperwork.

Olivia looked up at the clock and realized it had been nearly two hours since Alex left. She should be at her parent's soon and would be calling, which meant Olivia probably should be leaving work if she wanted to talk to her.

She looked over at Munch who was still hard at work. She picked up her files and locked them away and stretched out in her chair. It had been a long week and she was looking forward to a hot bath, bottle of wine, and a movie when she got home. Of course, all three would be better with Alex, but she'd take what she could get.

Before she got up, her cellphone rang. She figured it was Alex calling and answered without much thought.

"Benson," she said. Munch was still in there, so she had to at least sound professional.

"Olivia, it's Rebecca. There's been an accident."

#

"What?" Olivia mustered out, despite her head spinning. She heard Rebecca, even through Rebecca's sobs, but she needed to be sure.

"She was nearly home. A semi turned in front of her and she swerved. The car flipped."

"Rebecca," Olivia said, taking a deep breath. "Is she..."

"She's alive, but it's bad, Liv," Rebecca said. "Adam is there now, but you should be there. I'll get there as soon as I can. I'm in the city, too, but I have to get back to my car."

"Do you want me to pick you up?" Olivia said.

"No, go now," Rebecca said.

"Okay, I just have to tell my..." Olivia looked over at Munch. She was going to have to tell him something. "I'll leave right now and get there as soon as I can."

Olivia hung up the phone and realized she was barely breathing, and her eyes were watering. When she realized what Rebecca was telling her, she had walked to a quiet area in the squad room so Munch wouldn't overhear her, but now, she had to talk to him and tell him...something.

"Everything okay, Olivia?" Munch asked when he looked up and saw her walking toward him.

Olivia opened her mouth and wasn't sure what to say. She could tell him her girlfriend had an accident, and she needed to go, no names. However, she knew Munch would also be upset about Alex's accident. The squad was fond of her, and when word got out that Alex had an accident, Munch would put things together. Before she could say anything, she broke down into tears.

"Olivia," Munch said, pulling her in for a hug. "What is it?"

"Alex..." Olivia said. "She had an accident. I need..."

"You need to go, don't you?" Munch said with understanding. "Don't worry about being on-call this weekend. I'll get you covered."

"We're..."

"I know," Munch said. "I've known or at least suspected for a while."

"The Captain?"

"Doesn't need to know until you're ready for him to know," Munch said. "Go, get out of here. Are you going to be okay to drive?"

"Yes, I just need to go," Olivia said.

#

Olivia made it to the hospital near Alex's parent's house in record time. Despite being a small area, they had an excellent trauma center. Money could at least buy you that. Olivia rushed in and ran up to the nurse's station.

"Alexandra Cabot?"

"Olivia, over here," Adam called from the waiting room. He was standing there with his campaign manager, Bill Hall, who was on the phone.

"How is she?" Olivia said, rushing into the waiting room where Adam was.

"She's still in surgery," Adam said. "She should be done soon, but we won't know anything until then. She's pretty beat up, has internal bleeding, and coded in the ambulance on the way here."

"Oh, God," Olivia said. "But she's going to..."

"The doctors are hopeful," Adam said. "It didn't take her long to get her to the hospital, so that helped."

Just then a doctor came out into the waiting room.

"Family of Alexandra Cabot?" he said.

"Here," Adam said. "I'm here brother. My parents are out of the country."

"I'm Dr. Mitchell. She came through surgery, and depending on the next few hours, she should be fine," he said. "She's not out of the woods yet, but it's looking up."

"When can we see her?" Olivia asked.

"Family will be allowed in a couple of hours," Dr. Mitchell said. "But she's sleeping right now still and needs her rest."

Olivia and Adam both breathed a sigh of relief and went to sit down when the doctor left. Bill walked over and told Adam he needed to talk to him.

Olivia stared off into space as she sat waiting for when she could see Alex. She hoped Rebecca would be here soon. She looked up when she heard raised voices coming from Bill and Adam. She couldn't understand what they were saying, but it didn't matter. She assumed Bill was keeping him updated on his campaign. She was certain he would turn even something like this into a campaign opportunity. She watched as Adam shook his head and looked down. He then shrugged, and they both walked over to Olivia.

"Officer Benson," Bill said.

"It's Detective," she said coldly. She didn't like Bill and she had only just met him, but she'd heard enough about him to know she didn't like him.

"Detective," Bill corrected. "Look, because of Adam's campaign, there will probably be news outlets here soon."

"And?" Olivia said. She looked up at Adam who was just looking at the ground.

"It would be best for all parties involved if you could..."

"If I could, what?" Olivia snapped.

"Look, the media doesn't need to have a photo opp for Adam's lesbian lover at her bedside," Bill said. "I understand you're not planning to hide your relationship for the campaign, despite Adam's request, but this would just be political suicide for him."

"I'm here girlfriend," Olivia said. "I'm not her lesbian lover."

"Look, you can stay in the waiting room if you want, but this isn't your decision," Bill said. "It's Adam's decision, as her family. You're not family and have no rights. If he doesn't want you to see you, you can't. And if you make a scene, I'll have security ask you to leave."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Adam?" Olivia said.

"Look, Olivia, it's just..." Adam said.

"No, fuck you," Olivia said. "I'm calling Rebecca."

"It won't matter," Bill said. "They're already letting Adam make decisions. Rebecca being here won't change anything."

Olivia got up and stormed out of the waiting room. She needed air and she needed to call Rebecca. There was no way she was going to let Adam get away with not letting her see Alex.

"Olivia, how is Alex?" Rebecca said when she answered the phone.

"She's out of surgery," Olivia said. "We're just waiting now. Where are you?"

"I'll be there in about 10 minutes," Rebecca said.

"Good, because I'm about to kill you brother right now," Olivia said.

"Oh no, what has he done?" Rebecca said.

"Just get here and we'll talk about it," Olivia said

#

TO BE CONTINUED


	15. The Accident

**A/N:** Phew. I got it done before I had to leave. There will be a follow-up to this, but here is part of from the last chapter.

Again, a rough edit job, because I'm rushed, but I'll clean it up later if need be.

* * *

 **THE ACCIDENT - PART 2**

"He told you what?!" Rebecca yelled when Olivia told her what Adam's campaign manager said. "Oh, fuck that. Where is Adam?"

"He's inside," Olivia said. "I can't stand to look at him right now. Becca, he's right, though. Unless the family approves, I can't see Alex."

They were sitting on a bench outside the hospital.

"Well, I'm family, and I'll talk to the doctor," Rebecca said. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

Rebecca marched inside to look for her brother. When she saw him, her eyes narrowed on him, and she walked over.

"I take it you saw Olivia," Adam said.

"Yes, and you know this is bullshit," Rebecca said. "This is not what Alex would want, nor what Mom and Dad would want."

"Yes, well your parents aren't here," Bill said, stepping into the conversation.

"And you're not family," Rebecca said. "Adam, why are you letting his asshole make decisions for you."

"Because he's my campaign manager, and he's right," Adam said. "The last thing I need is for the newspapers to run photos of Olivia and Alex together. It's one thing for them not to hide their relationship, it's another to give them a photo opportunity."

"A photo op?!" Rebecca said. "The last thing you need is not that. The last thing you need is for your sister to wake up and find out you kept her girlfriend from her."

"If she wakes up," Bill mumbled.

"Shut up!" Rebecca screamed and lunged toward him, only to be stopped by Adam.

"Rebecca, you need to calm down," Adam said. "The decision is made. I already told the doctors family only."

"We'll see about that," Rebecca said and stormed off to find the doctor.

#

After spending half an hour arguing with the doctor, Rebecca left defeated for the moment, though she still planned to call her parents. The doctor was clear that he was going to defer to Adam for the decision. It probably didn't help that one of Adam's biggest supporters was on the Board of Directors of the hospital.

She found Olivia outside still, staring off into space with a glazed look in her eye. When she saw Rebecca come outside, she looked up hopeful. Rebecca just shook her head.

"What am I going to do, Becca?" Olivia said. "I have to be there when she wakes up. She needs to know I'm here."

"I'm sorry Adam is being this way," Rebecca said. "The worst thing is that I can tell even he knows it's wrong. It's Bill pulling the strings. I'm still going to call my parents and see if they can do anything. Maybe they can talk to the doctor."

Rebecca pulled out her cellphone and walked away to call her parents again. She had talked to them on her way there, but not since she arrived at the hospital.

#

Olivia continued sitting on the bench. She saw a news van pull in. _Great, the media is here. I'll never get in there now._

A few minutes later, Bill came outside and began talking to the reporter. She overheard him tell her that Adam would be out soon, that he was on a call with his parents to update them on Alex's condition. _Yeah, keep making Adam look like the upstanding son and brother._

"You called Mom and Dad?!" Olivia turned around when she heard Adam yelling. He and Rebecca were standing in front of the hospital doors.

"Yes, I did," Rebecca said. "And I imagine they told you to get your head out of your ass and let Olivia see Alex."

Adam sighed. "Look, I didn't want to do this," he said lowering his voice, realizing they weren't the only ones outside anymore. "I know it's wrong, but..."

"But, nothing," Rebecca said.

"Excuse me," Bill said to the reporter. He walked past Olivia and over to where Adam and Rebecca were. Olivia got up to follow since she assumed their conversation was still about her.

"You two need to keep your voices down," Bill said to Adam and Rebecca. "What's going on?"

"My parents want Olivia to be able to see Alex," Adam said.

"They aren't here," Bill said.

"Yes, but -" Adam said.

"But nothing," Bill said. "Look, I'll call Thomas. He's on the board. He can take care of this."

"You really don't know how to take no for an answer, do you?" Olivia said, standing behind him.

"I'm not the one not taking no for an answer," Bill said. "Look, I've known this family longer than you've even been in the picture. I think I know what is best for them."

"And I know what is best for Alex!" Olivia shouted.

"Adam, you need to get her out of here," Bill said. "She's just a liability. Call security."

"Excuse me?" Olivia said. "I'm not leaving.

"We'll see about that when they get here to remove you, _dyke_ ," Bill snapped.

That was it. Olivia had enough and lost it. She turned around to cool down, but then quickly turned back and socked Bill right in the jaw, sending him to the ground.

Adam and Rebecca just stood there, mouths open, stunned. Other people outside, including the news crew reporter, had gathered around.

"Bitch!" Bill yelled. "You're going to get it now. I want her arrested for assault, Adam."

Adam just stood there.

"Adam, did you hear me?" Bill said.

Just then the doctor came outside. "Ms. Cabot is waking up and can take visitors now. One at a time, though."

Everyone's eyes went to Adam.

"Olivia...you should go be with her," Adam finally said. He then looked at the doctor and nodded. "This is her girlfriend, and should be treated like family."

"Okay," Dr. Mitchell said. "I'll make a note."

Olivia followed the doctor back to Alex's room.

"She's just now waking up," he said. "It'll take her a few minutes to be aware you're here. Just be patient. But, it looks like she's going to be just fine."

Olivia nodded and took a seat next to Alex's bedside. Her face was bruised, and she had tubes coming out of her nose and IVs attached. She looked pale and so weak. Olivia took her hand and began stroking it, waiting for Alex to fully wake up.

Olivia had been so scared on the way over there. Scared that she was going to lose Alex. Scared that she'd spend the rest of her life without Alex. She couldn't bare the thought of it. Olivia laid her head down on the bed next to Olivia and let her eyes fill with tears - tears of happiness that Alex was going to be okay. That they still had a future together.

"Liv?" Olivia barely heard the whisper of Alex's voice.

"I'm right here, baby," Olivia said. "I'm right here."

"Hospital?"

"Yes," Olivia said. "You had an accident. Do you remember?"

Alex nodded.

"You're going to be okay, but they had to do surgery, so you'll be sore for a while," Olivia said. She carefully lifted Alex's hand to kiss it, and then stood up to stroke her hair. "I love you so much. You gave us such a scare."

Alex nodded.

"Adam and Rebecca are outside," Olivia said. "The doctor said only one person at a time. Do you want me to get them?"

"No," Alex said. "Just stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere," Olivia said. "I'm never going anywhere."

"Your hand?"

Olivia looked down and saw that Alex was looking at her swollen right hand. There was a little bit of blood on it from Bill's nose that Olivia hadn't even noticed.

"That's nothing to worry about," Olivia said. "It's fine, and you're going to be fine, too."

"Thank you," Alex said.

"For what?" Olivia said, confused.

"For being here," Alex said. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


	16. Home

A/N: Thanks, thanks, thanks for the reviews on the last couple of chapters. No more updates on any my of my stories today, as I'm gone the rest of the day/night, but I'll update this one in the morning.

* * *

 **HOME**

"How is she?" Rebecca asked Olivia when she returned from seeing Alex.

"She's awake and remembers the accident," Olivia said. "I told her about the ruptured spleen and the surgery to remove it. She's weak but okay. You should go on back."

Rebecca nodded and looked cautiously at Olivia and Adam, wondering whether to leave them alone. However, after what Adam just did outside, she figured it would be safe.

Adam and Olivia went to the waiting room and took a seat.

"How is Bill?" Olivia asked. "I'm sorry I hit him. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I don't blame you," Adam said. "He'll be okay. He just has a bruised ego. And don't worry about him pressing charges. We made a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Olivia said.

"He doesn't press charges, he keeps his job as my manager," Adam said.

'Ugh, why?" Olivia said.

"Despite his, uh, despite the fact that he's an asshole, he's good at it," Adam said. "Besides, we have an understanding that I'll be calling the shots."

Olivia just nodded. She was glad Adam finally stood up to him, but it didn't change the fact that he'd been giving Alex grief over being gay for years.

"Look, I know I've treated you and Alex pretty shitty, too," Adam said. "And I still can't say I understand, or even support this. I mean, I know my beliefs are different from my family, but I think it's a sin."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"But, as a God-fearing man, I know we're all sinners," Adam said. "And I'm not going to go into a sermon. What I'm trying to say is, I don't understand, but I'm sorry for how I've acted. Watching you here tonight, seeing how much you genuinely love Alex and seeing how bigoted I was probably coming across as I listened to Bill talk, well, let's just say I have a deeper appreciation for you. I can respect that you love my sister, and she loves you.

"I know my politics may not show that, and that may not change, let's face it. But, I'd like us to be friends or at least people who don't hate each other."

"Thanks, Adam," Olivia said. "That actually does mean a lot, even if we never see eye-to-eye on this. I just don't want Alex hurt by you anymore. She needs to know you love her, even if you don't understand or approve. And I will always stand up for that. I can't say we'll ever be friends, but I can do the _not hating you_ thing. You are Alex's brother, after all."

Adam nodded and looked up to see that Rebecca was back. "You can see her now if you want," she said.

Adam got up and left to see Alex while Rebecca sat down next to Olivia.

"What'd you and Adam talk about?" Rebecca said.

"Well, he admitted he was being a dick, and while he still doesn't approve, he said he could respect that Alex and I love each other," Olivia said. "Oh, and we agreed to not hate each other."

"You're better than me," Rebecca said. "I kinda still hate him, and he's my brother."

"Well, you have a few more years of experience dealing with him," Olivia said.

"You know, Alex is going to kill him when she finds out about the stunt he pulled today," Rebecca said.

"About that..." Olivia said. "Maybe she doesn't need to know."

"You can't be serious?" Rebecca said. "Adam was being a dick, and Alex deserves to know."

"I know, but he did have a change of heart," Olivia said. "And then there is me hitting Bill."

"You were sticking up for your relationship," Rebecca said.

"Yeah, but it's no excuse," Olivia said. "I could have been arrested. Heck, I could have lost my job. I mean, it would have been worth it, but still, I know better."

"If you hadn't decked him, I was going to," Rebecca said. "Look, I know you're just trying to protect Alex, but you know as well as I do when she finds out, and she will, and learns we didn't tell her, she's going to be even more upset."

"You're right," Olivia said. "We'll tell her. I just...your brother finally did the right thing, and I just don't know if Alex is going to be able to see past the other part of it."

"Maybe she shouldn't," Rebecca said.

"I just don't like being part of the problem," Olivia said.

"You're not," Rebecca said. "Alex was gay long before you, and Adam is the only problem here. Not you. Not Alex. Not either her sexuality."

#

Adam was finishing up in Alex's room when Bill popped his head in the room.

"The media would still like a statement if you want to give one," Bill said.

"Just tell them that Alexandra is recovering well and our family would like privacy," Adam said.

Bill looked at him and sighed, but nodded.

"What's wrong with his face?" Alex said when Bill left.

"Ah, um, he, uh, fell outside," Adam said, realizing Olivia hadn't told Alex everything about the evening's events.

Alex could tell the injuries didn't come from a fall, but she was also getting tired and full of drugs, so she let it do. "Tell Liv to come back. I'm getting tired."

#

Olivia stayed by Alex's side all weekend, only leaving the hospital once when Rebecca forced her while Alex was sleeping. When Sunday night rolled around, Olivia was still at her bedside.

"Don't you have to work tomorrow?" Alex said.

"I called Cragen and told him I was sick," Olivia said. "I told him I might be out for a few days."

"Liv, don't you think they'll get suspicious if I'm in the hospital, and you're suddenly sick?" Alex said.

"No, because as far as I know, Cragen has no reason to be suspicious," Olivia said. "Besides, I don't care. I'm not leaving you until I can take you home."

"When will that be?" Alex said.

"If you behave, maybe as early as tomorrow," Olivia said. "Just try to be nice to the nurses." She laughed. Alex was not the best patient.

Just then, one of the nurses came in to check Alex's vitals and see how she was doing.

"The doctor says you may get to go home tomorrow," the nurse said. "I take it Olivia will be able to take care of you until you're better?"

"Yes," Olivia said. "Just give me all the instructions and I'll make sure the difficult patient follows them." She smirked at Alex, who just rolled her eyes.

"Good to know," the nurse said. "I'm glad it all worked out and you were able to see your girlfriend. I know I would have freaked out if it had been me in your shoes."

"What is she talking about, Liv?" Alex said.

"Oh," the nurse said. She gave Olivia an apologetic look and excused herself.

"It's nothing, Alex," Olivia said. "We'll talk about it when you get home. I promise."

"I want to hear about it now," Alex said. "What did she mean she's glad you got to seem me? Why wouldn't you be able to see me?"

This was not the place Olivia wanted to have this conversation. She wanted Alex as relaxed and stress-free as possible so that she was more likely to be able to go home the following day. But, nonetheless, there was no getting around it now.

Olivia sighed and sat down next to Alex. "Initially, your brother and his campaign manager felt it best if I wasn't able to come back and see you. They were concerned about the media taking photos."

"What?!" Alex said. "I'm going to kill Adam!"

"Calm down, Alex," Olivia said. "Look, it all worked out and he even apologized."

"I don't care if he apologized," Alex said. "Where the hell does he get off saying who can and can't see me in the hospital? You're my girlfriend."

"I know, but I'm also not family, so he could have stopped me if he wanted to," Olivia said. "But he didn't."

"Oh, just wait until I see him," Alex said. "I am so done with him."

"Alex, wait," Olivia said. "He had a change of heart, and honestly, it was mostly coming from Bill."

"Wait a minute," Alex said. She looked down at Olivia's hand, which was all healed by now, with the exception of a scrape, and remembered Bill's busted jaw the other night. "Your hand. Bill's face."

"Alex..."

"You hit him?" Alex said.

"Look, it was stupid and reckless, and I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I just, I lost it. He was pushing your brother around, even after your parents told Adam he was wrong for not letting me see you. And he was just saying hateful things, and, I don't know, I was just angry and so afraid I wasn't going to get to see you and be here when you woke up."

"So you hit him," Alex said.

"Yes," Olivia said. "I'm lucky he didn't press charges. I can thank your brother for that. And for realizing he was wrong for keeping me from you. Are you angry?"

"Angry? No, Olivia," Alex said. "If the situation were reversed, I'd have done the same thing. Maybe worse. I mean, you're right, it is reckless, but I'm not angry. It's sweet, actually. But, even if Adam had a change of heart, it doesn't let him off the hook. He at least fired Bill, right?"

"Um, well, that was kind of part of the deal to get Bill to not press charges," Olivia said. "Bill keeps his job."

"Asshole," Alex said. "Both of them."

"Look, your brother and I have an understanding now," Olivia said. "So, just go easy on him."

"I will not," Alex said. "Fuck him. Yes, it's great he changed his mind after I'm sure my parents chewed him out, but he doesn't get to act like this and just apologize, do the right thing one time, and be forgiven."

"Okay, you're right," Olivia said.

"You know, there are things we can do to prevent this in the future," Alex said.

"If you're proposing to me, it's not very romantic," Olivia said, smirking. "Besides, it's not legal, yet."

"No, I'm not proposing, but there are other options," Alex said. "Domestic partnership is one, though I'd rather just wait and get married when we can. But, we could do a medical power of attorney, for both of us. I mean, if you wanted to.

"Besides, you're going to have to propose to me," Alex grinned. "If I'm going to carry our children, you have to do the proposing."

Olivia laughed. They had talked about marriage and children, often, and had decided together that Alex would carry the children. Olivia said she was concerned about her job, and that was the truth, but part of her was also concerned about her genes. An alcoholic mother and a rapist father weren't exactly the top of anyone's ideal gene pool.

"Well," Olivia said, picking up Alex's hand to kiss it. "When we get home, and you are recovered, we will do whatever we need to do, because I never want to be in this position again. And, with my line of work, I'd hate for you to ever be in this position, not that I have any family to prevent you, but still."

Alex looked off with a somber look. She didn't like to think of how dangerous Olivia's job could be and didn't like to be reminded of it either.

"I know we've been looking for a place, but I was kind of thinking, what if we both just lived in my place?" Alex said. "I mean, it's about the same distance from work and it's a little bigger than your place, but similar to what we've been looking at. That way, when we go home, we could just be home. If you want, that is."

"What, you don't like my five story walk up with an elevator that's been broken since the 70s?" Olivia said.

"You try walking up those stairs in high heels every day and see how you feel," Alex said.

"Yes," Olivia said.

"Yes?" Alex said, unsure what the answer was about. The drugs still made her a little hazy.

"Yes, I'll move in with you," Olivia said. "And when I take you home tomorrow, it will be to our home."

#

Olivia was able to take Alex home on Monday and planned to return to work on Wednesday when Rebecca agreed to stay the second half of the week and help take care of Alex. When Olivia got to work on Wednesday, she requested a meeting with Captain Cragen.

Olivia nervously walked in and sat down in the chair in front of Cragen's desk. She didn't expect him to be too upset with her, but she was nervous about what was going to happen, all the same.

"How's Alex?" Cragen asked when she sat down.

"She's doing better," Olivia said, not even considering why he was asking her. "She - wait, why are you asking me about Alex?"

"Olivia, how long have we known each other?" Cragen said. "You call in sick for two days, which you never do, and it happens to coincide with her being in a car accident? Give me some credit."

"So, I guess you know what I wanted to talk to you about then?" Olivia said. Cragen nodded.

"How long have you known?" Olivia said.

"Well, truthfully, I just figured it out this week for sure," Cragen said. "I've had my suspicious for a few months, but I didn't realize it was serious. I just thought...well, you know."

"Why does everyone assume we're just sleeping together?" Olivia said. "Like, am I that warped that people just assume I can't handle a relationship?"

Cragen laughed. "No, it's not that at all. It's just, you two look at each other like you either want to rip each other's clothes off, or heads off. I just figured a relationship between two strong-willed, independent women like yourselves would be tough."

"We took our time," Olivia said. "And honestly, it's not been easy, but we manage."

"Good, because I can't imagine anyone better for each other," Cragen said. "Strong-willed, or not."

"So, what's going to happen?" Olivia said. "Alex and I have talked, and if one of us has to transfer, she wants it to be her."

"I'd agree with that," Cragen said. "I mean, I love Alex, but I need you here. But, don't worry about it too much right now. When Alex is back and talks to Liz, and you two make this official, then I'll do what I can to keep Alex here as long as possible, or as long as she wants to be here. She works well with our team, and I think Liz will agree with me."

"Wow, well, that would be ideal, but either way, we understand," Olivia said.

#

When Olivia got home from work, Alex was just waking up from a nap in the bedroom, and Rebecca was watching TV.

"How's the patient?" Olivia said.

"You mean besides whining all day about how her soup isn't warm enough or her feet are cold?" Rebecca said. Olivia laughed.

"Did you make her take her pain medicine?" Olivia said. "She hasn't wanted it."

"Oh, I made her," Rebecca said. "She's grumpy without it. At least it makes her happy and sleepy. How did it go with your boss?"

"Surprisingly well," Olivia said. "I was just going to fill Alex in."

"Okay, well, she just got off the phone with the hospital, I think," Rebecca said. "Some follow-up stuff. But she hasn't been out since and I just woke up myself, so I don't know what they told her."

"I'll ask," Olivia said.

She went into the bedroom and saw Alex laying on her stomach, face into her pillow. She often slept like that when she napped, but with her surgery, she wasn't supposed to be laying on her stomach.

"Alex, are you awake?" Olivia said quietly.

"Yeah," Alex said, muffled in the pillow.

"You know, you're not supposed to be laying on your stomach," Olivia said. "The doctor said -"

"I don't care what the doctor said," Alex snapped, rolling over on her back.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Olivia said. She noticed Alex's eyes were red and puffy, like she'd been crying. "Sweetheart, are you okay? Are you in pain?" Olivia rushed over to the bed to see what was wrong.

"I'm fine," Alex said.

"Okay..." Olivia said. "What did the hospital say when they called?"

"Liv, I don't want to talk about it," Alex said. "Just leave me alone."

"No, I will not leave you alone," Olivia said. "Look, whatever it is, we're in this together. I already told you that. I'm not leaving you."

"And if we can't have kids?" Alex said flatly.

"What?"

"I said, will you stay with me if I can't have kids?" Alex said.

* * *

A/N: Evil of me? Blame Twitter. They voted the cliffhanger. Will update in the morning, but it's not as if you don't know where their future is going ;)

Also, if you're on twitter and want to follow me, my username is 'darkclocks' and I also have an AO Youtube video pinned to the top of my profile, if you want to check it out.


	17. Kids

A/N: More Angst ahead...just fair warning. And you may hate Adam again after this. No, you WILL hate him. Sorry for leaving you hanging on the last chapter, but it was either that, or no update yesterday :)

Will update this and potentially the Noah story again tonight.

* * *

 **KIDS**

" _I said, will you stay with me if I can't have kids with you?" Alex said._

They had talked about kids in their future a lot. Olivia desperately wanted kids, but they had also planned that with Olivia's job, that Alex would give birth to the children. It wasn't set in stone, but it was something they were both comfortable with when the day came.

"What are you talking about, Alex?" Olivia said. "Of course, I'll stay with you. I love you."

Alex just started sobbing.

"Baby, what's wrong? What did the doctor say?" Olivia said.

"He said that some of the tests they run there said that I may not be able to get pregnant and that if I do, I may not be able to carry to full term," Alex said.

"And you think I wouldn't want to be with you because of that?" Olivia said. "Sweetie, even if we never have kids, I'll always be with you. But, if decide to have them, and you can't get pregnant, then I'll carry them or we'll adopt. I don't care. Look, as long as we're together, it will be fine."

"I know, but Liv," Alex said. "We planned this all. Our future, and..."

"Hey, plans change," Olivia said. "But no matter what, how much I love you won't change."

Alex kept crying, and Olivia laid beside her, stroking her hair and consoling her.

"Hey, it's okay," Olivia said. "We'll figure this out. I also talked to Cragen today about us."

Alex stopped crying long enough to look up.

"He's happy for us," Olivia said. "He asked about you and said he hopes you're well soon. And he said he'd do whatever he could in his power to keep you assigned to SVU as long as you wanted to be there. He said he'd talk to Liz when you're back and we're ready to officially disclose."

Alex sniffled a few times and stopped crying, looking up at Olivia with her big blue eyes. Olivia could still see she was hurting from the news she got from the doctor.

"I know how important this was to you - to us - but you said the doctor say it was a possibility, not a given, right?" Olivia said. "We will do whatever you want to do. If you want to try and get pregnant at some point, then we will see every fertility doctor in the country if that's what it takes. The important thing is that you are healthy and we're together. You are never going to let me down."

"Thank you," Alex said. "I love you."

"And I love you," Olivia said, placing a kiss on Alex's forehead.

#

Olivia left Alex to rest a while longer and rejoined Rebecca back in the living room.

"Everything okay?" Rebecca said. "Was Alex crying?"

"She'll be okay," Olivia said. "She's just emotional." Olivia knew it wasn't her place to share Alex's news with her family, so she kept quiet and downplayed it.

"Apparently, Adam will be here any minute," Rebecca said.

"Why?" Olivia said. "Alex is really not happy with him right now."

"She texted him earlier and told him to come over," Rebecca said. "I only know because he texted me and said he was on his way when Alex didn't respond to him."

"That may not be such a good idea right now," Olivia said. "Can you text him and tell him not to come?"

"Don't do that," Alex said from the bedroom doorway.

"Alex, you're up," Olivia said.

"I know Adam is coming," Alex said. "It's fine."

"Are you sure you're up for that right now?" Olivia said.

"I said, it's fine," Alex said.

Before Olivia could argue with her more about it, there was a knock on the door. Rebecca got up to answer, and seeing it was Adam, she let him in.

"Hey, sis, you're up and walking around," Adam said when he came in and saw Alex standing in the living room.

"Barely," she said. She continued to move over to the couch and took a seat next to Olivia.

"How are you feeling?" Adam said.

"Like I was hit by a semi," Alex said flatly. It was her attempt at a joke, but no one else in the room laughed since it was actually true and it had nearly killed her.

"So, um, how long before you return to work?" Adam said. He felt pressure to keep the conversation going. He wasn't like Alex to offer for him to come over and he had a feeling he was going to get an earful.

"A week or so," Alex said. Everyone sat in the awkward silence, waiting for the shoe to drop.

"Actually, I invited you over here for a reason," Alex said.

"Alex, if you're upset about -"

"No, you've done enough talking and made enough excuses," Alex said. "Look, I'm glad you had a momentary change of heart at the hospital, but it doesn't fool me. Olivia might be able to forgive you, but I can't and I won't. I don't even know you anymore. I mean, it's one thing to have your beliefs, but it's another to try to force them on my life. You've had years to accept me as I am and haven't, so I'm done."

"What do you mean, you're done?" Adam said. "We're family."

"I mean, just that," Alex said. "As far as I'm concerned, we're not. Mom and Dad, Rebecca, and Olivia are my family."

Olivia looked over at Rebecca, both of their eyes wide and in disbelief at what Alex was saying. Rebecca was angry at Adam, too, but this was further than even she expected from Alex.

"Alex, you can't just arbitrarily decide I'm not your brother," Adam said.

"Arbitrarily? Family is supposed to stick up for each other, look out for each other, support each other and love each other," Alex said. "You don't do any of that for me unless it suits you and what you want."

"This is ridiculous," Adam said. "Rebecca, you're not on board with this, are you?"

Rebecca paused for a moment before speaking. "Adam, Alex makes her own decisions. I can't make them for her."

"You," Adam said, looking at Olivia. "This is you, isn't it?"

"What?" Olivia said.

"This has nothing to do with Olivia," Alex said. "She didn't even know you were coming over until a few minutes before you got here."

"Oh, this has everything to do with her," Adam said. "You weren't such a bitch about this when you were dating Sara. You were fine to just live your life under the radar. But since you started dating Olivia, you've made it your mission to be in everyone's face about it."

"How am I in anyone's face about anything?" Alex said.

"Talking about getting married and having kids over family dinner," Adam said. "You've only been together, what, a year? How do you know she's not going to fuck you over just like Sara did?"

"Because I love her," Olivia said.

"Look, I just don't see why you have to talk about it all the time," Adam said. "Same-sex marriage isn't even legal and how do you plan on having kids? Are you going to hit up a sperm bank? Besides, your doctor said you may not even be able to have kids. You think your cop girlfriend is going to have them?"

Olivia looked over at Alex and saw she was on the verge of tears again seeing as how Adam hit on such a sensitive subject.

"How the hell do you know that?" Alex yelled through her tears.

"One of his supporters is on the board," Rebecca said. "What did you call in a favor to see her medical records?"

"I just wanted to make sure we had accurate information," Adam said. "I didn't know something like that would be in the report."

"And yet you felt it appropriate to to bring it up?" Rebecca said. "If I were Alex, I'd sue the hospital for violating privacy."

"Get out," Alex said.

"Excuse me?" Adam said.

"I said..." Alex took a deep breath and moved her hand to her incision.

"You need to leave our place now," Olivia said.

"Your place?" Adam said

"Yes, we're moving in together," Olivia said. "And like Alex said, you're not welcome."

"What, so now you're putting your girlfriend up just to spite me?" Adam said.

"Adam! You need to get the fuck out," Rebecca said. "I'm pretty sure if you don't, Olivia is going to shoot you."

Olivia snapped her head over and smirked at Rebecca.

"Fine," Adam said. "But Mom and Dad are going to hear about this."

Rebecca followed him out into the hallway.

"What happened to sincere Adam at the hospital, who could accept his sister and her girlfriend?" Rebecca snapped when they were outside.

"I am still willing to do that," Adam said. "Or I was until Alex's true colors just came out."

"Alex's true colors?" Rebecca said. "Do you even have any idea how much worse you made everything? You really are an asshole."

"Come on, she can't just say things like that, tell me she's done with me, and expect there to not be consequences," Adam said. "What was I supposed to say?"

"I don't know, something like, 'I'm sorry for how I acted and I'll do what I can to make it up to you'?" Rebecca said.

"Whatever," Adam said. "It's just as well."

"Yeah, I guess so," Rebecca said before turning and going back inside, shutting the door and leaving Adam in the hallway alone.

#

"Alex, you need to lay back down," Olivia said. Alex had gotten up from the couch and went into the kitchen, looking in the fridge and slamming food containers around. "If you're hungry, I'll bring you something."

"I don't need you to take care of me, Olivia," Alex said. "I have enough people telling me what to do."

"I just thought -"

"Stop," Alex said. "Stop thinking about what _you think_ I need. I want a damn sandwich, and I'm perfectly capable of making it myself."

"Okay, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "And I'm sorry about Adam."

"Don't be," Alex said. "I'm not. And he's probably right. We'll probably never be able to get married or have kids or do any of the things we talked about. So, it really doesn't matter."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but the look in Alex's eyes said her best bet was to keep her mouth shut and just stand there, out of the way.

Alex finished making her sandwich, poured a glass of whatever and turned to go back to the bedroom.

"I'm tired and want to be alone," Alex said.

Olivia nodded and watched Alex walk away, wondering how in the world she was going to help Alex through this and fighting back her urge to going and kick the shit out of Adam.


	18. Three

A/N: This is more of a story mover chapter...But hopefully sweet, too.

I'll get another chapter of this or Noah out tonight...S/O had surgery today.

* * *

 **THREE**

"Are you sure you're ready to go back to work today?" Olivia asked Alex as they lay in bed after just waking up. It had been barely a week since Alex got out of the hospital and Olivia was concerned it was too soon.

"I'm ready," Alex said. "I'm tired of being cooped up here. Besides, it's not like Liz or SVU is going to let me do much of anything anyway. I'll just be sitting at my desk all day, and if I get tired, I'll go lay on my couch."

"Okay," Olivia said. They had already had the conversation about Alex returning to work a number of times and Olivia knew arguing with Alex wasn't worth the fight or the stress it would cause Alex.

"And, the sooner I return, the sooner we can make _this_ ," Alex motioned her hand between them, "official." Olivia smiled and gave Alex a chaste kiss. If there was an upside to Alex returning to work, that was it.

"How do you think Liz will take the news?" Olivia asked as she rolled over to get out of bed.

"Don't care," Alex said. She moved slowly to out of bed without too much pain. Olivia noted the tone in Alex's voice. There wasn't much Alex _didn't care_ about, but since they got home, and since her argument with Adam, it had become the norm for Alex.

"I'll put some coffee on," Olivia said. "And I'll drive you to work today." Olivia didn't give Alex a choice in that. The last thing she wanted was Alex riding the subway and risking getting shoved around or falling.

Alex shrugged, but didn't complain.

#

Alex got to her office and took a seat at her desk. He insisted Olivia just drop her off rather than coming inside with her. She wanted to take her time and get settled before she had to meet with Liz. She busied herself going through missed messages and emails from her week awake and getting up to speed on her current cases.

"You're alive." Alex looked up and saw Liz Donnelly leaning in the doorway.

"I am," Alex said. "And a lot less helpless than people seem to think." She wanted to make it clear from the get-go to Liz that she didn't want to be treated differently.

"I would never assume that Alexandra Cabot was helpless," Liz said. "But, I do want you to trust your body and take care of it. Is there anything you need this week?"

"No, but if you will come in and shut the door, I need to discuss something with you," Alex said.

Liz gave her a confused look, but moved forward and shut the door behind her. She took a seat in front of Alex's desk.

"What's going on?" Liz said.

"I need to disclose to you and the DA's office that I am in a relationship," Alex said. "With Detective Benson."

"Oh," Liz said. "Well, that's...not surprising." Alex gave Liz a curious look. It wasn't the reaction she was suspecting.

"I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind," Liz said. "But I assumed the two of you would do the right thing if there were anything to it. Is it serious?"

"We're moving in together," Alex said. "But we did want to make sure things were real before we jeopardized our assignments."

"Okay, I presume Don knows already?" Liz asked.

"Olivia told him last week, after my accident," Alex said. "What happens now?"

"Well, you two fill out some paperwork and make it official," Liz said. "And I'll talk to Don and figure out what to do about SVU."

"If one of us has to go, I want it to be me," Alex said.

"I figured you'd say that," Liz said. "But I'll do what I can to see if I can keep you around here, at least a little longer. Anything else?"

"No, that's it," Alex said. Liz got up and walked to the door.

"Oh, and Cabot?" Liz said. "Congratulations. You got a good one."

Alex smiled and nodded. She knew it was true. Even if Olivia had driven her crazy during the past week, hovering, and trying to cater to her every need, Alex knew Olivia was only doing it out of concern.

#

At the end of the day, Olivia came to Alex's office to pick her up and take her home. On her way in, she passed Liz in the hallway.

"Detective Benson," Liz said. "How nice to see you." She gave Olivia a knowing grin.

"You, too, Liz," Olivia said. "Just picking up the patient...just don't tell her I said that."

"I understand congratulations are in order," Liz said. Olivia kind of blushed and nodded. "You're going to have your hands full with this one, but I suspect you already know that."

"I do," Olivia said.

"Well, she deserves someone like you, someone to keep her on her toes," Liz said. "Just take care of my girl."

"I will," Olivia said.

Alex heard Olivia's voice in the hallway and grabbed her bag to come out there and see what they were talking about.

"You two better not be talking about me," Alex said, smiling.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Olivia said, rolling her eyes and smirking. "Let's go home."

#

When they got home, Olivia made them soup and sandwiches for dinner and brought it over to the couch where Alex was sitting, watching TV.

"When will you be finished moving?" Alex said.

"I let my landlord know I'll be moved by the end of the month," Olivia said. "Unless of course you're sick of me already." Olivia smiled at Alex as she said that.

"Not a chance," Alex said. "I just wish you'd let me help you and get you moved quicker."

"There's not that much left," Olivia said. "I just need to finish figuring out what I'm getting rid of and what I'm keeping."

"Do you need more space, because I can -"

"Alex, it's all fine," Olivia said. "I have everything I need right here. If it makes you feel better, I'll get the guys to help me this weekend and speed up the process. You now, now that everything is out in the open."

They hadn't talked about the children thing since Alex got the news. Olivia tried to bring it up once or twice, but Alex refused to talk about it with her. Olivia figured she'd just let Alex bring it up when she was ready.

"Liv, thank you for being here and for being patient with me," Alex said. "I know I've been a pain the last week."

"You've not been a pain," Olivia said. "You had a traumatic experience with the accident and..."

"And the pregnancy news?" Alex said.

"I was going to say, and it's normal to feel how you're feeling," Olivia said. "But, do you want to talk about the other thing? I won't make you until you're ready, but I want you to know that you can."

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "And I know you said you're not disappointed, but I know that you are because I am.

"You're right," Olivia said. "It does suck for you, for us, but we have other options and it's only a chance. Alex, I want to do this anyway and any how that you want to do it. If you decide you don't want kids, I'll survive. If you want ten kids, I'll survive that, too."

"Ten kids, huh?" Alex laughed.

"Well, you know what I mean," Olivia said.

"How many kids do you want?" Alex said. "I mean, ideally."

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I'm an only child, so I think I'd like to have more than one. Being an only child can be kind of lonely sometimes, especially when your mom..." Olivia trailed off and shrugged. Alex nodded knowingly.

"What about you?" Olivia asked.

"Well, there was three of us, and growing up, it was kind of nice," Alex said. "You know, if you got mad at one, there was always someone else to hang out with."

"Three sounds like a nice number," Olivia said. "But as I told you, as long as I'm with you, I'll be happy."


	19. Rules

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. This is a light chapter. I figured they needed that. Took yesterday off to celebrate birthday and it was nice. I'll have you an Emma update tonight.

* * *

 **RULES**

"That's it. That's the last of everything," Olivia said, shutting the door behind her and setting a box on the floor that was already filled with boxes.

"When do you meet with your landlord for a walk-through?" Alex said. She moved up from the couch and walked over to where Olivia was. Alex was feeling much better, but Olivia still refused to let her help carry boxes.

"Already done," Olivia said. "He stopped by before I left today, and we took care of it."

"Hmm, on second thought, I may be getting a little sick of you," Alex said, grinning as she put her hands on Olivia's shoulders, trying to avoid the sweat from her arms.

"Too bad," Olivia said, leaning forward and giving Alex a quick kiss on the lips. "I'm all yours now."

Alex moved forward again, not caring about the sweat and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. She pressed up against Olivia. "Yes, you are."

"Alex, I'm sweaty and probably stink," Olivia said, suddenly self-conscious of the fact that she was sweating through her shirt.

"Well," Alex said in a low husky voice and moving her mouth by Olivia's ear. "Why don't we do something about that? We have a perfectly good shower just waiting."

"Actually, I have a better idea," Olivia said, grinning. She reached around and grabbed Alex's behind, pulling her in closer for a kiss. She parted Alex's lips with her tongue, and when she heard Alex moan softly into her mouth, she smacked Alex's behind and pulled her lips away. With Alex distracted, she picked her up threw her over her shoulder.

Alex let out a quiet scream at the sudden movement and loss of her feet. "Liv!"

"Why don't we get you good and sweaty first, then we'll put that shower to good use," Olivia said. She carried Alex to the bedroom and tossed her on the bed, not even letting her finish bouncing before she crawled up on all fours and hovered over Alex.

Alex reached up and put her arms around Olivia's neck, pulling her back down for another kiss. "I think I already like this living together thing," Alex said, smiling.

#

After their shower, they spent much of the day being lazy reading and then settled on soup and sandwiches for dinner. After dinner, Olivia moved over to the floor where the boxes were.

"Babe, why don't we do that tomorrow?" Alex said. "I'll clear some places in the living room for anything you want out or pictures."

"That sounds good," Olivia said. "I just wanted to start thinking about what could go where and what could stay in a box. Can we move the TV tonight?"

"Sure," Alex said. "I already cleared off the dresser in the guest room for it."

"Guest room?" Olivia said.

"Yes, you know the other bedroom? What, you didn't think you were moving in there did you?" Alex teased.

"No, I just thought we were going to put the tv in our bedroom," Olivia said.

"Why would we do that?" Alex said.

"Um, so we can watch tv from the bed," Olivia said. "You know, like normal people."

"Normal people do _not_ do that," Alex said. "Besides, I'd rather be doing _other_ things when we're in bed." Alex tilted her head down and looked at Olivia over her glasses.

"Me, too, but there will be some times when we're not," Olivia said. "Besides, it's nice to fall asleep with the tv on sometimes."

"Oh, no, we will _not_ be doing that," Alex said. "You can't be serious, right?"

"I am, or I guess I was," Olivia said. "So what other rules do you have that I don't know about?"

"I don't have rules," Alex said, scoffing at Olivia.

"You are Alexandra Cabot," Olivia said. "Of course, you have rules. Your whole life is about rules and laws."

"Not fair," Alex said. "Besides, you are a cop. Isn't your entire life about rules and laws, too?"

"Yeah, but remember, we bend the rules in SVU," Olivia said, with a smirk.

Alex rolled her eyes and chuckled. "I only have one rule." Alex reached out her hand, and Olivia got up and joined her on the couch.

"You always have to tell me you love me before you leave or before bed, even when we're fighting," Alex said.

"Of course, I will. Why would we fight about anything, though?" Olivia said, feigning innocence. Alex shook her head and just laughed.

"Also, no sleeping at the crib at night if you have time to come home," Alex said.

"Uh, okay," Olivia said. She hadn't considered having someone to _come home_ to. When she worked late and stayed at the crib before, she'd just call Alex and tell her so Alex could stay home. But now, it was different.

"And, don't die," Alex said.

"Well, some day I'll probably die," Olivia said. "I mean, everyone does."

"You know what I mean," Alex said. "I just want you to remember when you're out there catching bad guys that you have someone to come home to. It's not just your life anymore. It's mine, too, and I can't imagine living mine without you."

"Well, you know I can't promise not to get killed," Olivia said. The mood had suddenly turned serious. "But I will promise to always remember that I have a reason to live."

Alex leaned over and gave Olivia a quick kiss. "Thank you."

"You know, that was like three rules," Olivia said. "Not one." She wanted to lighten up the mood again and figured a joke was the best way to do it.

"Fine, I guess I probably have rules," Alex said. "But I can't think of any right now because I'm just happy that you're officially moved in. What about you? What are Olivia Benson's house rules?"

"You can't leave dishes out overnight," Olivia said quickly as if she'd been thinking about it.

"What's wrong with one night, especially when it's late, and we work the hours we do?" Alex said.

"You have a dishwasher," Olivia said. "It's not that hard to rinse it and put it in there."

"But what if the dishes in there are already clean?" Alex said.

"Then you put them away?" Olivia said, laughing.

"Okay, fine," Alex said. "I'll try to remember to wash my dishes before bed. Anything else, Detective Benson?"

"Your bathroom sink is always a bit of a mess," Olivia said.

"My sink is clean!" Alex said.

"No, I don't mean the sink itself," Olivia explained. "I mean, the counter is always full of hair and make-up products."

"You think I naturally look this good for you?" Alex said, smirking.

"Actually, I think you are beautiful all the time, especially first thing in the morning with messy hair and no make-up," Olivia said. "But that's not my point. If we're going to share the bathroom, I have to have room for all of my crap, too. I'm just saying, it wouldn't hurt to have a place for everything."

"How long is this list of yours and how long have you been thinking about it?" Alex said.

"I just have a few more pages," Olivia said, grinning. Alex groaned, and Olivia put her arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "Honestly, I don't care if you ever clean another dish or tidy up the sink. As long as I have you, I'll be willing to put up with most anything."

"That's dangerous information for me to have, Detective," Alex said, kissing Olivia and then smiling mischievously.

"I trust you not to abuse your power over me, Counselor," Olivia said. "Well, except maybe in the bedroom. You can abuse your power in there anytime you want."

"Hmm, well, my first abuse of power in there is that I'm vetoing the television in the bedroom," Alex said. "I don't like to be wound up before falling asleep. The TV can do that."

"I can do that to you, too," Olivia said, raising her eyebrows.

"You do, but you also make sure to wind me down," Alex said. "Which reminds me of another rule...don't you dare ever let me go to bed horny."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Olivia said.

"Maybe we should see if you can wind me up before bed now?" Alex said.

"I'd love to, but aren't you forgetting something?" Olivia said. Alex gave her a confused look. "Your dinner dishes? I put my plate in the dishwasher."

"Ugh, really?" Alex said. Olivia just grinned.

"I'll meet you in the bedroom when you're done," Olivia said laughing and getting up to leave.

Alex walked to the kitchen, rinsed her plate and glass and put it in the dishwasher. She then went over to check to make sure the door was locked and turn the lights out. She hooked the chain and turned to walk back toward the bedroom, stepping on Olivia's shoes near the doorway and nearly falling in the dark.

"Ugh," she groaned and then yelled to Olivia in the bedroom. "Liv! New rule!"


	20. Baby Boy Doe

**A/N:** Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter. Yes, house rules are funny and fun (and annoying at times). We'll revisit some of that throughout this story, but we're moving forward here. A Noah update will come tomorrow. Let me know what you think of this chapter and going forward (you have the added benefit of knowing somewhat of a timeline and how things turn out if you're reading the Noah story).

* * *

 **BABY BOY DOE**

" _Liv, it's me...again. Do you plan on coming home tonight?"_

Alex left another voicemail for Olivia - her third one of the evening. It wasn't terribly late, but she knew the squad wasn't out on a call because she had also called the squad room. Munch had relayed the message to Alex that Olivia said she would call her later.

Alex sighed and tossed the phone down on the coffee table. It had been a rough week for Olivia and all of SVU. They had been searching for a missing boy who, as it turned out, had been given away by this mother because she couldn't handle the stress. They found him, and he was unharmed, but they also had no choice but to return him to his parents.

The case all led them to three young girls who were held by child pornographers and a baby boy, found in a dresser drawer. To make matters worse, despite media coverage, no one had come forward to claim Baby Boy Doe. He was just a baby that no one apparently wanted.

Alex reached to pick up her phone again. It wasn't super late, but she knew Olivia was just avoiding coming home, and Alex was upset. Olivia had promised she would always come home when it was possible. Before she could call Olivia again, Alex heard the key turn in the lock.

Olivia walked through the door and hung up her jacket.

"Hey," Alex said from the couch. "Dinner is in the fridge. Where've you been?"

"Working," Olivia said and made her way into the kitchen.

"Did you get my messages?" Alex asked softly. She got up and walked into the kitchen so they could continue the conversation.

"I did," Olivia said. "Like I said, I was working."

"That's funny because your squad left hours ago," Alex said.

Olivia pulled the plate out of the fridge and turned around to look at Alex, giving her a disgusted look. "What, are you keeping tabs on me now?"

"Excuse me?" Alex said. She didn't like the accusatory tone of Olivia's. "I'm not keeping tabs on you, Olivia. You weren't returning my calls, so I checked to see if you got called out. Munch said everyone had gone home but you, and that he was on his way out. That was hours ago, and you promised me that this would stop when we moved in together."

"I had paperwork to do," Olivia said.

"You could have called," Alex said. "It's nearly 10 o'clock."

"Well, I was trying to get through my DD5s so you don't bitch at me at work tomorrow," Olivia said.

Alex took a deep breath and then let it out. She could feel herself getting angrier by the moment at Olivia's attitude, but she knew it had been a hard week at work - for both of them. The irony of a mother giving away her child and another baby being unclaimed hadn't been lost on her, given their situation over Alex's potential fertility problems. It had weighed on Alex, and she also knew it was weighing on Olivia. This was the kind of case that always hit Olivia hard.

"I just wish you would have called, that's all," Alex said in a quiet voice.

Olivia shook her head and looked down at the plate of food. "I don't think I'm hungry, after all," she said and opened the fridge back up and returned the plate. "I'm going to take a shower then go to bed."

"Do you want company?" Alex said. "We could take a bath together, instead."

"No, Alex," Olivia said. "I'm tired. I'm sweaty, and I just want to get in, get out, and go to bed so I can get up and go to work early."

Olivia turned and left the kitchen to make her way back to the bathroom for a shower. Alex tidied up the kitchen, making sure to wash all the dishes before bed and waited on Olivia in bed.

#

Olivia got out of the shower feeling more relaxed than earlier. She knew she was in a bad mood and that she was taking it out on Alex. She was frustrated by the case, but even more with the parents who seemingly didn't want their children. But tomorrow was a new day where she could keep searching for Baby Boy Doe's mother and move on to helping the next victims. There was never a lack of anyone needing help.

Olivia walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom with a towel around her body. She used another to dry her hair as she walked over to the dresser to get her PJs. She quickly changed and hung up her towels.

Alex laid on her stomach on the bed reading a book and was quiet, giving Olivia her space since she clearly didn't want to talk to her early. Her feelings were hurt, but she was also annoyed at Olivia shutting her out. If there was any case they needed to talk about their feelings together about, it was this one.

Olivia eyed Alex, feeling sorry for the way she treated her when she got home. She looked at Alex as her baby blue top rode up, exposing the bottom part of her back. The shorts Alex were wearing were just tight enough to clearly define her ass. Olivia took another look and decided she needed to make things up to Alex.

Olivia walked to the foot of the bed and decided to crawl up behind Alex. She was on all fours, hovering over Alex's bottom half. She leaned down and breathed lightly on the small of Alex's back until she heard a quiet moan from the blonde. She then began kissing down Alex's spine to the crease of her shorts.

"Liv..." Alex said.

"Mmmhmm," Olivia said, still slowly peppering Alex's back with kisses.

"Stop," Alex said.

Olivia stopped immediately and raised up slightly. "Stop?"

Alex turned herself over, her legs tucked between Olivia's knees. Olivia sat up.

"Talk to me," Alex said.

"You mean like dirty talk?" Olivia said, giving her a weird look. They weren't opposed to such thing, but their talk in the bedroom usually happened when they were more in the heat of the moment than before it.

"No, Olivia," Alex said, scooting back so she could sit up in the bed. "I want you to talk to be about how you are feeling."

"Alex," Olivia said. "Can't we finish what we started and talk later or tomorrow? I'm sorry about earlier. I really am. I just want to make it up to you."

" _We_ didn't start anything," Alex said. "You did. And while I appreciate the sentiments, you can make it up to me by telling me why you were such a jerk earlier. I know this has a been a tough week for you - it's been for me, too. I just would rather us talk about it than have sex and pretend it never happened."

"Alex, come on," Olivia said. "I just want to relax."

"Well, what about what I want, Liv?" Alex said.

Olivia sighed and rolled off Alex's legs and onto her side of the bed. "Fine, you want to know what's wrong? I'm angry that people like Nicky's mother get to literally give him away and then changes her mind and gets to keep him. I'm angry that I found a baby body in a fucking dresser drawer and that no one has claimed him. I'm angry he had to be declared a ward of the state - a perfectly healthy baby boy - when there are so many couples out there that want kids and are unable to have them. I'm angry at the god damned semi truck driver that pulled out in front of you, nearly killing you, and potentially taking away your ability to have children."

"Liv, we don't know that was from the accident," Alex reminded her.

"It doesn't matter," Olivia said. "It's not fair. It's not fucking fair. All I want is to have healthy children with you. I want to look at them and see your eyes and your hair and know that we created something, even if we can't technically create them together."

Olivia was worked up and breathing heavily at this point. Her eyes were red and watering. Alex reached out her hand and put it on her cheek.

"Sweetheart, we will have children," Alex said. "Just like you said, it doesn't matter how we do it. Do I want to give birth? Yes, of course. But will I love a child any more or less because it came from me, or you, or we adopt? No. No matter how we do this, our children will be ours."

"I know, but it's just -"

"I know, it's not fair," Alex said. "I hated this case, too. Listening to you tell me about finding that little boy in the dresser broke my heart. I swear, I wish we could just bring him home. He deserves a home. He deserves more than Baby Boy Doe. But sweetie, when the time is right, we'll know. It will happen."

Alex leaned in and softly kissed Olivia.

"I just...never mind, it's crazy," Olivia said.

"No, what is it?" Alex said.

"I almost lost you, Alex," Olivia said. "And I know, you're fine and healed, but life is so short. Part of me wants to start a family with you right now. And I know it's soon, and it's crazy."

Alex took a breath and smiled. It was crazy talk. It was too soon, but she also felt the exact same way as Olivia. They couldn't get married, but if they were both sure and ready, there was no reason they couldn't start a family. Besides, it would take some time and some doctors' visits to even see if she could get pregnant, or Olivia, but why not start planning?

"Let's do it," Alex said.

"What?" Olivia said.

"Let's start a family," Alex said. "I don't care if it's crazy. I love you, and if we want a family, there's no reason we should wait."

"But we've only been together just over a year, and we just moved in together," Olivia said.

"Look, Liv, unless you want to wait, I'm ready to do this," Alex said. "I mean, by the time we see some doctors and see if I can even get pregnant, and then if I do, another nine months, it won't seem like too soon by then. I mean, unless you're planning on leaving me."

Alex smiled when she made the last comment.

"Never," Olivia said. "Alex, are you sure? I mean, you don't have to do this. If you want a family, I can see about -"

"Olivia, this was our plan," Alex said. "We may as well try. I know you are hesitant about getting pregnant, and I know you say it's the job, but I also know it's deeper than that. I know you're worried about your genes, even though I think you are proof enough that genes don't mean everything."

Olivia shrugged but didn't say anything.

"I will see a doctor," Alex said. "I will find a specialist, and we'll take this one step at a time. If I can't ever have children, then we'll cross that bridge and make decisions when we get there. That's what you told me, remember? That we'd get through this together."

"God, I love you," Olivia said, smiling and leaning forward to kiss Alex.

"And I love you," Alex said.

They both wrapped their arms around each other and just smiled with the newly made decision still fresh.

"We're really doing this?" Olivia said.

"We're doing this," Alex said. "We're going to start a family."

"Can I finish what I started earlier, making things up to you?" Olivia said, smirking and raising an eyebrow.

"You can," Alex said. "But you know baby making doesn't work that way for us, right?"

"It won't stop me from trying," Olivia laughed, rolling Alex on top of her and pulling her down for a kiss.


	21. BBQ

**BBQ**

"Alex, we're going to be late. It's a BBQ, not a ball."

Olivia was pacing the living room. They should have left 20 minutes ago to get to Queens in time for the Stabler's BBQ. The weather had been nice since it was spring, and Elliot had been itching to fire up the grill. The entire squad was planning to come unless they caught a case, and even so, Fin and Munch were on call. Olivia was looking forward to a social event for once, especially now that Alex and she could be out in the open with their relationship.

"Relax, Olivia," Alex said, finally appearing. She was wearing a pair of perfectly fitting jeans with a tight white t-shirt and a royal blue jacket over it. "It's not like we're all sitting down to eat dinner. Haven't you ever heard of being fashionably late?"

"Elliot doesn't like fashionably late," Olivia said. "Besides, I said we'd help Kathy in the kitchen."

"Then let's go," Alex said, grabbing her purse and meeting Olivia at the door.

#

Kathy greeted them at the door. Despite leaving later than Olivia hoped, they were the first ones to arrive.

"Olivia! Alex! So good to see you," Kathy said, hugging each of them as they came inside. "And, you actually get to show up someplace together finally."

"Yeah, that's kind of a weight off our shoulders," Olivia said. "Where's Elliot?"

"He's getting the grill ready," Kathy said. "I have a tray of meat if you can take it out there to him and help. Alex can help me, if that is okay."

"That's why we're here," Olivia said. She took the trays of burgers and chicken from Kathy and went out back to deliver it to Elliot.

"Hey, you made it," Elliot said.

"Yeah, sorry we're a little later than I said we'd be," Olivia said. "Alex..."

"Say no more," Elliot said. "Besides, we're running a little behind here, too, and no one else is here yet either."

"Actually, I think I heard Cragen and Munch come in as I headed back here," Olivia said. "Need any help?"

"Yeah, hand me that barbecue sauce over there," Elliot said.

Olivia grabbed the barbecue sauce dish and brush and handed it to Elliot once he got the chicken on the grill.

"How is the living together stuff working out?" Elliot asked.

"It's going well, mostly," Olivia said.

"Mostly?" Elliot said.

"You know, it's different spending a lot of time at someone's place than it is living together," Olivia said. "You pick up on things that you didn't before, or that didn't bother you because it wasn't your home. But overall, it's okay. We just let each other know when something bothers us."

Elliot chuckled. "Good luck with that. I remember when Kathy and I moved in together. It was tough at first, but then you get a routine, and it works."

"I think the hardest part for me is remembering I have someone at home," Olivia said. "Like a couple of weeks ago when I was working and didn't want to go home and just planned to sleep in the crib...and that's one of Alex's big things. I have to come home when I'm not working."

"Yeah, Kathy is like that, too," Elliot said. "Of course, when you have kids, it's different. But I guess you won't have to worry about that for a while at least."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but ended up just nodding along. Everyone else had arrived and had finally made their way out side, so Olivia was saved from the conversation.

#

"So, Elliot tells me you and Olivia have been able to make everything official at work and are all moved in now," Kathy said to Alex as they were putting together the potato salad and finishing up the baked beans. "How is that going?"

"It's good," Alex said. "It's nice being able to see her more, though, you know how it is when you first move in with someone. That's been some adjusting, but we're figuring it out."

"I understand that," Kathy said. "I mean, Elliot and I were babies, 17-years-old, when we got married. Talk about culture shock. Have you fully recovered from the accident?"

"Yes," Alex said. "Occasionally I'll have a little soreness, but I'm officially all good, minus a spleen."

"Well, I'm glad you and Olivia have each other," Kathy said. "I have to be honest, it's a bit of relief to me."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked.

"Just, Elliot and Liv are so close," Kathy said. "I used to wonder about their relationship. I mean, don't get me wrong, I trust Olivia completely, and Elliot, too, but you know cops and marriage. It can be tough."

Alex just nodded. It wasn't exactly the kind of thing she wanted to hear. She wasn't worried about Olivia and Elliot being together, or at least, she didn't think she needed to be. In fact, truth be told, she was more jealous of their friendship than anything else. It seemed that Olivia was sometimes more willing to talk about things with Elliot than her.

Alex and Kathy carried the side dishes outside while Alex watched as Elliot and Olivia handled the grill, laughing, and playing with the kids. Everyone grabbed a plate and began to load up, grabbing seats around the patio and picnic tables set up. The beer was flowing freely, except for Cragen, and Munch and Fin because they were on-call.

"So, Teflon, now that you and Liv here are official, and we get to see you not in the office, what kind of secrets can you tell us about her?" Munch asked when they all sat down.

"If you tell you my secrets, I get to tell hers," Olivia said, looking sideways to smile at Alex and put her hand down to squeeze her knee.

"It's true," Alex said. "We take our vow of secret keeping seriously, so you're getting nothing out of me."

"Come on, at least tell us when you all really started dating," Fin said. He looked over at Captain Cragen.

"Fine by me, I'll just deny I knew suspected anything before you told me," Cragen said.

"Actually..." Alex glanced over at Olivia to see if it was okay. Olivia nodded. "We actually met each other right before I was assigned to SVU, and had one date after that literally days before I found out I was being assigned to SVU."

"Well, technically, it wasn't a date," Olivia said.

"You were about to kiss me before Elliot called you," Alex said. "I think that constitutes as a date."

"Wait, what?" Elliot said. "I interrupted your first kiss?"

"Oh, you interrupted our first kiss more than once," Alex said. "Tell him, Liv."

"Well, back up," Olivia said. "After Alex's assignment, we decided we should just be friends and keep things professional. But yes, the second time was after my mom's funeral. Alex almost kissed me...until again, Elliot called."

"Geez, Stabler, you have the worst timing ever," Munch said. "Trying to keep Liv for yourself?"

Elliot shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, that's nothing," Alex said. "There was also the morning he -"

"Woah, Alex," Olivia said. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, sorry," Alex said. "I nearly forgot where we were and who we were with."

"I'm pretty sure I want to hear the rest of that story," Fin said.

"Anyway, we started dating about a month after my mom passed away," Olivia said, ignoring Fin. "But kept it low key for a while until we were sure if it was real."

"Well, I for one, am just glad two great gals such as yourselves, found each other," Munch said.

After everyone had eaten, people hung around talking and drinking beers. It was a relaxing night for the squad, something they rarely had a chance to do. Alex had enough to drink to make her buzzed. Not drunk, but definitely less inhibited, which meant she was being more touchy-feely with Olivia than normal when they were in public.

"Babe, are you okay?" Olivia said.

"I'm fine, Liv," Alex said. "I'm just happy I get to be here, in public, with you and act like you're my girlfriend and not just Detective Benson." Alex leaned forward and kissed Olivia on the lips, pulling them closer together. Olivia could see the guys snickering just a bit, and was slightly embarrassed. It wasn't that she minded the PDAs, but she definitely didn't like the guys to see this side of her.

"Hey, I'm going to go help El clean the grill," Olivia said. "Why don't you see if Kathy needs help with anything? Then we can get going soon."

"Fine, but when I get you home," Alex said. She then leaned in closer to Olivia and whispered in her ear, causing Olivia to blush.

Alex got up and smirked at Olivia before making her way over to where Kathy was picking up some dishes. Alex helped her and the two quickly finished and took a seat outside to chat.

"I hear you all had a pretty rough case a few weeks ago," Kathy said. "Liv found a baby boy in a dresser drawer? That must have been tough for her."

"Yeah, it was hard," Alex said. "Especially finding out after my accident that I may not be able to have kids."

"Oh, I didn't know," Kathy said. "I'm sorry. That must be tough."

"Yeah, it is...or well, it was," Alex said. "But this case, when Olivia finally talked to me about it, we decided we wanted to go ahead and try to have kids. That'd I'd see a specialist or she'd get pregnant, however, it works out for us. I'm sure Elliot told you that, though."

Alex wasn't sure why she shared all of that with Kathy, who she barely knew. She assumed Olivia had told Elliot, and she knew Elliot shared most things that weren't work related with Kathy.

"No, he hadn't mentioned it. That's great!" Kathy said. "Look at the two of them over there talking about work. I swear, you're lucky, you know. I mean, at least Olivia can talk to you about your cases and you understand the work."

"Yeah, you'd think so," Alex said. "I mean, we do talk about cases, but getting her to share when something is bothering her is another story."

"You know, that's been one of the hardest things for me," Kathy said. "Elliot carries so much around and I know he can't talk about it, but he brings his mood home, or won't even share how he feels. Being married to a cop is tough, sometimes. It's like they're married to the job first. And when you have kids, well, it's even more challenging."

Alex nodded, watching as the squad was all debating their current case and the details of it.

"But, like I said, you're lucky," Kathy said. "You at least understand the job and the dangers of it better than I ever will."

"I may understand it more, but I get terrified every time I know Olivia is out in the field," Alex said. "Or gets called out at night."

"Unfortunately, that never goes away," Kathy said. "I wish I could tell you that it did, but every morning when Elliot leaves, I say a prayer, hoping that he'll be coming home to the kids and me. I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

Alex nodded and looked up to see Olivia coming over to where they were.

"You ready to go, Alex?"

"Yeah," Alex said. "Kathy, thank you for having us. It was good to get to know you better."

"Likewise," Kathy said. "I hope we'll see you two more often now. Oh, don't forget the brownie tray you brought."

"I'll go grab it now," Alex said. "I'll meet you at the car, Liv."

Alex headed off to the kitchen and Kathy walked Olivia to the door.

"This really was a nice night, Kathy," Olivia said. "It's always good to see you and the kids."

"Speaking of kids," Kathy said. "Alex told me the good news. That you're going to try soon."

"Ohhh," Olivia said. "Yeah, that, we um, yeah, we are. Thanks."

"Well, I know you'll make a wonderful mom, Liv," Kathy said. "So I hope everything works out for Alex with the doctors."

Olivia walked to the car, half in shock at what Alex had shared with Kathy and half angry, feeling like it was information Olivia should have shared with Elliot first when she was ready. As it was now, Kathy would say something to Elliot and Olivia would hear about it.


	22. Come To Bed

A/N: Post-BBQ conversation for AO and a cute ending is promised. Will update Noah late tonight.

* * *

 **COME TO BED**

"You were quiet on the drive home," Alex said when they returned home from Elliot's barbecue. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine," Olivia said. "I just kind of want to get ready for bed and read a little." Olivia continued walking through the apartment toward the bedroom. Alex followed her.

"It doesn't seem fine," Alex said. "You barely said three words to me the entire way home."

"I just...I don't want to fight with you right now, Alex," Olivia said. She sat on the bed and pulled her shoes off.

"I didn't realize we were fighting," Alex said. "One minute you were fine, the next you weren't. Are you mad because of the PDA at the barbecue?"

"No," Olivia said. "Now, can we just drop it?" Olivia said. She got up from the bed and started into the bathroom when Alex stepped in front of her and blocked her.

"We're not dropping it," Alex said. "Is it a case? I swear Olivia, you can't keep doing this to me, shutting me out. Just because Elliot does it to Kathy doesn't mean it's okay to do it to me."

"What are you talking about?" Olivia said.

"Kathy and I talked about how you and Elliot like to do the brooding, shut you out, thing," Alex said. "The funny thing is she thought I was lucky because I at least understood the work and could talk about cases with you."

"It's not about a case," Olivia said, going back and laying on her back across the bed. "And it seems you and Kathy talked about quite a lot tonight."

"What does that supposed to mean?" Alex said. She laid down beside Olivia on the bed and rolled on her side so she could look at her.

"You told Kathy about us wanting to have kids now?" Olivia said.

"And?"

"And...that's our personal business," Olivia said.

"It's Kathy," Alex said. "I assumed Elliot had already told her."

"Elliot doesn't know," Olivia said.

"What do you mean Elliot doesn't know?" Alex said. "He's your best friend."

"Yes, and he's also my partner, and there are just some things I don't share with him," Olivia said. "Like our decision to have kids."

"So, he'll find out now," Alex said. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that he's _my_ partner," Olivia said. "So it's my news to share with him."

"Well, technically, it's _our_ news," Alex said. "I just don't understand why you care of Elliot knows."

"I should have been the one to tell him," Olivia said. "It'll be a whole thing with him now. He'll be butt-hurt."

"So what if he is?" Alex said. "I don't really understand your relationship with him. I mean, you don't tell him some of our biggest news, but you're worried about him getting butt-hurt?"

"It just wasn't your place, Alex," Olivia said. "He's my partner. It's my squad."

"Oh, I see," Alex said. "And what am I? Chopped liver? What, your ADA doesn't count as part of the squad anymore? Or is it because I'm your girlfriend, and everyone knows now so my presence matters less?"

"Oh, stop it," Olivia said. "You're being ridiculous. I just thought it would be better to wait until we knew if you could ... "

"Could what?" Alex said. "Could even get pregnant? Thanks for the vote of confidence, Liv."

Alex got up and walked around to grab her pillow from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Olivia asked.

"Your ridiculous and probably barren girlfriend is going to go sleep on the couch tonight," Alex said. She grabbed PJs from the dresser and then walked out, slamming the door behind her.

Olivia tilted her head back and sighed. "Shit."

She walked into the bathroom to wash her face and get ready for bed. When she was done, she got into bed and tossed and turned for a few minutes, trying to somehow get comfortable without Alex there. She laid there a bit longer and then remembered something.

 **The rules.**

Olivia got up and walked into the living room. She watched quietly for a moment as Alex tossed and turned on the couch. Then she heard it...a soft sniffle. Olivia's heart fell to her stomach.

"Hey," Olivia said softly as she walked over and kneeled down in front of the couch so that she was eye-level with Alex.

"What?" Alex said.

"I love you," Olivia said.

"What?"

"I love you," Olivia said. "Those are your rules. That no matter what, I always have to tell you I love you before bed, even if we're fighting." She reached up and wiped the tears from Alex's cheek.

"I love you, too, Liv," Alex said and then sighed.

"Will you come to bed with me?" Olivia said.

"Liv..."

"I'm sorry, Alex," Olivia said. "And if you'll come to bed with me, I promise I'll talk to you about it. I can't sleep without you. I don't want to sleep without you."

"Even if I steal the covers?" Alex said, cracking a smile finally.

"You can have all the covers," Olivia said. "Come on."

Olivia stood up and put her hand out. Alex took it and allowed Olivia to pull her up. She followed Olivia to the bedroom and got into their bed.

"This is much better," Olivia said. She reached and tucked a strand of Alex's hair behind her ears. "So...about tonight."

"About tonight..."

"I've been on edge," Olivia said. "The case with the little boy really shook me. And I do want a family with you as soon as we can. I guess I just didn't tell Elliot because talking about it with someone else makes it real. And if something happens...well, I would be devastated for both of us. I know how risky this is for you, and it terrifies me, but I also know how important it is to you.

"And, well, there is also that I'm not sure how Elliot will react. I mean, he gets the kids thing, and knows that I want kids - that we want kids - but you know how protective he gets. He'd say it was risky, that it's too soon, or really just point out all the fears I have about this...and I didn't want to deal with that."

"I shouldn't have just assumed you'd told Elliot," Alex said. "I'm sorry. It's just, you and Elliot are so close, and you tell him everything. I mean, sometimes I think more than me."

"We are close, but I tell you way more than I'd ever tell him," Olivia said. "But you're right. There are some things that are easier to talk to him about, especially about our jobs. I mean, I know you understand the cases and stuff, but sometimes when we're out in the field...well, I just don't want you to have to bear that weight all the time. Sometimes I need a different outlet."

"I can understand that," Alex said. "But you don't get to completely shut me out. I mean, I barely got you to even open up and talk about the baby case a few weeks ago. I mean, I guess tonight, Kathy just kind of said some things that I didn't even realize I was sensitive about."

"Like what?"

"Just how Elliot doesn't talk to her about things. How it's difficult being married to a cop. How part of her will always be a little jealous and suspicious of his relationship with you," Alex said.

"What? She said that?" Olivia said. "Alex, you can't think..."

"No, I know," Alex said. "I mean, I _know_ , but there are times when I watch the two of you...and I mean, you're not like me. You've been with men and have enjoyed it. So sometimes I wonder if I'll be enough..."

"Alex, listen to me," Olivia said, raising up and putting her hand on Alex's face. "You are more than enough. You are more than I ever could imagine for. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. Yes, I've been with men, but I've told you, I prefer women. And not just women, I prefer you...to every single other person in the entire world - past, present, and future."

Alex smiled and took a breath.

"As for Elliot..." Olivia said. "You have nothing to be afraid of, ever. Look, I know people assume that about male/female cop partners, and it happens a lot. But that's not who Elliot and I are. I love his family, Kathy and the kids...and he loves you, Alex. And well, he's Elliot. He's more like a brother than a potential lover."

"I know it's crazy," Alex said. "And I know everything you said is true. I'm sorry."

"I'm the one apologizing here," Olivia said. "I'm the one that got angry instead of just talking to you. You did nothing wrong here."

"I like this, Liv," Alex said. "When we can talk instead of arguing. I mean, I know I'm as guilty as you are. I just hope we can do this more than fighting in the future."

"Hey, we'll figure it out," Olivia said. "It's growing pains. In another 15 years, we'll have this down pat. We'll be the model of the perfect couple with three perfect children that never get in trouble."

Alex chuckled. "Yeah, we can dream, right?"


	23. Noah

A/N: What you've been waiting for...Noah. The last part is a little smutty/sexy time for the girls, too.

Thank you all for the reviews on this story...I like the way it's coming along, and how I'm able to tie it into the Noah Series.

* * *

 **NOAH**

 _"Is there any chance you might like to become a foster mother to this baby?"_

The question from Judge Linden caught everyone in the courtroom off guard. Especially, Olivia.

All eyes were on her.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me, Your Honor?" Olivia said. She heard the question, but she didn't quite believe it.

"I have a feeling about this, Detective Benson," Judge Linden said. "Call it a judge's hunch."

If Olivia agreed, the judge would grant custody of Noah Porter, aka Baby Boy Doe, for a period of one year. After one year, Olivia would have the option of permanent adoption.

"Do you agree?"

Olivia hadn't told anyone she had been keeping tabs on the what became of Baby Boy Doe, especially since they had subsequently found his birth mother, only for her to be murdered later.

No one knew. Not Alex. Not Elliot. Not the Captain. She just made sure on the days of court that she was able to take a break. She had no expectations from it. She just wanted to know that baby Noah was going to be cared for.

Judge Linden gave Olivia a couple of days to think over her decision. She was aware of Olivia's relationship with ADA Cabot and knew it would need to be a joint decision for them.

#

Alex came home from work to find Olivia already home. She could smell dinner coming from the kitchen and walked in to see Olivia bent over the oven taking out the baked salmon. Alex turned to hang up her bag and slip her shoes off. She noticed the dining room table was set with candles and wine chilling in an ice bucket.

"Sweetheart?" Alex was a little confused about what was going on. "When I was in the squad room earlier, Elliot said you went home early. He thought you weren't feeling well. Is everything okay?"

Alex walked back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as Olivia set the dish on the countertop. Olivia turned to face Alex and smiled. She walked over and gave Alex a kiss.

"Everything thing is great," Olivia said. "We'll talk over dinner, but first, why don't you go change and relax. I'll have dinner on the table in a few minutes."

Alex gave Olivia a suspicious look, but nodded and went to the bedroom to change out of her work suit. Olivia retrieved the plates and carefully placed the food on it. She lit the candle and dimmed the lights just slightly in the dining room.

Then she waited.

She wanted to foster Noah with every fiber inside of her. From the moment she picked him up in the dresser drawer of that motel room, she felt connected to him. Her heart broke when no one came forward for him, but when they found Ellie, his mother, Olivia was finally satisfied, knowing Noah did have a mother who loved him and was willing to make life changes for him.

When Ellie was murdered, Olivia's heart broke for him all over again. She couldn't help but go to his court appearances. She had to know that the baby boy she had found was going to be loved and cared for. Each time he was placed in a home and returned to the courts in just a handful of months, Olivia's heart broke a little more for him each time.

When Judge Linden asked her today if she wanted to become a foster mother to Noah, her heart stopped. Of course, she did. That's what she wanted to yell. But she knew she had to talk to Alex. This was a decision they both had to make. Olivia though - or at least hoped - that Alex would want the same thing. Alex had had trouble getting pregnant, despite the doctors best efforts, and maybe this was the sign they needed.

But still, it was sudden, and it was quick. Alex didn't have the same attachment to Noah that Olivia did. Alex may want to keep trying to get pregnant. Olivia just hoped that Alex felt the same way she did - that she was ready.

"Wow, Liv," Alex said. "A romantic dinner. Candles. Wine. Dimmed lights and low music. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were about to propose to me."

Alex walked over and kissed Olivia on the cheek when she stood to greet her.

"Oh, no," Olivia said. "If I were proposing, it wouldn't be after work in the middle of our work week. Also, when I propose, I'll be way more creative than a romantic dinner. You won't even see it coming."

"Don't keep me in suspense," Alex said, as she took the glass of wine Olivia poured for her.

"Well, this is kind of unexpected, but..." Olivia took a drink of wine and reached out to take Alex's hand. "How would you like to have a baby?"

Alex cocked her head and gave Olivia a weird look and a small laugh. "Liv, what do you think we've been doing with all these doctors' visits?"

"No, I mean adoption," Olivia said. "Well, technically, becoming foster parents."

"We haven't even found out how my procedure went last week," Alex said. "I know this process is frustrating, but shouldn't we wait and see if it worked this time?"

Olivia shook her head. She was so excited that she wasn't clear enough with Alex. "No, Alex, that's not what this is about," she said. "What I'm trying to say is Judge Linden asked today if I would want to become a foster mother to Noah. You know, Baby Boy Doe?"

"Oh," Alex said. "Wait? We're done with his case, aren't we? Why would she ask you?"

"I've been following his progress in family court," Olivia said. "I felt like I owed that to Ellie. She just wanted Noah to be cared for, more than anything. I know, I should have told you, but this was completely unexpected."

"You've been going to court?" Alex said.

"Yeah," Olivia said. "He's been in and out of a few homes over the past few months. According to Judge Linden, I'm the only non-involved party that has taken an interest in his well-being, and well, she asked today if I, well, if we, would want to become foster parents. She called it a _judge's hunch_."

"Wow," Alex said. "How long do we have to decide? Also, you know we both can't legally foster him, at least right now. I mean, same-sex adoptions is challenging, and we're not even married, nor can we get married."

"Two days," Olivia said. "And yes, I know. Judge Linden and I spoke about our situation. One of us would be the official foster parent, but Trevor would work to make sure that the other can legally be a guardian, make decisions, all of that stuff."

"Trevor Langan?"

"Yes," Olivia said. "He was Ellie's attorney and after her death, took it upon himself to make sure Noah had representation during family court to honor Ellie's memory."

Alex took a breath and then reached for her glass of wine to take a drink, needing a moment to process everything Olivia had just told and asked her.

"So...?" Olivia asked, suddenly anxious about what Alex's decision was going to be.

"Yes," Alex said.

"Yes?" Olivia asked to confirm.

"Yes!" Alex said, smiling. "Yes, Olivia Benson, I would love to foster and then hopefully adopt Noah with you."

Olivia's face turned into one big grin and leaned forward to pull Alex into a hug and a kiss.

"Thank you," Olivia said. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Liv," Alex said, returning a kiss to Olivia. "So, what do we do now?"

"Well, if you mean tomorrow, then I'll let Judge Linden know, Trevor will start the paperwork, and we'll have to get a home study, but Noah could be home with us in a couple of weeks," Olivia said. "But if you mean what do we do right _now,_ then I have a few ideas of things we could do after we finish dinner."

#

"Geez, Al, again?" Olivia said, still breathless when Alex climbed back on top of her and straddled her.

Alex leaned down and began kissing Olivia jawline, moving down to her neckline. "We're about to have a baby in the house," Alex said, continuing to work her way down to the top of Olivia's breast. "So before the sleepless nights start because of a crying baby, I'd like to get in a few extra sleepless nights for other reasons."

Alex put her lips around Olivia's nipple, and Olivia arched her back and thrust her hips up into Alex's.

Alex reached up and grabbed Olivia's hands, interlocking their fingers and pushing herself back down onto Olivia, making sure both their clits created just enough between them. "Oh, God, Al," Olivia moaned.

Alex knew it wouldn't take much to push Olivia back into climax again. She let got of Olivia's hand and slid her hands down Olivia's waist as she peppered her with kisses until she made her way to Olivia's pelvis.

"I don't know...if I can...ahhhh," Olivia said as Alex dove into her center with her mouth.

"What were you saying?" Alex mumbled into Olivia's core, as she looked up with a smirk and locked eyes with Olivia.

"Don't stop," Olivia said as she grabbed the back of Alex's head and held on.

"That's what I thought," Alex said, still smiling. She firmly grasped Olivia's hips with her hands and locked in on Olivia's clit.

"Oh...yes...fuck...God, Alex...please...Al...Alexandra!"

Olivia let go, jerking hips held down by Alex's grasp, as she had convulsions into Alex's mouth, who gently licked until she felt Olivia's body begin to relax. Olivia finally pulled Alex head upward, indicating she wanted her to move next to her. Alex climbed on Olivia, laying on top of her, their sweaty bodies sticking together.

"Alex, that was...amazing," Olivia said.

"Oh, now it's just Alex and not Alexandra?" Alex said, smirking.

"I will call you anything you want if you keep doing that," Olivia said.

"Hmm, I'll keep that in mind," Alex said. "Can you believe we're going to have a baby soon?"

"I can't," Olivia said. "I mean, I knew we would, but to know it's actually happening...I couldn't be happier."

"Me either," Alex said. "Can you imagine if of all the times we've tried over the past few months for me to get pregnant, that this was the time that took?"

"Yeah, that would be just our luck," Olivia said.


	24. Champagne

A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I'll get a Noah and Emma out later tonight. I know I've been a bit slower lately with chapters, but I have some personal stuff I'm having to deal with. I won't keep you hanging though, I promise.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this one. It's another happy chapter.

* * *

 **CHAMPAGNE**

"So you're really doing this, huh?" Elliot asked Olivia while they sat at their desks doing paperwork. He was smiling as he asked the question.

"Yeah, we are," Olivia said. "The home study was completed, so it'll just be a matter of some paperwork now."

"Good," Elliot said. "I'm really happy for you, Liv. You and Alex deserve this."

"And Noah deserves a happy home," Olivia said. "I mean, it's not exactly how we planned it, but we couldn't be happier. Even if Noah is it for us, it'll be perfect."

"I know, but I have a feeling about you two," Elliot said. "I bet you'd be happy with a baseball team full of kids."

"Well, I would, but I think we'd stop at three," Olivia said.

"Yeah, I thought that, too," Elliot mumbled.

"Well, the difference is we have a little more control," Olivia said. "Anyway, I'm going to get out of here a little early. Alex went home early. I think she probably went shopping for Noah's room. I swear if she buys one more outfit..."

"Hey, baby clothes are cheap," Elliot said. "Just wait until they are older."

"Cheap? You clearly haven't ever been shopping with Alex," Olivia said.

"Touché," Elliot said.

#

Alex did go home early, but she wasn't shopping for Noah. When Olivia got home, Alex was in the kitchen, hovering over the stove. She even had an apron on. Alex didn't hear anyone come in, so Olivia watched for a moment. Alex had headphones in, was dancing while she was stirring whatever was on the stove smelling delicious. Olivia smiled thinking about how lucky she was that she was about to start a family with this Alex - the woman of her dreams that was intelligent, fierce, strong, witty, funny, not to mention sexy as hell. She didn't come without complications - she could be even more stubborn than Olivia, but neither was Olivia without complications. Olivia was pretty sure that Alex got the short end of the stick when it came to partners, but Alex didn't seem to mind, and would argue with anyone who suggested that, including Olivia.

Olivia was in a daze watching Alex with a big goofy grin on her face.

"Ahh, shit!" Alex screamed when she turned around and saw Olivia standing there. "You scared the crap out of me." She pulled out her headphones.

"Sorry," Olivia said sheepishly. She began to walk slowly toward Alex.

"What exactly were you doing?" Alex asked suspiciously.

"What? I can't admire the future mother of my children as she slaves away in the kitchen," Olivia said. "It smells good, by the way. What are we having?"

"You know, you're home earlier than I expected," Alex said. "I wanted to have everything ready when you got home."

"Well, I heard a rumor our hard-ass ADA took off early, so I decided to sneak away before she knew about it," Olivia said, wrapping her hands around Alex's waist.

"Hard-ass?" Alex said, cocking her head.

"Yes, hard-ass," Olivia said. "I know from first-hand experience," Olivia smirked and grabbed Alex's behind, leaning in for a kiss.

"Well, as much as my hard-ass would like you to continue what you're doing, I need to finish dinner," Alex said. "We're having Mom's lamb chops. So why don't you go relax in a bath while I finish up."

"Lamp chops?" Olivia asked. Those were her favorite of Caroline's recipes, although Alex had always said she would never be able to cook it like her mom, and refused even to try. "Wow, what did I do to deserve that? Is your mother hidden in here somewhere?"

"No, she's not. But let me count the ways you deserve it: you brought Noah into our lives, and I'm excited for him to be able to come home, and then, well, there was that _thing_ you did this morning..."

"You liked that, huh?" Olivia smirked.

"Oh, I think you know I did," Alex said. "I don't think I've ever seen such a cocky look on your face when we left the apartment this morning. And it didn't help that you were giving me the same cocky smirk when I came into the squad room a couple of hours later to go over our case. I swear I thought I was going to have to come home and take a shower."

"Is that why you left work early?"

"No!" Alex said, lightly smacking Olivia. "Now, go get in the bath or I'm going to ruin Mom's lamp chops."

"Like I ruined your pan-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Alex warned with a smile. "Geez, I'm not complaining about your recent horny streak, but let's keep it PG-13 until after dinner tonight."

Olivia kissed Alex on the cheek and turned to leave.

"Okay, but after dinner..." she said as she took off down the hall.

 _Buzzzzzz._

Alex jumped when the timer for the oven went off, startling her out of her not-so-PG-13 thoughts about after dinner.

#

After her bath, Olivia got dressed into more casual clothes and joined Alex in the dining room. Alex has just finished putting the last of the food on the table and brought out their drinks. She kissed Olivia quickly, and the two of them sat down.

"Wow, this looks fantastic, Alex. And champagne, too? Must be a special night," Olivia said. "I had no idea you could even cook like this. No offense."

"None taken, and it is a special night," Alex said. "I spent quite a bit of time on the phone with my mom. I called about the lamp chops, but she also reminded me how you liked your potatoes. The salad, though, that was a piece of cake."

"There's cake, too?" Olivia said, laughing.

"No, but I did get ice cream," Alex said. "That is if you can manage to find room after all of this."

"Al, there is always room for ice cream," Olivia said. "Who are we kidding?"

"True," Alex said. She picked up her champagne glass and raised it for a toast. "So, Olivia, love of my life...to starting a family together?"

"To starting a family together," Olivia said. She clinked Alex's glass and took a drink. She watched as Alex also took a drink and continued holding her glass watching Olivia.

"Alex?"

"Mmmhmm?" Alex said.

"Did you get a new kind of champagne?" Olivia said.

"Not exactly," Alex said.

"This...this doesn't taste like champagne," Olivia said.

"That's because it's not," Alex said. "It's sparkling cider."

"Oh, okay," Olivia said. "I was about to say it didn't taste like alcohol."

"Aren't you a good detective," Alex said. "But, it's my understanding that alcohol isn't advisable for someone in my...condition."

Olivia looked at Alex strangely for a moment until the realization came to her and her mouth slowly dropped open.

"You're not...?"

Alex just grinned. Her smile took up her entire face.

"But I thought the home test was -"

"The home test was wrong," Alex said. "Dr. Shearer called and gave me the good news today after my check-up yesterday."

Olivia was speechless and nearly frozen. Her breathing became staggered.

"Liv, I need you to breathe," Alex said. "Because you're not allowed to die from lack of oxygen and leave me to raise two children alone."

"We're going to have two babies," Olivia said, still barely able to speak

"We are," Alex said. "Well, technically, Noah won't exactly be a baby by the time baby number two gets here. He'll almost be two years old. So...is this a good thing?"

"Are you kidding?" Olivia squealed, finally taking a deep breath. "This is amazing, Alex." She threw her arms around Alex and planted a big kiss on her. Olivia's eyes were filling with tears.

"How long?" she asked Alex.

"About five weeks," Alex said. "I guess it finally took last time. But the doctor wants to see us both later this week. I mean, he thinks everything will be fine, but...well, we just need to remember there could still be complications. It's early."

"You're having a baby," Olivia said.

"No, we're having a baby," Alex said. "In fact, we're gonna have two babies within the year."

"I can't believe this," Olivia said. "What are the chances?"

"I'm sure they're not astronomical," Alex said. "I mean, it's not like we haven't been trying for this at the doctor. But I know what you mean."

"How do you feel?" Olivia said.

"Honestly, I'm terrified and excited all at once," Alex said. "I'm terrified there is some sort of spawn growing inside of me, but I'm excited. I mean, Liv, we didn't plan it this way, but this couldn't be more perfect."

"You're right," Olivia said. "It couldn't. We're going to have Noah very soon, and then in 8 months, we'll be bringing home our new little bundle of joy."

"Well, you have to remember, this one will have my genes, so he or she could be anything but a bundle of joy," Alex said.

"Oh, how bad could a mini Alexandra Addison Cabot be?" Olivia said, laughing.

"I don't know, but we should probably consult with my parents before we answer that question," Alex said. "Now, shall we finish dinner before your lamb chops gets cold? And also, you promised me lots of non-PG-13 activities tonight."

"Won't that -"

"No, it's fine," Alex said. "Now, hurry up and eat so I can get you in bed and show you exactly how excited I am to start our family together."


	25. Mom & Mama

A/N: Noah comes home! Pretty sappy, sweet chapter. Don't worry, I'll get back to some more humor and angst real soon, but it's hard to write angst around bringing home Noah.

Also, I'm looking forward to writing a pregnant and hormonal Alex. Expect some humor and hormones there, as well as a return of some of Alex's family members.

Again, thanks for the patience with me on all the stories...like I mentioned, I have a lot happening for me personally, but I'm trying to get back in to a daily routine.

* * *

 **MOM & MAMA**

"You have the car seat installed?" Alex asked as her and Olivia were getting ready to pick up Noah. They both had a lot of nervous energy and had barely slept the night before.

Today was the day that Noah was coming home.

"Yes," Olivia said.

"Did you get it checked to make sure it's installed correctly?" Alex said, pacing around the bedroom.

"Alex, it's installed correctly," Olivia said. "I think I know what I'm doing."

"Diapers?"

"We have plenty," Olivia said.

"What about -"

"Alex, relax," Olivia said. "We have everything. Baby monitor. Diapers. Food. Baby bed. Safety locks. All of it."

Alex let out a sigh and held yet another shirt up in front of the mirror trying to decide what to wear.

"Also, Noah isn't going to care what you're wearing," Olivia said. "You're beautiful in anything...or nothing. But that would be a little inappropriate for today." She smirked and wrapped her hands around Alex from behind, letting them rest on Alex's stomach.

"Liv, what if we can't do this?" Alex said. "What if we're not ready?"

Olivia smiled, kissed Alex on the neck, and put her chin on her shoulder. "Well, I think it's a little late to worry about that now. And baby, we can do this, and we are ready."

"Are you sure we're not forgetting something?" Alex asked, relaxing and leaning back into Olivia.

"No, but it'll be okay," Olivia said. "We've covered all the major bases; we know that. And if we did forget something, we'll take care of it. The most important thing is Noah will be coming home to two parents that love him."

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"Everything is perfect," Olivia said. "Noah is coming home with us today. You're having our baby. And we have the rest of our lives together to raise our family."

#

After a long day, Alex and Olivia were standing in Noah's room, having just put him down for the night in his crib. Alex put her arm around Olivia, and the brunette put her head down on Alex's shoulder.

"We have a son," Alex said, grinning from ear to ear.

"We do, and we need to make some decisions," Olivia said, raising her head and taking Alex's hand to lead her the living room.

Alex sat on the couch, and Olivia continued into the kitchen. "Want some water, babe?"

"Sure."

Olivia returned with a glass of water for Alex and a glass of wine for herself.

"That's just rude," Alex said.

"What?"

"You're seriously having wine in front of me?" Alex said. "Knowing I can't have any for like, forever?"

Olivia chuckled. "It's not forever. It's like what 8 more months? Maybe less?"

"Yeah, but you could be a little supportive," Alex said.

"And what, give up coffee, too? No, thanks," Olivia said. She smiled and kissed Alex on the cheek. "I still love you, though."

"Yeah, yeah," Alex said. "So, what decisions do we have to make?"

"Names," Olivia said.

"Liv, we don't even know the gender of our baby yet," Alex said. "And Noah already has a name."

"Not for the kids," Olivia said. "For us. I mean, we can't both be mom, right? Or can we?"

"Oh, I guess...I didn't actually think about that," Alex said. "Well, I don't know about you, but I kind of prefer Mama. That's what I used to call Mom when I was a kid anyway. At some point, I stopped and moved to Mom, but I kind of like it. What about you?"

"I guess I don't have a preference, but if you want Mama, I can just be Mom," Olivia said. "That's all I ever called my mom. But I guess, too, if the kids come up with something different, that would be okay."

"And grandparents?"

"Well, we just have your parents, so I suppose whatever they want to be called," Olivia said.

"They're pretty boring, so probably Grandma and Grandpa, but I'll ask them," Alex said. "Is this real? I mean, do we really have a child - our child - sleeping in there and one on the way?"

"We do," Olivia said, smiling.

#

Alex awoke started in the middle of the night to the sounds of Noah crying on the baby monitor. It was 2:30 in the morning. Olivia had insisted on taking the first shift when Noah woke, and wanted to do it in general. She wanted Alex to get her rest with the pregnancy.

But here it was, Noah crying, Alex wide awake and Olivia snoring next to her.

"Liv," Alex whispered. "Noah's awake."

"Al, no...just few more..." Olivia mumbled, never really waking up.

"Okay, but I'm getting up with Noah," Alex said, rolling out of bed. Olivia didn't respond and was fast asleep before Alex even left the bedroom.

Alex walked into Noah's room and found him crying. She checked his diaper, and it was dry, so she picked him up and went to the kitchen to get his bottle.

"Shhh," Alex said. "It's okay. Mama is here." She carried him back into the bedroom and took a seat in the rocking chair to give him his bottle.

" _Hush little baby, don't say a word_

 _Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."_

Olivia woke to the sound of Alex's voice through the baby monitor and realized where Alex was. She got up and walked over to Noah's room. She leaned against the door and watched on as Alex rocked Noah back to sleep.

Once Noah was asleep, Alex slowly got up to put him back in the crib. When she turned around, she was surprised to see Olivia standing there smiling at her.

"You're awake," Alex said.

"I am," Olivia said. "I thought we agreed I'd get up with Noah and you'd get your rest."

"Well, _someone_ wouldn't wake up," Alex said, kissing Olivia on the cheek.

"Oh...sorry," Olivia said sheepishly.

"It's okay, babe," Alex said. "You work a lot of long and odd hours. I expect there will be a lot of nights like this."

"But tonight I was home and rest," Olivia said.

"Tell you what, how about I let you make it up to me," ALex said with a mischievous grin.

"Tonight?" Olivia said. "It's a little late don't you think?"

"You're going to turn down your pregnant, hormonal, girlfriend?" Alex said, smirking at Olivia.

"Never," Olivia said. She wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her close. "Anything you want." She gave Alex a long kiss, in preparation for moving their night back into the bedroom.

"Good," Alex said, pulling away. "Go bring me some ice cream while I get back in bed."

"Wait? What?" Olivia said. "You want ice cream and not...?"

"Yep," Alex grinned. "I am pregnant and you said anything I wanted. I want ice cream. There's some in the freezer."

"Oh, boy," Olivia mumbled. "This is going to be fun."


	26. Pickles

A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. We're picking up with some Alex hormonal fun in this one, too, and there will definitely be more of hormonal Alex through the pregnancy. We get some humor and sweetness here.

* * *

 **PICKLES**

"Pickles!"

Olivia was laying on the couch trying to relax with a book while Alex was tooling around in the kitchen. It was Saturday and Noah had just gone down for a nap. Olivia had worked on a case three days straight during the week and was looking forward to some peace and quiet.

However, when they woke up that morning, Alex had been sick. Morning sickness was hitting her hard, and then she reminded Olivia they were out of groceries. Olivia pulled her sleep-deprived body out of the bed, slugged through the grocery store and came home with their food, including a list of Alex's weird food demands.

"Pickles, Olivia," Alex said again entering the living room in a huff.

"Pickles?" Olivia said.

"I asked you to bring me pickles from the store," Alex said, armed cross.

"We have pickles," Olivia said. "I checked before I left. There is a jar in the fridge."

"Not that kind of pickles," Alex said. "I didn't want pickle slices. That's why I wrote specifically on your list what kind I wanted."

"What happened to the other jar?" Olivia said. "We had a full jar last weekend, and I've barely even been here to eat any."

"You know what, forget it," Alex said. She marched over to the door and started looking through her purse for keys. "I'll go get them myself since you can't be bothered to get the things I need."

"What the hell, Alex?" Olivia said. "I'll go get some later tonight when I pick up our dinner."

"You're picking up dinner tonight?" Alex said.

"Well, I'm exhausted and don't feel like cooking, and I thought since you were sick this morning, we could just order in tonight," Olivia said.

"I don't want to wait until tonight," Alex said. She found her keys and was slipping on a pair of shoes by the door.

"Alex, calm down," Olivia said and sat up on the couch. "It's just pickles. Look, I'll go right now if you want."

"No, I'll go," Alex said. "Besides, it'll probably take you another two hours like it did this morning."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something then thought better of it. She had taken an extra long time at the store that morning. She was tired and wanted to get home, but Alex had been extra hormonal and cranky lately from the pregnancy. So, she decided to stop for coffee on the way and do a little extra browsing. Motherhood and a pregnant wife combined with their jobs was proving to be difficult to manage. She loved every minute of it, but there were days when she wondered if she was cut out for this.

Before Olivia could be stirred from her thoughts, she heard the door slam to the apartment, followed by a small cry from Noah.

#

Later in the evening, Olivia returned from picking up dinner. It had taken them forever to decide because Alex kept changing her mind, but she finally settled on Chinese food. Of course, she also wanted more ice cream (the flavor Olivia bought that morning didn't suit her) and applesauce, so Olivia stopped for those as well.

"Dinner is here, hon," Olivia said, making her way into the kitchen to sit the bags down. She didn't see Alex or Noah, even though Noah's high chair was out and it looked like he was in the middle of dinner.

"Alex?" Olivia called out again. She began walking through the apartment, checking each room before finding Alex giving Noah a bath.

"Babe, is everything okay?" Olivia said as she approached the door.

Alex turned around, and Olivia immediately saw her red, puffy eyes filled with tears.

"Noah just wouldn't eat," Alex said, sniffling back tears. "He dumped his food all over himself."

He also seemed to have dumped quite a bit of it on Alex, too, since she was also covered in what looked like mashed peas.

"He just wouldn't stop crying," Alex said, tearing continuing to fill her eyes. "And he kept yelling 'mom mom mom mom'." Olivia moved over to where Alex was sitting and put her arms around her, wiping away her tears.

"Sweetie, why don't you go change and I'll finish up Noah's bath," Olivia said. "He's still learning his words, and he's been grumpy most of the day and crying on me, too."

Alex sighed and got up to change. She knew it wasn't entirely true. Olivia was much better at soothing Noah than she was, even though she was usually able to spend more time with him than Olivia.

Olivia finished Noah's bath and put him in the living room to play while they ate dinner.

"I got your ice cream and the applesauce," Olivia said. "Oh, and I picked up more pickles."

"Thanks, Liv," Alex said. "I'm sorry I was so crazy about the pickles earlier. I was just craving them so bad. You have no idea how much I wanted a pickle."

Olivia began to giggle a little bit, thinking back to watching Alex eat her pickles earlier. It was very...well, if she were a 12-year-old boy, she would have surely made a perverted comment about it.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked.

Olivia shook her head. "Nothing really," Olivia said. "Just being immature thinking about you eating your pickle earlier."

"Really, Liv?" Alex said, rolling her eyes. "You know, if either of us had a _pickle_ , I could see how that might turn you on but..."

"I know. I know," Olivia said. "I did say it was immature."

"Of course, maybe it still is to you," Alex said, grinning. "I mean, you've had a pickle penchant before..."

"Okay, stop," Olivia said. "This conversation is going nowhere fast, and I don't need you getting jealous over my past pickle penchant."

"Fine, but you started it, you pickle perv," Alex said.

"Okay, well, I'm going to clean up dinner," Olivia said. "I also need to call Elliot."

"Okay, I'll play with Noah and get him settled down before storytime and bedtime," Alex said.

#

Olivia quickly cleared the dinner dishes and put them in the wash. She then grabbed her cell phone and headed outside, telling Alex she needed something from the car. Once she was downstairs, she took a seat on the front steps and dialed Elliot. She did need to talk to him about their case, but she also needed some advice from him about Alex.

"Stabler."

"Hey, it's me," Olivia said.

"Liv, what's up?" Elliot said. They did need to talk about the case, but it wasn't anything that couldn't have waited until tomorrow.

"El, how crazy was Kathy when she was pregnant?" Olivia said.

"Which time?" Elliot said, laughing.

"I mean, I got yelled at over pickles today," Olivia said. "And then the ice cream wasn't right, and she just cries at the drop of a hat. I mean, I'm a woman, I understand the hormones that go along with pregnancy, but..."

"You didn't think it would be this bad, huh?" Elliot said. Olivia could hear him smiling through the phone, and it almost annoyed her.

"Yeah, I guess," Olivia said. "I mean, it's not terrible, but how many more months of this?"

"Well, the morning sickness usually goes away after the first trimester," Elliot said. "With Kathy, the food cravings varied. Her first pregnancy, they never went away during the pregnancy, and they would sometimes change in the middle of her eating something. Same thing with the emotional stuff. But it usually mellows out a bit."

"So you're saying this could be over in a month or seven months?" Olivia said, chuckling.

"As high maintenance as Alex is normally, I'd plan on this being the long haul," Elliot said. "Besides, if it turns out not to be, you'll be pleasantly surprised."

"Alex isn't that high maintenance," Olivia said.

"Liv...don't even try that," Elliot said. "I know Alex is different with you at home than at work, but still, there is no way that Cabot is not high maintenance. She has you wrapped around her finger."

"And Kathy doesn't you?" Olivia scoffed.

"Of course, she does," Elliot said. "It's not a bad thing. And now, it's not just Alex that has you wrapped, but Noah and the baby that is coming, too."

"Yeah, you're right," Olivia said, smiling, thinking about how much she loved her family. "So, what am I supposed to do? Advice?"

"If the woman wants ice cream or pickles or whatever at 3 in the morning you get it," Elliot said. "Trust me, never mess with a hormonal hungry pregnant woman. Otherwise, backrub and foot rubs."

"Alex hasn't even gained weight yet," Olivia said. "She can't be in pain from that yet."

"Liv, trust me," Elliot said. "It doesn't matter. Give her the princess treatment and she will appreciate it. I mean, she does have something growing inside her, and until you pop out one of your own, you're not going to understand it. I mean, heck, I know I don't...even still."

"Thanks, El," Olivia said. "I guess I'll figure it out, huh?"

"If I figured it out, I'm sure you can," Elliot said.

Olivia finished up her conversation with Elliot and headed back upstairs to join Alex and Noah for story time. She found Alex in the rocking chair, holding Noah while reading _Love You Forever_. They both basically had it memorized by now. Olivia smiled and pulled a chair over next to Alex and Noah, putting a gentle hand on Noah's back.

" _I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."_

By the time Alex finished the last night, Noah was fast asleep. Olivia leaned in and kissed Noah on the head, and then Alex. Alex slowly got up so as to not disturb Noah and put him in his crib for the night. When he was down, Olivia walked up behind Alex and wrapped her arms around her, putting her hands on Alex's stomach and her chin on Alex's shoulder.

"You know, watching you with Noah, reading to him, rocking him, doing anything really, is my most favorite thing in the world," Olivia said. "I love how he lights up when you make him smile, or play peek-a-boo with him. How content he is listening to your voice soothing him to sleep. You, my love, are a wonderful mother."

Alex started crying again at Olivia's words. "I'm sorry I keep crying; it's just..."

"Shh," Olivia said. "It's okay. I love every part of you. Even your crazy pickle-fill rants."

"Even when I gain a ton of weight and look like a watermelon is growing inside of me, and I'm bloated and grumpy, and my face is broke out?" Alex said.

"Especially then," Olivia said. "You'll be beautiful then because you'll be bringing our child into the world, and there is nothing more beautiful than our family. Me. You. Noah. Baby Benson."

"Baby Benson?"

"Baby Cabot?" Olivia asked. "I just, I mean, Noah is Benson just because..."

"No, it's fine," Alex said. "I actually hadn't thought about it. We should probably talk about it at some point."

"If we could get married, this would be a lot easier, huh?" Olivia said.

"Well, you'd actually have to ask, and I'd have to accept before that happened," Alex smirked.

Olivia smiled. "Oh, don't you worry about that. I will. And you'll say yes because you can't resist me."

Alex shook her head and laughed as they headed out of Noah's bedroom and into their own.

"Lay down," Olivia said, motioning for Alex to get on the bed.

"Liv, I don't know if I'm in the mood tonight," Alex said. "I mean, I love you, but I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted right now."

"Baby...lay down," Olivia said. "I know you're tired. That's why I want you to lay down so I can give you a back rub and, if you're lucky, a foot massage."

"And that's all?" Alex asked, looking at Olivia suspiciously.

"That's all, I promise," Olivia said. "Even if you change your mind and beg me later."

"Hey now, let's not go that far," Alex said. "Besides, like you'd ever tell me no."

"Touché."

Alex laid down on her stomach and Olivia climbed up and straddled her knees, slowly massaging down Alex's back and back up to her shoulders and arms.

"God, Liv, that feels so good," Alex mumbled into the pillow.

"Well, get used to it," Olivia said. "It was brought to my attention that I need to be giving you more of the princess treatment."

"Do I even want to know?"

"Nope," Olivia said. She moved down off the bed, so she could massage Alex's legs and then her feet.

"Those hands, Liv," Alex groaned again. "I can never live without those."

"Yeah, I think you've told me that a few times," Olivia said. "Though, usually for different reasons."

"Liv..." Alex warned. "You promised."

"I'm just...making conversation," Olivia said. "Besides, you brought up my magic hands."

"I know what you're doing," Alex said. "You're being sweet and suggestive to turn me on so that I'll have sex with you tonight."

"I am not," Olivia said. "But...is it working?"

"To be determined," Alex said. "Come here." She rolled over and reached for Olivia to come up and lay by her. "Do you know what I like even more than your magic hands? Your lips...on mine."

Olivia smiled and leaned in to give Alex a soft, passionate kiss.

"Like that?" Olivia said.

"Like that," Alex said. "And even more than that, do you know what I love most... _my_ favorite thing in the world? It's how protective and loving you are to all of us. Even when you're not here, you're checking in on us, and Noah lights up just hearing your voice on the phone. He loves his Mom, and it melts my heart every time I see him watching you. You run around and get all of my crazy food demands, you deal with my tears, and you still have the energy to play with Noah and wear him out. You are amazing."

"I have my moments when I'm not," Olivia said, slightly embarrassed by Alex's profession.

"Oh, I know you do," Alex said. "And that's what makes me love you more. You're not perfect. You're real, and you drive me insane some days, as I do you, and yet, you're still here, on this crazy journey of motherhood."

"Do that mean you've reconsidered your position on sex tonight?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That depends," Alex said. "Can I have pickles in bed?"

Olivia laughed but rolled out of bed to put together a plate of pickles for Alex...something she was looking forward to doing for the next 7 months or so.


	27. A Cabot Weekend - Part 1

A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the pickles chapter. It was fun to write. We have a get away for Alex, Liv, and Noah here to visit the parents...and then some. And there will be a part 2 to this that features the return of your favorite brother to hate, Adam Cabot. You know they got some stuff coming with him showing up. I'll get Part 2 up tomorrow night/early AM so you won't have to wait too long to finish this chapter.

* * *

 **A CABOT WEEKEND - PART 1**

Olivia was about to finish up work. She had the weekend off, and she and Alex were going to Alex's parents, who had been begging them to come since they found out Alex was pregnant. Alex's first trimester was over, and they were hoping to find out the gender of their baby within the next month. Of course, it didn't stop Alex's family from constantly asking.

"Mama!" Olivia stopped what she was doing at the sound of Noah's voice. At this point, he said very few words, but "Mama" was one of them he used for both Olivia and Alex at this point.

She looked up, along with everyone else in the squad room, to see Alex walking in with Noah on her hip. She was wearing gray yoga pants and a tank top - a side few people in their squad room had ever seen. She looked so motherly with Noah on her hip and just the slightest little pregnancy bump that only she could notice, and Olivia, but only because Alex had pointed it out no less than a dozen times in the past week. Just a few hours ago, she had been court ready in her power suit.

Olivia gave them both a huge smile and got up from her desk to greet them both.

"Hey, Noah," Olivia said. "What a surprise to see you and Mama." She reached over and took Noah from Alex.

The guys in the squad room snickered quietly. They didn't often see this side of Olivia, and hearing her refer to Alex, their badass, Ice Princess, ADA as _mama_ just seemed worthy of laughter.

"Go ahead and laugh it up, guys," Alex said, rolling her eyes before turning back to Olivia. "We were supposed to be on the road already."

"What time is -" Olivia looked at her watch and realized she should have left for home an hour ago. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Alex said. "Noah and I just thought we'd pack for you and pick you up. Right, buddy?"

"Mama. Bye-bye."

"Yes, we're going bye-bye with Mama," Alex said to Noah. Again, the guys snickered.

"On that note, I'm going to take off," Olivia said, going over to lock up her desk drawer. "I'll see you all Monday."

"Have fun, _Mama_ ," Elliot said as she turned away.

"Noah, tell the asshole men, bye-bye," Olivia said.

"Bye-bye," Noah said and waved.

"Liv..." Alex warned.

"What? He's still too young to pick up anything like that," Olivia said. "And they kinda deserved it."

"She's right, Alex," Fin said. "We did deserve it."

Olivia said her goodbyes again, and they headed out to make the drive to Alex's parents.

"So this is just going to be your parents this weekend, right?" Olivia said.

"Um, well, I'm not entirely sure," Alex said.

"Alex, you promised," Olivia said. Alex's parents had a tendency to make every visit a social call for friends and family.

"You know my mom," Alex said. "She's just excited about the baby news."

"Then she can throw a shower when it's closer to time for everyone else," Olivia said. "It's always just so much entertaining."

"Well, next time, I'll let you try telling my mother no," Alex said, smiling at Olivia.

"Yeah, no, thanks," Olivia said. "It'll be fine, as always. But I swear, you know every aunt or cousin or female relative of yours is going to be touching your belly all weekend."

"You jealous?" Alex said, smirking.

"Of random people touching you, yes," Olivia said. "Of your family doing it, no...but let's not set the precedent for when I get pregnant. As much as I love her, the first time your Aunt Nancy touches my belly -"

"- you'll grin and bear it like you do every other uncomfortable thing my family makes you do," Alex said. "Face it, Benson, I've got you wrapped around my finger."

Olivia sighed and smiled. "You do, but you have some competition with Noah now, and a baby on the way." She reached out her hand and placed it on Alex's stomach as the blonde drove.

"I think I can share you with them," Alex said, smiling and looking down at Olivia's hand and then over at the brunette.

"Speaking of this weekend," Olivia said cautiously, returning her hand to her lap. "Have you told your mom?"

Alex blew out a hard breath. "No, and I don't know if I want to go there."

"Sweetheart, it may help to talk about it with her," Olivia said. "I mean, if we're going to tell anyone, it would be her, right?"

"Yeah, you're right," Alex said. "I just...I don't know. We'll see how the weekend goes. I'll tell her eventually."

#

Friday night and Saturday morning were spent with Grandma and Grandpa spoiling Noah and doting over Alex. Olivia was happy that, for once, when they were visiting, the attention was on Alex and not her or her job.

After lunch, Grandpa John played blocks on the floor with Noah while Caroline poured tea for Alex and Olivia and they chatted in the living room.

"When will we find out the sex?" Caroline said. "I know I keep asking, but I want to start the nursery here for both Noah and the new baby. You two didn't exactly give us a lot of time to plan ahead for Noah."

"The nursery?" Alex said.

"Well, the playroom, whatever you want to call it," Caroline said. "The kids are going to have their own room here for when they come to visit."

"We should know in about a month, Mother," Alex said.

"Have you picked out names?" Caroline asked.

"We're not sure yet, but we're thinking Addison for a girl, after Alex's middle name, of course," Olivia said. "And if it's a boy, we're thinking John."

"Your father would love that, Alex," Caroline said. "He's still a little bitter we didn't name Adam that."

"Why didn't you?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, I was young and stubborn," Caroline said. "I had this idea all of our children would have names with the same letter, but by the time we got to Rebecca, we just didn't care. It seemed silly, and we were running out of names we liked still."

"Speaking of your brother," Caroline spoke slowly. "He and Stacy will also be by later tonight."

"Mama, are you serious?" Alex snapped.

"Honey, he's your brother," Caroline said. "You can't stay mad at him forever."

"I was planning on it unless you're telling me he's done some 180 with his view on...well, everything," Alex said.

"Alexandra, he's coming by, and you will be polite," Caroline said. "He just wants to congratulate you both on Noah and the pregnancy."

"Yeah, while giving me a sermon, I'm sure," Alex said, rolling her eyes. She started to argue more, but John and Noah suddenly appeared in the living room.

"I think this little guy wants his mama," John said. "I'm not sure which one of you that is because I'm not sure how it works, but I figured I'd bring him in here anyway."

Olivia laughed while Alex just rolled her eyes and pouted more about Adam. "Actually, at this point, he just says _mama_ for both of us. But I think we decided on Mama for Alex and Mom for me when they're old enough to differentiate." Alex finally smiled again, thinking about their kids calling her Mama. She reached out and took Noah in her arms and began to rock him.

"I think someone is sleepy," Alex said. "Do you want to go sleepy, Noah?"

"No."

"How about we go read a story, then?" Alex said. "Do you want to hear a story, Noah?"

Noah nodded, and Alex carried him off to their bedroom, smiling as she left Olivia alone with her parents.

"How is Alex doing with the pregnancy, really?" Caroline asked once Alex was out of earshot.

"So far, so good," Olivia said. "She's following all the doctor's orders and when she gets farther along, says she's going to cut back her hours for the last few months."

"I wish she would stop work now, what with it being such high-risk and all," John said. Olivia looked at Alex's parents. She was fairly certain Alex had never told them about the doctor's fearing she may not be able to have kids. Alex always said they'd cross that bridge if they had to. And she was definitely certain Alex hadn't told them the latest news about the pregnancy.

"Adam told us," Caroline offered when Olivia was silent. "He was just concerned when he found out Alex was pregnant."

Olivia nodded. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you," Olivia said. "Alex just wanted to meet with the fertility doctor's first and get a more specialized opinion. I can assure you that we have worked very closely with her doctor's every step of the way and if I thought for a single second that this was too risky -"

"We understand, Olivia," Caroline said. "We're not judging. I'm glad that you and Alex did seek additional options. We just want to make sure she is taking care of herself. We know how stubborn she can be."

Olivia smiled. "She is taking very good care of herself," she said. "I'm making sure of it. And the doctor has said it's good for her to keep working and her normal schedule until closer to time. It keeps her focused on something other than the pregnancy and oddly enough, less stressed when she can work."

"Well, we know you'll take good care of all of them," John said. "I'm so glad you two have each other, and now Noah and little John-John."

Olivia and Caroline cocked their head toward John.

"What? I may have overheard part of the naming conversation," John said. "But for what it's worth, I'll be just as excited for a baby Addison, too."

"I think I'm going to go check on Noah and Alex," Olivia said. "We'll be back down shortly before everyone starts arriving.

Olivia excused herself upstairs and opened the bedroom door to find Noah asleep on the bed...right next to a sleeping Alex. She smiled and slipped in behind Alex, wrapping her arm around Alex's waist and laying her hand on her stomach.

"Mmm," Alex said. "How much time do we have?"

"About an hour," Olivia said.

"What did my parents grill you about this time?" Alex said.

Olivia contemplated not telling Alex what Adam had shared with her parents, but knowing Adam, he'd make it known regardless.

"Well, they wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself," Olivia said. She sighed before continuing and pulled Alex in tighter for her next words. "They were just a little concerned because Adam shared with them the information -"

"That asshole!" Alex said loudly and then suddenly quieted down when she realized Noah was sleeping next to her still.

"I assured them that you are taking great care of yourself and following all the doctor's orders," Olivia said. "And they seemed to believe that. I'm sure they were just concerned because you didn't tell them."

"Olivia..." Alex warned. "I know you want me to tell my mom, but I'm not ready yet and she's my mom, so it's mine to tell."

"Okay, babe," Olivia said. "Your decision. I just think it can't hurt. It can only help."

"Can we just nap until everyone arrives?" Alex said, changing the subject. "Since I can't have alcohol, I'm going to need some extra rest to deal with Adam tonight."

Olivia smiled and leaned forward to kiss Alex on the neck, and snuggled in closer to her. "Anything you want, babe."

* * *

A/N: Obviously some other things happening here. Let me know how you think things will go down with Adam...and what other secret you think Alex is keeping from her parents.

Always love your reviews! Thanks for reading!


	28. A Cabot Weekend - Part 2

A/N: Part 2, as promised. This has some humor, lot of angst, and some extremely sad parts, but also sweet.

 **TRIGGER WARNING:** This chapter deals with the topic of miscarriages and losing children. If this is something that is a trigger for you, or sensitive, proceed with caution.

* * *

 **A CABOT WEEKEND - PART 2**

Alex's extended family began to arrive at the Cabot residence about the time Noah woke up from his nap. Olivia and Alex changed his outfit and went down to greet everyone - most of whom were meeting Noah for the first time and were very excited to hear about Alex's pregnancy.

As expected, all of the attention was on Alex and Noah and Olivia loved being able to sit on the sidelines with Alex's family, for once. However, it didn't take long for Alex to get inundated with question after question, each more personal and invasive than the one before.

" _When are you due?"_

" _Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?"_

" _Have you picked a name out yet?"_

" _You're not gaining enough weight. Are you sure you're pregnant?"_

" _How is your morning sickness? You know, my mother always said girls made you have more morning sickness than boys."_

" _The best cure for morning sickness is ginger and acupuncture."_

" _When are you going to quit working? I mean, it's not like you need to work with all the Cabot money."_

" _You're going to be awfully busy with two babies at home. I bet with Olivia's schedule, you'll have to do all the mothering stuff."_

" _Aren't you worried about Olivia's job being so dangerous? I mean, what if she were to get killed on duty?"_

" _Are you going to breastfeed?_

" _How does it work for two women having a baby?"_

" _Who is the sperm donor? How did you pick him? Is he handsome? Oh, it's not that male detective Olivia works with, is it? He's kind of hot."_

" _My cousin has a friend who inseminated at home. Not because she's a lesbian like you, but her husband, well, he had problems. Anyway, she just used this turkey baster thing. Or maybe it was a syringe. Is that what you did?"_

" _Aren't you afraid you'll be like one of those women who end up with quintuplets or something?"_

" _You know twins run in our family."_

Alex couldn't take any more questions, so she snuck into the kitchen to look for some gingerale, although what she really wanted was a shot of anything. She found her mom in there as well, digging through the cabinets looking for another serving tray.

"Hiding already, Alex?" Caroline said.

"Not hiding," Alex said. "I just needed a break. I have a high-risk pregnancy, remember?" Alex's tone was flat and that enough was alone to let her mother know she needed a moment to herself.

"That's fine, dear," Caroline said. "You know, you can't avoid Adam all night. I've noticed you haven't said a word to him."

"Mama, can you just stop with the Adam stuff right now?" Alex said. "I will be polite and talk to him tonight when I have to, but so far, I haven't had a free moment from being interrogated about my cervix and whether we used a turkey baster to get pregnant."

Caroline snickered. She sat the serving tray down and walked over to give Alex a hug, tip-toeing to kiss her daughter on the forehead.

"Just think," Caroline said. "It's almost over and next time, Olivia gets to be the one that goes through this."

Alex wasn't in the mood for laughter, but that did make her smile, thinking about Olivia squirming at the questions. Of course, had Olivia had any idea of the things being asked of Alex tonight, she was sure she would have pulled her out of there long ago and told everyone to _fuck off._

"I know it can be invasive," Caroline said. "And you don't have to answer any questions you don't want to. You know our family. Nothing is sacred. Everyone here, including me and your father, are just happy that you have a healthy baby growing in there with no complications."

Alex sighed. She needed to tell her mother, she knew that, but she wasn't how to do it without sending her parents into an unnecessary panic.

"Mama..." Alex said as Caroline started to leave.

"Yes, sweetie?"

Alex sighed. She still wasn't ready. "Nothing. Just...thanks for being so supportive."

"Always, dear. Always."

Alex made her way back out to where everyone else was and quickly found Olivia. She walked over and looped her arm in Olivia's, putting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure Noah has never had this much attention in his entire life," Olivia said. "I have to give him credit, though, he hasn't cried or gotten cranky about it once. Those women are falling over themselves to play with him."

Alex didn't say anything; she just smiled and sighed.

"What about you?" Olivia said, glancing over at Alex. "You've had quite a bit of attention, too. How are you holding up?"

"Let's just say I never want to see a turkey baster again," Alex said, trying to crack a smile.

"What?" Olivia asked with a chuckle.

"Nothing," Alex said. "I'll tell you later."

"There's my sister - the woman of the hour." Alex and Olivia turned around to see Adam walking up behind them.

"Adam," Alex said coldly.

"I just want to say congratulations, Lex," Adam said, pulling out her siblings' childhood nickname for her. "I'm happy you two have Noah and that everything seems to be going well with the baby despite -"

"Adam..." Alex warned. She took a deep breath while she debated whether she wanted to yell at him or not. She remembered her promise to her mother. "Thank you. And congrats on your engagement to Stacey. I'm sure the two of you will be happy."

Alex knew she expected him to congratulated him on winning the primary election, but she wasn't going to give him that satisfaction be cause it would be a flat out lie. In fact, if he was a candidate in her district, she would never vote for him, brother or not.

Adam looked over at Olivia. "I was hoping we could talk privately for a moment."

"Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Olivia," Alex replied, assuming he was talking to her.

"Actually, I was talking to Olivia," Adam said. "I'd like to clear some things up."

"Liv?" Alex asked, almost daring them both to exclude her from the conversation.

"Like your sister said, Adam, anything you have to say to either of us, can be said to both of us," Olivia said. Alex stood there, and grabbed Olivia's arm tighter, letting the smugness on her face come through a little more.

"Okay, then," Adam said. "I was out of line with you, Olivia. I know you didn't push any beliefs on Alex she didn't already have, and I appreciate how well you take care of my sister, especially in her condition."

"Excuse me?" Alex said. "I'll have you know that while Olivia may take very good care of me, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I'm not barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen." Olivia moved her arm to Alex's back and began to rub circles to sooth and calm her down. Even if the baby was healthy, Alex certainly didn't need any added stress.

"I didn't mean to imply..." Adam trailed off. "Anyway, Olivia, I'm sorry, and I apologize for what I said...to both of you. I'd really like us to mend the fences. Olive branch?"

"You think you get to just apologize and be forgiven?" Alex said. "Don't you think I know this is some ploy for you. Let me guess, you have the general election coming up right around the corner and you think your lesbian sister and her lesbian lover having a baby will appeal to your liberal voters. Is that it?"

"Alex..." Adam said.

"No, I'm done with this conversation," Alex said. "I'd rather go back to Aunt Margo prying into my vagina than continue talking to you." She turned to Olivia and squeezed her hand, telling her she'd catch up with her later.

"Olivia, I really wasn't trying to upset Alex," Adam said.

"Adam, I don't know what you were trying to do, but clearly your presence upsets her and the last thing I want is for her to be stressed out and having more complications," Olivia said.

"More complications?" Adam said. Olivia's face immediately dropped at her slip of the tongue because she was so upset. _Shit. Alex is going to kill me._

"I just meant because of all the stuff we had to go through to get pregnant," Olivia said. "Which you're more than aware of." Adam seemed to buy the excuse she made, but Olivia quickly excused herself anyway to head out back and get some air.

She found herself alone, sitting on a lounge chair in the soft glow of the pool lights with steam rising off of it. She wasn't sure how long she was out there when she heard the sliding door open and looked up to see Alex coming outside.

Alex said down on the lounger next to Olivia and faced her.

"Hey, you," Alex said. "I wondered where you disappeared to."

"Just needed some air," Olivia said. "Your brother has that effect on people."

"Tell me about it," Alex said. She studied Olivia and could tell something was definitely wrong. This wasn't Olivia's relaxed _just getting air_ look. This was a look of concern. "Baby, what's wrong? You look worried. Did Adam say something else rude?"

"No, no, it's not that," Olivia said. She knew she had to tell Alex about her slip up, and she knew Alex was going to be furious. Even if Adam didn't think twice about believe the story she told her, she didn't trust him enough not to say something to her parents. "I said something I shouldn't have to Adam."

"Did you threaten him?" Alex asked, smirking. "Because I wouldn't mind if you did."

"No, I mean, I let something slip," Olivia said.

"You...let something slip?" Alex said, unsure at first what Olivia meant.

"It was just a little slip," Olivia said. "I just said something about him not causing you stress and more complications."

"Wait...are you..." Alex's face turned from concern to anger. "Olivia, how could you let something like that slip? Are you kidding me right now?"

"Alex, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I made an excuse when he asked and he seemed to buy it. Look, he doesn't know. No one knows."

"Of all the people in this fucking house," Alex said, shaking her head. "You had to let something slip to _Adam_? Fuck, Olivia."

"Look, sweetheart, it'll be okay," Olivia said.

"No, it will not be okay because Adam doesn't know how to keep his God damned mouth shut!" Alex said.

"Alex..." Caroline's voice carried from near the sliding door and both Olivia and Alex looked up.

"Mom, can you give us a minute?" Alex said.

"Noah is getting kind of tired and asking for his mamas," Caroline said. "I can get John to put him down if you want."

"No, I'll go," Olivia said, getting up. She was anxious to get away from the argument that they were in the middle of.

"No, you won't," Alex said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down. "Yes, mom, please have dad put Noah down for bed and read him a story. He really likes the train book right now."

Caroline turned to leave and mouthed to John to put Noah down. But instead of leaving, she turned and walked over to where Olivia and Alex were sitting, taking a place next to Alex.

"I don't know what is going on," Caroline said. "But I know it's something, and I know that you're going to tell me what it is right now if it has anything to do with this baby."

"It doesn't have anything to do with _this_ baby," Alex said flatly, looking away from both Caroline and Olivia.

"Alex.." Olivia said, looking at her. Alex was technically correct, but she was also lying to her mother.

"Olivia," Alex snapped. "This is _my_ family, _my_ business."

"I think this is plenty my business, too," Olivia snapped back. They were both staring at each other, nearly forgetting Alex's mom was sitting right next to them.

"Yeah, well, you've already said more than enough tonight," Alex said. "Why don't you go put Noah down, after all?"

"Okay, stop it, you two," Caroline said. "No one is going anywhere. This is not like you. I mean, I know you're both strong-willed women and can only imagine how much you butt heads, especially having to work together. But not here. If anything, I've seen the two of you try your best to keep your personal issues between just the two of you for the most part. I admire that really. So, no, you're not going to have a fight here, in front of our family and friends, in front of your son, and while you, Alex, are pregnant. Now tell me what is going on."

Alex was on the edge. She had been on the edge all night, especially with all the questions about the baby and the healthy and everything else. But what got her the most was the comment about twins running in the family. It was the comment that forced her into the kitchen for a while to regain some composure.

"Fine," Alex said. "I was pregnant with twins and lost one of the babies. It's common. It often happens in the early stages, and it was before we even knew about a second baby. I had some cramps and bleeding. I went to the doctor, and that's when they told me I was pregnant with twins...or that I had been, at least."

Olivia wasn't sure how Alex got all of that out. She could barely keep it together herself, but clearly Alex had went into courtroom mode and tried to compartmentalize it in order to tell her mother. Olivia knew Alex had been devastated. So had Olivia. Not because they wanted twins especially, but because it was a life that was gone. Olivia didn't know how much it could hurt to a child who you never even knew existed.

"Oh...Alex...Liv," Caroline said, tears forming. She put her arm around Alex and reached to pull Olivia into their hug as well. "Sweethearts, of course, this hurts. I'm so sorry."

Hearing her mother's comforting words, and tears, Alex finally broke down. It was the first time she had cried about it since the first few days after they found out. She was heartbroken and devastated, but she couldn't focus on it because all she could think about was the possibility of losing the other baby. Even after the doctor assured them that the other baby was perfectly healthy and fine, Alex didn't want to talk about it or acknowledge it because it hurt too much.

"Honey, it's okay," Caroline said. Olivia had pulled out of the hug and just held Alex's hand, allowing Caroline to wrap both arms around her daughter. "Listen, we don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to. But I am glad you told me."

"Mama, I'm just...I don't know, scared," Alex said. "We both are. I mean, the doctor says everything with this baby is perfectly healthy, but...I just worry."

"That's normal," Caroline said. "Believe me, you'll never stop worrying about your children, even when they're all grown and having their own kids. But you're past the first trimester, so that's a good sign. And this baby has a healthy heart beat and is growing normally?"

Alex nodded.

"Then you just trust the doctors, and God or the universe to take care of things," Caroline said. "You take care of yourself and let everyone else do their part. Believe me, if that baby inside of you is even half like you, you'll have a force to reckon with.

"Look, I'm not going to tell you girls that everything happens for a reason, because, well, with the type of work you both do, you know that isn't true. And honestly, it's a horrible thing to say to someone who is grieving. But, you both have to let yourself grieve this. This was your child. I can't fully understand your pain, but I will do what I can to help support you both through this process - the grieving, the pregnancy, all of it."

Alex sniffled and raised her head up. "Thanks, Mama. I love you."

"And I love you. Both of you - no, all of you," Caroline said. "Have you talked to anyone? Like a professional?"

Alex shook her head no.

"I have, actually," Olivia said, getting a surprised look from Alex. "I, um, went to see my counselor. At first, because I didn't know how to support you, Alex. But then, I realized that I was hurting, too, and I needed to talk about it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I'm sorry I refused to talk about it," Alex said. "I'm actually pretty tired. I think I'm going to relieve Dad because I'm sure Noah is still wide awake on him. He's got Dad wrapped pretty tightly, already."

"He does," Caroline said. "I think the rest of us, too."

"I'll be in soon," Olivia said. She squeezed Alex's hand and lifted it up to kiss it before Alex left.

Once Alex was gone, Olivia turned back to Caroline.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Olivia said. "With the arguing."

"Olivia, sweetie, don't even mention it," Caroline said. "Alex has been a bundle of nerves all night, and if I had any idea, I wouldn't have put her through this."

"Me either," Olivia said. "I didn't know until we were almost here that it was a full family weekend. I begged her to tell you, but..."

"She's stubborn as a mule," Caroline said. "Believe me, I know."

"I know, but I feel like I should have said something," Olivia said.

"She would have killed you, and you know it," Caroline said.

"The doctors really do say everything is good with this baby, though," Olivia said. "I just want you to know that I didn't lie about that when you and John asked. It's actually one of the reasons the doctor wants her to keep working for as long as reasonable so that she doesn't worry too much and sees that everything really is normal."

"I believe you," Caroline said. "And I know I don't even have to tell you to take good care of her, because I know you will. But do take care of yourself. I know, even if she doesn't say it very often, that she worries so much about you when you're working. She understands your job, and why you do it. Heck, it's why she loves you so much, but please remember you not only have my daughter to come home to, but also my grandchildren now."

Olivia smiled. She had come to adore her private conversations with Alex's family, well, except Adam. Caroline, John, and Rebecca were all so different, and each had a different relationship with Olivia, but of all of them, Olivia loved her quality time with Caroline more than anything.

"I promise that I will always take care of Alex and our children," Olivia said. "Even if I have to endure questions about turkey basters when it's my turn to be pregnant."

Caroline and Olivia shared a laugh before Olivia returned to the bedroom to find both Alex and Noah asleep on the bed, once again, Noah in Alex's arms. Olivia walked over and carefully picked up Noah to put him in the travel crib, giving him a soft kiss. Then, she laid down next to Alex. She didn't even bother to change out of her clothes. Alex was still in hers and was sleeping peacefully for the first time since the news of losing the other baby. Olivia wasn't about to disturb her.

She laid down, and wrapped an arm around Alex. Alex unconsciously lifted her arm to make room for Olivia's underneath hers and grasped her hand, never waking from her slumber.


	29. Baby Girl

A/N: More sweet Mama time and pregnancy time.

I know I've messaged some of you privately, but I will keep saying thank you for reading, reviewing, and patience. I know I've slowed down, but until I get through some person stuff happening right now (and moving), it may be slow coming with the 3 stories I'm managing.

* * *

 **BABY GIRL**

"Noah, Mamas have some big news for you."

Noah looked up at Alex from the toy he was playing with on the floor. She sat down next to him and Olivia joined them on the other side.

"Noah, do you remember how we told you that Mama was going to have a baby?" Olivia said. "Another baby like Noah?"

"BA-BY!" Noah shouted and pointed to Alex's growing belly.

"Yes, that's where the baby is," Alex said, smiling at his excited. "You're going to be a big brother, Noah. And you're going to have a baby sister."

They were pretty sure he didn't understand the concept of a sister, yet, but they told him anyway.

"Baby?"

"Yes, a baby girl," Olivia said. "A baby like you, but a girl like Mamas. A baby girl."

"Baby girl?" Noah said again, this time reaching out and putting his hands on Alex's belly, and looking at it, as if he was trying to see the baby inside.

"Yes, and you get to be a big brother," Alex said. Noah turned around to look at Olivia and walked over to her.

"Baby?" Noah said, again, putting his hands on her stomach.

"No," Olivia said. "Not yet. Just Mama." Olivia pointed back to Alex. She kissed him on top of the head and shortly, he went back to playing with his toy, mumbling "baby" over and over as he continued to play.

Olivia got up and reached down to help Alex up.

"Think I'm helpless already?" Alex said, with a wink and a smirk.

"A girl like you? I would never assume that you were," Olivia said, smiling and thinking back to their first date when she told Alex the same thing. Alex obviously remembered it as well, as she blushed before reaching up and allowing Olivia to help her up.

"So, we're having a baby girl," Alex said. "Does that terrify you?"

"The only part that terrifies me and the thought of a pre-teen and teenaged Alexandra running around our house," Olivia said.

"Hey!" Alex said, lightly hitting Olivia's arm. "I'll have you know I was a good kid."

"Don't try that," Olivia said. "Your parents have told me enough we're going to be in for a battle if this child is anything like you."

"You could only be so lucky," Alex said.

"So, are we sticking with Addison?" Olivia said.

"Unless you've changed your mind," Alex said. "I mean, we don't have to name the child after anyone if you prefer."

"No, I like Addison," Olivia said. "And, to be honest, a few more Alex Cabots running around doesn't sound that terrible."

Alex moved over to sit on the couch, and Olivia sat at the other end, pulling Alex's feet up to rub them while they relaxed before bed. When Noah noticed them again, he got up and came to lay down on Alex.

"Babe, did you ever call the counselor?" Olivia asked, timidly. She knew it was something Alex hadn't done and was her gentle way of reminding her. "You said you were going to do it a couple of weeks ago, and I just wondered if you had."

"Ah, well," Alex said. She looked down and saw Noah lying quietly with his thumb in his mouth, something she hated. "Noah, let's not put our thumb in our mouth, okay?"

She gently pulled his hand from his mouth. He immediately tried to put it back, but she held his hand until he stopped and laid his head back down.

"You know, it's perfectly normal for toddlers to do that," Olivia said. "I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, he's not even 18 months."

"We were never allowed to do it," Alex said. "Besides, and can affect how teeth grow."

"But he barely has baby teeth," Olivia said. "They're going to come out anyway."

"It's just a bad habit, Olivia," Alex said.

"And it's comforting," Olivia said. "I mean, whether Noah remembers it, he's been through a lot."

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "I'll try not to be so anal about it. I just don't want him to be that 6-year-old who is still sucking his thumb."

"I'm certain that won't happen," Olivia said. "You'd never allow it." Olivia grinned and began massaging Alex's other foot.

"So, about the counselor?" Olivia asked again.

"Liv..."

"Alex..."

"No, I haven't made an appointment yet," Alex said. "And, I don't know what I need to."

"You promised your mother," Olivia said.

"I've promised my mom a lot of things in my lifetime," Alex said. "Liv, I'm fine. Look, you go, and I'm glad that has helped you, but I'd just rather deal with this on my own."

"And I'd rather us deal with it together," Olivia said. "I mean, if you're not going to see someone, at least talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk about," Alex said. "It happened. I grieved. I cried. I eventually talked to Mama. I can't dwell on it, Olivia. Besides, I am incredibly happy for what we do have. This guy here, and the healthy baby Addison on the way."

"You're right," Olivia said. "We are very fortunate. Just remember, you can always talk to me."

"I know, sweetheart," Alex said. "But if you keep giving me foot rubs every night, I can promise you that I will be as happy as a clam."

#

Olivia went to put Noah down while Alex got ready for bed. When she came into the bedroom, she found Alex in nothing but her bra and panties, standing in front of the mirror while holding her breasts.

"Start without me tonight?" Olivia said with a smirk. Since the morning sickness had passed and Alex had settled into the pregnancy, Alex seemed to want sex far more often than at the beginning of the pregnancy. She was almost 20 weeks in.

"Have my boobs gotten bigger?" Alex said. She turned sideways to look again. "They've definitely gotten bigger, right?"

Olivia smiled. "I wouldn't know," she said. "I'm always too busy looking at your beautiful smile."

"Oh, shut up," Alex said. "You already know you're getting laid tonight, so just tell me the truth."

"Yes, they've gotten much bigger," Olivia said. "And I wasn't lying about your beautiful smile. I do love seeing it."

"I know, but I know there are other parts of me you enjoy quite a lot, too," Alex said, walking over and putting her arms around Olivia's neck before kissing her. "As I do you." She moved her hands down to caress Olivia's breast.

"Now, hurry up and get ready for bed," Alex said. "Me and baby will be waiting."

"Ew, please don't -"

"- yeah, I heard it, too," Alex said. "Let's just forget I said that."

Olivia hurried to the bathroom to get ready and change while Alex made herself comfortable on the bed. When she returned, Alex was lying on her side on the bed, waiting. Olivia grabbed a pillow and tossed it to Alex.

"Tonight, you get treated first," Olivia said. Alex understood and didn't hesitate to put the pillow under her hips to offset some of the pressure from her stomach. She laid back and Olivia crawled up from the bottom part of the bed.

Olivia ran her hands firmly down Alex's thighs before positioning herself between Alex's legs. She took her time, being gentle and slow. Since the pregnancy, it was all Olivia could do, even when Alex wanted things differently. Olivia wanted to spend all of their love-making time when Alex was pregnant, just worshipping the body that was carrying their child.

But it turned Alex on all the same. She loved wild and passionate Olivia. The Olivia who would fuck her against the door, on the kitchen table, or pretty much anywhere else. The Olivia who would sometimes smugly keep track of just _how_ quickly she could rip an orgasm out of Alex. But Alex loved this side of Olivia, too. The gentle soul. The Olivia that made her feel like the only person in the world.

Olivia's hands wandered up to Alex's stomach, as they frequently did. She took her time, slowly building Alex up with each lick of Alex's clit. As Alex's breathing grew faster, so did Olivia's pace. She could feel Alex begin to squirm underneath her and knew she was close.

As Alex's hips moved up to create a more firm connection with Olivia's tongue, Olivia suddenly felt something move beneath her hands.

The baby kicked.

Olivia immediately stopped what she was doing, and her eyes widened. Alex squealed, partly from Olivia stopping so suddenly, but mostly because she felt the kick as well.

"Was that?" Olivia stuttered, raising up on an elbow and keeping on hand on Alex's stomach.

"I think so," Alex said, still working to catch her breath. This was the first kick they had felt, and it was a _strong_ one. The doctor said it would be anytime, and they had been disappointed they hadn't felt it yet.

But they weren't expecting it in the middle of sex.

They both sat up and put their hands back on Alex's stomach. "That was quite a kick," Olivia said. "It was like a punch to my hand. But also, wow."

"I know," Alex said. "There is a tiny human growing inside me, Liv. A tiny human that kicks." The smile on Alex's face was quite possibly the best thing Olivia had ever laid eyes on.

"Not just a tiny human, Al," Olivia said. "Our baby."

They both sat and smiled, basking in the moment in silence, content with life.

"I can't believe it happened...then," Alex said. "I mean, of all times, it had to be _then_?"

"I guess we know now how baby Addison feels about us having sex," Olivia said, laughing.

"Well, she can get used to it because I'm certainly not giving _that_ up," Alex said. "At least not until I'm told otherwise by the doctor."

"You're not suggesting we -"

"- finish tonight?" Alex said. "No. I think we've all already experienced too much excitement for one evening."


	30. Balance

A/N: I'm back! At least I'm trying. I've finished moving cross country and found a job, so now that I have a schedule, I can hopefully get back into a routine for you. I appreciate your patience. I may be a little rusty until I get back in the swing of it, but let me know what you think regardless. I'm feeling angsty today, so...

* * *

 _A/N 2: Skipping ahead to where Alex has had the baby. Addie is about 9 months old now. Noah is about 2 years old. They don't have Maggie yet._

* * *

 **BALANCE**

"Where the hell have you been?"

It was just after midnight when Olivia snuck through the door of the apartment, exhausted and hoping everyone was already asleep.

"Jesus, Alex," Olivia said, startled by Alex's outburst. "We don't need to wake the kids or neighbors."

Alex was furious. For the past several hours she had been calling Olivia and the squad room, and no one seemed to be able to tell her anything. When Olivia came in, she was sitting on the couch with just a lamp on, stewing with just a bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

Both women had been under pressure at work, and with two young kids at home, things had become tense in their relationship as they tried to balance their home and life balance, and find time to work on their relationship.

"Answer the question," Alex said. Her tone was flat, and she took another sip of wine while she waited for a reply.

"I got called out on a case on my way home," Olivia said. She hung her jacket up and went into the kitchen rather than the living room, clearly not a fan of Alex's tone with her.

"Is that right?" Alex said, getting up and following her into the kitchen. "Then why has Elliot been home for hours? And why haven't I heard about this case? I mean, I am your ADA."

Olivia sighed as she opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. All Olivia wanted to do was sleep.

"Because Elliot was already gone," Olivia said. "Fin called me to help."

"And you couldn't pick up a damn phone?" Alex snapped back, voice rising.

"There was no time, Alex," Olivia said, voice becoming defensive. "You know how it gets sometimes. I can't stop what I'm doing to always call."

"Yeah, well, that's interesting because Cragen and Munch didn't seem to know where you were either," Alex said. "As far as they knew, you came home hours ago."

"How many people did you call, Alex?" Olivia said. "What has gotten into you?"

"What has gotten into me?" Alex yelled back. "I don't know. I worked my ass off today and have been home with two toddlers all night with no idea where my girlfriend was. You should have called."

Olivia placed a gentle hand on Alex's arm, set down her water, and looked intently at her, hoping to calm her down.

"You're right, Al," Olivia said. "I should have called. I'm sorry. You know I always call when I'm going to be late, but I just didn't have the time. I'm sorry you were stuck by yourself with the kids all night. I know you had a rough day at trial."

Alex looked away, still angry with Olivia, but didn't move away from the physical contact. She picked up the glass of wine from the counter and finished it off before sitting it in the sink.

"So, what were you and Fin doing tonight?" Alex said.

Olivia could tell Alex was still upset by her tone but decided as tired as she was, she needed to give Alex some details.

"An old friend of Fin's called," Olivia said. "She had been assaulted, and he wanted me to come along and talk to her to try and convince her to file charges. But when we got there, the guy was there, too, and it was just chaos."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"What was that about?" Olivia asked.

"An old friend of Fin's?" Alex said. "You mean one of the women he ran around with during his Narcotics days. She still a user?"

"So what if she does," Olivia said. "She was still assaulted."

Olivia walked over to the sink and washed out the glass Alex had left there. No matter how tired she was, she still couldn't stand dirty dishes left out. She put it in the dishwasher as Alex rolled her eyes again, slightly annoyed by Olivia being anal about that particular issue when she still left her shoes all over the place.

When Olivia was done, she picked up her water bottle to toss in the recycling bin and noticed the empty bottle of wine in there. She glanced to the living room and noted the open bottle sitting on the table. She knew they had finished off their open bottle during dinner the night before, and knew that meant Alex had gone through both bottles that night.

"How much did you have to drink tonight?" Olivia asked cautiously.

"Excuse me?" Alex replied.

"Well, it's just, there is a nearly empty bottle of wine on the table and another empty one in here that wasn't opened last night," Olivia said.

"I can't believe you," Alex said. "You come home at midnight. Leave me home alone with the kids. Don't call all night to tell me where you are or if you're alive, and you have the nerve to question me about how much I had to drink?"

"You were alone with our kids," Olivia said. "I think I have a right to question it."

"I was alone because you weren't here!" Alex said. "And I'll have you know, I didn't drink anything until I put the kids to bed."

"Whatever," Olivia said, storming off toward the bedroom. "You know how I feel about drinking too much around the kids."

"They are babies, Olivia," Alex snapped back, following behind her. "They won't remember. And like I said, if my girlfriend had even thought about her family for just a second long enough to call, maybe I wouldn't have had to sit here and worry about where you were and what you were doing."

Olivia was quickly changing out of her clothes and into pajamas. She slammed the dresser drawer shut and tossed the clothes from the day into the laundry hamper.

"Fine," Olivia said. "I already told you I should have called."

She disappeared into the bathroom to brush her teeth while Alex still stood there just watching her.

"You could do a little more around here, too, you know," Alex said. "I mean, my job is just as stressful as yours."

"I'm doing my best, Alex!" Olivia shouted, toothbrush still in her mouth. She spat out the excess toothpaste and rinsed her mouth.

"Well, it's not good enough," Alex said.

"Excuse me?" Olivia said. "Look, I know it's been hard for us to balance the kids and our jobs, but I do just as much for the kids and around the apartment as you do. Who took off last week when Noah had the crud?"

"Oh, so you're keeping a tally now?" Alex said. "And you are not here nowhere near as much as I am. Jesus, it's not like I mind being with the. I love it, but I feel like a single parent sometimes when I'm here all night by myself."

"Alex, you know... -"

"Yeah, yeah, your job, I know," Alex said. "I've heard it a million times."

"I'm sorry, but we knew this going into parenthood," Olivia said. "And don't tell me about being a single parent. You have no idea what that is like for actual single parents. My mom worked her ass off."

"Yeah, when she wasn't drunk..."

No sooner had the words come out of Alex's mouth, than she realized what she said. Her eyes widened as she saw the shocked and hurt look on Olivia's face. Even Alex could see the irony of commenting on Serena Benson being a drunk while Alex herself was drunk.

"Olivia, I'm sorry...I didn't mean...," Alex said.

Olivia didn't say a word. She walked to the bed and grabbed her pillow, then out of the bedroom, slamming the door on her way out, never looking Alex in the eyes once.

Alex sat down on the bed and laid back, letting out a loud sigh at her fuck up. She knew that she had crossed the line, even if Olivia had been wrong to not call her. As she got up to get ready for bed, she heard a crying sound from the baby monitor.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter darkclocks!_


	31. Alone

A/N: Picking up where we left off with the last chapter. More angst. #SorryNotSorry. Don't worry, they'll make up soon enough. They always do.

* * *

 **ALONE**

Alex woke up alone.

Olivia had spent the night on the couch after their fight, and even though Alex had hoped Olivia would eventually join her in bed, she didn't.

" _Yeah, when she wasn't drunk..."_

Alex kept replaying those words in her head. She had deeply hurt Olivia and felt like an idiot for saying it.

She got up and walked out to the living room. Olivia was already up with the kids and feeding them breakfast.

"It's early," Alex said.

"The kids woke up up early, so I decided to go ahead and get them ready," Olivia said. "You know, I want to make sure I do my fair share around here."

Alex bit her lower lip. The tension is the room was high, and it was just made clear to Alex that Olivia was still mad about their fight.

"Olivia..."

"I need to get in the shower," Olivia said. "Can you handle finishing up, or is that too much for you?"

Alex took a deep breath and clenched her jaw. She wanted to apologize to Olivia but engaging in an argument wasn't the best way to do that. She just moved over to Noah's highchair as Olivia left the room.

Alex finished up breakfast with the kids and cleaned up the dishes, making sure to put them in the dishwasher before leaving the kitchen. She took the kids to the bedroom and got them ready for the babysitter while Olivia got dressed for work.

"I thought I'd order us up some Chinese food for dinner tonight if that works for you," Alex said when Olivia was done.

"Sure, whatever," Olivia said.

Olivia leaned over and gave the kids a kiss goodbye. She quickly turned and kissed Alex on the cheek and left for work, as Alex stood to wonder how she was going to fix this.

#

"Teflon!"

Munch was always excited to see Alex, no matter how many times she came by the squad room in a day. It was always the same greeting.

"Hi John, Fin," Alex said. "Is Olivia around?"

"Stabler and her were interviewing a witness in the Murphy case, but they may be done," Fin said. "I'll go check if you want."

"Okay, but I don't want to interrupt if she's busy," Alex said. "It's not that important."

"I got you," Fin said.

Fin made his way to the interview room and could see they were wrapping up and the witness was heading out. He popped his head in.

"Benson, ADA Cabot is here to see you," Finn said, keeping it professional in front of the witness.

"About a case or...?" Olivia asked.

Stabler walked the witness out and left Olivia and Fin to talk

"She said it wasn't that important," Fin said. "I don't know, but I didn't get that feeling."

"I see," Olivia said. "Tell her I have to finish up some paperwork or something, and I'll see her at home tonight."

Fin cocked his head and nodded knowingly before returning to where Alex was in the bullpen.

"Yeah, she should be finished up in a minute," Elliot said to Alex as Fin walked up.

"Actually, she just told me she needed to finish up some notes on that and something else," Fin said. "She'll see you at home tonight."

Elliot gave Fin a weird look, and Alex forced a smile and excused herself from the squad room.

"What was that about?" Elliot asked Fin. "We didn't have any notes from that witness. What she told us was useless."

"I don't know," Fin said. "I just do as I'm told. Take it up with your partner."

#

Alex hadn't spoken to Olivia all day since their morning encounter at home. She sent an email about lunch with no response, which prompted her to stop by the squad room. It wasn't like Olivia to ignore her all day.

She turned the key in the lock of the apartment and was surprised to see the babysitter already gone and Olivia already home and making dinner while the kids played in the living room.

"Liv?" Alex said.

She was thoroughly confused. Not because Olivia was home or making dinner, but because she had no idea Olivia would be home so early. It had been a while.

"What's uh...I thought we were going to order Chinese?" Alex said. She didn't care about whether they did or not, she was just at a genuine loss for words.

"El and I had Chinese for lunch," Olivia said. "I wanted something different."

"Okay," Alex said, hanging up her bag and coat. "I'll fix something for the kids to eat."

"Already done," Olivia said.

Alex noted that even as happy as she was that Olivia was home and speaking to her, she still hadn't turned around from the stove once to greet her. Still feeling guilty over her comment, Alex decided not to say anything yet and just try to get back to normal.

She walked closer up behind Olivia and put her hands on her shoulder, leaning to the side to give Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

"What are you doing?" Olivia snapped, pulling away.

"Um, giving my girlfriend a kiss?" Alex said, tilting her head and furrowing her brows.

"Alex, I'm busy right now," Olivia said.

"What the hell, Olivia?" Alex said. "I can't give you a kiss when I get home from work?"

Olivia didn't respond, only shrugged, which only enraged Alex even more.

"Goddammit, Liv!" Alex said, lowering her voice so the kids wouldn't hear. "I'm sorry. And I would tell you that and apologize to you if you would talk to me. You avoided me all day and now this."

"I didn't avoid you," Olivia snapped, finally turning around. "I was busy working on your fucking case, trying to find another witness like you requested. And I'm home, early, 'doing my part around the house,' again, like you requested. You know, I'd hate for you to feel like a single parent."

"That's not what you're mad about, and you know it," Alex said. "You're upset about what I said about your mother. And you have every right to be. It was stupid and I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry, Olivia."

"Fine," Olivia said as she moved the skillet off the stove and scooped out their dinner into plates.

"Fine?" Alex said.

"Yes, fine," Olivia said. "You're sorry. I'm home doing my part and spending time with our kids. What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to talk to me and maybe pretend like you like me," Alex said.

"Maybe I'd like you more if you didn't complain about everything I did or didn't do," Olivia said. "You know, maybe talk to me when you have too much on your plate rather than getting drunk all the time and yelling at me."

"Excuse me?" Alex said. "I do not get drunk all the time. I'm not -"

"- what? You're not my mother?" Olivia said, interrupting.

Alex clenched her jaw and pressed her lips tightly together to hold in her anger.

"That is NOT what I was going to say," Alex said. "I was going to say I'm not going to dignify that with a response because you and I both know it's not true. I can't even tell you the last time I was drunk, and I was not drunk last night."

"The two bottles of wine said otherwise," Olivia snapped, grabbing her plate to leave.

"So I had a hard day at work, and a hard night with the kids and had a few extra glasses of wine," Alex said. "You're overreacting and a bit hypocritical. It's not the end of the world Olivia, and if you can't see what's going on her, you're in denial."

"What exactly is going on here, Alex?" Olivia said.

"You're stressed, I'm stressed," Alex said. "And that stress is making you worry that when I drink, it's going to be like it was when you were growing up. And wait, I'm not saying anything negative toward your mother. She had an illness, and she couldn't help it. And I'm so sorry that happened to you, but we are not her."

Olivia remained quiet, moving to pour a glass of water with her dinner.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Alex asked.

Olivia just shook her head, took her plate and glass and went to the living room to watch tv with the kids.

Alex stood in the kitchen frozen. Olivia had never just walked away from her like that, and she couldn't figure out what was going on. They talked through things, usually. Olivia wasn't always the most forthcoming, but with Alex, she let her guard down.

Alex picked up her plate and dumped her dinner in the trash. She set the dish in the sink and walked through the living room, glaring at Olivia on her way to the bedroom where she remained alone again for the rest of the night.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter darkclocks!_


	32. I'm Sorry

_A/N: Um, I'd tell you the angst is over, but it's not quite there...but some tiny progress. We're getting there._

* * *

 **I'M SORRY**

Nearly five days had passed since Alex and Olivia's fight. Things were icy in their home, to say the least, but not from lack of Alex trying.

She had apologized to Olivia several times. She had sent sweet notes to her at work. She has been extremely sweet to her during the week and nothing.

Tonight she went all out. Flowers. Olivia's favorite dinner. She even asked her mother to take the kids for the night and babysit so Alex and Olivia had alone time to reconnect. It was Friday night and God-willing, they both had Saturday off.

Alex had the perfect night planned.

She had texted Olivia early in the afternoon to let her know Rebecca was taking the kids. She didn't want Olivia to rush home to the babysitter. Alex didn't fill her in on the rest, though - she wanted it to be a surprise. Olivia hadn't been thrilled with both kids being left overnight, especially since they were so young, but since they were with Caroline, she didn't complain too much.

It was 8 p.m., and Olivia should have been home a couple hours earlier. Alex had sent a text earlier but didn't have a reply. She wanted to call, but she didn't want to be overbearing. Instead, she just sat and waited as dinner was getting colder by the minute.

When Olivia did make it home at 9 p.m., Alex was sitting alone on the couch. The night she had planned had been ruined. The flowers. The candles. The dinner. The bubble bath.

Olivia walked in and hung up her jacket before she noticed Alex sitting at the dining room table in front of the plate she had eaten from, and an empty one next to it. She was sipping a glass of wine when Olivia walked over.

"Hey," Olivia said. "What uh, what are you doing?"

Alex took another drink, glaring up at Olivia over top of the glass before sitting it down and taking her time to answer.

"Well, I was eating dinner," Alex said. "Lamb chops."

Olivia looked around and finally saw the fresh flowers, wine, candles on the dining table.

"Oh," Olivia said, sheepishly.

Alex took another drink and just rolled her eyes.

"You should have told me, Alex," Olivia said.

"I texted you, and you didn't reply," Alex said. "Where were you?"

"I went out with the guys and had some drinks," Olivia said. "I'm sorry. I should have called. I just thought since we didn't have the kids... I'm sorry, Alex."

"In case you're wondering, this is only my second glass of wine tonight," Alex said. "You can check the bottle."

"Alex, I'm not in the mood to do this," Olivia said. "I'm sorry I didn't call, but you didn't tell me you had dinner planned. You can't be pissed at me for making other plans."

"I thought the fact that we haven't talked in a week and that I had my mom take the kids was a clear enough signal for you," Alex said. "Or perhaps you haven't noticed that either."

"I'm going to change and I'll sleep in the kids' room tonight," Olivia said.

Alex was fuming as Olivia walked toward the bedroom. She wanted to follow her, but she didn't. She sat and waited for Olivia to come back.

Olivia finished changing, grabbed a book from the living room and made her way into the kitchen for a glass of water. Alex followed her into the kitchen.

"How long are we going to do this?" Alex said.

Olivia poured her water and sighed, leaning back against the counter. She didn't answer.

"Olivia, how do we fix this?" Alex said. "I've apologized to you a hundred times. I've gone out of my way and have been walking on eggshells all week. And you're still ignoring me."

She stepped closer to Olivia and moved into her personal space. It had been nearly a week since they were that close to each other and all Alex wanted to do was kiss her girlfriend.

"Alex..."

"Olivia," Alex said, tears beginning to form. "Babe, you're scaring me. We've never done this for this long. I miss you."

"Alex, I ..."

Before Olivia could finish, Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's, forcing a kiss and putting her hands on Olivia's waist as she pushed her back against the counter.

Olivia protested for a second before she kissed Alex back, pulling the blonde closer and giving herself over to her needs.

Alex didn't waste much time before she dropped to her knees and pulled Olivia's sweats down.

"Al, you don't have to..." Olivia gasped as Alex began to kiss the inside of her thighs.

Alex was surprised at the wetness of Olivia. It made her feel better, knowing Olivia wanted her and missed her touch, as well.

Olivia began to protest again, not because she didn't want Alex. She did. But she didn't want Alex to feel like she needed to do this.

"Do you want me to stop?" Alex said, sensing Olivia's hesitation.

"No," Olivia breathed.

Alex smiled and continued making love to her girlfriend, pushing her right to the edge until Olivia gave her the go ahead to push her over and buckling at her knees.

When they were done, they both sat on the kitchen floor, backs against the lower cabinets.

"Olivia, what's going on?" Alex said. "I love you, but I need to know we're going to be okay."

Olivia looked away, tears filling her eyes now.

"Liv?" Alex said. "You're scaring me. Is this all still over my stupid comment?"

"Alex...I just...I can't talk about it," Olivia said. "And, honestly, I don't know if we're going to be okay."

Olivia got up after that comment and took the glass of water she poured.

Alex jumped up after her.

"What do you mean you don't know if we're going to be okay?" Alex snapped. "We have two children. We're together in this. You don't get to do this."

"Alex, I'm tired and want to go to bed," Olivia said, heading out of the kitchen.

Alex stood there speechless. She thought, or hoped, that they had a breakthrough just now, but apparently not. She watched as Olivia went to the kids' bedroom before following.

"Are you kidding me?" Alex said. "You just let me fuck you and you still won't sleep in the same bed with me?"

"Alex, I just need time!" Olivia said. "Can you give me that?"

"You need time?" Alex said. "For what? To figure out if we're going to be okay? Because I'll have you know that you don't get to do this. You don't get to have time and figure things out because we're already committed to each other, and we're committed to our children."

"I know that," Olivia said. "Why do you think I'm still here?"

Alex's mouth dropped open.

"You're only here, with me, because of the kids?" Alex said. She spoke slowly, holding back tears, but also wanting to make sure she heard Olivia correctly. She was in shock at how bad things at apparently gotten between them.

"Al, I didn't mean..."

"You said..."

"I know what I said," Olivia said. "I don't know what I meant. I just...I have some things I'm dealing with right now."

"You know what?" Alex said. "Take all the time you need. Maybe we both need to figure out some things."

She turned to leave, tears running down her face, and Olivia stood in silence watching as she shut the door behind her.

Olivia took a deep breath. She didn't mean exactly what she said. She knew she needed to talk to Alex. She wasn't mad about the comment anymore. It had hurt her, and she'd had some concerned, but Alex was right, they had been stressed and not dealing with it well. It had made her question a lot of things and caused her to struggle with some inner demons - struggles she wasn't talking to Alex about.

Olivia waited a few minutes and went back to the living room to turn off the lights - she knew Alex had gone straight their bedroom. As she flipped out the lights, she heard soft cries coming from the bedroom where Alex was.

She stood in the dark, heart breaking because of how she had treated Alex the past week.

Olivia took a deep breath and walked over to the bedroom. She reached for the handle, but before she opened it, she stopped, raised her hand and softly knocked.

No matter what was happening on the other side of the door, Olivia knew if they were going to fix this, she had to take the first step for healing.

"Alex?" Olivia said softly. "I just want to say I'm sorry and I love you."

To Be Continued...

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a review or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	33. Forgiveness

_A/N: I wouldn't leave you hanging on that last chapter too long._

 _Also, I want to get back into this before I pick back up the Noah and Emma series. It's good to be back._

* * *

 **FORGIVENESS**

" _Alex?" Olivia said softly. "I just want to say I'm sorry and I love you."_

Olivia waited for an answer after her knock. She heard the crying stop, but she was hoping Alex would call out and invite her in.

Silence.

"Alex, I'm going to come into the bedroom," Olivia said. "If you don't want me to, tell me now."

Olivia was gentle with her tone. She wanted to go to Alex more than anything, to talk to her, to start to fix things, but she also wanted to respect Alex's need for space if she wanted it. God knew Alex had done the same for her many times.

Olivia didn't hear a reply, so she took that as a confirmation it was okay to come inside. She slowly turned the door handle and pushed the door open.

Even in the slight dark, Olivia could see Alex's eyes were red and puffy from crying. Alex moved to sit on the side of the bed as Olivia walked toward her.

"Liv, I can't do -"

Alex's words were cut off by Olivia's mouth crashing into hers. Olivia couldn't help herself. She went in there to talk and knew she would have to before she left, but right now, she just wanted to show Alex how much she loved her. She couldn't believe she had let things get so bad.

Alex didn't hesitate when Olivia kissed her, and the brunette picked up on that and pushed her back on the bed, moving on top of her as she began to kiss Alex's neck.

"We still need to talk," Alex gasped.

"After," Olivia said, lightly biting Alex's neck. "Unless you want me to stop."

"God, no," Alex said and reached to grab the back of Olivia's shirt to pull it off.

Olivia raised up enough to assist taking Alex's shirt off before putting her hands and mouth back on Alex's body. She ran her hands down Alex's smooth skin. She had missed the feel of Alex. Her smell. Her taste.

Olivia moved down and took Alex's breast in her mouth and looking up and watching to make sure Alex was okay.

Alex was more than okay.

The blonde tilted her head back, having missed Olivia's lips on her body and the way she touched her. Alex moaned as Olivia focused her tongue on her nipple, and moved a hand to her ass.

When Olivia could tell Alex's body was ready, she raised up and quickly tore Alex's pants down, taking the panties off with them. She didn't wait. She didn't ask. She knew Alex was ready when she moved her legs open farther to give Olivia better access.

Olivia dropped to her knees and pulled Alex to the edge of the bed, placing her hands on Alex's ass as she dove straight in, hard and fast, to Alex's core.

Alex let out a small whimper when she felt Olivia's tongue push inside her and lifted her hips as Olivia grasped her ass harder, pulling Alex more into her mouth.

"Jesus, Liv," Alex said.

She was on the brink, and Olivia knew it, but it only made her go faster and harder as she worked her tongue around Alex's clit.

"Slow down, baby," Alex begged. "I'm about..."

Right as Alex said that, Olivia moved her hand around and dove in with a finger, then two, only easing up with her mouth a little.

"Fuck!"

Olivia opened her eyes and looked up. Alex was holding her breast with one hand and grasping at the sheet with the other, back arched.

Seeing Alex was good and ready, she curled her fingers inside Alex to put pressure on her spot and began to circle Alex's clit with a vigor she hadn't in a long time and it paid off as she felt Alex's legs latch around her back as she orgasmed into Olivia's mouth and let out a scream that hadn't been heard since before they had kids.

When Olivia felt Alex relax a little, she slowed her tongue until she felt the blonde go limp under her. She stayed there, head resting on Alex's thigh until Alex's breathing steadied.

Olivia stood and pulled Alex up to her, both of them crawling up to lay down in the bed in each other's arms.

"God, Liv, I missed you," Alex said. "And I don't just mean because of that. What's happened to us?"

"Honestly, I don't know, but I've missed you, too," Olivia said. "I guess just, both kids, was more than I think we were both prepared for. It tough some days with what I see - well, with what we both see."

"I agree, but Liv, we've always talked about these things," Alex said. "What changed?"

Olivia looked away and then back at Alex.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "Maybe nothing. Maybe we just need to make a point to spend more time together."

"Bullshit," Alex said. "Something is going on and you're shutting me out. I mean, yes, I said some things I shouldn't have. And I can understand with your experience why you are cautious about the drinking, but babe, you know I would never do anything to endanger our kids."

"I know that you wouldn't, and you're right, I did overreact," Olivia said. "But I felt attacked by you about doing my part around here. And then when you said that about my mom, I just..."

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that, and you're right, I was too hard on you because of our stress and because I had been drinking and I said things I didn't mean rather than talking to you. But Liv, honey, you're keeping something from me."

Olivia sighed. It was time to tell Alex what had been going on in her head.

"A few days ago, well, the day all this came to a head, I got a call from one of my mother's old colleagues from the University," Olivia said. "She'd found a box of some of my mother's things, teaching notes, research, books, and letters. They had been tucked away in a closet all these years.

"She asked if I wanted to go through them and take anything I wanted," Olivia continued. "So I went up there and took the box and when I went through it, I found some of my mom old diaries she kept and read some entries, including the day she came at me with the bottle and I kicked her and hurt her."

"Okay," Alex said. Things were beginning to make sense.

"As I read through these, I saw a range of emotion she had from everything including her rape, to our relationship - good and bad, and to her drinking issues," Olivia said. "She knew she had a problem, but was afraid and didn't know how to get help. She didn't think she could cope without it.

"So, reading those, coupled with the stress both of us have been under and the lack of communication we've done, just threw my emotions upside down," Olivia said. "When I came home that night and saw you had drunk a bottle and a half of wine, with the frustration we'd both been feeling, my mind just went to a bad place, and I overreacted. And I just wasn't in a place that I could even explain that or even understand myself what was happening. Until tonight. Until you walked away from me and I realized exactly what I've been doing to you all week. I'm so sorry."

Tears were running down Olivia's face at this point and Alex wiped them away before pulling her in for a hug and then giving her a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Olivia, I love you," Alex said. "And I do understand your fears, as much as I can anyway. You're right; we've both been frustrated, and we both overreacted to things. I should have never said what I said, and now I know why it hurt even worse than normal. God, Liv, I'm sorry I hurt you, and I forgive you. I just wish I could have been here for you."

"You were here, but I couldn't see it," Olivia said. "I pushed you away, and I'm sorry. Can we just move forward and promise to talk things out more - especially when we feel stressed? I love you."

"I love you, and yes, we can do that," Alex said and snuggled down into Olivia's chest. "I've missed this."

"Me, too," Olivia said.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Alex said. "Mom texted earlier and asked if she could keep the kids all weekend. I told her I'd let her know in the morning. If we were still fighting, I figured I'd much rather have them here, so it was less lonely."

Olivia gave Alex a soft smile and then smirked and raised and eyebrow.

"So, you're saying we have the place to ourselves all weekend?" Olivia said. "And no work, God-willing?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Alex said. "Although, do I plan on making you do _a lot_ of work this weekend."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	34. Rebecca

_A/N: Guess who's back...back again. Your favorite person to hate...ADAM CABOT._

* * *

 **REBECCA**

"Mmmm."

Alex stretched out on the bed, waking up to the smell of coffee before Olivia could even sit it on the nightstand.

"Good morning," Olivia said.

She leaned down and gave Alex a kiss before handing her the cup of coffee.

Alex took a sip, breathing in the smell and looked up and smiled at Olivia.

"Good morning," Alex said. "It's so quiet without the kids here."

"Well, it wasn't exactly quiet last night," Olivia said, smirking at her girlfriend.

Alex blushed.

"Well, it's a good thing Mr. Johnson is the only one close enough to hear, and his hearing aids don't work half the time," Alex said.

"I cut up some fruit and so I thought we could have that and bagels for breakfast," Olivia said.

"No breakfast in bed?" Alex asked.

"Nope," Olivia said. "You get crumbs everywhere."

"Alright, fine," Alex said, moving to get up. "I'm going to hop in the shower, and I'll join you in a few minutes."

#

"Liv, do you think you could take a look at the faucet today?" Alex said, walking down the hall in her robe, towel-drying her hair. "It's a little leaky, and I'd rather not call the weekend maintenance guy here. He's creepy."

Alex didn't hear a response and didn't see Olivia in the dining room or kitchen.

"Liv?"

" _Yeah, I understand," Olivia said. "I'll take care of it. Don't worry."_

Olivia hung up the phone. She was standing in the kids' room and turned around surprised to see Alex standing there.

"Don't tell me you have to work today," Alex said. "Olivia, can't someone cover for you for just one day?"

Olivia's face was emotionless.

"Let's go to the living room," Olivia said.

"What's going on, Liv?" Alex said. "You're scaring me."

"Please, sweetheart, let's go sit down," Olivia said, putting her hand on Alex's back to guide her out.

"Why are you in the kids' room?" Alex asked as she walked toward the couch. "Oh my God, Liv, it's not the kids, right?"

"No, babe," Olivia said. "It's not the kids. I was just getting some additional clothes."

"Mom should have enough for the weekend at her house," Alex said.

Olivia took a deep breath. Alex wouldn't stop talking, asking questions, trying to solve problems.

"Just sit!" Olivia said more firmly.

Alex stopped in her tracks, mid-sentence and looked at Olivia. She slowly sat down and watched at Olivia sat next to her and took her hand.

"That was your brother on the phone," Olivia said.

"Adam? Why the hell was he calling?" Alex said. "Is Mom - "

" - Will you please let me finish?" Olivia interrupted.

"Okay, but hurry up," Alex said, crossing her arms.

"Your sister is in the hospital," Olivia said. "Your parents are on their way, and Adam is there with her. The kids are with your parents' neighbor, Mrs. Brewer."

"That's fine, she used to babysit us," Alex said. "Becca, what happened to Becca."

"She was assaulted," Olivia said. "Alex, she was beaten pretty badly and has some head trauma. She's unconscious currently. It just happened in the last hour."

"What?!" Alex said. "How did this happen? Where was she? Who did this? Oh God, Liv, did he rape her?"

"Okay, Alex," Olivia said taking her hand. "Calm down. One question at a time. It was multiple men, and Adam doesn't think she was raped, but she may have been sexually assaulted. The hospital will know more later. The have suspects that were caught on camera, but they got away. Becca was leaving your brother's office this morning."

"What? Why did this happen?" Alex said.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak but closed it again, unsure of what to say.

"Liv, tell me," Alex said.

"Adam thinks it was because of you, or well, that whoever did this thought it was you," Olivia said.

"What? Why would ... oh," Alex said. "Because I'm gay?"

Olivia shrugged.

"I don't know, babe," Olivia said. "That's what Adam thought because when he heard the commotion and came outside, the men were shouting homophobic slurs."

"Where is she?" Alex said. "We should go."

"We'll go right now," Olivia said. "She's at the hospital. You get dressed while I get a few extra things for the kids. I'll call both our offices and let them know what is going on."

#

"Mom!"

Alex ran when she saw her mother in the hospital waiting room.

"Oh, Alexandra, come here," Caroline Cabot said, taking her daughter in her arms.

"How is she? How's Becca?" Alex asked.

"She's stable and she woke up but they gave her some medicine, and she's asleep again," John Cabot said, stepping up behind his wife and daughter. "They will be running more tests on her head, but as for her body, she has some broken ribs, but nothing that won't heal eventually."

"So, she's...she's going to be okay?" Alex asked.

"The doctor's hope so, but they won't know the extent of the head damage until they can do a few more tests," John said. "There is some swelling."

"Was she..." Alex trailed off before asking about sexual assault.

"Alex, sweetie, why don't you and your mom go sit down," Olivia said. She didn't think that conversation needed to happen in front of Caroline, who wasn't coping very well at the moment. "Your dad and I will go get us all some coffee."

Alex nodded and walked off with her mom toward the chairs in the corner while Olivia and John began walking down the hall.

"Alex was going to ask about whether those men sexually assaulted her, wasn't she?" John said.

"I think so," Olivia said. "Adam wasn't sure. Where is he, anyway?"

"He's um, well, he's in the chapel," John said. "He's pretty broken up. I've never seen him this upset. I think he feels responsible."

"He should," Olivia mumbled before she realized she had said it out loud. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," John said. "While he's not directly responsible, if this happened because of someone's sexual orientation, he is somewhat responsible for letting his supporters continue to spew hate and not standing up for his sister."

Olivia looked down.

"Look, Olivia, I know I haven't always understood what you and Alex have gone through to be together," John said. "And I've probably kept quiet more than I should have, and I'm sorry for that, but never like what Adam has allowed."

"I didn't even realize this was still a problem," Olivia said. "There no election or campaigning this year. Why would they be targeting his family?"

"I don't know, but I do know that hate doesn't have an expiration date," John said. "Come on, let's get that coffee and get back."

"Thanks, John," Olivia said.

John paid for 4 cups of coffee, and they each took two and began back toward Alex and Caroline.

"By the way, did you and Alex work out your problems?" John said.

"What?" Olivia said, surprised by the question.

"I hear things on the phone," John said. "Alex has called your mom a lot this past week, and with the snippets I heard and keeping the kids for the weekend, well, let's just say I'm not as clueless as I let on sometimes."

"Yeah, we're better, or well, on our way to better," Olivia said, nodding.

"Well, parenting is challenging, especially when you have a demanding job," John said. "And with both of you having demanding jobs, well, let's just that I'm a lucky man that Caroline was willing and able to stay home with our kids a lot while they were growing up. It was challenging enough."

"It can be, but we'll be okay," Olivia said. "I'll always make Alex and the kids my top priority."

"I know that," John said. "But just when are you going to make an honest woman out of my daughter?"

John and Olivia laughed, knowing it wasn't legal for them to even get married yet.

"Well, we'll get married as soon as people like Adam stop having so much control over what laws get passed," Olivia joked.

"Touche."

#

When Olivia and John returned to the waiting room, the doctor had just left from where Alex and Caroline were.

"She's going to be okay!" Caroline exclaimed.

Olivia looked to Alex for more detail.

"They don't believe there is any permanent damage," Alex explained. "The swelling is going down, but she's not entirely out of the water yet. They want to observe her for a few more days and continue testing...but they said the signs are looking good and that she's lucky."

"Olivia."

Everyone turned to see Adam walking up and motioning for Olivia to come to him.

"Excuse me," Olivia said, walking over to Adam.

"Thanks for coming so quickly," Adam said, directing her down the hall away from his family.

"Becca is family," Olivia said. She didn't mean it as a dig at him, but she was somewhat pleased with herself for saying it anyway. "What do you need?"

"My office, we have the videos from today," Adam said. "They gave them to the local police, but I want you, or your team, to find these guys."

"Adam, that's not the way it works," Olivia said. "I can't just override what a local police department is doing."

"No, no, I know that," Adam said. "But I've arranged for them to keep you informed. You know, in case they miss something. They're not exactly equipped for this kind of thing."

"You mean a hate crime?" Olivia said.

"Olivia, I need to apologize," Adam said.

"Adam, I'm not going to beat you up," Olivia said. "Your sister is in a hospital bed and regardless of what I think of you, I know you'd never want this for Becca or Alex."

"You're right, I wouldn't, but..."

"But what?" Olivia said.

Adam looked around and lowered his voice.

"There have been letters," Adam said.

"What kind of letters?" Olivia said firmly, voice raising.

"About my 'sinner sister' and uh, they've gotten more threatening recently," Adam said. "I just thought I could ignore it and..."

"And what?" Olivia shouted. "It would go away?"

"Olivia, I didn't think they were serious," Adam said.

"You didn't think they were serious?" Olivia said. "And how much experience have you had determining the seriousness of threatening letters?!"

"I talked to my buddy at the police department," Adam said. "He said it was probably nothing."

"Probably?" Olivia said. "You risked the life of your oldest sister and my children and got your younger sister nearly killed for a _**probably**_?! What would have happened if they had got the right sister? What about if Alex had the kids with her? Jesus Christ, Adam!"

"Olivia, calm down," Adam said. "We don't need a scene here."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down?" Olivia said. "Your sister nearly died today. So don't you dare tell me to calm down. Fuck you, Adam."

"Liv..."

Adam and Olivia turned around to see Alex standing there, glaring at both of them.

"We could hear you shouting all the way down the hall, what the hell is going on?" Alex said.

Olivia looked at Adam and gave him a disgusted look before turning toward Alex.

"Ask your brother," Olivia said. "I'm going for a walk."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	35. Bad Feeling

_A/N: Hard to find time to write right now, but I'm working on it. Thanks for reading, even when I can't update as often as I used to._

* * *

 **BAD FEELING**

"Liv! Where have you been?"

Olivia returned to the waiting room at the hospital over an hour after storming off. She hadn't answered any calls or texts from Alex, although she monitored to them in case something had changed with Rebecca's status.

"I went for a walk and made some calls," Olivia said. "I want to make sure we catch the son of a -"

Olivia paused, realizing Alex's parents were sitting there.

"It's okay, Olivia," John Cabot said. "We do, too."

"Where is Adam?" Olivia asked, noticing he was gone.

"I don't know," Alex said. "He ran out right after you did. He never even told me what you two were arguing about."

Olivia clenched her teeth. She was still furious with Adam but wasn't about to say anything in front of Caroline and John.

"Just...same ol' stuff," Olivia lied. She knew she would tell Alex later and the look in her eyes conveyed that message to Alex.

"Why don't you go get the kids and take them home," Alex said. "I can stay the weekend here with mom and dad."

"No," Olivia said firmly. She was fearful to leave Alex alone in case Rebecca's attackers realized they got the wrong sister.

Alex eyed Olivia closely, trying to figure out her tone and what was going on.

"Why don't Olivia and I go out and get some food for everyone since we'll be here for a while," John offered.

Olivia and John left the hospital, getting in John's car as they drove to a nearby pub to order some food. When the arrived, he suggested they go in and have a beer while they waited for their food to be ready.

"I talked to Adam while you were gone," John said.

Olivia sipped her beer and took a deep breath, unsure what she was allowed to say and not say about his son.

"You have every right to be angry," John said. "Hell, I'm angry. I wanted to punch him like you punched Bill."

Olivia chuckled a little, thinking back to Adam's old campaign manager. She briefly wondered what happened to him.

"But..." John started.

This was it, Olivia thought. This was where John stepped in and defended his son, told her to calm down, told her to not tear Alex's family apart.

"... he told me the reason for the attacks," John said. "I mean, the reason was because of the threats and all, but the reason he was receiving threats is because he's co-sponsoring a gay rights bill."

"I'm sorry, what?" Olivia said, putting her beer down and staring wide-eyed at John.

"I guess he's softened his views but wasn't ready to make it public," John said. "He's in the early stages and only a handful of people know about it."

"So someone found out and decided to retaliate against him ..." Olivia started.

"...unless he withdrew his support and stopped working on the bill," John said.

"Wow," Olivia said, taking another gulp. "I don't know what to say. He still should have told us about the threats."

"I'm just as surprised as you are," John said. "And you're right; he shouldn't have kept that information. I think he just didn't realize how deep the hate went."

#

Two days later, the Benson-Cabot clan arrived home, kids in two. It had been a long couple of days, and everyone wanted nothing more than to sleep, even Noah and Addison.

Olivia put the kids to bed while Alex changed and got their bed ready.

"I am exhausted," Olivia said when she returned to the bedroom. "I'm so relieved Becca is going to be okay, though. It could have been so much worse, Alex."

Alex nodded and rubbed the bridge of her nose as she sat in bed with a legal pad. She patted the bed for Olivia to sit next to her. Olivia quickly pulled her pajama pants on and climbed into bed next to Alex.

"I knew about the bill Adam was working on," Alex blurted out.

"What?"

"I knew about the bill," Alex said, then saw the look in Olivia's eyes that was turning to confusion. "Wait, I didn't know about the threats. I would have said something, Liv."

"Okay," Olivia said, releasing a breath that had been building. "You didn't mention the bill to me?"

"You've been so busy lately, and honestly, I figured at some point he would back out," Alex said. "I didn't want you to think he had changed and then him end up being the same ol' Adam."

Olivia shrugged. She still wasn't convinced he wasn't the same ol' Adam.

"I wrote a lot of it, actually," Alex said. "Or at least the last draft I saw."

"Did anyone else know you were helping him?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know," Alex said. "I mean, me helping him wasn't exactly a secret, he just didn't want it getting out yet that he was co-sponsoring it."

Olivia nodded, still trying to process everything that had happened over the weekend.

"I never in a million years thought something like this would happen," Alex said. "And like I said, I had no idea he was getting threats. It makes me so angry that he didn't tell us."

"Have you heard from him?" Olivia said.

"Not since he left the hospital after your fight the other night," Alex said.

Alex reached over and flipped the light out, putting her legal pad and glasses aside. Olivia snuggled closer and wrapped her arm around the blonde's waist.

"I love you, Alexandra," Olivia said. "I hate this happened to Rebecca, but I also don't know what I would do without you."

"I know, babe," Alex said, leaning in to kiss Olivia.

"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure whoever did this pays for it," Olivia said.

"I know," Alex said. "And I love you for that. But please be careful."

"Always," Olivia said, giving Alex one last kiss before they settled in for sleep.

Olivia turned on her back and stared at the ceiling as she listened to Alex falling asleep next to her. She wasn't sure why, but she had a bad feeling in her stomach telling her this wasn't over, yet. She rolled over and picked up her phone, sending a text message.

 _We need to talk. -Olivia_

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	36. Bill

_A/N: Didn't want to leave you hanging, so another quick update (though, this one leaves you hanging, too). I promise to update tomorrow (Sunday)._

* * *

 **BILL**

"How's Alex?"

Olivia told Alex she was working late. It wasn't like her to lie to Alex, but she knew Alex wouldn't approve of what she was doing.

"She's okay," Olivia said, pulling a bar stool up next to Adam at a midtown bar.

"Mom says Rebecca is improving," Adam said.

"You haven't been back to see her?" Olivia asked, reaching out to grab the beer the bartender had just handed her.

"I've been busy," Adam said and then slid her a folder. "Here."

"What is this?" Olivia asked, opening the folder.

"A list of everyone who could be behind this," Adam said. "I was working on a bill."

"I know," Olivia said. "But you should give this to the police there. I've been working with them. They have a few leads on the guys from the video."

"Yeah, and that will turn up nothing," Adam said. "Olivia, I know you don't owe me anything, but you and I both know this wasn't random, and the attackers will never be traced back to whoever set this up."

Olivia flipped through the folder, stopped when she got to one particular name on the list.

"Bill?"

"Yeah," Adam said. "We part ways a few months back and he wasn't happy about it. He especially wasn't happy when he found out what I was up to."

"He knew?"

"No one can keep a secret in politics," Adam said.

Olivia took a drink and shrugged.

"You need to give this list to the local police," Olivia said.

"I will," Adam said. "But I wanted you to see it first. Bill is a man that knows a lot of secrets and will use them to get what he wants. His reach is far."

"You really think it could be him?" Olivia asked.

"Once I thought about it, he's my number one suspect," Adam said.

"Okay," Olivia said, finishing her beer. "I have to get home, but I will look into this and continue to work with the PD over there. But promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Don't do anything stupid," Olivia said. "Let me handle this."

Adam nodded.

Olivia turned to leave before stopping and turning back around.

"By the way, did you really have a change of heart or is this another political scheme, the bill you're co-sponsoring?"

"It's real," Adam said. "I've spent some time reflecting on it and not having my sisters in my life, quite honestly, has kind of sucked."

Olivia nodded, silently acknowledging what he said. She turned and went home.

#

When Olivia arrived home, Alex was sitting on the living room floor, giggling and playing with Noah and Addison. Olivia slipped her jacket off and stood by the door watching before Alex notice her.

"Hey! You're home," Alex said.

Olivia smiled and joined her family on the floor. "How was everyone's day?"

"Well, mine was uneventful, for an ADA at least," Alex said. "And Lucy said these guys were full of energy all day, but I think I've about wore them out before bath and bed. What kept you late tonight?"

"I had, um ... I went to see your brother," Olivia admitted.

Alex was putting a puzzle block in and stopped at Olivia's words. She finished putting it in, and scooted closer to the brunette.

"Okay, what about?" Alex said. "I figured he was the last person you wanted to see."

"He still is," Olivia said. "But he's serious about wanted to find out who is behind what happened to Becca and I want to help how I can."

"I thought you said the local police were doing a good job handling it," Alex said. "What did Adam want with you?"

"They are," Olivia said. "I think he just needed reassurance and to make sure they were working every angle."

"Uh huh," Alex said, unsure if Olivia was giving her the full story. "And that's it?"

"That's it," Olivia said. "Don't worry, honey. It's under control. Now, why don't I get these monsters in the tub and let you relax for a bit before bed."

Alex smiled. She still wasn't convinced of Olivia's words, but she wanted to believe her and she was tired of worrying constantly about her family and Rebecca.

"Sounds good, babe," Alex said. "And then when we get to bed later, we can both be good and relaxed."

Alex smirked as she watched Olivia grin in anticipation of the night ahead of them

#

 _Knock. Knock. Knock!_

It was 3 a.m. when Olivia rolled over and looked at the clock after hearing the loud pounding on their door. She heard Alex moan next to her about the noise.

"Liv...what is it?"

"Shh, Alex, I'll handle it," Olivia said, crawling out of bed. "The neighbor downstairs is probably just drunk again and on the wrong floor."

Alex drifted back to sleep as Olivia hurried to the front door, grabbing her gun on the way. She looked through the peephole and immediately opened the door.

"What the -" Olivia stopped mid-sentence to assess what she saw in front of her. "What did you do?"

"He's dead," Adam said. "Bill is dead."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	37. Kill Bill

_A/N: Moving slowly here, but I want to make sure not to rush through it._

* * *

 **KILL BILL**

" _He's dead," Adam said. "Bill is dead."_

Olivia's eyes widened, and she pulled Adam in through the door, looking around to see if anyone was out there. She ushered him into the kitchen, out of view of the bedroom if Alex woke up.

"Okay, your sister is sleeping so keep your voice down and tell me what is going on," Olivia said, and then paused. "Wait, maybe you shouldn't. Just remember anything you tell me is not privileged and I'll be obligated to report."

"Olivia, I... -"

"Liv?" Alex's voice came from the bedroom. Olivia put her finger up to her lips to instruct Adam to be quiet while she went to meet Alex in the bedroom before she came out.

"Who was at the door?" Alex asked when Olivia met her at the bedroom door.

"Just the drunk neighbor," Olivia said. "I'm just getting something to drink since I'm wide awake now. I'll be to bed soon."

Olivia had no intention of keeping anything from Alex, but she wanted to figure out what was going on first. There was nothing Alex could do at this hour anyway.

"Hurry back," Alex said, sleepily. "I don't like sleeping without you."

"I will, babe," Olivia said, leaning down to kiss Alex and re-tuck her in. She made her way back to the kitchen where Adam was pacing.

"Okay, listen, it's not to your benefit to talk to me about this," Olivia said. "Assuming that you could be in some sort of legal trouble anyway. And based on the fact that you're here at 3 a.m. and you have blood on your clothes, I'm going to assume you are."

Adam looked down and didn't say anything.

"Here's what's going to happen," Olivia said. "You and I are going to the station. You have to tell police about Bill, and you need to call the best attorney you know on our way there. Don't say a word until your attorney shows up. I'll have to make a statement too, and unfortunately, I'll have to tell them about our conversation earlier and the bloody clothes."

"I understand," Adam said. "I don't suppose Alex can be my attorney? Most of the attorneys I know don't handle criminal cases."

"Not a chance," Olivia said, "but I will give you some names."

#

"I told you, Adam didn't tell me anything about what happened," Olivia told Detective Brady at the 24 precinct.

"So, he showed up at your door at 3 a.m. and didn't tell you why?" Brady asked.

"That's correct," Olivia said. "Once he told me Bill was dead, I asked him to come inside and advised him anything he told me, I would be required to report and testify to. I'll also remind you that both Adam and I are here as a courtesy and by our free will."

"Don't worry, Benson," Brady said. "I'm not trying to jam you up. I'm just trying to understand what went on here. What is your relationship with Mr. Cabot?"

"I'm involved with his sister, Alexandra Cabot," Olivia said.

"Oh, I see," Brady said. "I, uh, I didn't know. I will use discretion as much as I can."

"My commander knows, as does the DA's office, but I appreciate it," Olivia said. "Do what you need to do, but unless you have other questions, there isn't anything else I know to tell you."

"Thank you, Detective Benson," Brady said. "Once my partner finishes up, you can take Mr. Cabot home, but we will need his clothes."

"You can take that up with his attorney, Mr. Langan," Olivia said. "I'll wait outside until he's done."

#

Olivia and Adam rode back to the apartment in silence. Olivia still could barely stand his presence, but if he did what she was afraid he did, and for the reason she thought, she was managing to find a slight bit of sympathy for him. Either way, he was Alex's brother, and he was in trouble, and as much time as she had spent hating him, he was basically family.

"Where the hell have you been? You were not at the precinct. I called."

Olivia cringed at Alex's voice as she came through the apartment door, Adam behind her. Alex was pissed. She had left a note, but didn't explain why she was leaving.

Olivia didn't say anything, she just moved in farther, letting Adam in behind her.

"What the -?" Alex said when she saw Adam.

"Bill is dead," Olivia said.

"Bill? Your old campaign manager?" Alex asked, looking at Adam. "What does that have to do with you?"

Adam looked to Olivia. She had already told him that the same rules applied to Alex as applied to her. He shouldn't say anything that could incriminate himself. She shook her head to tell him 'no.'

"What is going on?" Alex said. "Someone better tell me now."

"We've been at the police station," Olivia said. "The 2-4. Your brother, Trevor, and I went to make a statement and inform them of Bill's ... death."

"Are those my sweatpants you're wearing?" Alex asked, realizing Adam was in an old t-shirt and pair of her larger sweatpants.

"Alex, maybe we should talk in private," Olivia said. "Adam, make yourself at home. You should call Stacey, too."

"Yeah, she, um, we broke up," Adam said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "Alex didn't tell me."

"Alex didn't know," Alex said, still annoyed she had no idea what was going on.

Olivia followed Alex to the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

"Olivia, so help me, you better tell me everything you know," Alex said. "What is going on and why would Adam come here for help? You're probably the last person he should expect help from."

"Well, you know I saw him earlier tonight," Olivia said.

"Yes, and you told me everything was being handled," Alex said, arms crossed.

Olivia sighed.

"Long story, short, Adam thinks Bill is, er, was, involved in Rebecca's attack," Olivia said. "He thinks Bill, or someone close to him, orchestrated it."

"Okay, that still doesn't explain why Adam is here and why Bill is dead," Alex said. "Please, Olivia, be straight with me. I can handle the truth, but I will not take you lying to me, even if to protect me."

"He had blood on his clothes, Alex," Olivia said. "When he told me Bill was dead, I advised him not to say anything else and to call an attorney. Trevor met us at the station and Adam made a statement."

"Okay, and Bill died how?"

"I think Adam killed Bill," Olivia said.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	38. Be Alone

_A/N: I'm going to apologize here for a couple of things: First, it's been too long. Second, I'm struggling through this storyline right now, so it's not what I wanted this chapter to be. But, it's important for me to keep writing even if I'm not happy, so I can hopefully get back in the habit of making the time. Third, this chapter is on the short side, but I'm powering through. I may work on a one-shot just to get out of my funk. Thanks for patience and understanding._

* * *

 **BE ALONE**

" _I think Adam killed Bill," Olivia said._

"What?!"

"Shh, Alex, please," Olivia said. "You have to stay calm and quiet. You brother is in the living room."

"You're telling me my brother is a murderer?" Alex said, walking to the other side of the room and crossing her arms. "You're wrong. Adam doesn't have it in him."

"Babe, I hope you're right, but ..." Olivia trailed off.

It did seem out of character for Adam, but if she removed herself from it emotionally, and she was investigating it, he would be the number one suspect. He had motive and was with the victim around the time he died, not that Bill could ever be considered a victim. He had blood on him and didn't call police right away. It looked bad.

"No," Alex said. "No 'buts.' He didn't do this. And why on earth did you call Trevor Lagan?"

"Because he's one of the best lawyers I know," Olivia said.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, defense attorneys," Olivia said. "Look, if you want someone different, we'll get someone else. But you have to admit that Trevor is good at what he does."

"I've wiped the floor with him a number of times," Alex muttered, but subtly acknowledged Olivia was right about Trevor.

"Yes, you have," Olivia said, inching over toward Alex. "So it's a good thing you won't be prosecuting this case ... if it ever gets that far."

Alex took a deep breath and Olivia reached out and gave her a hug as Alex placed her head on Olivia's shoulders.

"Listen," Olivia said. "I want to believe Adam is innocent, too. As much as I can't stand him, I believe he is a good person deep deep deep down, and I believe if he was responsible for Bill's death, that there was probably a justifiable reason for it. Self-defense, perhaps. Don't get me wrong; Adam is an asshole, but a murderer? I don't see it."

"Liv, I don't know how to do this," Alex said. "First Rebecca, then Adam."

"I know, baby," Olivia said. "And you don't have to do it alone. I'm here ... for you and your family."

#

The next couple of days were a blur for Olivia and Alex. Adam hadn't been charged yet, but it was expected to happen any day now, according to Trevor. He was currently holed up at his parents at their insistence once they knew what was going on.

After leaving the Cabots to drop off Adam, Olivia and Alex made it back home with the kids and promptly put them to bed. Olivia went to the kitchen to make dinner and noticed Alex went to the bedroom and shut the door.

"Babe?" Olivia said, knocking lightly on the door. "I"m getting ready to make dinner. Is chicken okay with you tonight?"

"I'm not hungry," Alex said, her voice muffled from the door.

Olivia opened the door and went inside the bedroom.

"Al ...," Olivia said.

"I said, I'm not hungry," Alex said, more forceful this time.

"You've barely eaten since the other night," Olivia said. "I'll make anything you want, anything you'll eat. I'll even order out if you'd prefer."

"I'm not hungry," Alex said. "Now, can you please leave me alone so I can sleep?"

"I will not leave you alone," Olivia said. "You're my girlfriend. You're going through a traumatic time, and you're not eating. So no, I won't leave you alone."

Alex just rolled her eyes and turned over, putting the covers over her head.

"So that's it? You're just going to ignore me and not talk to me?" Olivia said.

Alex pulled the covers back and sat up quickly.

"Not talk to you?" Alex said. "You mean like you talked to me when my brother wanted to meet with you? When he told you Bill was behind the attack on Rebecca? When he showed up at our door in bloody clothing? When you took him to the police station and hired Trevor without talking to me?

"Honey ... I was trying to help Adam -"

"Help him?" Alex said, yelling now. "You called him a murderer. He could have other options. You hate him. You've always hated him!"

"That is not true," Olivia said, her voice now raising. "I have gone out of my way to try and find common ground with him. The only thing I hate is how he makes his sister feel."

"I want to be alone," Alex said, quietly now.

"You're not going to eat at all?" Olivia said.

"No, and since you're here, why don't you take your pillow and a blanket," Alex said, raising up to hand Olivia's pillow to her.

"Are you ...?" Olivia said, not believing what Alex was doing, why she was shutting her out.

Alex handed the pillow to Olivia, turned around, and crawled back into bed.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -darkclocks!_


	39. Just What I Need

_A/N: Some resolution to Bill, and some healing for A/O._

* * *

 **JUST WHAT I NEED**

Alex and Olivia walked through the door, and Alex slipped off her heels, walking over to the couch to plop down. Olivia wandered into the kitchen. Both were exhausted.

Alex sighed. "We probably need to go pick up the kids."

Olivia walked back into the living room and handed Alex a glass of ice water, sitting beside her on the couch and picking up Alex's feet to rub them.

"Actually, Monica was going to take them to the zoo in the park today. She said she'd drop them off later this evening since we didn't know how long we'd be," Olivia said.

Both of them sat in silence for several minutes. They had both taken the day off from work for Adam's first day of trial.

"I can't believe he pleaded out," Alex said.

Olivia sighed. Adam was supposed to start trial, and by the time Olivia and Alex showed up, Adam had decided to ask Trevor to work out a deal for him.

"He made a decision with all the information," Olivia said. "He got a good deal, Alex. Second-degree manslaughter."

"A good deal?" Alex said. "He could go to prison for 15 years. He didn't need a deal. What Bill did was deplorable. Trevor could have used any number of defenses to get a sympathy vote, that he was acting irrationally, that it was self-defense, that -"

"Alex, I know," Olivia said. "But Adam is an adult, and he knew the consequences of his actions. He listened to you, to Trevor, to your parents. And you and I both know he won't get the max sentence."

"Well, he made the wrong decision," Alex said flatly.

"Maybe so," Olivia said. "But you also know he didn't want to drag your family through this, and probably for a jury to hear some of the things he's said and done in the past when it comes gay rights."

"I know, but ... he's my brother. I should have been able to help him more," Alex said. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't only -"

"Hadn't only what? Been gay?" Olivia said.

"No, I just mean, maybe I shouldn't have antagonized him so much. Maybe I should have tried harder to make him understand," Alex said. "If he hadn't had these views, he would have never tolerated and put up with Bill, and none of this would have happened."

"Alex, honey," Olivia said, moving closer and taking her hand. "This isn't your fault. You tried. I tried. Becca tried. Your parents tried. Adam made his decisions, good and bad. And of course, everyone wishes circumstances would have been different, but it's not your responsibility to make him a decent human being."

"If only he could haven't gotten there sooner, huh?" Alex said.

"I'm sorry, babe," Olivia said. "But now that this is behind us, we have the rest of the day to rest and relax before the kids get home. You haven't been sleeping well."

"Yeah, a nap sounds wonderful," Alex said.

Both of them got up and retreated to the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes and Alex crawled into bed.

Olivia leaned down to kiss her on the head. "I'm going to throw a load of laundry in then grab a book and come back."

Alex reached out for Olivia's hand. "Wait. Sit. Lay for a minute."

Olivia did as she was asked and laid down next to Alex. "What is it?"

Alex reached up and tucked Olivia's hair behind her ear.

"I love you," Alex said.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said.

"I've been hard to deal with during this stuff with Adam," Alex said. "I'm sorry."

"Alex, you've been under a lot of stress," Olivia said. "I understand."

"I know you do. That's part of why I love you," Alex said. "But I was a little over the top. I mean, I yelled at you. I made you sleep on the couch. I -"

"Let me stop you right there," Olivia said. "I promise you, that won't be the last time you yell at me, and it certainly was the first or last time you'll make me sleep on the couch, I'm sure of it. And I'm okay with that. As long as you know that I'm always on your side. That everything I do, even if it's wrong, is because I want it to be best for you, for us. And I made some mistakes. I should have talked to you more. I'm sorry."

"No, Liv, this is my turn to apologize," Alex said. "I love you, and I know you always try to put me first. I love you for that. I love us. So, just, thank you ... thank you for putting up with me even when I turn on bitch mode."

Olivia smiled at the word. "Well, I would never use those words ..."

"And you better never," Alex said, laughing. "But I can say it, and we both know it's true."

"Well, all I know is I have my days and weeks, too, when I'm a pain in the ass to be with and live with," Olivia said.

"What? You?" Alex laughed.

"Okay, now I know you're feeling better," Olivia said, wrapping her arm around Alex and pulling her closer. She leaned in and gave her a kiss, then another.

"I thought you were going to do laundry?" Alex said, raising her eyebrows.

"Laundry can wait," Olivia said. "I'd rather nap with you."

Alex smiled. "You always know just what I need, Liv."

She snuggled into Olivia, and both fell fast asleep, hoping to move forward.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	40. Cranky

_A/N: Going to skip ahead to Liv being pregnant with Maggie. We're in about 2005/ Season 7. You'll find out what Adam is, but not in this chapter._

* * *

 **CRANKY**

"Alex!"

It was mid-morning on a Saturday and Olivia was pregnant with Maggie - very pregnant. The doctor had told them the previous week she could come any day now and it wouldn't be early, even though Olivia wasn't due for another couple of weeks.

Alex had been sitting at the kitchen table, reviewing files and writing an opening statement for an upcoming trial. At the sound of Olivia's voice, she took a deep breath, slowing closing her file. Caroline and John had taken the kids for the day because Caroline could tell Alex needed a break. She couldn't take Olivia off her hands, but she figured taking the kids would help Alex get a few more things done.

"Alex? Did you hear me?"

Normally, Alex didn't mind doing things for her Olivia, especially while she was pregnant. But, Alex had to admit, the last two weeks had been brutal. Olivia worked up until last week when Cragen forced her to take time off. Alex assumed it was because Olivia was probably as cranky at work as she had been at home.

"Yes, honey," Alex said, tenderly. "I'm coming."

Alex got up and made her way into the living room where Olivia was laying on the couch watching TV. She had to admit, she found it a little amusing. Olivia was normally so independent, but the past couple of weeks, Alex had turned into a full-time maid when they were home. Alex didn't mind. She remembered being pregnant with Addie. She knew she was probably just as bad, if not worse. Today, though, Alex was hoping for a reprieve, at least long enough to get her work done.

"Can you bring me a sandwich?" Olivia asked. It was near lunchtime, and Alex hadn't realized it.

"Or course," Alex said. "Tuna with pickles?"

"Yes, and please make sure to use the miracle whip and not mayo this time," Olivia said.

"Ok, sweetie," Alex said. "I picked some up last night." She turned to go to the kitchen.

"Oh, can you also make sure you use the dill pickles? The sweet ones I like. Chopped up. Not the hamburger pickles," Olivia said.

"Got it," Alex said. "Anything else I can get you, babe?"

"Coffee."

"Okay, one decaf coffee coming right up," Alex said.

"No. Not decaf," Olivia said.

"Liv..."

"Alex... I need coffee. Real coffee," Olivia said. "Besides, it's my body. My rules."

Alex chuckled at that comment. "Of course, baby, I know that. I don't mind you having coffee, but do you remember what you told me when you got pregnant?"

"Really, Alex? You're going to argue with a pregnant woman?" Olivia said.

When Olivia got pregnant, she told Alex she was swearing off caffeine while she was pregnant. Alex had laughed, until Olivia made her promise she wouldn't enable her and would tell her no. In fact, Alex had even made her sign a document, as kind of a funny statement to what she wanted to do.

"Liv, I'll get your coffee, but should I serve it to you on top of the signed document you swore to when you said you were giving this up?"

"Ugh, fine," Olivia said. "That's what I get for falling for a lawyer, I guess."

Alex leaned down and kissed Olivia.

"I'll get your sandwich and decaf coffee," Alex said, smiling to herself.

She returned a few minutes later with Olivia's sandwich, decaf coffee, and an ice water since she knew Olivia would want something besides coffee to wash her sandwich down with.

"Here you go, babe," Alex said, sitting everything down on the coffee table.

Olivia pulled herself up and reached for the coffee. She grimaced as she took a drink, still bitter about it being decaf.

"You didn't cut the edges off my sandwich," Olivia said as she started picking at the edge of the bread.

"I didn't what?" Alex asked.

"The edges of the bread," Olivia said. "Remember the other day I asked you to cut it off. I just figured you knew to do it again."

Alex took a breath and bit her lip before responding.

"I didn't realize that was your thing now. Hand it here and I'll be glad to properly cut it off," Alex said.

"No, it's fine," Olivia said. "I'll do it. Will you bring me a glass of just water?"

"I brought water," Alex said. "It's in front of you."

"I don't want ice in it," Olivia said. "That's why I said a glass of just water."

Alex took another deep breath as she reached down for the glass of water. She avoided eye contact with Olivia as she walked to the kitchen and loudly dumped the water and ice in the sink before refilling it from the fridge - no ice.

"What was that about?" Olivia said when Alex returned.

"What?"

"It sounded like you tossed the ice and everything around in there," Olivia said. "Am I an inconvenience to you? Cause you know, I can take care of myself."

"Oh really? Not the last couple of weeks," Alex muttered before she realized she said it out loud.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize me being pregnant with our child was such a problem for you," Olivia said, raising her voice.

Alex stepped back, bit her lip and gave them a moment of silence before speaking. She was annoyed. Not angry, just frustrated, as much as she was trying to be understanding. She had gone out of her way during Olivia's pregnancy to help out, just like Liv had done with her.

Feet rubs. Food cravings. Back rubs. Belly rubs. Baths. Anything to make Olivia comfortable. And she wasn't tired of it exactly ... she was just ready for the baby to be here, almost as much as Olivia.

Rather than continuing to argue with Olivia, she sat down next to her instead and took her hand.

"Liv, do you remember when I was pregnant with Addie?"

"Yes, which is why I can't believe you're complaining right now," Olivia said.

"I'm not complaining, and I'm not done," Alex said. "Do you remember that one night, about two months before Addie was due, and it was pouring the rain? I wanted double chocolate chunk ice cream with almonds."

"Oh, yes, I remember," Olivia said, rolling her eyes.

"You came home with double chocolate ice cream first, soaking wet from the rain," Alex said.

"I forgot my umbrella at work."

"And I was home early because I had been having a few complications, and you came home with the wrong ice cream, and I yelled at you about how you never listen," Alex said. "So you went back out in the rain to the market just up the block, and they had chocolate chunk, but no almonds."

Olivia rolled her eyes again, with a slight smile.

"And when you brought it home and tried to explain to me there were no nuts, I nearly cried," Alex said. "I even knew I was unreasonable, but I couldn't help it. So you went out again. And you were gone for the better part of two hours, in the pouring rain, and went to three different stores to find it."

"Four."

Alex laughed. "Okay, four different stores. And eventually, you found it. Double chocolate chunk with almonds."

"And you started to complain it was the off-brand and not Haagen Dazs," Olivia said.

"Yes, but then I saw a look of frustration in your eyes I hadn't seen during the entire pregnancy," Alex said. "You were angry."

"I wasn't angry," Olivia said. "I was frustrated. Cold. And wet."

"And annoyed that nothing you did could please your pregnant, cranky, hormonal girlfriend," Alex said.

"That's accurate," Olivia said.

"But you never said anything," Alex said. "I mean, you muttered some things at times that you didn't know I heard. I heard them, and would usually cry and become even more bitchy for a few hours."

Olivia smiled at the fact that she had been busted.

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say ..." Alex said.

"Is I'm that pregnant, cranky, hormonal woman this time?" Olivia said. "Have I been that bad? Cause, I'll be honest, you were pretty bad."

Alex shrugged and smiled a little. "I'm sure you've not been as bad as I was, but being on the other side makes me love you and appreciate everything you did for me even more."

"I appreciate you, Alex," Olivia said. "I may not have said it, but you've been amazing. I mean, we just had Noah when you were pregnant. You're taking care of two kids and a pregnant woman."

"Or we could just say three kids," Alex said, smirking at Olivia.

"Come here," Olivia said, pulling Alex closer and putting her arm around her. "Do you know how much I love you? How I can't imagine life without you?"

"I have some kind of idea," Alex said.

"You know, given that we're about to have three children, we should maybe consider getting married," Olivia said.

"Um, in case you haven't noticed, it's not legal here," Alex said.

"It is in Massachusetts," Olivia said. "I mean, we could do it there."

"Are you proposing to me?" Alex said.

"Proposing? No," Olivia said. "When I propose, you'll know. I just, you now, want to make sure that's what you want."

Alex kissed Olivia. "Of course it's what I want," Alex said. "I'd rather it be legal here and for everyone, but we both know that may not happen soon. So, yes, when we get there. After the baby, and after you've had some time to think of how you're going to sweep me off my feet, then I'd love to be your wife."

"Speaking of feet..." Olivia said, smiling.

Alex rolled her eyes and laughed. "Feet rub coming right up. Just let me cut the edges off your sandwich first because you're butchering it."

"I love you, Al."

"I love you, Liv."

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	41. DNA

_A/N: Skipping ahead a bit more. For reference, we're in Season 8 (about early 2007). Kids ages are approximately - Noah 5; Addie 3, Maggie 1. This chapter isn't terribly exciting, but I'm setting up a short arc (that you'll be familiar with)._

* * *

 **DNA**

"Alright, I think I'm done," Elliot said, closing and putting away the file he had been working on. "You heading out soon? I'm sure Alex and the kids have missed you this week."

"Yeah, so much they went to see Alex's parents for the weekend," Olivia said. "So, I'm on my own."

"That a good thing?" Elliot said. "I mean, I love my family, but those quiet times..."

"I'm not sure yet," Olivia said. "I'm sure by tomorrow morning I'll be driving up there to see them."

Elliot laughed and grabbed his jacket as he stood up. "Well, how about we stop for a beer tonight then? We could both use one."

"Deal."

The two left the precinct and walked down to a nearby bar for a drink and a greasy dinner - the kind of dinner she rarely had a chance to have with Alex.

"So, this kinship analysis could prove to be helpful for cold cases," Elliot casually said while they were eating.

"Yeah, unless you and two of your children have the genes of rapists," Olivia said, rolling her eyes.

"Liv, come on," Elliot said. "You know genes don't matter about that. I thought you had accepted that."

"No, I know you're right," Olivia said. "I've just been thinking about it. I mean, I always wanted children, but now, just knowing I carried on the genes of ..."

"Stop it," Elliot said. "Look, Noah is a great kid, right? And Maggie will be, too. Neither of them will be any more or less than Addie, right?"

"Of course not," Olivia said. "I didn't mean to suggest that."

"I know," Elliot said. "Look, you and Alex are great parents and that's what matters. The kids don't know any difference anyway."

"I'll tell them all someday," Olivia said.

"And you should, but Liv, you are a great person, a great cop, and the second-best mother I know...I mean, if I didn't put Kathy first..."

Olivia laughed. "No, it's okay. Though I may put Alex before me as well, but I appreciate the sentiment all the same."

"So, you're going to put this 'rape gene' thing behind you for good?"

"I'll try," Olivia said.

#

"Are you sure you don't want to drive over today and see me and the kids?" Alex asked Olivia.

"I'd love to see you all, and I miss you, but I want to go through this file for this case we're working," Olivia said. "You know Casey."

"I know you all always like to blame your ADAs," Alex teased. "Okay, honey, we'll miss you and if you get done early, we won't be leaving until after breakfast tomorrow...if we're lucky."

"Okay, babe. Have a great time. I love you."

"I love you, Liv."

It was Saturday morning and Olivia really did miss her family and want to see them, but she also had this nagging feeling in her stomach lately about her own past. She wasn't sure why it was coming back now; maybe it was seeing how much Maggie looked like Serena, and trying to identify different characteristics. Sure, they could be from the sperm donor, but Olivia, more than ever now, wanted to know about her family - who the man was that raped her mother.

So, she made an excuse to have the weekend to herself to go through the case file she had recreated over the years of her mother's rape - officially a cold case that no one else was interested in.

It was then, that day, all alone, wondering about her past, thinking about her children's future, that she decided maybe, just maybe, she could run her DNA. After all, she was evidence in a cold case. Warner could at least tell her if there were any matches in the system. Maybe she could finally find her mother's rapist. At least, that's the way she justified it to herself.

#

 _Monday._

"Could that meeting have been any longer?" Casey said as she walked out with Alex and other colleagues.

"I know. It could have been an email and we could be putting bad guys in jail, but please, tell us how we need to be more efficient with our time," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"Did you and Olivia have a good weekend with your parents?" Case asked.

"Oh, well, Liv didn't make it, but me and the kids had fun," Alex said. "She said she was working on a case for you?"

"You sure? Because we wrapped up the Allen case Friday and as far as I know, nothing else knew came in yet to Liv and Elliot," Casey said.

"Oh, I'm sure I just misunderstood her," Alex said. "At any rate, the kids and I had a good time and Liv had a chance to rest this weekend."

#

Alex got home a little later than normal that night. Olivia had texted her and said she'd pick up the kids and take care of dinner, as she knew Alex was behind on work. When she got home Noah and Addie were quietly watching a movie in Noah's room, already having been fed and bathed, and Olivia was curled up on the couch with Maggie reading a book.

"Hey," Alex said, tired and still a bit confused about her conversation with Casey.

"Hey," Olivia said quietly. Maggie was slowly falling asleep. "Dinner is in the fridge. There's lot of spaghetti left over, as usual."

"Thanks for getting the kids and dinner," Alex said. "We had a long meeting today and it put me so behind."

"Casey told me," Olivia said. "No problem. Besides, you had the kids all weekend by yourself."

Alex gave her a half smile. Olivia had opened the door to the conversation, but Alex wasn't sure how to approach it. It wasn't like Olivia to just lie to her.

"Well, my parents helped a little," Alex smirked. "And by a little, I mean, I barely saw the kids."

"I'll bet," Olivia laughed.

"So, I was actually going to ask you about the weekend - what case did you say you were working on?" Alex said.

Olivia paused. She couldn't quite make out Alex's tone. _Did she know? There's no way she could know what she was doing._

"Just, eh, tying up some loose ends on the Allen case," Olivia said.

"Oh, I thought Casey said that had finished up?" Alex said, careful to not sound accusatory. She had learned that tone never got her very far with Olivia.

 _Crap. She talked to Casey,_ Olivia thought.

"It is," Olivia said. "I just wanted to double check something after the fact, had a hunch that didn't pan out, so I didn't mention it to Casey."

"Oh," Alex said.

Something about Olivia's story didn't make sense, but she trusted her wife. She had talked to her via text throughout the day, and on the phone later that evening. She was sure it couldn't be anything bad like Olivia cheating on her. Alex decided to drop it. Maybe Olivia was tired and needed a break from the kids and felt bad saying it. Alex could understand that.

Olivia stood up with Maggie fast asleep in her arms. Alex smiled at home much Maggie was beginning to resemble Olivia and just how much Olivia loved being a mom - even after three kids.

"I'm going to put her down and I'd guess the other two are close to being asleep, too, if you can get them," Olivia said. "Then we can meet back in the bedroom? I missed you this weekend."

#

"Ahhh, Liv!" Alex gasped, running her fingers through Olivia's hair as an orgasm ripped through her body - the second of the night.

There was no doubt Olivia had missed Alex. Alex couldn't remember the last time Olivia had been so attentive and loving.

Olivia crawled up next to Alex and wrapped her arms around her. "I love you so much, Al. You and our kids, make me the happiest I've ever been."

Olivia could be sappy and even a little emotional with Alex and especially in bed, but Alex detected something different in her voice - something sad.

"Babe, is everything okay?" Alex asked.

"Of course," Olivia said. "I just love you all so much."

"So nothing's bothering you?" Alex said. "You seem down."

"I'm okay. Was everything not okay tonight?" Olivia asked, suddenly questioning if her head had been into their love moving.

"Oh, no, baby, tonight was amazing," Alex said. "I just mean, otherwise. You know you can talk to me about anything, right, sweetheart?"

"I know that, babe," Olivia said. "Everything is fine. I guess I've just been a little tired lately from work and the kids."

"Okay, well, just know that I love you. The kids love you. You are an amazing mother and partner and hopefully someday, wife."

"Definitely someday," Olivia said, smiling and nuzzling into Alex.

#

 _Two weeks later_

"Hey, Warner dropped this off for you," Elliot said, handing Olivia an envelope. "What case is that for?"

"Just a cold case," Olivia said, opening the envelope and pulling the results out.

"Which one? You're not working any cold cases right now," Elliot said.

Olivia looked up, shocked at the results.

"Mine...I have a brother."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	42. Surveillance

_A/N: Picking up where we left off. I've heard a lot of you don't like Simon. Me either, and Alex certainly won't, but I think this is an interesting rabbit hole to go down for a few chapters. Also, in Noah Ch. 7 I referred to a "rough patch" for Liv and Alex…this has been planned since thing, just took me awhile to get there. (If you remember Season 8, we're in for a bumpy ride for everyone.)_

* * *

 **SURVEILLANCE**

 _"Mine...I have a brother."_

Olivia swore to Elliot she wouldn't do anything with the information she found. She would sit on it until an appropriate plan of action could be found. First, Elliot told her, she'd need to come up with a reason as to _why_ she knew about the DNA. Cold case or not, Olivia didn't have permission to run her DNA, even if she didn't regret it. At worst, she'd get ripped for a few days.

Of course, Elliot knew his partner better than to think she would let it go. He knew she probably wouldn't even talk to Alex about it right away. But he figured she would sit on it for at least a few days. After all, she didn't even know where Simon Marsden now since the DNA results were from several years back.

 _Stabler. Liv isn't responding. Are you all out on a case? Is everything okay?_

Elliot was sitting in front of the tv at home, just having finished up dinner and helping one of the kids with their homework. He was confused as to why Alex was texting him.

 _I'm not with Liv. Did she say she was?_

 _No, she just said she had to stay late tonight for a case. I figured she was with you._

 _You know, Fin's been working on something a lot lately. He may have needed her help. Everything okay?_

 _Yes, I just need her to pick up some milk. It's not an emergency. I won't bother her if she's working a case with Fin. Thanks – Alex_

Elliot looked at his phone for a minute. He knew Liv wasn't with Fin tonight. And he knew what she was doing, even if he didn't know where she was _._

Elliot knew he could text Olivia and she would see it. She was probably seeing Alex's text. Olivia never turned her phone off. But, he also knew she'd answer if he called because she'd think it was a case. And he needed to talk some sense into her.

"Benson."

"The wife is looking for you," Elliot said.

"We're not married, and yeah, I know," Olivia said. "Why do you know?"

"Because she texted me. Don't worry, I didn't give you up. I told her you may be working a case with Fin," Elliot said.

"Thanks," Olivia set, letting out a sigh as she peered through the window of her car into the house across the street.

"Liv…"

"Don't."

"You think I don't know what you're doing? You're going to get yourself busted by the Captain. But even more dangerous, you're going to get busted by Alex and I'd much rather face Cragen's wrath than Alex's," Elliot said.

"I know," Olivia said. "I'm leaving now."

"Just talk to her," Elliot said.

"I will," Olivia said. "Thanks."

"Oh, Liv…"

"Yeah?"

"Pick up some milk," Elliot said, chuckling before he hung up.

Olivia shook her head and texted Alex, telling her she'd be home soon – with milk.

#

It was late when Olivia got home and the kids were already asleep. Olivia quietly came through the apartment door knowing she'd wake them if she was too loud. Alex was sitting on the couch, working on a brief, glasses falling down on her nose.

"Hey, babe," Alex said, looking up to see Olivia. "Thanks for picking up milk. You know how Noah is when he doesn't get his cereal in the mornings."

"I do," Olivia said. She put the milk in the fridge and put her gun and badge in the locked drawer. "I'm sorry I was late."

"It's okay," Alex said. "The kids were actually good tonight and went to sleep early. I got a lot of work done."

Olivia sat down on the end of the couch, opposite Alex.

"What case?"

"Huh?"

"Elliot said you were helping Fin maybe…what case are you working?" Alex asked.

"Oh, just some surveillance on a person of interest," Olivia said. It wasn't entirely a lie. Fin just didn't ask her to do it.

"Okay," Alex said. "Oh, don't forget we're supposed to have dinner tomorrow night with Mom and Becca. So, no volunteering for 'surveillance,' okay?"

Olivia nodded. She knew if she was going to find anything out about Simon, she had to tread careful – both with work and with Alex. She didn't know why she didn't want to talk to Alex about it yet. Maybe it was because she wasn't sure why her brother's DNA was in the system in the first place. Was he a rapist like their father? No, Alex didn't need that information until Olivia knew what he was about.

#

"Olivia, Alex tells me you've been working extra hard lately," Caroline Cabot said once salads were delivered at dinner. "I hope that doesn't mean there's a rash of more sex crimes lately."

"Oh, no, well, I mean, no more than normal," Olivia said. "We just have a lot of active cases we're preparing for trial. Casey doesn't quite scare them into plea deals as much as Alex did."

Olivia smiled at Alex, even though they both knew it wasn't entirely true. If anything, Alex liked trials more than Casey.

"Well, I can imagine Alex is terrifying to those criminal if she treats them half the way she did her siblings growing up," Caroline joked and Olivia was relieved the conversation had finally strayed away from her.

She made herself busy, making sure Noah and Addie weren't making a mess while Alex held Maggie and tried to eat. It was always an adventure going out to dinner with three children. But Caroline insisted. _They're family and how else are they going to learn to behave in a nice restaurant?_ Caroline would say.

For whatever reason, it always worked when Caroline was around though. When Alex and Olivia tried to take the children out to dinner, it never failed that food or silverware went flying – usually on one of the women.

#

"Okay, the kids are all out like lights," Olivia said after she finished putting them to bed and joined Alex in the bedroom.

"Good," Alex said. "At least no one got pasta sauce in their eyes tonight."

The two women laughed remember their last outing.

"You really think Casey goes to trial more than I did? I mean, it seems about even to me," Alex said.

"Oh, you know, I just said that so I didn't have to talk about the cases with your mom," Olivia said. "You know I don't like to talk about it."

"Yeah, you don't seem to talk about much lately," Alex muttered, not meaning to say it out loud.

"Excuse me?"

"I didn't mean anything, Liv," Alex said. "It's just, you have been distant lately."

"I know, babe," Olivia said. "I've just…had a lot on my mind."

"You can talk to me about it," Alex said. "I mean, it's not like you need to protect me from the details of your job like you do with my mom or other people."

"I know," Olivia said. "I guess it's just different now with the kids."

"If you haven't noticed, we've had kids for a while," Alex said. "You weren't like this with Noah or Addie."

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "I just…I can't explain it okay. Can I just have that?"

Alex opened her mouth to speak after Olivia snapped at her, but decided against it. She just nodded.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I'll work on it."

"It's fine," Alex said. "Just don't forget you have a family to support you now."

Those words. _Family_. Olivia did have a family. Alex was her family. So were Noah, Addie and Maggie. But she also had more family - a brother. A connection to her past that she didn't have with anyone else. And Olivia was determined even more, to find out more about Simon Marsden.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	43. Jersey

_A/N: Getting to some juicy parts. Simon with carry on with some of the stuff from Season 8. I didn't go back to the episode to see how everything went down (even though I try to follow the show when I incorporate it). This time, I'm just going with what I remember. Also, we're not done with the bumpy. Just fair warning. Gotta get worse before it gets better._

 _I'll update regularly, at least through this arc and then figure out what's next. This fic is probably nearing an end (cause I mean, otherwise, we'll be into the Noah series). But I have a few things to tie up here._

* * *

 **JERSEY**

"What in the hell were you two doing in New Jersey?!"

Cragen let into Liv and Elliot. It had been a week since Liv's last "surveillance," but she couldn't stop herself. She had to go back and Elliot could tell she was going to. He followed her all the way to New Jersey and watched her as she had eyes on her brother and his family. She had even got out of her car to finally approach him on his way out the door while on this way to work.

But that is where everything went wrong. New Jersey cops were also watching Simon...and Liv. She was lucky she didn't get shot and, for once, was glad Elliot showed up when he shouldn't.

Of course, now he was getting ripped into by Cragen next to her.

"Cap, this is all on me," Liv said, pleading for her partner. "Stabler had nothing to do with this."

"Well then perhaps Detective Stabler can explain how you both ended up in New Jersey and in precinct of a police station there," Cragen said.

It didn't matter. Cragen knew it didn't matter. He knew neither of them would talk until they were good and ready, no matter what it cost them. He knew Benson had been acting weird, and was sure she was up to something, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

After staying silent until Cragen was done yelling, Benson and Stabler made their way back out to their desks, about to head home.

 _Click. Click. Click. Click._

 _Shit. Heels._

Liv knew that sound and knew exactly who's they were.

"Liv! You're okay. What is going on?" Alex demanded as she stomped into the squad room.

"Alex, what are you doing here? Where are the kids?" Liv asked, deflecting the question for later.

"I called her," Cragen said, stepping out of his office. "I mean, you know when the Captain of a New Jersey precinct calls me to tell me he has two of my detectives detained, I figured we may need a good attorney."

Cragen still wasn't happy and his tone showed it.

Liv glared at him, feeling like she had been tattled on.

"Someone better tell me what the hell is going on," Alex said.

"Maybe you'll have better luck than I did," Cragen mumbled, going back to his office and slamming his door.

"Alex, can we talk about this at home?" Olivia said. "I'll be there shortly."

"Yes, but you're crazy if you think you're not going with me now," Alex said.

Olivia sighed and gave a look to Elliot, who only shrugged his shoulders.

"Leave your car here and I'll pick you up in the morning," he said quietly. Olivia nodded and the two women left.

#

Alex and Olivia didn't speak all the way home. Alex was too angry and Olivia was afraid to speak. She figured once they were home with the kids, it couldn't be too bad.

"Where are the kids?" Olivia asked. She knew they were probably with Rebecca, she just assumed Rebecca was watching them at their house.

"Becca has them at her apartment," Alex said. "She's going to keep them overnight."

"Oh," Olivia said.

"Olivia, I want answers from you. And I want them tonight," Alex said, pacing around the living room. "I have been patient with you. I've made excuses for you in my head. The late nights. The distance. Everything that has been going on for weeks. If I didn't know better, I would think you were cheating on me. Where were you? Who were you watching?"

"I'm not cheating on you," Olivia said, annoyed Alex would even suggest a thing.

"Prove it. Tell me what you were doing," Alex said.

Olivia remained quiet for a moment. She knew she fucked up. Oh, how she royally fucked up. But she wasn't sure where to start and what possible excuse she had for not telling Alex.

She had been selfish.

"Olivia, I swear to God, if you don't start talking soon, I will walk out that door right now," Alex yelled.

"Fine," Olivia said, tears filling her eyes. "I have a brother."

"What?"

"I have a brother. That's where I was," Olivia said.

"You have a brother?"

"Yes."

Alex was confused.

"How? What? Why didn't you tell me?" Alex said. "When did you find this out and why didn't you tell me?"

"A few weeks ago and I don't know why I didn't tell you," Olivia said.

"I don't understand," Alex said. "So, your mother had another child and what, gave him up for adoption?"

"Not my mother," Olivia said, softly.

"Not...what?"

"My father," Olivia said. "My father has a son."

"But, you don't know who your father is," Alex said. "How did you find this out? Did he track you down?"

Olivia sighed. Another thing she didn't want to tell Alex.

"DNA. I ran my DNA and got a match in the system," Olivia admitted.

"Liv, you can't do that," Alex said.

"I know that, Alex! But you asked how I knew and I'm telling you."

Alex clenched her jaw. She knew she needed to be a partner now and not an attorney.

"Okay, so you tested your DNA...illegally," Alex said. She couldn't help herself. "And you found a match in our system to your brother or your father?"

"My brother. His name is Simon. He lives in New Jersey," Olivia said. "He works in the city and he has a family. A wife or girlfriend, and a child."

"And your father?"

"I don't' know," Olivia said. "I haven't had the courage to talk to Simon yet."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see who he was before I brought you or the kids into this," Olivia said.

"Well, it's a little too late for that now," Alex said. "And you know you're going to have to tell Cragen what you did."

"I know."

"I can't believe you, Liv," Alex said. "I mean, I understand this is hard and shocking for you. That this is a wound you've never healed from and may never, but we're a family. We talk about things. We have kids together for God's sake."

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "I was wrong. Okay, I get it."

"You're going to tell Cragen tomorrow," Alex said. "And if you want to meet this Simon guy, you're going to have to do it the right way. I mean, have you considered he doesn't know his dad is a rapist? Or that maybe he's a product of rape himself?"

"I've thought about all of this, Alex," Olivia said. "And I will tell Cragen tomorrow, but you don't get to dictate this. I am the one affected. I am the one that gets to decide how I want to handle this."

"You are the one affected?" Alex said. "Did you forget we have three children, including one from your genes."

"Oh, yes, I'm aware of my damaged genes, but thanks for the reminder," Olivia snapped.

"That is NOT what I meant and you know it," Alex said. "But this doesn't just affect you. I mean, I nearly had to bail you out of jail tonight, so I think this goes beyond you. And Stabler, what he's been covering for you? He told me you were with Fin that night."

"He didn't know then," Olivia said. "I mean, he knew about my brother, but not that I was..."

"Stalking him?"

Olivia breathed heavily at Alex's remark.

"And I can't believe you told Elliot about your brother before you told me; the woman you share a bed with every night; the woman you have three children with."

"Are we done?" Olivia asked. "I'm clearly going to have a long day tomorrow."

Alex shook her head, disgusted by the events of the night, even as much as she loved Olivia and felt empathy for her situation. But she was angry. She was angry at everything that had happened over the past several weeks and she was angry at Olivia shutting her out.

"Fine."

"Alex, come on," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, and I love you."

"I love you, too," Alex said. "But we're going to have to work through this. Sorry doesn't fix this."

"I know," Olivia said, defeated.

The two women silently got ready for bed, Olivia wondering if she should sleep on the couch or the kids' room, but figured she'd let Alex made that call.

They both got into bed, backs to each other and went to bed, neither sleeping much that night.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	44. Simon

_A/N: This may be rough because, well, things aren't quite fixed. I hurried through this so I could have something up tonight. But I'm trying to move through this arc quickly since I know you all don't love angst as much as I do and since you dislike Simon as much as I do. This arc will wrap up soon._

* * *

 **SIMON**

Olivia came home early.

She confessed everything to Cragen. He was mad, as expected, but a bit more understanding as to why she did what she did. But she still had to pay a price and was fortunate it just came in the shape of "mandatory" vacation time for the rest of the afternoon and the next day.

In the meantime, Stabler had texted her an update as to why Simon was being watched by New Jersey cops - he was under suspicion for rape.

Olivia's heart sank.

She had to know more about Simon, her brother. She texted Alex to tell her she was home, and that she was going to introduce herself to Simon. Alex wanted to go with her, but Olivia insisted she needed to do this one thing alone and Alex accepted it.

When Olivia made it to his house, she kept thinking about what Elliot had told her.

 _What if he was a rapist? What if was just like their father?_

Olivia sat in her car debating whether to knock on the door. She sat there long enough until eventually, she saw Simon coming out of the door; however, instead of going to his car, he was walking straight to her car. He knew she was there.

"Who are you?" he yelled when he got within an earshot of the vehicle.

Olivia panicked and decided she needed to leave. Before she could, he stood in front of her car.

"Why are you watching me?" he yelled again.

"I"m sorry, I think I have the wrong person," Olivia said.

"No you don't," Simon said. "I saw you outside my house. More than once. And I've seen you. It took me all night to put my finger on it, but I know you. I have your picture."

"You what?" Olivia was shocked by this revelation. _Was it possible her father knew about her?_

"Let me in your car and I'll tell you," Simon said.

Olivia looked down, making sure she still had her gun and unlocked the door.

"I've seen your picture. In my dad's things. Your hair was longer. You were younger, but I knew you looked familiar," Simon said. "Why is there a picture of you in my dad's things?"

"We have the same father," Olivia said.

#

For the next several hours, over lunch and drinks, Olivia talked to her brother. She told them how her mother was raped. How she was the product of that. Simon didn't want to believe that, but knew enough about his father that it wasn't out of the question.

They talked. They bonded. They said goodbye.

Olivia didn't ask why he was accused of rape. For a short time, she forgot and enjoyed getting to know her brother.

The next day, they planned even more time together. Not so much to bond, but to get to know each other, and perhaps, maybe Olivia would be able to get some answers about whether Simon was indeed like her father.

#

"Liv, are you sure this is a good idea?" Alex asked over dinner after Olivia told her about finally talk to Simon.

"No, I'm not," Olivia admitted. "But, I feel like I owe him a chance. And, well, if he's a rapist, then maybe I'll find out something useful for the investigation."

"Hm, okay, but be careful," Alex said. "You don't know him."

"He's my brother," Olivia said.

"Yes, but, just be cautious," Alex said.

"Always."

#

The next day, Olivia met up with Simon again. This time, he brought photos. Olivia did have some resemblance to her father, much to her dislike. Simon had a hard time recognizing this father may be a rapist and the more Olivia go to know Simon, the harder time she had believing he too was one.

 _Liv, DNA matched Simon in the rape case. New Jersey thinks they'll have enough evidence for an arrest soon._

Olivia stared at the text message, then she stared at Simon.

"Look, I really need to get going," Olivia said suddenly.

"Already?

"I need to get home to Alex and the kids," Olivia said. She had been careful not to mention her family to Simon, just in case. She slipped up.

"You're married and have kids?"

"Oh, no, not married, just, well, yes, I have kids," Olivia said.

"I'd love to meet your boyfriend and kids," Simon said.

That was another thing she hadn't mentioned. She just nodded.

Olivia knew what was coming. She knew Simon would be getting arrested soon, and she knew she couldn't be anywhere near him when that happened. But, if he was innocent, she was going to do everything she could to prove it.

#

"So, do you think he's guilty?" Alex asked Olivia about Simon after she relayed her day to Alex and then told her about the DNA match.

"I don't know, Alex," Olivia said. "I mean, I don't want to believe it. And I mean, I know there isn't such thing as a 'rape gene,' but..."

"The evidence says otherwise," Alex finished.

Olivia just nodded.

"Liv, I know you are biologically related to Simon and we both know genetics has nothing to do with whether you are a criminal or not, but you may have to consider Simon just maybe isn't a good person," Alex said. She was gentle, careful with her words.

"I know," Olivia said quietly.

She appreciated what Alex was doing. How gentle she was being. Things had been tense at home for a while not, and Olivia knew it was mostly her fault. She was hoping that could change soon, but she also knew she was going to have to figure out how to deal with everything she was feeling.

"Babe?" Alex asked, seeing Olivia lost in thought.

"Uh huh?"

"We'll get through this," Alex said.

"Really? Because you were ready to walk out the door," Olivia said.

"I was angry - and rightfully so," Alex said. "But as long as you are in this, I'm in this."

Olivia smiled. Alex loved her. She knew that much.

#

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

It was the following evening and Alex wasn't expecting visitors. Olivia had stopped at the grocery on her way home from work and should be home any minute.

She looked out the eyehole and didn't recognize the guy out there. She hesitantly opened the door, chain still attached.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Olivia," Simon said.

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong address," Alex said. She didn't know who it was, but she'd never confirm that to a stranger Olivia lived there.

"I don't," Simon said. "I'm her brother."

"Simon?"

"Yes."

Alex decided to go ahead and open the door for him and allow him to come in. She wasn't entirely comfortable with it, but she also knew were Olivia's spare gun and a taser was.

"Is Olivia home?" Simon asked as Alex motioned for him to sit in the living room.

"Mama! Can we watch a movie?" Noah yelled from his room where he and his sisters were.

"Yes, baby," Alex said. "Mama and Mommy have a visitor."

The kids cheered.

"I'm sorry," Alex said. "Olivia will be home in just a couple of minutes."

"You're Alex."

"Um, yes, I'm Alex."

"Oh, cool. She didn't tell me that," Simon said.

"That...I'm a woman?"

"Well, I mean, she didn't really say anything other than having a family. I just assumed...I'm sorry," Simon said. "It doesn't bother me. Olivia is my sister. I'd love her no matter what."

Alex just nodded. _Simon was intense and awkward._

"How old are the kids?"

"What are their names?"

"Did you adopt?"

Simon was full of questions, and seemed ready to fully embrace a relationship with Olivia. Alex got the feeling he was probably harmless, even knowing the charges against him, but still wasn't sure she liked him. She needed to establish some boundaries.

"So, did you post bail? Is that how you're out of jail?"

"Oh, Olivia told you that, huh?"

"Well, she is my girlfriend," Alex said, matter of factly.

"Yes, last night after I was arrested," Simon said. "It wasn't long after Olivia left me that they came, actually. Anyway, I just want you to know I'm completely innocent."

"So your DNA just ended up on the victim?"

"What?"

"Your DNA was found on the victim's underwear," Alex said. "How do you explain that?"

Alex momentarily forgot she wasn't cross-examining a witness.

"I, uh, I honestly don't know!" Simon said. "How do you know that? Did Olivia know? Oh God, did she know they were going to arrest me?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," Alex said.

Simon got up and started pacing.

"I didn't rape that girl," Simon said, rather loudly.

"Can you keep your voice down? My children are in the next room," Alex said firmly.

Simon realized his mistake.

"I'm sorry," Simon said. "I should go."

"Look, I'm sorry," Alex said. "Stay. Olivia will be back soon."

"No, I should go," Simon said. "I've probably caused enough problems for you. Tell Olivia I'll talk to her soon."

"Where are you going?" Alex said. "Maybe she can come see you."

"Home. I guess. I don't know," Simon said. "It was nice to meet you, Alex. Maybe we'll meet again under different circumstances soon."

#

Alex told Olivia about Simon's visit after she was home and had put the kids to bed. She made it clear she wasn't exactly a fan, but she also admitted she probably gave him too much information.

"So, you accused him of being a rapist?"

"No, I asked him questions," Alex said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told him about DNA."

"No, you shouldn't have," Olivia said. "Besides, he didn't do this."

"You're sure of that? Do you have evidence?"

"No, I just know," Olivia said. "I trust him."

"I don't," Alex said.

"Well, that's your opinion," Olivia said.

"Liv, listen to me. There is a victim. She ID'd him in a photo lineup. There is DNA," Alex said. "If this was your case, and he wasn't your brother, you'd be 100 percent certain he was guilty."

"Well, he is my brother and he's not," Olivia said. "I can't believe you're accusing him."

"I'm not accusing anyone, I'm just looking at the evidence and suggesting maybe not to be so trusting," Alex said. "You barely know him, even if he is your brother."

"Yeah, well if we're comparing brothers at least _my brother_ isn't a murderer," Olivia said. No sooner had the words come out, she was shot an icy stare from Alex.

"Fuck you," Alex said.

"Alex, I..."

"No," Alex said. "You don't get to say you're sorry this time."

Tear-filled eyes, Alex went to the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Olivia laid down on the couch, trying to process everything that had happened when her phone buzzed.

 _Olivia. It's Simon. Can you meet me? I need help._

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	45. Day Off

_A/N: Had to work late the past two nights, but a decently long chapter for your Saturday. I'll get in a couple more chapters this weekend hopefully. Definitely one tomorrow. I promise, things are about to come to a head, which is good, because it means they can start to get better (and since you already know they're still together in the Noah Series, you don't need to worry too much)._

* * *

 **DAY OFF**

Alex woke up alone. She hated that feeling, even if she had become used to it with Olivia's sometimes long hours into the night.

But this was different.

Olivia had slept on the couch. Sure, they'd had spats before when one of them had slept on the couch, but not like this. This felt different and for the first time since they had fully committed to one another, Alex was uncertain about her future with Olivia. She didn't know how to fix it and she knew, as much as she wanted, she could never change who Olivia was – she had just hoped Olivia would eventually learn to trust her.

She knew Olivia had left at some point during the night. Alex had gotten up for water and realized Olivia wasn't on the couch or in the kids' room. It wasn't usual. Alex figured Olivia probably went for a walk or maybe got called out to a case. She heard the front door open and close a short time later, so she knew Olivia was home and safe.

Alex strolled quietly out of the bedroom in her robe, hair still in a towel. She was up earlier than normal because she barely slept the night before. She tried to be quiet so as to not wake Olivia or the kids, but saw Olivia was already awake, reading the paper and drinking coffee – something they would typically do together.

When Olivia saw her, she folded the paper up and handed it to Alex.

"I'm done," Olivia said. "I'll go wake the kids up and start getting them ready."

"No need," Alex said.

Olivia gave the blonde a confused look.

"I took the day off," Alex explained.

Confusion turned to surprise.

"You took the day off?" Olivia asked slowly.

"Yes. Mom is coming into the city today and I just decided to spend the day with her and the kids," Alex said.

"How many times have you ever 'just decided' to take the day off?" Olivia asked.

Alex shrugged.

"Change is good. You should try it sometime." Alex cringed when the words came out of her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that out loud and she saw Olivia clench her jaw.

"So, this is about us," Olivia said flatly.

Alex took a deep breath.

"No. Yes. I don't know, Liv," Alex said. "All I know is I don't like where we are and I just want to spend the day with my family."

"I'm your family, too," Olivia said.

"Honestly, it doesn't feel much like it lately," Alex said.

She knew those words would hurt Olivia. She didn't feel good about it, but it was a truthful statement.

She couldn't understand, even after all this time, why Olivia couldn't let her in some parts of her world. When it was just the two of them, it was one thing. But now that they had children, Alex wouldn't accept it. She recognized Olivia's need for alone time to process things, but secrets and lies was never part of the bargain.

Olivia didn't respond to Alex's comment. She just finished her coffee and went to take a shower, never even looking Alex in the eye.

#

Caroline Cabot arrived a few hours later. Olivia had left for work early, and Alex appreciated the kids were having a mellow morning. Noah was playing with his race cars and Alex watched as Addie was having fun with her baby sister, Maggie.

Alex hadn't even realized the time when Caroline came through the door.

"Woah, Mom, you scared me," Alex said, looking up from the floor where she was sitting with the girls. "Knock much?"

"I figured you would have your hands full," Caroline said. "Besides, why waste a good key?"

Alex got up and greeted her mom with a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry we're not ready for lunch," Alex said. "I lost track of time."

"Oh, hush," Caroline said. "In fact, I had been thinking about that Thai restaurant down the street you and Olivia took me to once. They'll deliver, right?"

"Um, sure," Alex said. Caroline never wanted to miss an opportunity to dine out in the city, especially not for take-out. For her, you either cooked a meal at home or went out to dinner. There was no such thing as take-out in Caroline Cabot's world.

Of course, in Alex's world, there was a lot of take-out, so she wasn't about to complain. And it would certainly be easier to manage three children at home than in a restaurant.

Alex called and ordered lunch while Caroline got her hugs and kisses from her grandchildren and let them tell her all about their lives – well, the ones old enough to talk anyway. But even with Maggie, Caroline sat and listened as Maggie babbled on, spitting out an actual word occasionally.

After lunch was ordered, Alex and Caroline prepared lunch for the kids and helped them not make an entire mess while they ate.

Lunch came and the children were beginning to look sleepy. It was nap time at their daycare and Noah's kindergarten, so Alex put them down just in time for her and Caroline to eat in peace.

"I'm sorry we're spoiling your big day in the city," Alex told her mother. "I know this probably wasn't what you had in mind."

"Nonsense," Caroline said. "Any time I get to spend with my daughter and beautiful grandchildren is perfect."

Alex smiled. It may have been the first time she smiled all day.

"Thanks, Mom," Alex said. "But I know you. I mean, you even let us order take-out."

"Well, I may have had other motives," Caroline said. "When you texted me late last night that you were going to take the day off and would join me today, I knew something was up."

"I can't just want to spend a day with my mom?" Alex said, sheepishly.

"Alexandra, I know you better than anyone, except for maybe Olivia, and trust me – my baby girl has never 'just decided' to take the day off," Caroline said.

Alex laughed at her mom using the same line Olivia did. _Was she that obvious?_

"What's so funny?"

Alex shook her head. "Olivia said the same thing this morning about me never taking a day off randomly."

"Well, it's true," Caroline said. "We know you well. And now, since I've proven that, why don't you really tell me why you took the day off to spend with dear old Mom."

Alex had wanted to talk to her mother and it was the reason she took the day off; she just didn't know how.

"It's Olivia, isn't it?" Caroline asked. Alex's face told her she was right.

"Maybe, but how did you know that?"

"Every time I've mentioned her name so far today your face changed," Caroline said. "Did the two of you have a fight?"

Alex closed her eyes, trying to think of where to begin. Finally, she just started talking, telling her mom everything that had happened in the past few weeks with Olivia and her newly discovered brother. She did, however, choose to leave out the words exchanged by them the prior night when Olivia called Adam a murder and Alex's response to that. She needed motherly wisdom, not an angry mom on her hands.

#

After many cups of coffee and tea, and a few shed tears, Alex told her mother goodbye and began to figure out how she and Olivia could reconnect and put this behind them.

Caroline made Alex realize that while Olivia was definitely in the wrong, Alex couldn't quite understand what Olivia was going through, and it wasn't her place to downplay what Olivia was feeling. Alex was aware of how hurtful her words could be and decided she needed to give Olivia love and understanding rather than jabs and snide remarks when she was hurt.

But, she also planned to stand her ground and set her boundaries. Olivia didn't have to talk to her about everything she was feeling, but she couldn't keep things from her, especially big things, and she couldn't lie to her. If they had a future, this phase Olivia was going through, had to change – and change quickly.

#

The home phone rang a bit after her mother left and Alex scurried over to answer it – it was Olivia's bank where she kept her savings and the money left to her from her mother. They kept separate accounts since they weren't married, even though they both were on the others. They also had another they kept jointly for household expenses.

"Hello?"

" _This is Diane from Jefferson Bank and Trust. Is this Ms. Benson?"_

"No, this is Ms. Cabot. Olivia isn't home right now."

" _Oh, Alexandra Cabot?"_

"Yes."

" _It's not anything super important, but since you're on her account, can you just let her know she forgot her withdrawal receipt here today? If it was a small amount, I would just mail it to her, but since it's a larger sum, I thought she may want to make sure she has the record of it now."_

Confusion grew over Alex's face.

"Um, yeah, sure. I'll let her know." Alex then hung up the phone and jotted down the message so Olivia could see it even if she got home late – which Alex expected because it's what always happened after a fight.

She was curious as to why Olivia withdrew a 'large sum' of money, but it wasn't hers to question. Alex often moved around some of her family money for different things, and she would never question what Olivia did with her money. Olivia was responsible financially and they both contributed regularly to college funds for the kids and their retirement funds. Anything else Olivia did was up to Olivia.

#

In the squad room, Elliot was packing up his things to start to head home. He took one last phone call, then made his way over to Olivia's desk.

"You heading home soon?" he asked.

Olivia shrugged. "I may follow-up on some leads on the Jackson case."

"It's getting kind of late, it could wait until tomorrow," Elliot said. "Besides, I'm sure Alex and the kids will be happy to see you."

"You're going to lecture me on family time?" Olivia said. "You only went back to Kathy because she's pregnant."

Elliot took a deep breath at the jab and ignored it. He knew Olivia and Alex were fighting, and he knew exactly why – Simon. Not because Olivia had told him, but because he knew his partner.

"Don't make my mistakes just because you and Alex are fighting," Elliot said.

"Who said we were fighting?"

"I know you," Elliot said. "You came to work early. You've barely spoken to anyone all day, and when you have it's been snappy. You about bit Fin's head off early. Also, you look like hell, which means you didn't sleep well. Let me guess? Alex ban you to the couch?"

"Don't you have a family to get home to?" Olivia said, rolling her eyes and clearly done with the conversation.

"Okay, fine," Elliot said. "Just don't take Alex for granted."

He lingered around her desk. The phone call he received also concerned him, given Olivia's demeanor and he was trying to read her.

Olivia looked up at him, and gave him a _what_ look since he still hadn't left.

"You talk to Simon today?" he asked.

"Nope," Olivia said, shaking her head and never looking up.

"Okay," Elliot said. "Well, New Jersey just called. Apparently he jumped bail. You sure you haven't seen him?"

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything, Liv. I'm just asking because you're family. You know these guys – they usually reach out to family members."

"Well, I haven't seen him and screw you for even suggesting otherwise," Olivia said.

"I wasn't suggesting it," Elliot said. "Just informing you to be careful. Who knows what he'll do if he's desperate."

"You done?" Olivia asked.

Elliot nodded and turned to leave. He'd never known Olivia to lie to him, but something about their conversation just didn't sit well with him.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkclocks!_


	46. Bail Jumping

_A/N: One more chapter of this particular Simon arc (2 at most), then a wrap up chapter for the arc. Then we'll either end the fic, or move into another arc. Let me know if you have ideas from S9 - S12._

 _For anyone "surprised" or that feels Liv is out of character, this is a lot canon. Liv gave Simon money, he jumped bail, and she lied about it to Elliot. All within a matter of days of meeting him. Though I am scrunchingthe end of that season together now._

* * *

 **BAIL JUMPING**

Olivia put her key in the lock and quietly turned it. She regretted she missed seeing the kids off to bed. Out of everything going on, she realized the kids had probably suffered the most and she knew it wasn't right.

All for what? Simon. Her brother?

No. Olivia knew, at the very least, she needed to start putting her family, her immediate family, first – and that included Alex.

Under normal circumstances, she would be edgy, but everyone at the office was irritable. Fin's stepson was about to begin trial for murder and he wanted nothing more than revenge against Fin and SVU. She hoped to God he never found out about Simon and  
what she had done.

He couldn't possibly, though. No one except Dean Porter from the FBI knew. When Simon contacted her last night, she didn't know who else she could trust, so she told him she'd see what she could go, and then went to see Dean.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Alex, too. God, she trusted that woman with her life. But she didn't want to involve Alex. She saw how Alex had been affected by everything with Adam and she didn't want to put Alex and the kids through that again. She  
wanted to handle it and see how it played out before she introduced her family to this man with the potential to cause chaos. Right or wrong, she wanted to protect her family more than anything.

She saw the light on in the bedroom when she came in the door. She put her gun and badge down and made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water. That's when she saw the note from the bank.

 _Shit. Rookie move._ _Alex couldn't possible know, right?_

Olivia couldn't tell Alex. Alex was an officer of the court and telling Alex would mean Alex would be legally required to report what Olivia did. If she didn't, she could be in just as much trouble as Olivia could be in if anyone ever found out.

Olivia couldn't risk Alex's career.

If Simon's bail jumping came out, Olivia would deal with it and Alex. She knew it was risky, but more than anything, she had to protect Alex's career and her family. If they both lost their careers, what kind of affect would that have on their kids? Sure,  
Alex had family money, but Olivia would never want to have to rely on that, even for a short amount of time.

But she and Dean came up with a plan. Simon had a limited window, so Olivia withdrew the money and gave it to Simon. Enough for him to get out of the state until she could prove his innocence. Dean, for his part, put the same amount of money into an investment  
account in Olivia's name. The money wasn't connected to Dean or Olivia, and Olivia didn't ask where it came from, but if anyone went digging through Olivia's financials, she had a paper trail to show where her withdrawal went.

"You're home."

Alex's voice startled Olivia out of her thoughts. She was still standing in the kitchen, looking down at the message Alex left for her.

"Oh, yeah," Olivia said. "I'm sorry. I was just –"

"Don't bother with excuses," Alex said. "I know why you're late. I can't say I blame you, but the kids missed you."

"I know," Olivia said, putting her head down and slowly approaching the living room where Alex was. "I missed them, too. I'll make sure I'm here tomorrow night."

Alex just nodded acknowledgement.

"How was your day with your mom and the kids?" Olivia asked.

"Good. Mellow," Alex said. "Mom actually suggested take-out."

"Take-out? Your mother?" Olivia said, cracking a smile. "What was that about?"

Alex took a breath.

"She knew something was wrong, didn't she?" Olivia asked.

Alex shook her head to confirm.

"Alex, I want us to get past this," Olivia said. "And I know most of this is my fault. I'm sorry for what I said about Adam last night. You know I don't think those things about him. I mean, sure, he killed Bill, but it was different. He didn't plan it  
and if anyone had it coming, well…"

"I know," Alex said. "And I want us to work on this, too. But what you're doing has to stop. You can't keep keeping things from me."

Olivia just shook her head. She knew she shouldn't keep things from Alex – and she never planned on it – but this was different. She was protecting her.

"Can you promise me that, Liv?" Alex said.

"Yes," Olivia lied. "But there are some things…"

"I know," Alex said. "You have to process somethings on your own."

Olivia nodded, then looked down when her phone buzzed. A text message from Dean Porter.

 _Everything is taken care of, Liv. Meet me for lunch tomorrow and I'll give you what you need from the FBI on Simon's case._

Of course, Liv didn't need info from the FBI, but if anyone saw their texts, there would be a reasonable explanation as to what was "taken care of."

"Everything okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, just a message from Porter," Liv said.

"Porter with the FBI? What does he want?" Alex asked. She wasn't his biggest fan. She always felt his interested in Olivia was more than professional, but she trusted Olivia so she never said anything.

"Oh, he was just tracking down some info on Simon's case for me," Olivia said. "I asked for his help to clear Simon."

Alex shook her head.

"Liv, we have a lot of work to do," Alex said.

"I know."

"I was thinking…maybe we should go to counseling," Alex said.

"Al…I don't know," Olivia said.

"Baby, I love you, but I can't – won't – continue on like this," Alex said.

"What are you saying, Alex?"

"I'm saying what I just said – things have to change," Alex said. "Or…"

"Or what? Are you thinking of leaving me?" Olivia asked, almost defensively, suddenly realizing how bad this situation had become.

"I…I don't know. I mean, we can't go on like this," Alex said.

Olivia clenched her jaw; not from anger, but from sadness. The best thing that had ever happened in her life was sitting in front of her telling her she'd thought about leaving her.

"Liv, of course that's not what I want," Alex said. "And I understand your job is challenging. That it's hard being married to a cop. I mean, we've seen what this did to Elliot and Kathy. And I know I'm challenging, too. I will fight like hell for us,  
but even I have my limits. I don't just have myself to think about – we have the kids, and right now, we're not giving them the home they deserve."

Those words cut Olivia deep, but she knew they were true, and she knew Alex was right. For the first time, even she began to wonder what was best for everyone. Maybe Alex and the kids would be better off without her. She'd never disappear on the kids.  
She'd always be the best mom she could, but she also wasn't sure people should stay together just for the kids' sake, either.

"You're right," Olivia said. "We'll go to counseling. I want this – us – to work. I love you, Alex. No more secrets." _Except the one I'm keeping from you right now._

Alex shook her head, relieved. "Come to bed with me?"

#

They hadn't made love in weeks, months even, and they didn't that night either, but when Alex woke, it was nice to have Olivia next to her. It was the closest she had felt to her in a long time.

She quietly crawled out of bed and made her way to the kitchen to make coffee. When it was done, she poured a cup and picked up the paper from the front door to read. She also began to scroll through her emails and texts from the previous night. She and  
Olivia had talked so long, Alex hadn't even bothered to check her phone or computer before bed.

She had a text from Elliot from the night before she hadn't seen.

 _Simon jumped bail. Liv said she hadn't talked to him, and I guess I believe her, but if you see him nosing around, let me know. I don't know what is going on with Liv right now. Also, this conversation never happened._

Alex's heart sank.

Simon jumped bail. Olivia made a large withdrawal from the bank that she didn't mention to Alex.

Common sense told her to trust her gut, and her gut said Olivia had given Simon the money; that Olivia knew about it, and that Olivia was still keeping secrets from her.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkcl0cks!_


	47. Broken Glass

_A/N: ... not sure what to tell you here, except, trust me. Oh, and it's definitely gonna need another couple or so to wrap up. I'm really enjoying this arc (now that Simon is gone for a bit)._

* * *

 **BROKEN GLASS**

Alex said nothing about what she knew. The bail jumping. The large withdrawal from Olivia's bank.

She got ready for work, and even after Olivia got up, she continued as if thing were as they were when they went to bed the night before. Broken but fixable.

But with each passing moment, the angrier Alex got, and the more she believed what her and Olivia had once had was gone, and it may not be fixable.

 _Cut your losses._ That's what Alex's dad always would tell her when something didn't work out the way she anticipated and she had given it all she had. It wasn't an excuse to quit – it was more of a reminder that sometimes more damage can be done  
by continuing to hang on to some idea after it's dead.

Alex carried on. She and Olivia got the kids off to daycare and the babysitter and went to work. It was only then, in the protection of her office, perhaps the only place Alex felt safe lately, that she picked up the phone.

" _Law offices of John Cabot. How may we help you?"_

"Valarie, it's Alex. Is my dad busy?"

" _Sweetie, he's always busy, but never too busy for you. I'll put you through."_

" _Alex, how's my favorite oldest daughter?"_ John Cabot's voice always boomed with joy when his kids called him at the office.

Alex sighed. "I need to see you, daddy."

" _Does this have anything to do with you taking an unplanned day off work to spend with your mother? You know, I tried to get it out of her last night, but she's about as secure as Fort Knox when it comes to mother-daughter talks."_

"Maybe, but this just stays between us, okay?"

" _Do I need to come today? I can have Valarie clear my schedule."_

"No, no. Just tell me when you have a free morning."

" _I'm half-retired handling business contracts for my friends. They like to try to keep me busy, but you know I can be free for you anytime. How about tomorrow morning?"_

"Perfect. I'll meet you at 8:30 at our diner."

#

Olivia made sure to get home at normal time that night. She promised Alex she would and she wanted to spend some quality time with the kids, too. For the first night in what seemed like forever, they seemed like a family – almost.

Alex still seemed distant. Olivia was sure they had made some progress the night before, but in the morning, Alex seemed cold again. Olivia had chalked it up to neither of them sleeping well lately. She knew Alex had done her share of tossing and turning  
the night before; Olivia had too. But Alex's behavior tonight just made it more apparent that they still had a long way to go to fix thing.

 _Maybe I should tell her about the money?_

That thought ran through Olivia's head constantly since it had happened. Olivia knew Alex would want her to, and she even knew she probably should in a normal situation. But her and Alex's relationship was different.

She couldn't.

If anyone ever found out, Alex could see legal repercussions, even be censured or disbarred. Yes, Olivia's career could be in jeopardy, but that was her decision. Alex did not choose that and practicing lawyer was the most important thing to Alex in the  
world, aside from the kids.

With Darius Parking causing problems for everyone in the squad room, Olivia couldn't take that chance. Even if it cost her with Alex, at least Alex would be in the clear.

"Were you going to call around to find a counselor tomorrow, or do you want me to do that?" Olivia said. "I could ask George to recommend someone."

"Liv, I'd really rather our colleagues not know about our problems," Alex said.

"George wouldn't have to know about our problems," Liv said. "You know him. If I asked him a question, he'd answer it and never bring it up again unless I did."

"Still, he'd know," Alex said. "Look, I'll figure it out. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"Yes," Alex said.

#

After dinner and some play time, Alex offered to do the dishes while Olivia gave baths to the kids.

In the middle of washing and rinsing, Alex dropped a wine glass, shattering in the sink and cutting Alex's hand just enough to cause it to bleed.

"Shit!" Alex exclaimed, grabbing a towel to stop the bleeding and to gather up the glass pieces. She was doing it in a huff, muttering under her breath when she heard a quiet voice behind her.

"You okay, mama?"

Alex turned around to see Noah standing there. Hair wet and combed to the side, clean pajamas on, and big brown eyes looking up at her.

"Yes, baby, I'm sorry if I scared you. Mama just has a small cut. Nothing a Band-Aid won't fix," Alex smiled at how tender Noah could be at times. "I thought you were taking a bath with your sisters."

"I went first," Noah said. "Ms. Robin says boys and girls are different and shouldn't see each other without clothes."

Noah's class had recently went on a swimming field trip, Alex remembered. The paperwork they sent home was a little over the top, even for a lawyer, all about changing policies and what they could wear and what they couldn't. Alex understood why, though,  
and appreciated Noah's school for it.

"That's right, Noah," Alex said. "Boys and girls are different."

Alex had to remind herself that Noah was getting older and was beginning to notice some of those obvious differences. Separate bath time seemed like it would be a good idea in the future.

"Are you mad at mommy?" Noah asked.

"No, baby, why would you think that?" Alex said.

"You were yelling," Noah said. "You only yell when you're mad at mommy. Her too."

Alex stopped dead in her tracks. They had been fighting a lot lately, and there were times voices had been raised, but usually after the kids were in bed. She hadn't considered how much the kids were aware of it, but with Noah's age, it made sense.

"No, sweet boy. I just cut myself. I shouldn't have yelled. I'm sorry," Alex said. "Do you think me and mommy yell a lot?"

"Sometimes," he said and furrowed his face like he was thinking. "It's hard to sleep sometimes because it's loud and scary. Sometimes you say bad words, like tonight."

Alex's heart was breaking with every word out of Noah's mouth. She was fighting back tears. She walked over and bent down to give Noah a hug.

"I'm sorry, Noah," Alex said. "Mommy and I will do better, okay?"

"Okay, I love you mama," Noah said. "Even if mommy doesn't anymore."

"What? Why would you think that?" Alex asked, surprised by such a comment.

"Erick said his mom and daddy don't love each other anymore. They would yell a lot, too. Like you and mommy."

"Listen here, Noah," Alex said. "I'm so sorry you had to hear those things. And I promise you me and your mommy love each other. Sometimes adults just don't get along, but no matter what, we'll always love you. Okay, buddy?"

"Okay, Mama," Noah said. He then turned around and went back to his room, passing Olivia on the way.

"What was that about?" Olivia asked.

Alex turned her back to Olivia, not wanting her to see her tears.

"Alex? Are you okay?" Olivia asked getting closer and reaching out for Alex's shoulders to comfort her.

Alex pulled away.

"No, I'm not okay, and neither are our children," Alex said. "Noah hears us fighting. He thinks we don't love each other anymore."

"What? Why would he think that?"

"Because Erick's parents yell a lot and now they don't love each other," Alex said.

Olivia had a confused look on her face.

"They're getting divorced, Liv," Alex said. "Noah's classmate Erick. Jessica told me about it last week when I picked Noah up."

Jessica was Erick's mom. Alex and she had gone to high school together.

"Oh," Olivia said. "Well, you told him differently, right? That we do love each other."

"Of course, I did," Alex snapped, quietly. "But you know what, sometimes I have to ask myself that question, too."

Olivia's mouth dropped open as Alex brushed passed her and left the kitchen – dishes still only half done, and pieces of glass and blood still in the sink.

Olivia wasn't sure what had happened in the past 24 hours, but she knew things had went from looking up to the gutter.

#

The next morning Alex went to meet her father at their diner. The same place they always had breakfast when he was in town. Alex's mother hated it. It was too greasy, she said. But Alex and John Cabot loved it, and the coffee.

When Alex arrived, John was already there, paper in hand and sipping coffee in a corner booth. He was always early. When he saw her, he got up to greet her, giving her a kiss on the cheek before she slid into the seat across from him.

"So, how's my baby girl today?" John asked gently.

"Daddy, I'm leaving Olivia."

* * *

 _A/N 2: *Ducks* (I'll get another update out tonight...I won't leaving you hanging like this)_

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkcl0cks!_


	48. Family Issues

_A/N: Tissues. Yes, there will still be one tonight. I'm just getting what I can out of the way now before I have to do some real work._

* * *

 **FAMILY ISSUE**

" _Daddy, I'm leaving Olivia."_

Alex could tell by the look on her father's face, he wasn't expecting that. She knew he could probably guess there may be problems with her and Olivia, but his expression dropped at her words.

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" John Cabot reached across the table and took his daughter's hands. "How have things gotten so bad?"

Alex took a deep breath in, then pulled her hands way and reached into her purse.

"First," she said, pulling out a dollar bill and slipping it to him. "Now, I've paid you for legal consultation."

"Honey, you know that isn't technically necessary and even if I wasn't a lawyer, I'd never reveal anything you told me," John said.

"I know, but it makes it crystal clear in case this ever comes back to head in the future," Alex said.

"What is going on? You're worrying me, Alexandra," John said. "Have you done something illegal? Has Olivia?"

"I haven't, but Olivia may have," Alex said.

"And that's why you're leaving her?"

"Actually, no," Alex said. "I'm leaving her because I can't trust her, because she is keeping things from me, making choices that affect our life and the kids' lives, and not talking to me about them despite me begging her. She's lying to me dad, and I won't put up with that."

"Fair enough," John said. "You know I'd never question your decisions, as much as I love Olivia. So, tell me what she has done."

John knew before he'd get his daughter to open up about the emotional parts, he needed to let her talk through the logistics of what Olivia may have done wrong.

Alex filled him in on everything. Simon. How Olivia found him. The rape accusations. The late nights of her spying on him. Their bonding over fucking cereal. And finally, the bail jumping and money withdrawal.

"Well, legally, it's circumstantial at best," John said.

"Daddy, this isn't a court of law," Alex said. "I don't need you defending Olivia's actions."

"I'm not and I'm talking about if it ever comes out," John said. "Sure, someone could connect the dots and make it appear that way, but it would be hard to prove 100 percent unless someone talked."

"I have the bank records. Her phone records. It was easy enough for me to show enough cause," Alex said. "Simon texted her the night before he jumped bail and Olivia made a series of calls and texts to someone else before and after the money withdrawal."

"Maybe she was just putting money into an IRA," John joked.

"Daddy…"

"Okay, do you know who she was calling or texting?"

"I'm not certain, but I think Dean Porter, her handler when she did some work for the FBI," Alex said.

"Why would she call the FBI for help if she'd done something illegal?" John asked, confused.

"I don't know, but her and Dean have a weird dynamic," Alex said. "I never completely trusted or liked him. So, it wouldn't surprise me if he helped her."

"Does Olivia know you know any of this?"

"No," Alex said. "And I don't know if I should tell her. I mean, if she doesn't trust me enough to talk to me…"

"She probably thinks she's protecting you, Alex," John said. "You're an officer of the court and -–"

"Daddy! Whose side are you on?" Alex said. "You can't possibly justify her actions to me, about this or about anything else."

"Alex, honey, that's not what I'm doing," John said, his voice slow and calming. "Olivia not telling you was wrong, as is all the secrets she's keeping. But you know her better than I do and I know enough to know she is insanely protective of people she cares about."

Alex sighed. She knew this would be Olivia's argument, but she still didn't like it and it still didn't excuse it.

"Sweetheart, don't misunderstand me," John said. "If your mother kept something like that from me, or more realistically, if I'd kept something like that from her, she'd leave me in a heartbeat. Believe me, I've been there."

"So, you don't think I'm making the wrong decision to leave Olivia?"

"Alexandra, I know that whatever you decide will be what is best for you and the kids," John said. "I would never question you about it. From what you've told me, it sounds like this has been going on for a while and is a recurring issue. If Olivia can't get past it and you can't accept it, then you may just have to –"

"—cut my losses. I know," Alex said.

"How can I help?" John said. "I mean, if this is what you decide."

"I don't know how to do this, dad," Alex said. "I mean, there's the kids, and the fact that we're not married, but share everything. The apartment. Finances."

"Look, you're not the first person to do this, and you certainly won't be the last," John said. "It doesn't take away the pain of going through what you're going through, but no matter what you decide, your mother and I will be here and you will get through it. Those two things I know without a doubt."

Alex slumped her shoulders then poured another cup of coffee. They had gone through so much the waitress just kept a pot on their table.

"I imagine, knowing you and Olivia, you want things to be civil," John said. "Joint custody of the kids?"

"Of course," Alex said. "Liv is a great mom and I'd never want her to not see the kids as much as she wants."

"How about this? I'll go back to the office, draw up some paperwork, undated, and send it to you. I'll make some typical recommendations, but you can change the details as you see fit, and if you never need it, then that's fine. I mean, one advantage to same-sex marriage not being legal here yet is you don't have to go before a judge. Just get it notarized."

"Thanks, dad," Alex said. She started to get up to leave, but he stopped her.

"Wait, Alex," John said. She sat back down.

"Olivia loves you, you do know that, right?"

"I do," she said.

"Love isn't always enough, but why don't you let us take the kids for a few days, a week even, so you and Liv can figure out your next step," he said. "It's hard to talk through things like this with kids around."

"Tell me about it," Alex said before telling him about her conversation with Noah the night before.

"Okay then, it's settled," John said. "I'll stick around the city today and after you pick up the kids this afternoon, I'll just take them home with me. Care to swap vehicles with me?"

"My SUV for your Porsche? Ha!" Alex said. "Anytime, dad."

"Good. I don't think two car seats and Noah's booster was gonna fit," John said, laughing.

#

Alex went into work and immediately talk to her boss about a few days off to deal with a family issue. She didn't have any big cases coming up and what she did have wasn't anything her colleagues couldn't handle, so she was told to take as much time as she needed. Everyone knew Alex rarely took time off, so a few days were more than well deserved.

She went home and began to pack suitcases for the kids for a few days. She got an email from her dad a few hours later. He had already drawn up paperwork for her and sent it. She printed it out and made some correction with a pen, leaving it on the counter before heading out to pick up a few of the kids' favorite snacks at the store to send to her parents.

#

Olivia and Elliot were sitting in the squad room, working on DD5s in their down time, and hoping for no calls the remainder of the day.

Casey popped in looking for Fin and Munch for a status update and to let them know they needed to testify the following week.

"They're out right now following-up on something, but we can pass along the message," Olivia said.

"Thanks," Casey said. "I'm surprised to see you here this afternoon."

"Where else would I be?" Olivia said.

"Well, I heard Alex took a few days off for a family issue and just assumed you were with her," Casey said. "Everything okay with her folks and the kids?"

Elliot and Olivia exchanged glances. It was obviously the first time Olivia had heard that information.

"Um, as far as I know," Olivia said.

"Oh," Casey said. It was clear she felt like the shared something she shouldn't have. "You know, Alex just cleared some major cases from what I understand. I'm sure she just wanted to take advantage of a few free days. She deserves it."

"Yeah, that's probably what it is," Olivia said.

Casey left and Elliot watched Olivia closely, seeing her mind churning at why Alex needed time off for a "family issue," and why she didn't know about it.

"Everything okay, Liv?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" she said.

"I don't know," he said. "It didn't seem like you knew Alex took time off. Things still rocky?"

Olivia sighed, but answered him. "Yes. Well, I mean, we talked the other night. I thought things were better, but then she turned into the ice princess again."

"What'd you do?"

"Me? Why do you assume I did anything?" Olivia was suddenly defensive and angry.

"Liv, come on, you've not been yourself lately," Elliot said. "If you're shutting Alex out like you've been shutting me out, I can imagine it has you in hot water. You know how much Alex hates it when you keep things from her."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"So…are you?"

"Am I what?" Olivia snapped.

"Keeping things from her?"

"You know what, I think I'm just going to go home and check on my girlfriend. I certainly don't need this from you," Olivia said. "Tell Captain to call if he needs me."

#

Olivia came home and the house was quiet. She expected it to be. The kids were at school and daycare. Alex was supposed to be at work, but apparently wasn't according to Casey. But no one was home.

She wandered through the apartment before stopped near the kids' rooms. Suitcases by the door. Her stomach sank as she proceeded on to hers and Alex's bedroom. An overnight bag sitting on the bed. It wasn't packed, but it had been pulled out of the closet.

 _Maybe Alex is just going to spend time with her parents._

Olivia walked back out to the living room and then the kitchen. Nothing seemed out of place. She looked around and then noticed some papers on the bar counter.

She grabbed them and sat down at the kitchen table. There was red ink mark on it, but the papers were clear – it was a separation agreement for her and Alex.

Alex was leaving her.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkcl0cks!_


	49. Leaving

_A/N: Okay, here is some payoff. Yes, there will be a follow up tomorrow evening to this chapter. Thanks for all the wonderful comments on the last few chapters. It's been a rollercoaster for our two ladies, but I promise, it's ending._

* * *

 **LEAVING**

Olivia stared at the papers in her hand in disbelief for what seemed like forever. She read every word of the document three times. She read the annotations and corrections in red ink – Alex's handwriting.

She got up and poured a glass of wine. The words didn't change.

The papers in front of her was a separation agreement. Custody. Division of assets. A holiday schedule for the children, which Alex had noted Olivia could have the kids on any holidays she wasn't working due to the nature of her job.

Olivia halfway smiled at that, the considerateness of Alex, but it didn't change the fact of what the document was. Alex still planned on leaving her.

Olivia looked up at the door handle turned and she saw Noah and Addie push their way through the door. Alex was surprised when she saw Olivia home.

"Mommy!" Addie exclaimed when she realized Olivia was there.

"Hey, baby," Olivia said, reaching for Addie as she ran to her. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yes," Addie said. "And Grandpa came to visit."

"I see that," Olivia said, nodding at John.

"Are you sad, Mommy? You crying," Addie asked, seeing Olivia's red eyes.

"Mommy just had a hard day at work, baby girl," Olivia said. "But I'm all better now that I get to see you all."

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances. Alex saw what had been in Olivia's hands. She was upset with herself for leaving it out for Olivia to find that way. It certainly wasn't what she planned, but she also hadn't expected Olivia home so early.

"So, Grandpa and Grandma wanted to take the kids for a few days," Alex said in an attempt to explain to Olivia in a kid-appropriate manner what was going on.

"I saw the suitcases," Olivia said.

Another glance exchanged between the two women. John looked down, entertaining himself with Maggie in his arms.

"Hey, Noah, Addie, why don't you two go pick out a couple of toys each and a few movies to take with you to Grandma and Grandpa's house?"

"Okay!" Noah yelled and the two of them ran off to their rooms.

"I'll go help," John said, making himself scarce.

When everyone else was gone from the room, Alex spoke up.

"I hope it's okay they go with Mom and Dad," Alex said. "I was going to call you when we got home."

"It's fine," Olivia said. "We apparently have some things to talk about."

She glanced down at the paperwork and picked up her glass to take a drink of wine.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered. "I wanted to talk to you first. I didn't…"

"It's fine, Alex," Olivia said. "We may as well rip the Band-Aid off."

Neither of them spoke again until the kids were all packed up and ready to go with Grandpa.

"Are you going with them?" Olivia asked. "Or should we move around the car seats?"

"We're trading cars," John said. "I'm leaving you and Allie with the Porsche for a few days."

Olivia nodded.

John gathered the kids over by the door.

"Bye, Daddy," Alex said, coming over to give him a hug.

"Thank you for everything," she whispered in his ear.

"Anytime, sweetheart," he said. "Olivia, I wish I could spend more time, but the crowd is getting antsy. We'll see you soon."

"Bye, John. And thanks," Olivia said.

John looked around, thinking he should say something, but not wanting to say anything in front of the kids – at least the ones that could talk.

"Noah, why don't you and Addie go press the elevator button and take your luggage. I'll be right there. But don't leave my sight and don't get on the elevator without me," John said. He was grateful the elevator was just across the hall and knew with how tall the building was, they'd likely have to wait a bit for it to arrive. Maggie was strapped to his back.

"Girls, I don't know what to tell you right now and I'm not going to pretend to understand how painful this is," John said. "But know that we love you both, and I know you both love each other as well. Make sure you remember that."

Olivia and Alex just nodded, both hold back tears until everyone was gone. John turned and left, meeting the kids at the elevator.

#

"Liv, I'm so sorry," Alex began a few moments later. "I didn't want you to find out this way."

"Find out? So, you've already decided?" Olivia said. "What the fuck, Alex? Just the other day you wanted us to go to counseling. Now I'm staring at a custody agreement."

"I didn't say I had decided," Alex snapped back. "And the other day I didn't know just how far the extent of your lies was."

"What are you talking about? I haven't lied to you about anything."

"Oh, really?" Alex said. "So, not telling me you helped your brother jump bail by withdrawing several thousand dollars isn't lying to me? What happened to us making decisions together?"

"I didn't realize I needed your approval before I spent my money," Olivia said. "Don't worry, none of it came from the Cabot fortune!"

"Excuse me? You think I give a fuck about the money?" Alex yelled. "I couldn't care less if it was $5 or $5,000 and whose bank account it came from. I'm upset because you lied to me. You lied to me by not telling me. And you kept it from me even after you promised no more secrets!"

"I was protecting you," Olivia said.

"Oh, the 'I was protecting you bullshit again,'" Alex spat. "If I had a dollar for every time you told me that…"

Olivia sat still, stewing and not speaking.

"So, you're not actually denying you helped him jump bail?" Alex said.

"Would it do any good if I denied it?" Olivia said.

"No," Alex said.

Both were silent for a moment.

"Jesus fucking christ, Liv," Alex said. "Do you have any idea how much trouble you could be in? You put your career in jeopardy over what? Some guy you just met who happens to share the same genes of your rapist father?"

"Oh, good one, Alex," Olivia said. "Keep reminding me my father was a rapist. I never get tired of hearing it. And for what it's worth, yes, I know how much trouble I could be in, that's exactly why I didn't tell you!"

"Right, cause you were protecting me," Alex said. "Cause why? I'm an officer of the court, so of course I'm going to put my job before my family?"

"Because I didn't want you to have to choose," Olivia said.

"You know, that argument would hold a lot more weight if I wasn't pretty sure you had Agent Porter help you out," Alex said. "What? His career isn't as important as mine? I mean, at least I would have a reason to cover up for you. What's his reason?"

"He was just trying to help," Olivia said. "And he did. That's all."

"Or maybe you two were just fucking when you were working for him that short time at the FBI," Alex said. "I mean, it was pretty clear from his face he wanted you."

"You have lost your damn mind if you think there was ever anything between me and Porter," Olivia yelled.

"Then why would he risk his career?" Alex said.

"I don't know. You'd have to ask him," Olivia said. "I think he felt like he owed me, and he knows Simon is innocent, too."

"It's not even that you told him," Alex said. "It's that you trusted him more than me."

"That's not true!"

"Yeah? Tell me what part of your actions over the past several weeks would lead me to believe you trust me?" Alex said.

"Okay, fine," Olivia said. "I made some bad decisions. But I mean it when I say I didn't tell you about the bail jumping to protect you. I mean, it's not like we're married. We don't have spousal privilege."

"When are you going to stop treating me like something so breakable?" Alex said. "How long have we known each other? I'm a big girl, Olivia. I'm pretty sure I've learned how to handle the shit you throw at me."

"See, there you go," Olivia said. "Always with the sharp jabs. Jesus, Alex, I'm not a witness on the stand. I'm your girlfriend. Maybe I'd talk to you more if I didn't think I was going to get a lecture or some attack."

"Oh, so this is all my fault. I see," Alex said.

"I didn't say that, Alex," Olivia said. "Look, I fucked up. And yes, I deserve all of this. I probably even deserve those papers right there. But dammit, I did this for you. For us. And our family."

"You broke the law for us?"

"I didn't tell you for us," Olivia said. "I broke the law for Simon – who also is family. I get you may not understand that, given that you've had your family around your entire life, but it means something to me."

"Okay, you're right," Alex said. "I don't understand. I don't understand why you would risk your career over someone you just met – even if he is your brother. I don't understand why you would risk your family – the family right here in front of you that you created yourself – so Simon, guilty or innocent, could run away from his problems."

Olivia looked down. She didn't have an answer.

"Olivia, we're right here, in front of you," Alex said. "You have a family. And I'm not saying you can't be family with Simon, too, but don't forget about us. Don't forget about me. You've always had a family with me. God, I've been in love with you since we met."

 _In love._ _Did that mean Alex was still in love with Olivia?_

"Are you…still?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Still what?"

"In love with me?" Olivia said.

Alex took a deep breath. "Yes, of course. But we can't keep on like this and I think we may need some time to figure it out."

"Some time? What does that mean?"

"I don't know," Alex said. "I want this to work, but I don't trust you anymore."

Olivia began crying. She felt a gut punch coming.

"Liv, don't cry," Alex said. "Look, maybe I'll go to a hotel for a few days while the kids are away. Then we'll figure out how we go forward when they come back."

"You…want to leave?"

"I don't know, but I think I need to," Alex said. "I booked a hotel for the night already."

Olivia nodded. Tears falling down her face.

Alex was crying too, but she turned and went to the bedroom to finish packing her bag. Olivia sat at the kitchen table, not moving, tear drops falling on their separation document.

"I'll be at the Hyatt in midtown if you need something," Alex said when she returned.

Olivia looked up and nodded, not moving from her spot.

Alex dragged her bag to the door and paused before opening it, looking back at Olivia. She put her head down, and left.

#

Alex hadn't stopped crying since she left the apartment. All the way downstairs and the entire cab ride. Even when she was checking in.

The worst part of all of it? Olivia had never asked her to stay. Alex knew it was probably just because Olivia felt like she deserved it, but Alex still wanted Olivia to give a damn, to fight for them. She needed to see Olivia not walk away from something in her life, and she had hoped it would be her.

But Olivia didn't. Olivia sat silent as she walked out the door, never moving.

Alex changed into her pajamas and called down to order a bottle of wine. She figured she'd earned it.

She sat on the bed, flipping through channels in hopes of finding something to take her mind of Olivia and also not remind her of her girlfriend – mother of her children.

A short time later a knock came at the door.

 _The wine._

Alex got up, grabbed some cash for a tip and opened the door without looking to see who it was – something she knew Olivia would scold her for.

"Thank you so –" Alex started.

It wasn't the wine. It was Olivia.

"Don't go, Alex," Olivia said. "I love you and I will do anything for you – for us. Please, I don't want a life without you. I want to spend forever with you."

With that, Olivia dropped to her knee and pulled out a diamond ring.

"I know my timing is horrible and you don't have to answer right now, God, I wouldn't expect you to, but Alex, I want you to know how much I love you," Olivia said, to a shocked Alex.

"Will you marry me, Alex Cabot?"

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -darkcl0cks!_


	50. Stay

_A/N: Come on, Liv is desperate, not dumb :-)_

* * *

 **STAY**

" _Will you marry me, Alex Cabot?"_

Alex stood frozen in the doorway, not understanding what was happening in front of her. Olivia quickly got up and walked inside the hotel room, shutting the door behind her.

"What are you doing?" Alex managed to get out.

"I love you, Alex…"

"I can't," Alex said.

"I know, and I'm not asking you right now," Olivia said. "I mean, I know I did. And God, I do want to marry you, Alex, but I know you can't say yes to me right now. I just…. fuck, I don't know. I wanted you to know how serious I am."

"Where did you even get that ring?"

"I've had it…for a while actually," Olivia said. "And I know we've talked about it, but were waiting until it was legal…but I just…I don't know, wanted to be ready."

"So you picked NOW?" Alex said. She ran her hands through her hair and walked back toward the window.

"Okay, forget the proposal," Olivia said. "When you left tonight, I just…I knew I was lost. And so I dug it out of my night stand and planned to come here and tell you how much I love you, how long I've loved you, and that I want to spend my life with  
you."

"You don't think I don't want that, too?" Alex said.

"I know you do…or at least you did," Olivia said.

Alex closed her eyes and looked away.

"Baby, I deserved this. I screwed up and I may have lost the most important things in my life, you're right," Olivia said. "And I don't know how to explain how I felt when I felt Simon and why that is so important to me. I know you're my family. I really  
do, I was just…I don't know."

Alex sat down on the bed.

"You're right, I don't understand how you feel. I can't. But Liv, I want to try. I want to support you, even when I don't understand exactly what you're going through," Alex said. "But you're so stubborn. You shut me out."

"I know," Olivia said. "I just wanted to…"

"Protect me, I know," Alex said.

"I know, you don't like it, but I can't help it, Alex," Olivia said. "You and the kids really are the most important thing to me in this life. If I have to never see Simon again, if that's what you want, I'll do it."

"Of course that's not what I want," Alex said. "I just want you to include us in that part of your life…and your decisions."

"Even if it could jeopardize your career?"

"Even if," Alex said. "Babe, I'm a good attorney and I know how to plead the 5th. But even if it meant giving up my career, my status in the bar, my Cabot family connections and money – for you, Olivia, I would do it."

"You just have so much to lose," Olivia said. "Why would you risk that for me?"

"Liv, if I don't have you, none of it matters," Alex said. "Why would you risk everything – your career, your family – for Simon?"

"It's a part of my life I've never had that I've always wanted," Olivia said. "It was just me and my mom growing up. No family to speak up. And just knowing I had a connection out there to that part of my life, it was like something I've been looking  
for forever. Knowing who my father was. Maybe finding out why he raped my mother.

"And then I see how close you are with your family. I mean even with Adam, you have to admit, you'd do anything for him, even despite all the things he's done," Olivia continued.

"No, you're right," Alex said. "And I never considered my relationship with my family bothered you."

"It doesn't bother me. I love it. It just makes me wish I'd had that growing up," Olivia said.

Both sat across from each other in silence – Alex on the bed, Olivia in a chair.

"I don't know what to tell you," Alex said. "I don't know if I trust that you'll change."

"I know," Olivia said. "But I'm not letting you walk away from me again, not without doing everything in my power and exhausting every option for us to heal. If we can't make it then, then we can move on."

"Liv…"

"Please, Alex, give me one more chance," Olivia said, reaching out for Alex's hand, tears streaming down her face. "Please…"

"I…I don't…I don't know if I can," Alex said, tears also streaming from her face.

Olivia's face dropped, her look defeated.

"Okay," Olivia said. "I'll go…for now. But this isn't done. We're not done. But for right now, if you need time, space, I'll go, and I'll move out. You shouldn't have to because I failed you and the kids."

Alex looked away.

Olivia stood up, still holding Alex's hand.

"I love you, Alex, and I won't stop fighting for us," Olivia said, letting go of Alex's hand.

Olivia walked to the hotel room door, and turned back to look at Alex, who was sitting on the bed, still crying.

She turned back to the door and reached for the handle.

"Stay."

#

This time, it was Olivia's turn to freeze.

"Stay." She heard again.

Olivia turned around to see Alex looking up at her, desperate blue eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I don't care," Alex said.

Olivia stood, staring and uncertain what to do when there was a knock on the door.

"It's probably the wine I was expecting when you showed up," Alex explained.

Olivia checked the peephole, verifying who it was, and then opened the door.

"I'm sorry it's late, ma'am," the young man said quietly and shyly. "It just…uh, sounded like it was a bad time when I came a bit ago."

Olivia put her head down, embarrassed that he had heard them talking so passionately.

"No, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "Here." She handed him a $20 bill because she didn't have anything smaller in her pocket. "Thank you."

"Thank you, ma'am. Do you want me to bring it in?" He was holding a bottle, corkscrew and two wine glasses.

"Um, sure," Olivia said, moving out of the way.

"I know you said you only needed one glass, Ms. Cabot, but when I heard you … um, had a visitor, I thought…"

"Thank you," Alex said.

The young man sat everything down, opened the bottle and quickly exited the room, leaving Olivia and Alex alone.

"Wine?" Olivia offered.

"Yes, please," Alex said.

Olivia poured Alex a large glass and handed it to her, then poured herself one equally as large. She returned to the chair she had been sitting in by the desk when Alex got up and nodded toward the two cushioned chairs by the window. They both moved.

They both sipped their wine in silence for a while, trying to relax after the events of the night, and really, the past several weeks.

"This is nice," Alex said. "Just being here with you in total silence. I've missed you, Liv."

"I've missed you, Alex," Olivia said.

They didn't speak again for a few minutes and Alex quickly polished off her glass.

"I guess you like this wine," Olivia said smiling at how much fast Alex had drank her glass.

"You know, when I find one I like…"

"I know," Olivia laughed softly. "That reminds me of that weekend we stayed at the bed and breakfast. Our second night there when we had that wine you really liked with dinner. I thought I was going to have to carry you out for a bit."

"Oh yes," Alex said. "In my defense, it was a really good wine. You splurged for the really good stuff that night."

Alex paused.

"That was our first weekend away," Alex said. "When we were first dating and still sneaking around."

"Yeah, that was fun," Olivia said. "Things were much simpler when it was just you and me. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love our kids, family and friends, but…"

"No, I know. We thought we had problems then," Alex chuckled. "So young…and in love."

"I'm still in love," Olivia said. "Maybe not so young, but I'm still in love with you, Alex. And even though it may not seem like it, I love you so much more today than I did back then. I had no idea how much I could love someone until you."

Alex put her glass of wine down and took Olivia's from her hand.

"Come to bed with me," Alex said.

"You sure?"

"Just hold me, Liv," Alex said. "I just want to remember what it feels like to have your arms around me. That's the kind of love and protection I need from you."

Olivia nodded and followed Alex.

Alex pushed the covers back and laid down. Olivia laid down beside her, still fully clothed and lightly put her arm around the blonde, uncertain of how much Alex actually wanted her to touch her.

Alex relaxed and moved closer so Olivia tightened her grip.

"We're gonna make it," Alex said. "We have to make it."

"I know," Olivia said. "We will."

Olivia leaned forward and kissed Alex on the forehead.

"I promise you, we will," Olivia said.

* * *

 _A/N: Some resolution for you...I'll have a wrap up chapter tomorrow, then we'll move on with the story into something else..._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	51. Morning

_A/N: One more short one tonight...just cause._

* * *

 **MORNING**

Alex woke up in the same spot she had fallen asleep in - snuggled against Olivia. When she opened her eyes, she saw Olivia was already awake and smiling at her.

"Morning," Alex croaked out.

"Good morning, my love," Olivia said.

"How long have you been awake," Alex said.

"Not long," Olivia said.

Alex realized Olivia was still in the same clothes she had on the day before, the clothes she had worked in.

"That couldn't have been comfortable to sleep in," Alex said, pushing Olivia's hair back out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ears. "You should have said something. I had extra pajamas in my bag."

It was true. Alex had packed three nights worth of pajamas because she didn't know how long she was going to be gone.

"I didn't want to disturb you," Olivia said. "You looked peaceful. And besides, I sleep in my clothes all the time when I catch shut eye in the crib at work."

Alex put her head back on Olivia's shoulder.

"We have a lot of work to do, Liv," Alex said.

"I know," Olivia said. "And I want to put it in."

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Who's that?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know," Alex said. "I just woke up."

Olivia got up and went to the door, looking through the hole.

"It looks like breakfast," Olivia said.

"Did you order breakfast?" Alex said.

"No. You didn't?" Olivia asked.

Alex shrugged and Olivia opened the door.

"Your breakfast," the older man said who was holding the cart.

"I think there has been a mistake," Olivia said. "We didn't order breakfast."

"Is this Ms. Cabot's room?" the man said.

"Yes," Olivia said.

"Then this is the right room," he said. "It's a complimentary breakfast."

"From who? Or why?"

"That I don't know, but there is a note here," he said, motioning toward an envelope on the cart.

"Okay," Olivia said. "Thank you, sir. I can take it from here."

She took the cart and ran over to her purse to leave him a tip.

"Thank you," he said, and left.

"What's the note say?" Alex asked, sitting up on the bed.

Olivia opened the note:

 _I hope you ladies worked things out last night and enjoy the breakfast. Also, hope the upgraded wine was to your liking. - Jake_

"The young guy from last night?" Alex said.

"I guess so," Olivia said.

"I knew that wine was better than what I ordered," Alex said. "He must have come up here, heard us fighting and went and swapped it out. But this, wow. How much did you tip him?"

"Clearly not enough," Olivia said.

#

The two women finished their breakfast, keeping the conversation light. As much work as they still needed to do, they were both drained ... and hungry.

"So, what happens now?" Olivia finally asked.

"Honestly, I don't know," Alex said. "I never imagined we'd be here."

"Me either," Liv said. "But I'm not so naive to think things are just magically fixed. Do you still want to go to counseling?"

"I think that's a good idea," Alex said.

"Okay," Olivia said. "So, the separation agreement?"

"Look, Liv, I just asked Dad to draw it up yesterday. He happened to be in the city and took care of it quickly so I could have time to look at it and make a decision," Alex said. "I mean, yes, it's what I thought I wanted, but...it's not."

"Thank God," Olivia said. "I was so worried I'd wake up this morning and you'd have changed your mind."

"No," Alex said. "But don't make me regret it."

"I won't," Olivia said.

"Tell me about the ring," Alex said.

"Well, I really did buy it forever ago," Olivia said. "And proposing last night was stupid."

"Yes, it was," Alex said. "But I'm glad you did it. It showed me how serious you were."

Olivia nodded.

"For what it's worth, the answer is still no right now," Alex said.

"I know," Olivia said.

"That said, I do expect you to propose again, and ideally not in the middle of a fight," Alex said. "You're going to owe me so big for that."

Olivia smiled.

"I know," she said. "And to be honest, I never expected you to say yes, but I just really wanted you to know that this is real to me. You're my endgame."

"Well, after three kids, I'd hope so," Alex said.

"Speaking of the kids ..." Olivia said.

"Mom and Dad will keep them as long as we want," Alex said. "And I think we should take them up on that offer. Take time to reconnect and figure out how to work through our problems without letting the kids hear us fighting."

"We could just not fight," Olivia said, smirking.

"Ha! As if that would ever happen," Alex said. "But, I never want to be here again."

Olivia smiled and let out a breath.

"I think we could let them stay for a week with my parents," Alex said. "I mean, I think we definitely need more time for us, but one week without the kids will be hard enough, and I don't want them to get worried. Noah has really been struggling lately."

"I know," Olivia said. "And it's probably my fault."

"Our fault," Alex said.

"If we have a week, then we should make the most of it," Olivia said. "Starting by staying here tonight."

"That's fine, Liv, but I'm not ready to...well, for us to be _together_ ," Alex said.

"Understood," Olivia said. "So, I'll take you out tonight. I can go home, pick up some clean clothes, and we can go to dinner and maybe a walk."

"That sound perfect, Liv."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	52. Divorce?

_A/N: The kids are with grandma and grandma and Noah needs to talk through some things. TISSUES!_

* * *

 **DI...VORCE?**

That same morning all the Benson-Cabot children were excited to be at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

After a lively breakfast that included at least two spilled orange juices ( _I told you not to keep the white tablecloth on, Caroline)_ , Aunt Rebecca offered to take the kids out for an adventure, exploring at the beach.

"I don't want to go," Noah said. "Can I stay here with you, Grandma?"

His mood was somber and Noah not wanting to explore was a big surprise, but Caroline agreed he could stay with her and help clean up from breakfast. He followed along right beside her, helping her put the dishes into the dishwasher, "helping" wipe down the now-sticky table. When they were done, grandma rewarded him with a piece of apple pie and a glass of milk.

"Can I have ice cream on top like last night?" Noah asked.

"Ice cream? It's not even lunchtime yet, Noah," Caroline said.

"Please, grandma?" Those big brown eyes looking up at her and the pouty lips did her in.

"Well, I suppose we can make an exception just this once."

"Thanks, Gram," he said, smiling finally.

Caroline fixed their plates of pie, even including ice cream on her own slice, and sat down at the kitchen table with Noah. She asked him about school and what he was learning, and he was eager to fill her in. After a few minutes, he grew quiet.

"How long are we going to be here?"

"I don't know, a few days," Caroline said. "Is that okay? You're not bored already, right?"

"No, I like it here," Noah said. "I have fun with you and grandpa."

"Well, we have fun with you," John Cabot said, sitting down with his own plate of pie and ice cream. They hadn't seen him sneak inside.

"Will I have to move?" Noah asked after another few moments of silence.

"What? What makes you asked that Noah?" Caroline said, not quite following what he was thinking about.

"Erick had to move when his parents were arguing," Noah said. "He said he may have to go to a different school next year."

John gave Caroline a confused look and she mouthed " _school mate"_ to him. She had taken Noah and Erick on a playdate one afternoon earlier in the school year.

Caroline ignored Noah's question for the moment, but instead wanted to see how much he understood about what was happening.

"Do you hear your mom and mama arguing a lot?" Caroline asked carefully.

"Sometimes," Noah said. "Sometimes Mama cries when Mom doesn't see. Sometimes it makes me cry, too."

"Why do you cry?" Caroline asked.

"I don't know," Noah said. "I don't like it when Mom and Mama are sad. They are sad a lot."

Caroline had to fight to hold back her own tears. John decided to jump in and help out.

"Well, buddy, grown ups sometimes forget to be nice to each other, like they teach you at school," John said.

"Erick said his parents were getting a ..." Noah paused for a minute to think of the word, "a ...vorce."

"A divorce?" Caroline asked to make sure she was sure what he was saying.

"I guess," Noah said. "His mom and dad don't live in the same house now. He said he has to go back and forth to their new houses."

"That must be hard," Caroline said.

"He said he doesn't like it," Noah said, then paused for a minute, "Well, he did have two birthday parties. He liked that."

Caroline and John smiled.

"What's a ...di..vorce?" Noah asked, focusing to make sure he said the word right this time.

"Well," John started. "It's when two people who are married decided they don't want to be married to each other anymore."

"Are my moms going to have one?" Noah said.

Caroline and John exchanged glances, neither really knowing how to answer. Of course, Alex and Olivia wouldn't be getting a divorce since they weren't married, and couldn't be just yet in New York; but Noah was too young to understand any of that still. In his mind, his moms were married because they were a family.

"Well, Noah, I don't know," Caroline finally said. "But I do know this: your moms love you and your sisters more than anything. We love you all more than anything. And your moms, they love each other, too, so I don't know the answer to your question, but I believe everything will work out."

Noah nodded. Caroline had said more and explained more than she imagined, but Noah was smart and clearly had a lot of questions.

"I don't want them to have one," Noah said, tears filling his eyes. "I love Mama and Mom, even Addie and Maggie. Erick said he doesn't see his sister all the time now because she never goes to their dad's house."

Caroline and John just listened, letting the kid talk.

"I like having sisters," Noah said.

"You'll always have your sisters, Noah," Caroline said.

"So, I won't have to have two homes?" he finally asked.

"Well, you already have two homes," Caroline said. Noah gave her a confused look, so she continued. "You have a second home here, and you always will."

Noah smiled. "Grandmaaaa."

"Why do adults yell and argue? Aren't they supposed to be smart?" Noah asked. "Our teacher says we have to talk to people in a gentle voice, like when we're indoors."

"Yes, they are supposed to be smarter than that," Caroline said. "And your moms are smart, but sometimes, when you live with someone, they can get on your nerves."

"Like Addie?"

"Addied gets on your nerves sometimes?" John asked, smiling at the boy.

"Ugh, yes. She messes up my legos and she's too young to know how to build it," Noah said. "And sometimes, she just won't go away. Or when I can't watch a movie I want because Addie will cry because she wants to watch a princess movie."

Caroline and John exchanged glances again, laughing at their grandson, who clearly had been holding back his frustrations with his little sister.

"What do you say to her?"

"I tell her to stop being a baby," Noah said. "Sometimes I get timeout if I yell at her. Mama and Mom should have a time out, too."

"You're right, Noah," Caroline said. "And that's exactly what they're doing right now."

"They're on a timeout?" Noah said, eyes widened.

"Yep," Caroline said. "When you have a time out, your Moms send you to your room to think about your behavior?" Noah nodded. "Well, right now, that's what your Moms are doing. Spending time without any distractions...like you kids...to think about their behavior."

"Then they'll stop arguing?" Noah asked, hopeful.

"I hope so buddy, I hope so," Caroline said.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	53. Accidentally

_A/N: To answer some questions about the last chapter about ages (I know it's hard to keep up, which is why I have a document for it). Noah is between 5-6, Kindergarten age. Addie 3+; Maggie 1+. Olivia is Mom; Alex is Mama._

 _As for the conversation with Noah, thanks for the positive feedback. I wanted to look at how it was affecting the kids. I know he_ _ **may**_ _be a little young for that conversation, but that's why I framed it as "Erick told me" so set up this is where he learned this stuff. Kids remember things, even if they don't fully understand it. And even if he's young, I think he's old enough to comprehend something is wrong, and make basic connections (like yelling, etc…) to what Erick told him. (If fact, I remember a similar conversation when I was about 6 years old with my mom.)_

 _Okay, enough justifying, let's check in on our ladies._

* * *

 **ACCIDENTALLY**

"That was…intense," Olivia said.

She shut and locked the door behind them, then hung up her jacket. Alex plopped down on the couch. They had just returned from their first counseling session

"It was," Alex replied. "I'm drained."

They had both attending counseling in the past, individually, but this wasn't what they were expecting at all. It was harder when someone else was involved.

"What did you think of Dr. Myers?"

"I like her," Alex said. "You?"

"I liked her, too," Olivia said. "But she certainly doesn't waste any time."

Dr. Ella Myers had been referred by George. She was very clear up front that she didn't mess around and she expected them both to be fully committed to mending the relationship. She didn't spend a lot of time on their backgrounds. She'd get to it, she explained, but she wanted a clear picture from the start of what their issues were so she could decide if she could help them.

She asked hard questions, and didn't sugarcoat anything. Given Olivia's and Alex's professions, they appreciated the tactic.

"So, we'll stay with her?" Alex said. She knew finding a good counselor wasn't always easy and didn't always take on the first shot.

"I'm okay with that," Olivia said. "Leftovers from last night's dinner?"

Alex nodded. They had gone out to dinner the previous night at one of their favorite places, one they hadn't been to in a while. It was quiet and romantic, even though they were moving slow in that department.

Olivia warmed up their Italian dinner plates and poured them each a glass of wine.

"Living room or…?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Alex said. "No, wait. We're supposed to talk and connect more. If we're watching TV…"

"Dinner table it is," Olivia said, sitting the plates down, then retrieving the wine.

Dr. Myers had suggested they look for small opportunities to talk to each other, especially away from the kids. Time when they could connect, even if it was just as mundane as their days. She said having dinner together, without TV and other distractions, was one of the ways they could do that, especially while the kids were gone.

How long the kids would be gone, however, was an area of contention for the two.

"I guess we need to decide how long to leave the kids with your parents," Olivia said. The original plan was one week, even though Alex was getting antsy after just three days. It had come up in counseling earlier when Dr. Myers suggested two weeks.

"Liv, I don't know if I can do two weeks," Alex said. "I don't know if that's good for the kids."

"Babe, they are young," Olivia said. "They're on an adventure at grandma and grandpas."

"I know, but Noah is missing school," Alex said.

"Kindergarten, Alex," Olivia said. "We have already arranged to get his work, and I'm sure your mom will make sure he doesn't get behind."

"Two weeks, babe?" Alex said. She hadn't realized until then how much she was relying on them for her company and support while she and Olivia was struggling. They could almost always take her mind off her troubles with Olivia. It's probably the only reason she let it go on as long as she did.

"Don't get me wrong, Al," Olivia said. "It's going to be terribly hard on me. But I don't know it will affect them too much at this age. And, wouldn't it be better they come home to a better environment, than rush it and we're still working through things?"

Alex sat quietly and took a bite of food and drink of wine. Olivia knew she was formulating a response.

"It's not ideal…for any of us," Olivia said, before Alex could speak. "None of this is good for anyone. In a better world, we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have caused us to get here."

"Liv, Dr. Myers said you're not supposed to do that," Alex said. "Though, I agree, it's mostly your fault." Alex grinned at Olivia when she said it, teasing her. "Babe, you know I'm kidding. It took us both to get here."

"I know," Olivia said, returning the smile. "Look, I'll let you decide about the kids since it's your parents they are with. Maybe we should talk to your mom about it? See how they are doing?"

"Actually, Mom is in town Saturday," Alex said. "I really don't know why, but she said she wanted to have dinner with both of us. I guess we can talk about it then, unless you're working."

"Nope," Olivia said. "I talked to the Captain. Told him I needed to take a break. I mean, I'm still working, but just not staying extra unless it's an emergency."

"When is SVU not an emergency?" Alex laughed.

Olivia raised her eyes and nodded in agreement, taking another drink of her wine.

After dinner was cleaned up, the ladies changed into their pajamas and decided it call it a night. It had been a long, draining day.

They had been sleeping in the same bed and shared some gentle, but small kisses; however, they had refrained from sex or anything that would lead to it. Dr. Myers said they didn't need to do that, but they also needed to trust themselves and not rush into it to "fix" things. So far, they both seemed to be comfortable with trying to reconnect in other ways first.

They shut the lights out and were both in bed, when Olivia realized she hadn't double checked the locks on the door. She told Alex she'd be right back and went into the living room to the front door, leaving the lights off so it didn't disturb Alex who was nearly asleep.

When she returned to the bedroom, she decided to head into the bathroom first, not even glancing over at the bed.

She opened the door then stopped when she saw Alex in there – topless.

"Oh!" Olivia said, freezing. "I...um…I didn't realize you…were in here…I, uh, I'm sorry."

Alex had just pulled off her shirt, and when she heard Olivia, her natural reaction was the cover up.

"No, don't be sorry," Alex said. "When you got up, I decided to change into a different sleep shirt. The other one had a tag that was bothering me."

Olivia nodded, still staring. A smirk grew on Alex's face.

"Liv, you look like you've never seen my breasts before," Alex said.

"It's um, been a while," Olivia said. "And I didn't mean to…"

"Liv, it's okay, really," Alex said. "We're a couple. You're allowed to see me naked."

Olivia finally relaxed and let a smile out.

"Well, it's been a while, I may have forgotten," Olivia teased.

Both women blushed at where the conversation was going.

"We don't have to…go there," Olivia said. "I'm just glad I get to wake up next to you."

"I'm not saying no, but…"

"No, we should wait," Olivia said. "But I may accidentally feel you up when I kiss you goodnight."

"Accidentally, huh?" Alex said, winking as she moved past Olivia, taking her hand and pulling her to the bed.

"Yep, accidentally."

* * *

 _A/N 2: Next up...Mom Caroline's visit...and yes, trace619, Caroline will have a few things to say to the ladies._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	54. Mama Cabot

_A/N: Mama Cabot time..._

* * *

 **MAMA CABOT**

The near-week without the kids was a challenge for Olivia and Alex. The first few days was okay, but by the weekend they had both realized how much they had been using the kids as a crutch for their broken relationship.

With the kids in the house, they didn't have to communicated with each other all that much. All their conversations were about the kids for the most part, and specifically who was going to handle what portion of parenting for a particular issue. Who's picking up Maggie today? What should we feed the kids for dinner? Noah isn't sharing at school – do you want to talk to him, or should I?

With those factors stripped away, they saw just how bad things had become. Talking to each other was even a struggle because they had become so detached from each other.

It had been a stressful week, and the bitterness crept in at times. But they were working on it, taking the steps necessary to fix it.

"Alex, we're going to be late," Olivia said, pacing the living room, waiting for Alex to finish getting ready for dinner with Caroline.

Alex came to the bedroom door. "It'll be fine. Besides, every time you say something, it only slows me down."

"Just hurry," Olivia said. "You know how much your mother hates it when we're late."

"She'll get over it," Alex said. "Besides, she's used to it with me."

"Yeah, we all are," Olivia mumbled, just loud enough for Alex to hear and slam a dresser in response.

"You know what? If we'd just driven to their house today to pick up the kids, we wouldn't be here now, and late, to meet my mother for some mysterious dinner," Alex snapped.

Olivia opened her mouth but thought better of it. They had made progress during the week, but so much time with just the two of them had led to some irritability. Olivia knew that, and knew the conversation they were having, while typical, wasn't going to help them heal.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said calmly. "I'll be more patient."

Olivia voice, toned down a notch, brought a calming relief to Alex too who realized things were getting tense.

"I promise, I'll be right there, babe," Alex said. "I'm sorry we're running late."

 _Compromise. That was a good start._

#

They entered the restaurant 10 minutes late and the hostess immediately took them to where Caroline was already sitting.

Both Alex and Olivia greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and took their seats.

"You know, your excuse of blaming the kids for being late doesn't hold up today, Alexandra," Caroline said, half serious, half joking.

"Mom -" Alex began but Olivia cut her off.

"I'm sorry, it was my fault. I spent more time in the shower than I intended," Olivia offered.

"That's sweet of you to take the blame, Olivia, but I know my daughter well enough to know she probably changed two or three times while getting ready and that's why you're late," Caroline said, wise to Olivia's cover.

Alex rolled her eyes and smiled.

They ordered dinner and the server brought a bottle of wine to the table Caroline had ordered, pouring them each a glass. They knew they would have a while before dinner was ready, as everything was cooked to order.

"We actually wanted to talk to you about something, but you should go first, Mom," Alex said. "What was the reason you wanted to have dinner tonight?"

"I'd prefer it if you went first," Caroline said. "What I have may take some time."

Olivia and Alex exchanged nervous glances.

"OK. Well, our counselor – we went to see a counselor – she liked the idea of the kids being with you all this week, to give us time to focus on our relationship without distractions. She even suggested we make it two weeks if possible, but we're unsure if that's a good idea. I mean, I'm not sure Noah being away from school that long is good and all of them being away from home is good," Alex said.

"We just want to know what you think; how the kids are doing; and if you are even willing to consider another week," Olivia said. "I know they can be a handful."

"Well, all three of them for a week is handful," Caroline said. "I now know why you don't like taking them out to eat at nice places." They laughed at the comment.

"First, I'll say of course we're willing," Caroline said. "John and I have had a great week with them. I can't tell you how many times John has taken Noah with him to his office to show off his 'smart' grandson.

"As for how the kids are doing – well, I don't think another week at grandma's will hurt them," Caroline said.

"But school," Alex interjected.

"Noah has been doing this school work every day," Caroline said. "And I've been doing educational things with Addie, too.

"As I was saying, not only do I think it will be okay, I would strongly suggest it," Caroline said.

"Really?" Alex said. "Honestly, I miss them. We miss them." She glanced at Olivia.

"I'm sure you do," Caroline said. "And they miss you. So why don't you come over in the morning and the two of you spend the day with them. It'll be good for all of you, and I can go play Bridge and still give your dad a chance to go to his poker game."

Alex looked to Olivia, who gave a nodding approval. Alex responded with her own nod.

"Okay," she said. "One more week. But, why did you say you strongly suggest it?"

"Well, that brings to me what I wanted to speak to you both about," Caroline said.

Once again, Alex and Olivia exchanged nervous glances.

"First, I'm glad you're going to counseling and spending time with each other, I think that's important. When you said you wanted to talk to me about something, at first I thought the worst, which is why I wanted you to go first," Caroline said.

Both ladies hung their head. Caroline thought they had officially decided to split up and they knew it.

"And while I'm glad you are both working on things, I'm going to say this – no matter how hard you think you're working – work harder or break up," Caroline said.

"What?" Alex and Olivia said in almost unison.

"Fix this mess the two of you created or split up," Caroline said. "What you've been doing, up until this week, isn't working for you or your children, and they deserve better; especially from two smart, loving, woman like you."

Alex and Olivia were silent. Stunned at her words they should "fix it or split up," but also embarrassed for their behavior.

"You know, Noah may just be in Kindergarten, but he's a smart boy and he is aware of a lot more than the two of you think," Caroline said. "He thinks he's going to have to have two homes, and a new school, and that you all may not love him anymore."

"What? Why would he think that? He told you all that?" Alex asked, shooting off questions. Olivia reached over and took her hand when she saw the blue eyes grow misty.

"He told me about the yelling. He told me how you make each other cry. He told me how it makes him cry, but he didn't want you to see it," Caroline said.

Now it's was Olivia's turn to tear up, both her and Alex squeezing their hands tighter.

"Noah is stressed and nervous," Caroline said. "He asked if you two were going to get a divorce."

"Well, of course you told him no," Alex said. "I mean, we're not even married, we can't get –"

"Not the point, Alexandra," Caroline said. "He may not understand the legal definition of the word, but he knows it means it's when parents decide to not live together anymore and be a family."

"Where did he even hear that word?" Olivia asked.

"His schoolmate Erick," Caroline said. Olivia and Alex nodded, everything dawning on them. "Noah has a tender heart, and Erick has apparently told him a lot. I mean, neither of them understand much about it, but it's been an impact."

"So, what did you tell him?" Alex said. "About divorce."

"I was honest," Caroline said. "I told him I didn't know, but that no matter what happened, you both loved him and so did Grandpa and me. I told him he always had a home at our house."

"I knew he had heard us arguing because he finally said something the other day, but I had no idea how much he was aware," Alex said.

"He's very aware and very affected," Caroline said. "He also said he loves you both and his family. I think he thinks he'll lose that."

All three sat in silence for a moment, letting the weight of Caroline's words sink in. The server brought their meals finally and they quietly started eating.

"Now, I'm not done just yet," Caroline said. "I know people think it's noble to stay together for their kids, and that is their prerogative, but it's not always healthy. The environment you have created for your children is not healthy, and it's done more harm than good with the two of you still being together."

"Are you saying we should split up?" Alex asked.

"No," Caroline said. "I'm saying the two of you have been extremely selfish. Yes, there is individual blame to go around, but both of you played a part in this. Both of you allowed it to continue, and both of you have made home life miserable for Noah.

"I get that you both have demanding jobs. It's stressful and hard, and it's easier to take things out on each other. It's easier to shut people out. And that may have worked when it was just the two of you – I have never doubted your love for each other," Caroline continued. "But this fire and ice relationship you two have always had needs to be a little less fire and a little less ice now that you have children. Save that for the bedroom."

Alex and Olivia blushed at the comment.

"So, I'm telling you to grow up and figure out another way to solve your problems," Caroline said. "If that means getting away one weekend a month, do it. You know John and I are always available. If it means changing your schedules, do it. If it means changing jobs, do it. If it means breaking up, do it. Figure out what your priority is and do it.

"You can't keep on like you have and I won't have you upsetting my grandchildren like you have," she said. "Now, I've said my peace."

The rest of dinner was quiet. The conversation was kept light, but it was obvious Olivia and Alex were thinking hard about what Caroline said and feeling like two children who had just been scolded by their mother.

#

"Thanks for the ride, Mom," Alex said, when Caroline dropped them off. They had taken a taxi to dinner and Caroline dropped them off on her way back home. "We'll see you first thing in the morning."

"Okay, dear, I'll have breakfast ready," Caroline said. "The kids will be excited to see you both."

Alex and Olivia reached for the doors to get out of the car – Alex in the front, Olivia in the back.

"Olivia, could you wait just a moment, I wanted to speak to you alone," Caroline said. More exchanged glances. "Oh, go on Alex, I won't bite her."

Olivia shut her door, and remained in the back passenger-side seat. Caroline waited until Alex was in the building before she spoke.

"Let me first say to you, Olivia, I love you as if you were my own daughter," Caroline said. "In fact, sometimes I may prefer your company to Alex's when she's in a mood. And I know, she can be hateful and spiteful sometimes. That mouth of hers is just, well, there's a reason she's a lawyer. It's the only job that wouldn't get her fired for the things she says sometimes."

Olivia only nodded. She wasn't sure where the conversation was going.

"That said, you, Olivia, have hurt my baby tremendously. I have never seen Alex in pieces like this and if I didn't believe 100 percent that you truly loved her and she loved you, I'd tell her to leave you," Caroline, drawing a sharp breath from Olivia. "Part of me still thinks she should, despite all of that."

"I know this is a two-sided problem. But I also know a lot of the blame can be put on you – the lies, the secret-keeping. Alex told me about all about it, but I also know she probably held back some things, too. Things too painful for her to acknowledge to her mother.

"Olivia, I am happy you have found a brother. I know how important family is. While I can't understand what it feels like to have a long-lost brother, I know it must be important to you to have that family because in doing so, you've risked your own family – the family you and Alex created.

"But I think the worst part is not including Alex in all of that, of keeping it from her. And I know you, Liv, I know you believe you had your reasons, noble reasons even, because I know you would never intentionally hurt Alex. But that's not how family works. That's not how a partnership works.

"I mean, when you and what's his name – Elliot – are working, aren't you far more effective when you share information about the cases you're working. You can't be partners if you're keeping important things, right?" Caroline asked.

"No," Olivia said softly.

"It's no different with Alex. And if you can't hold that end of the bargain and trust her, like you'd trust Elliot at work, then you need to do what's best for everyone and leave her. She deserves so much more … and so do you."

"What are you saying?" Olivia asked.

"I'm saying, if you ever hurt my daughter like this again, I'll make sure she leaves you for good," Caroline said.

"But, I also have faith in you that you won't, because you love her like no one else ever has. I see that, and know it's true. And she loves you the same. So, don't make me regret wanting Alex to give you a second chance."

Olivia nodded, tears filling her eyes for the second time of the evening.

"I won't let you down," Olivia said.

"I don't care if you let me down, sweetheart. Just don't let Alex and the kids down."

Olivia nodded and exited the car, slowly walking up to the apartment and trying to compose herself before Alex saw her.

It didn't work.

"Liv, honey, what's wrong? What did she want to talk to you about?"

"That's going to stay between me and her, but let me just say I've learned an important lesson – never piss off Mama Cabot."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	55. Quiche

_A/N: Important for later in this chapter:_ _ **Quiche**_ – _Pronounced as "_ _ **keesh**_ " – _a pie like breakfast dish in an unsweetened pastry shell, filled with eggs. Like an egg casserole in a pie shell kind of. - I don't say that to explain too much, but because I know some people may not be familiar with the word. (I was a grown-ass adult before I knew what it was and how to spell it.)_

 _I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. I enjoyed it a lot, too. Even as hard as it was. This is a more fun chapter for many reasons._

* * *

 **QUICHE**

It was 6 a.m. and still looked pretty dark outside when Olivia's alarm went off. It was too early to be up on a morning when she didn't have to work and didn't have the kids awake. But they wanted to make the most of their day with the kids, and that  
/included getting to Alex's parents' house early.

Olivia laid in bed facing Alex, who was still soundly sleeping, happy her alarm didn't wake up the blonde just yet. Alex was a beautiful woman, but Olivia's favorite moments were when she was relaxed. Pajamas, no make-up, peaceful. Those moments didn't  
/happen all the time, but catching a sleeping Alex in the morning always make Olivia's heart full and brought a smile to her face.

She fought the urge to reach out to Alex, stroke her arm, hair or to gently wake her up with a kiss. She closed her eyes and thought of all their times together. God, it had been so long since they had been intimate, or even touched each other in that  
/way. They had held each other, shared light kisses, and even engaged in flirty banter during the past week. But it didn't change the coldness that had come with all the weeks, months prior to that.

And even with the progress they had made during the week, Olivia wanted more, needed more. She missed the absolute intimacy between them; not the awkward hugging and holding they had allowed themselves during the past week. It was almost as if they were  
/teenagers, afraid of going too far for fear of getting caught.

Eyes still closed, Olivia didn't realize Alex had woken up. When she finally opened her eyes, she was startled to see two blue eyes staring back at her, smiling.

"Good morning," Alex said with a soft croak.

"Good morning," Olivia said.

"What were you thinking about just now?" Alex said. "You purse your lips when you're thinking or day dreaming versus just sleeping."

Olivia smiled at the small things Alex noticed about her.

"You," Olivia said.

Eyebrows raised on Alex's face.

"Oh really? Tell me more," she smirked.

"I miss you Alex," Olivia said. "I miss kissing you, touching you. I mean, like really kissing you."

"I miss you, too," Alex said, then slowly leaned forward and pressed her lips against Olivia's.

This wasn'ta quick peck or light kiss. This built into a passionate kiss as the blonde slipped her arm around Olivia's waist and pulled her closer, deeper into the kiss.

Neither one of them questioned it. Dr. Myers said they shouldn't question things, just let them come naturally, even if it was solely because of physical needs. For Olivia and Alex, this was definitely a physical need, but it was also more.

It wasn't long before Olivia rolled over on top of Alex, encouraged by the blonde who wanted to feel Olivia's entire body against hers. Hands began to explore and touch places that had been off-limits.

Olivia's hand slipped under Alex's top and move their way up to the fullness of her breasts, running her thumb over her nipple just the way Alex liked it.

Alex's lips found their way to Olivia's neck, her tongue racing its way toward the front to the spot she knew drove the brunette wild.

Things were hot and heavy and Olivia was certain, short of Alex stopping her, she was ready to make love to the blonde. Her hands slowly slid down to the outside of Alex's thighs, slipping inside the cotton shorts she was sleeping in, and making sure  
/there were no objections.

Alex's body tingled as she felt Olivia's hand move down. She was already throbbing, needing to feel Olivia, and the merely placement of Olivia's hands in her shorts pushed her even closer to what she wanted – what they both wanted.

Olivia raised up for a moment, looking directly in Alex's eyes. She didn't even ask the question before Alex nodded, big blue eyes desperate. Olivia nodded in return and kissing Alex again, more hurriedly than before, as one of Alex's hands slid to Olivia's  
/neck while the other grasped her ass. Alex also widened her legs, indicating to Olivia she was more than ready and willing.

 _[MUSIC] "I hope you daaaance, I hope you dance. I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance." [MUSIC]_

Both ladies froze as Alex's ringtone began blaring from the night stand. After a second, Alex quickly reach over to silence the ringtone.

"What the?"

"Mom," Alex said. "She literally just discovered that song, and it's her favorite now she says, so I added it as her ringtone. We can ignore it."

"No, get it," Olivia said. "It may be the kids."

She was as disappointed as Alex. Even though they both knew it probably wasn't important, those mother instincts and worries always popped in and they were afraid something was wrong with one of the children.

Alex finally regained composure to answer.

"Hello?" Alex was still a little breathless from her make-out session with Olivia.

"Oh, hi, honey," Caroline said. "I didn't think you were going to answer. How's your morning? What time do you think you'll leave so I know when to start breakfast?"

Alex took a deep breath. She had just given up making love to Olivia for this.

"Fine, mom," Alex said hastily. "And I think we just have to take showers and then we'll be on the road."

 _[author note reminder:_ _ **Quiche**_ – _Pronounced as "keesh" – a pie like breakfast dish in an unsweetened pastry shell, filled with eggs. Like an egg casserole in a pie shell kind of.]_

"Okay, good," Caroline said. "The main reason I called was to find out if Olivia likes quiche. If I start one now, I'll have time by the time you drive here since they take an hour just to cook, plus prep time."

"Do you like quiche?" Alex asked Olivia, who gave her a weird look but nodded yes. "Yes, Mom."

"What about with cheese and bacon? Would that be okay?" Caroline asked.

"I'm sure it will be," Alex said, getting more annoyed.

"Well, just ask her," Caroline said. "Some people don't like their foods mixed up like that. Your father won't eat a quiche with vegetables in it."

"I don't need to ask her, mother," Alex said. "I think I'd know by now if Olivia likes cheese and bacon mixed with her eggs."

"Okay, fine," Caroline said. "I'll let you go. Oh, and honey, try not to be so grumpy when you get here with the kids."

Alex rolled her eyes. Olivia could hear most of the conversation because Caroline generally talked loudly on the phone.

"Bye, Mom. I love you."

Alex hung up the phone, laid her head back on the pillow and sighed.

"So, we're having quiche for breakfast, I take it," Olivia said, smiling.

"Yes, and I'm afraid now, we won't have time to finish what we started," Alex said. "Unless…"

"Unless what?" Olivia asked.

"We could make it a quich-ie," Alex said, holding back laughter.

"Did you just make a pun?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Yes! And a good one!" Alex said, defending her use of the word quiche instead of quick.

"So, you're sexually propositioning me for a 'quickie' by making a food pun?" Olivia said, laughing with Alex. "No wait, a terrible food pun."

"Oh, you're definitely not getting laid now," Alex joked.

"While I appreciate your attempt at humor, and find you one of the most subtly funny people I know, I think we should just get ready," Olivia said. "We have another week alone, and when we do this, we shouldn't have to be rushed. I want to go slow and  
/make up for all the lost time I deprived us of."

Alex softly kissed Olivia.

"You're sweet, and I think you're right," Alex said. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you, too, Alex," Olivia said. She then rolled out of bed and headed toward the bathroom for the shower. When she reached the door, she heard Alex's voice.

"Wait!" Alex said. "Did you just say I was subtly funny? Just subtly funny?! I'll have you know I'm extremely funny."

Olivia chuckled to herself and shut the bathroom door behind her.

"That was a good pun," Alex mumbled to herself, laughing once again at her _terrible_ pun.

* * *

 _A/N: Don't kill me for the tease. The ladies will be getting there very soon, but next up is time with the kiddos._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	56. Family

_A/N: Okay, tide is turning. Some family time here, with a little surprise at the end. Next chapter (after this one), the ladies are LONG OVER DUE for some private time._

* * *

 **FAMILY**

When Alex and Olivia arrived, the house was suspiciously quiet.

"Mom?" Alex called out.

"In here, dear!" Caroline yelled from the kitchen.

Alex and Olivia made their way into there. Caroline's hands had food on them but she managed to give Alex a hug and kiss, before giving a hug to Oliva.

"Where is everyone?"

"Oh, we were out of orange juice and jam, so your dad went to the store, and the kids wanted to go to," Caroline said.

"All of them?" Olivia asked.

"No, just Addie and Noah," Caroline said. "Rebecca is upstairs playing with Maggie."

Caroline looked down in the oven and decided the quiche was done.

"Alex, can you help me with the quiche?" Caroline said, handing pot holders to Alex.

Alex and Olivia shared a glance and a smirk at the word quiche, with Olivia shaking her head.

"I don't know what that look was, but based on those grins, I think I'd rather not know," Caroline said, opening the oven door for Alex to get the quiche out.

The two ladies blushed a little, and Alex grabbed the pie pans and set them on the stove top.

"That was quich-ie," Olivia deadpanned.

Alex eyes widened. "Oh, so it's funny when YOU say it?"

Olivia shrugged her shoulders and just smiled.

"I have no idea what that was about. You two are strange, but I'm glad to see you are having fun this morning," Caroline said. "Also, Alex, you seem to be less grumpy. Based on how to the two of you can't stop looking at each other, I'm guess I interrupted something this morning."

"Mom!" Alex said. "Stop it."

"Well, you didn't deny it," Caroline said, smirking. "That's a good thing." She smiled and began getting a few items from the fridge. "I think I just heard your father pull up."

Olivia and Alex made their way to the living room and no sooner had they got there than the door burst open and little ones began running.

"Mom! Mama!" Noah and Addie were excited to see their Moms, each running to them for a hug.

"Hey! We missed you all," Olivia said.

"Did you have a good week with grandpa and grandma?" Alex asked.

"I'm gonna be a lawyer," Addie said. "Grandpa said I could."

"Someone has been playing at Grandpa's office, I see," Alex said. "And what about you, Noah?"

"No way. Grandpa has to do way too much paperwork. There were stacks this big on his desk," Noah said, motioning with his hands.

"Hm, you sound like your Mom. She always hated doing those DD5s for me," Alex said, the kids having no idea what she was saying. Olivia laughed.

"Anyway, I think I heard Grandma say breakfast is ready," John said. "Let's get Becca and Maggs and eat."

#

Breakfast came off without a hitch. No crying. No spilled drinks. Alex and Olivia were impressed that the dinner manners of their children had improved in just a week. Maybe another week with Grandma wasn't such a bad idea.

After breakfast, Alex and Olivia decided to take the kids on a stroll down to the beach for some play time. It wasn't hot outside, but it was relatively warm and a sunny day. As they walked the path from the Cabot's to the beach, Olivia reached for Alex's hand to hold and the two of them walked hand in hand. Alex's free hand held Addie's hand and Noah pushed Maggie along in her stroller next to them.

The kids told them all about their weeks and they all laughed and talked, more relaxed than any of them had been in a while. When they arrived at the beach, they make a spot far from the water and Addie began building a sand castle. Maggie was nearly asleep after the stroll. Noah made a spot and sat next to his moms.

"Do you want to build a sand castle, Noah?" Olivia said. "I'll help you. We can have a contest with Addie and Mama."

"Nah," Noah said, his brow furrowed and his lips pursed.

"Uh oh," Alex said. "He's got the Benson look like he's thinking." She glanced over to Olivia and smiled. Olivia laughed.

"What's that?" Noah asked.

"When your mom is thinking hard about something, she scrunches her face like you just did and makes her lips stick out a little," Alex explained.

"Oh," Noah said. "I do that, too?"

"You sure do, buddy," Alex said. "So, whatcha thinking about? You know you can talk to us about anything."

"I know," Noah said. "You all were holding hands. And smiling."

"We were," Olivia said.

"Does that mean you're happy again?" Noah asked.

A sharp breath came from both ladies.

"Why do you think we weren't happy?" Olivia asked carefully.

"You both looked sad and yelled a lot," Noah said. They both nodded. "And you didn't smile or talk to each other."

"Well," Alex said, trying to formulate an age-appropriate response. "Sometimes adults forget to have fun and need to be reminded."

"Grandma said you're on a time out," Noah said.

"Yeah, it's kind of like that," Olivia said. "Would it be okay with you all if we're on time out for one more week?"

Noah thought about it before he answered, face scrunched again. "I guess. I mean, I miss our house, but it's fun here," he said.

"Okay, just one more week of time out," Olivia said.

"Then you'll be happy again?" he asked

Olivia and Alex exchanged a glance, uncertain if they could make that promise in entirety.

"We promise, buddy, that we'll try harder and you won't have to hear all the yelling anymore," Alex said. "We're really sorry that you had to go through that."

"It's okay," Noah said. "Grandma explained it to me."

"I know," Alex said. "But Noah, we want you to know that, no matter what, you'll always have a family. We love you no matter what."

"And each other?"

Olivia reached out for Alex's hand. "Yes, Noah, and each other."

#

After a little over an hour at the beach, and sand lodged everywhere, they returned to the Cabot house to clean up. They spent the afternoon watching movies and playing games with the kids and Rebecca.

In the evening, as Alex was helping her mother with dinner, and Rebecca and Olivia were playing with the kids, John Cabot popped his head into the living room from his den.

"Olivia, can I see you for a moment?"

Olivia and Rebecca looked at each other. Rebecca had mentioned earlier in the day she knew generally about Caroline's conversation with Olivia, though had no idea what her mom had told Olivia.

"Uh, oh, Mom! You're in trouble!" Noah said. "That's grandpa's serious voice."

They all laughed, but Olivia wondered if he may be right as she made her way into John's den. He shut the door behind them and handed her a glass of bourbon.

 _Uh oh._ _Here it comes._

"Don't be so nervous, Olivia," John said. "I'm not Caroline." He grinned and put Olivia at ease a bit. "I just have some information that may help you."

Olivia gave him a strange look as he handed her a file.

"This is…yearbook photos?"

"Yes, it is, and some old police reports," John said. "Take a closer look."

What he handed her was enough evidence to show the police chief in Simon's New Jersey town was likely trying to set him up for the rape because of a grudge she had. They'd went to high school together and Simon had dated her sister.

"I don't understand," Olivia said. "How did you get all of this?"

"I've made a lot of friends over the years," John said. "Look, there should be enough information there to clear your brother, or at least call into question what this police chief is trying to do to him. Also, if he needs a better lawyer, call me and I'll make sure he has good representation."

"I'm not sure he can afford much more than a public defender," Olivia said, still looking through the file.

"You're not hearing me," John said. "I'll make sure it's taken care of."

"Why are you doing this?" Olivia said. "I mean, after the way I've behaved, treated Alex. And you don't even know Simon. Heck, I barely even know Simon."

John took the file from Olivia's hand and turned to face her as they were sitting. He took one of her hands.

"Olivia, I don't know if you'll believe this, but we love you as if you were one of our own. You're family. And yes, we can get protective of our babies, but probably more than anyone, I understand why you did what you did for the most part. I don't think it was the right decision, but I can understand the intent."

Olivia nodded.

"Simon is your family, Olivia," John said. "That makes him our family."

Tears began to form in Olivia's eyes.

"I…I don't know what to say," Olivia said. "Thank you doesn't seem enough."

"You don't need to say anything," John said. "Just make sure you keep our daughter happy as much as you can."

"I will. I promise," Olivia said.

"I know."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	57. Reward

_A/N: Some "adult" time for the ladies...as promised._

* * *

 **REWARD**

Olivia and Alex's drive back to the city was relatively quiet. They had a full day with the kids and were both lost in thought thinking about their relationship and how it had impacted the children – especially Noah.

Olivia was also flipping through the file John had given her. Alex hadn't asked about it yet, or even what he had wanted to talk to Olivia about; since she was cooking at the time, she may not have even noticed. Olivia figured Alex just thought the file  
was from work.

"Babe?" Alex said just before they got into the city.

"Hmm," Olivia responded.

"What's got your attention there?" Alex said. "Work?"

"Um…it's not work," Olivia said.

"Oh?"

"It's actually a file on Simon … from your dad," Olivia said.

"Hmm," Alex said. "Anything interesting?"

"Well, it looks like there is some history between Simon and the Jersey police chief," Olivia said. "Based on what is here, we should be able to get his charges dismissed, or at least her removed from the case."

Alex just nodded, causing Olivia to look at her suspiciously.

"You know, didn't you?" Olivia said.

"That Simon knew the Chief? I would have said something," Alex said.

"No, I mean, you knew your Dad was digging," Olivia said. "Did you ask him?"

"Maybe," Alex said quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I honestly just asked him a couple days ago, and he doubted he'd find anything. I didn't want to get your hopes up."

"I love you," Olivia said.

"What?"

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said. "I know Simon isn't your favorite person."

"Babe, I don't even know him," Alex said. "And regardless of how I feel right now, he's family and he's important to you. I'm sorry I made you feel like wasn't important to me, too."

"I know you were just hurt by me," Olivia said. "But thank you for saying that. And thank you for this." She held up the file.

#

When they got home, they both got ready for bed. Olivia finished her routine and Alex made her way into the bathroom.

"Liv, we should pick up some of that wine tomorrow night. The good kind we had at the hotel. I wrote down the name," Alex was talking through the door in between washing her face.

"Uh huh," Olivia replied.

"Maybe we can go away next weekend, before the kids come home," Alex said, still muffled behind the door.

"Uh huh," Olivia said.

"Liv, are you hearing anything I'm saying?" Alex said, as she opened the door and stepped out. "I think we should go –"

Before she could finish her sentence, Olive grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss, wrapping her arms around her.

"Wow," Alex breathed out.

"I love you so fucking much," Olivia said, still holding Alex tightly.

Alex smiled, hair still damp from her quick shower. "I love you, too, Liv," she whispered.

"Come to bed with me," Olivia said. "We have some making up to do from this morning."

Alex raised her eyebrows and smirked at Olivia, who promptly picked her up and carried her the short distance to the bed.

"Liv!" Alex said.

"What? You don't want me to sweep you off your feet?" Olivia said, crawling on top of Alex and leaning down to kiss her.

"You already have," Alex said, reaching her arms around Olivia's neck and running her hands through Olivia's hair, pulling her closer.

Olivia moved her lips down to Alex's neck, soft skin prickling beneath her tongue.

"Oh, Liv," Alex mumbled into Olivia's neck.

Olivia slipped her hand under Alex's top but felt Alex sit up to take it off. Olivia removed her shirt as well.

"You are as beautiful, inside and out, as the day I met you," Olivia said. She moved her mouth down to the nape of Alex's neck and let her hands caress Alex's full breasts, allowing her thumb to graze over the blonde's nipples as they grew harder.

"Liv, I need you," Alex said. "It's been so long."

Olivia took the hint and again moved her hand down to Alex's thigh. This time, she had made sure to turn both their phones on silent. If there was a real emergency, Alex's mom and the Captain knew to call the apartment phone.

Alex positioned herself, ready for Olivia. The brunette grazed Alex's core with her fingers, gently stroking before sliding inside.

Alex gasped at the contact. Goosebumps ran over Alex's body as Olivia gently made love to her, kissing her and making sure not lose eye contact with the blonde.

Just watching the way Alex was responding to her, after all this time, turned Olivia on more. Alex's skin tingled. Her breathing staggered and her head tilted back, as she moved her hips in sync with Olivia's hand like they hadn't missed a beat. Olivia  
loved the way Alex felt; warm and tight against her fingers, responding to every slight of Olivia's hand.

As Olivia pushed the blonde beneath her closer to peak, she slid down, centering her mouth on Alex.

"Oh, God, Liv," Alex moaned. "I don't know how much longer I can hang on."

Olivia's warm mouth covered Alex, slowly pushing her closer to climax and then letting her come back down for a moment. She looked up as Alex's hand grabbed the back of Olivia's head, not to push, but running her fingers through Olivia's hair again. Her  
other hand grasped the sheets of the bed.

Olivia kept looking up at the blonde until they made eye contact. When they did, Olivia grasped Alex's ass with her left hand and dove back in, harder and faster than she had been going, knowing it would push Alex over the edge.

The blonde's legs wrapped around Olivia's back and her hips shot up from the bed, body losing control and in full spasms. Olivia didn't stop until she felt Alex's hand let go of her hair and her legs relax around her back, thighs still shaking.

"Fuck, Liv," Alex barely got out. "I don't know how I lived without that the last couple months. You're so very, very good at that."

Olivia smiled and crawled up next to Alex.

"I learned from the best," Olivia winked. "And you deserve only the best."

"I'm going to need a minute," Alex said. "But when I catch my breath, you're going to get your reward."

Olivia leaned over and kissed Alex.

"Sweetheart, you're still here with me, fighting for us," Olivia said. "I've already gotten my reward."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	58. Pizza

_A/N: A few of you mentioned the suspension, so I decided to address it now...with a twist._

* * *

 **PIZZA**

 _Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Ugh, Al – can you turn it off?" Olivia said the next morning when the alarm blared through the room.

Alex rolled over and smacked the alarm clock.

"It cannot be morning yet," Alex grumbled.

"I'm afraid so," Olivia said, still yet to open her eyes. "Maybe we can call in sick."

"Yeah, right," Alex said. "This is your fault, you know."

Olivia opened her eyes. "My fault?"

Alex rolled over, holding in a smile. "Yes, you were … insatiable last night."

Olivia smirked. "Well, it's been a while," she said. "Also, I didn't hear you complaining. Quite the opposite."

"Hmph."

"Oh, that one was someone else asking me not to stop, telling me you wanted more?" Olivia laughed.

Alex finally cracked a smile. "It better not have been." She leaned forward and kissed Olivia.

"You were amazing last night, babe," Alex said. She put her hand on Olivia's face before she continued. "I love you, Liv. And I appreciate how hard you've been working the past week. It's been great."

"It has, but I know we still have a long way to go," Olivia said.

"We do," Alex said. "Both of us."

"Since we're running late, should we shower together?" Olivia asked, eyebrows raised.

"Ha! You're terrible," Alex said.

"Is that a no?"

"Never. Not a chance, Liv," Alex said.

They both groggily crawled out of bed and headed off to shower for the day ahead of them.

#

Olivia and Alex drove to work together. Olivia stopped near Alex's office and waited while Alex gathered her things.

"Are you going to do it?" Alex asked once she had her bag

"I am," Olivia said, letting out a sigh.

"Good luck, babe," Alex said. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will," Olivia said.

Alex leaned forward to give Olivia a kiss goodbye before exiting the car.

#

Alex found herself sitting in her office just smiling.

She was happy for the first time in a while, and felt like things were actually better. There had been a hesitancy to feel that way during the past week, but she was starting to feel like they had turned a corner. She felt like she had her girlfriend back; the Olivia she fell in love with.

A knock at the door woke her from her thoughts.

"Am I interrupting?"

Casey Novak leaned in the doorway, grin on her face.

"Casey, no, I just wasn't expecting you," Alex said. "Come in. What brings you by?"

"Just meeting with the DA, you know how fun that is," Casey said sarcastically. She came in, shutting the door behind her. "But, when I happened by, I saw that goofy smile on your face."

Alex rolled her eyes. "What? My reputation is so bad I'm not allowed to smile now?"

"Well, the 'ice queen' smiling at work is a little out of character, but no, it's not that," Casey teased. "It's the kind of smile that's on your face."

"What kind of smile is that?"

Casey shrugged. "I don't know, it just looks pretty similar to an SVU detective's goofy smile I saw earlier this morning."

"So, we're happy," Alex said.

"Yeah, and laid," Casey laughed.

"Casey! I am not talking to you about my sex life," Alex said.

"So, it was the sex then?"

"You're impossible," Alex said, finally smiling again. "Did you come here just to harass me?"

"No, I just had to see for myself," Casey said. "I hope this means you and Olivia are better?"

"Better?" Alex said, looking down and playing dumb.

"Come on, Cabot," Casey said. "You think I haven't noticed Olivia's weird behavior lately, and how it's made you both miserable?"

Alex didn't say anything, but her face told Casey all she needed to know.

"We don't have to talk about it, especially here," Casey said. "I just wanted to see if you were okay, if you two were going to be okay."

"I think we are," Alex said softly.

"Good, because the two of you are a handful," Casey said. "I'd feel bad for anyone else who had to put up with you."

"Hey! I thought you were here to be a friend," Alex said.

Casey got up. "I am … trust me, that was putting it nicely," she said. She walked to the door and started to leave.

"So, Olivia has a goofy smile on her face today, too?" Alex asked curiously.

"Yep," Casey said. "Pretty sure I saw her overfill her coffee cup, too."

Alex laughed. "Bye, Casey."

#

"Hey," Elliot said, looking across his desk to Olivia.

"Yeah?" she answered.

"You …uh … seem happy today," Elliot said.

"I'm not always happy?" Olivia deadpanned.

"Um, well, I hate to tell you this Liv, but…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. 'Olivia is never happy.' Sorry to disappoint you with my cheer," she said.

"No, it looks good on you," Elliot said. "I take it things are better with Alex?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and gave him a look. "El…"

"What? No one else is in the squad room," Elliot said. "I just care about your well-being. You and Cabot had a rough patch for a while."

"Fine," Olivia said, smiling again. "Yes, we're getting better."

"You look WAY better," Elliot said, smirking.

"El…" Olivia warned.

"Ok, ok," he said. "Just tell me this – you're gonna make it, right? You and Alex. You're going to make this up to her?"

"Yeah, I think we are," Olivia said. "I, um, wasn't sure for a while, but I think we are now. And why do you assume I have to make things up?"

"Liv…" Elliot said.

Olivia smiled and shrugged, conceding the battle. "I just have one more person to make things up to."

Elliot gave her a confused look as Olivia got up and walked toward Cragen's office.

#

" _Alex, I left the car at your office and keys with your assistant. I'll meet you at home tonight. –Liv"_

Alex looked at the text. She had a bad feeling about it.

" _Liv, what's wrong?"_ she replied.

" _I came home early,"_ Olivia texted back.

" _Liv…"_

" _I was suspended for the rest of the week. I probably got off easy,"_ Liv said.

" _I'm on my way home,"_ Alex replied.

Alex grabbed her bag and excused herself early from a group of colleagues that had long passed their purpose of meeting. She got the car keys from her assistant and drove home.

#

When Alex got home, she found Olivia curled up on the couch, pajamas on, and drinking a glass of wine. Alex slowly sat her bag down, carefully watching Olivia to try and figure out her demeanor. Two weeks ago, she would have been worried, knowing Olivia would shut her out and watching the brunette shut down to the world.

But tonight was different. Olivia wasn't smiling, but she didn't seem stressed or shut down. She seemed peaceful, actually.

Alex slipped her shoes off, leaving them by the door – something she never did – and made her way over to the couch, sitting next to Olivia.

"I take it Cragen was upset about you giving money to Simon?" she asked quietly.

Olivia took a sip of wine and turned toward Alex.

"Not as bad as I expected," Olivia said. "I think on some levels he understood, and he appreciated I came to him before it came out."

"You still think it would have come out?"

"Everything always does," Olivia said. "But yeah, he wasn't happy. I think he was disappointed I didn't come to him sooner, before all of this. I mean, just the whole situation with Simon – I handled it terribly."

"Liv…"

"No, Alex, it's okay," Olivia said. "I did. And I'm glad I can see that now and I'm glad that everything is out in the open. I feel better."

"I'm proud of you, Liv," Alex said, sliding her arm around Olivia and pulling her against her. Olivia laid her hand on Alex's shoulder. "I know it was hard to confess to Cragen and risky. But, he knows what I know – you're a good detective, one of the best. He knows – like I know – that your intentions are always well-meaning."

"You don't have to say that," Olivia said.

"I know I don't have to, babe," Alex said. "I mean it; every word. I never doubted your intentions. I just…"

"You wanted me to trust you, to be a team," Olivia finished for her.

"Yeah, because we are," Alex said.

"We should have dinner," Olivia said. "I was going to cook, but…"

"It's okay," Alex said. "I'm sure we have something here."

"Or, we could order pizza…" Olivia said. "We don't have to share with kids, either."

"Only if we can eat it in bed," Alex said, standing and pulling Olivia up with her.

"Food in bed?" Olivia said. "Now I know I'm living in a fantasy world."

Alex took her hand and led Olivia to the bedroom.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	59. Jake

_A/N: Pure "fun" stuff, with a little sweet built in. Enjoy! Kids are home next, then I'll wrap up this arc._

* * *

 **JAKE**

It was Friday afternoon and Olivia had a lot to look forward to. She was excited the kids would be coming home Sunday night; however, her and Alex had one more weekend to themselves and planned to take advantage of it.

They'd talked about going away, but wasn't looking forward to the driving, packing and logistics that go with that. They opted instead to stay in midtown; the place Alex had gone to the night she decided to leave Olivia; the place Olivia decided, finally, to fight for the woman she loved

Olivia was still on suspension, so she didn't have to worry about work. They'd spent the week just enjoying each other, having lunch together when Alex could sneak away. There may have even been a tryst in Alex's office on a quiet afternoon. It was technically nothing more than a heated make-out session – very heated – but had Casey not shown up because she saw Olivia in the building earlier, it would have been much more.

#

" _Liv, if you don't stop kissing the back of my neck…," Alex said that day._

 _Olivia was standing behind Alex in her chair. Alex enjoyed the attention, but was also trying to be responsible. Olivia leaned down to whisper softly into Alex's ear._

" _What'll happen?"_

 _After a moment, Alex responded, "I'll never get my work done, which means I'll have to stay here later."_

" _Is that all?" Olivia whispered again._

 _Alex turned around to try and talk Olivia out of whatever she was attempting to do; before Alex could speak, Olivia's lips were on hers and Alex couldn't resist any longer. Olivia pulled Alex up and then pushed her back against the desk, attempting to lay Alex down on it._

" _Desk," Olivia said._

" _Oh, no way," Alex muttered. "Johnson case file is there."_

 _The work talk surprisingly didn't kill the mood, especially when Alex walked them back into the bookshelf, Olivia's back to a stack of New York Penal Law codes._

 _Olivia's hand made its way down to the bottom of Alex's skirt, pushing it up._

" _Oh, Liv," Alex moaned._

" _Do you want me to stop?" Olivia asked. They were both aware of where they were and how improper it would be to partake in afternoon delight in Alex's office._

 _But, the floor was mostly empty…_

" _No," Alex said._

 _Olivia spun them around so Alex's back was against the bookshelf now and began to loop her fingers in the corners of Alex's panties to slide them down just enough._

" _Hey, Alex!" a voice and a single knock was heard before the door creaked open just a bit._

" _Do you want to go grab a drink this….shit!" Casey Novak's face was as red as her hair in that moment._

" _Jesus, Casey!" Alex said, pushing Olivia away from her, and attempting to straighten her skirt. "Knock much."_

 _Casey's surprise had turned to smugness and a smirk._

" _I did knock," Casey said._

" _Once! And you didn't wait for a response," Alex said, now sitting back in her chair while Olivia stood embarrassed in the corner._

" _You're right, I'm sorry," Casey said. "But maybe next time you two decide to get it on in here, I think the proper protocol is to put a sock or something on the door…or maybe just lock it."_

 _Olivia snickered and Alex glared at her._

" _Thanks for the advice," Alex said sarcastically._

" _Case, it's not like we planned –" Olivia began._

" _Not helping, Liv," Alex interrupted. "Did you need something, Casey?"_

" _Well, I was going to offer to buy you a drink to help you relax before the big case tomorrow, but it seems like Olivia has that covered already," Casey said, still smirking at her friends._

#

They did end up going to have a drink with Casey that night, after all, much to Alex's protests. But they knew it was good for them to get out of their bubble at home, too, and join the real world.

But now it was Friday afternoon and they were going to enjoy their bubble all weekend before the reality of making their relationship work every day, with kids, work pressure, and everything else hit them on Monday.

When Alex came home, Olivia had everything packed and ready for them. The overnight bags were even already in the car, which they were only taking so they could go straight from the hotel to Alex's parents to get the kids on Sunday.

Olivia greeted Alex at the door with a kiss.

"I missed you today," she said.

Alex smiled. "I missed you, too. Especially when I had to grab Article 125 from the Penal Law books." The same books they had nearly fucked against earlier in the week.

"I love it when you talk murder to me," Olivia teasing and kissing Alex again, more passionately this time.

"Okay, before this goes too far, let me change and let's get to the hotel," Alex said. "Then, I'm keeping you under lock and key all weekend."

Alex took off toward the bedroom and Olivia called out to her. "If you're going to lock me up, you'll have to arrest me first."

Alex disappeared into the bedroom for a moment before popping back out with something in her hands.

"I guess I better pack these then," Alex said, handcuffs dangling from her fingers.

#

When they arrived at the hotel, they unpacked a few things and each hung up a dress for Saturday night dinner. They planned to make Saturday night even more special. While they laid on the bed, trying to decide on whether to have dinner downstairs in the hotel restaurant or order room service, Alex's mother called.

 _[Music] I hope you daaaaaaance[/Music]_

"Still with that song, huh?" Olivia laughed as Alex picked up.

"Hey, Mom," Alex said, phone on speaker.

"Hi honey," Caroline said. "I know you and Olivia were going away this weekend, but I have three little bears here that really wanted to talk to you all."

"Put them on," Alex said, her and Olivia both smiling.

"Mama!" Addie's little voice called out.

"Hey, baby," Alex said. "We've missed you all."

"We miss you too," Addie said.

"Is Mommy there?" Noah's voice came.

"I'm right here, buddy," Olivia said. "Are you all having fun at grandma and grandpa's house?"

"Yeah, but I miss my school," Noah said. "Can we go back soon?"

"Yes, honey," Alex said. "You're coming home Sunday and get to go back to your school on Monday."

"Me, too?" Addie asked.

"Yes, sweetie," Olivia said. "All of you. How is Maggie?"

"She peed on Grandma," Noah said, bursting out in giggles.

"Noah!" Caroline's voice came from behind. Olivia and Alex also snickered.

"It was my fault," Caroline said. "I thought she was done. I'd changed her diaper and cleaned her up and was about to put her in the bath, so I just picked her up to take her, and well, you know the rest thanks to a certain little boy."

"Sorry, Mom," Alex said. "Hopefully, it comes out."

"Oh, don't worry about it," Caroline said. "I learned with the mess they can make, I started wearing your old rock band t-shirts you wore in high school."

"What?!" Alex said. "Moooom!"

Caroline laughed. "Now you sound like your children with that whining."

They talked to the kids a bit longer, then promised they'd see them on Sunday and hung up. Both having huge smiles while laying together on the bed. They laid together in silence for a while, both of them on their backs, next to each other, staring at the ceiling.

"We really do have it made," Olivia said finally.

"We do," Alex said, nodding.

"We're not going to blow this," Olivia said. "This, here, right now. You. The kids. This is everything I want … and maybe dinner." She laughed.

"Me, too, Liv," Alex said. "But … about dinner."

Before Olivia understood what was happening, Alex had rolled on top of her and began kissing her.

"I think I want my dessert first," Alex said.

#

An hour later, after "dessert" and some freshening up, Olivia and Alex emerged from their room and headed downstairs for dinner. They walked hand in hand when they got off the elevator and over to the restaurant to be seated.

The host gave them menus and brought them water while they waited on their server and decided what they wanted for dinner.

"I have to say, I'm starving," Alex said. "I didn't even get lunch today, it was so busy."

"Well, you also probably worked up quite and appetite just a bit ago," Olivia said, smirking.

"Then I better eat like a king, because I plan on working up even more of one tonight," Alex said without missing a beat to Olivia's comment. It caused both of them to blush in anticipation.

"Sorry for the wait, ladies, are you ready to order, or have any questions?"

When they looked up from their menu, they saw the young man who had come to their room just two weeks prior – the one who sent the good bottle of wine up and ordered them breakfast.

"Wait, we know you," Alex said. "You're a server, too."

"I do a little bit of everything here, ma'am," he said, sheepishly.

"Jake, right?" Olivia said.

"Yes," he said. "I take it you two worked things out?"

"We did, and thank you for the lovely breakfast and upgraded wine," Alex said. "That was really sweet of you."

"You're welcome," he said. "I was just doing my job, taking care of our guests."

"Well, I think you went above the call of duty," Alex said. "But I just have to ask…why?"

"Honestly, and don't take this the wrong way, but you reminded me of my parents," he said. "I mean, they're much older than the two of you, but when I heard the emotion in the arguing through the door – it reminded me of how they used to be when I was younger. It was … really hard for a while.

"Anyway, it was clear you two loved each other, and for some reason, it just struck a chord with me, like maybe I could do some small thing that may help – even if it was you two just sharing a meal."

"How did you know I'd still be there in the morning?" Olivia asked.

"I could tell – and I hadn't seen you leave before my shift ended, so I went with my gut," he said.

"So, how are your mom and dad now, if you don't mind me asking," Alex said.

"Moms," he corrected and smiled. "I have two moms. And they are good, really good. Still together after 20-something years."

Olivia and Alex smiled at each other.

"Well, Jake, thank you for your kindness," Alex said. "I hope in 20-something years, we can say the same thing. No, I'm sure of it."

"Also, thank your mothers for raising such a polite and helpful young man," Olivia said. "And just so you know, the small things you did, actually did make some difference."

Jake nodded, blushing a bit. He took their order and Olivia and Alex sat quietly, pondering on being able to tell that story 20 years from now and being the couple that made it despite everything.

#

Dinner came and went. They declined dessert since they really were stuffed from dinner, and they made sure to leave Jake a hefty tip. Alex was careful not to drink too much wine, as she wanted to make sure she was plenty sober to enjoy their night together.

"I'm really glad we got to meet Jake again," Olivia said, sitting down their room key on the dresser. "He seems like a nice young man."

"Mm hmm," Alex said.

"You not convinced?" Olivia said.

"Oh, I'm convinced of it," Alex said, moving closer to Olivia. "But … I'd rather not talk about Jake. In fact, I'd rather not talk at all for a while tonight … unless it's me telling you what I'm going to do to you or you saying my name."

Olivia grinned. "Oh yeah? Is this a 'Alex is in control' kind of night?"

"First off, Alex is _always_ in control," Alex said, annoyed she just referred to herself in the third person. "Second, you bet your ass it's one of those nights."

Alex pushed Olivia back on the bed and slowly began to strip in front of the brunette, Olivia's eyes as wide as the grin on her face as she watched.

"You have on entirely too many clothes and need to do something about that," Alex said.

Olivia made quick work of her own clothes and tossed them on the floor. She moved back to her spot on the bed, laying on her back, naked, and watching as Alex climbed in from the end of the bed.

"Tonight, is all about you, Liv," Alex said, and moved to lay on top of Olivia, whispering in her yea. "First, I'm going to take you hard and make you come quickly. Then, I'm going to tease you over and over until you're right on the edge, begging me. After that - after I make you explode from being built up all night - I'm going to slowly make love to you until the sun comes up."

Olivia's breathing had slowed. Here was Alex, naked, laying on top of her, telling her everything she was going to do to her that night. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she was so turned on. It wasn't like Alex never took control in the bedroom – she did often.

But the way Alex was talking tonight, the lust in her voice, the command with which she spoke, Olivia knew she was in for a treat that night – multiple ones – and she'd never been happier.

#

"My God, Alex," Olivia said between breaths. "Where does your energy come from? I thought I was going to die before you let me orgasm."

"Oh, that?" Alex said. "That was nothing compared to what I have in store for you the rest of the night."

"Fuck, Alex," Olivia whispered.

"No, I think it's fuck Olivia tonight," Alex said. "And next up is the desk, since you seem to like them so much."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	60. Count on it

_A/N: Okay ending up this arc (not the story, just storyline). Sweet chapter for you :-)_

* * *

 **COUNT ON IT**

"Mama!"

"Mom!"

The smiles on the kids' faces nearly melted Alex and Olivia's hearts. Their weekend together was nothing short of amazing, but they had to admit, two weeks without the kids had been tough and they were glad to see them.

The ladies had barely made it through the door when they had arms around their legs and waists, greeting them with hugs and kisses.

"We missed you all so much," Alex said, picking up Addie. She looked over toward Olivia who had just taken Maggie from Caroline and noticed some tears in her eyes. Alex had them in hers as well.

It had been too long and they were ready for home.

"They are glad to see you two – and so am I," Caroline admitted.

"Thank you, Mom," Alex said, reaching out to take her mother's hand. "For everything."

"Why don't the two of you go get your things together and we'll eat dinner in just a few minutes," Caroline told the older two kids.

Addie and Noah ran off down the hall, leaving Olivia and Alex with Caroline and Maggie. Alex reached for Maggie, taking her from Olivia.

"Oh, did Maggie pinch you?" Caroline asked, eyeing the side of Olivia's neck. "She's just learned how to do that."

Olivia gave her a confused look and reached for her neck. Then she saw Alex's eyes get wide and she knew exactly what Caroline was talking about. She had warned Alex before they left that morning she was going to leave a mark on her.

 _Olivia walked out of the bathroom, wet hair, wrapped in a rope and sat down near the sliding glass window overlooking the city, drinking her coffee. Alex had gone downstairs because they tried to order breakfast too late and wanted a pastry. When she came back in the room, she stopped when she saw Olivia._

 _Olivia was beautiful. Her hair was getting longer and she was glowing. Soft, wet hair and toned, bronze skin. Olivia looked so content, so happy. Alex couldn't remember the last time she saw Olivia that relaxed (at least that wasn't after marathon sex)._

 _She set down the pastry and the Starbucks coffee she grabbed downstairs – the real reason for her trip, she just didn't want to admit to Olivia she was becoming a coffee snob and didn't want the coffee from the room._

 _Without saying a word, she wrapped her hands around Olivia from behind, waiting until she sat her coffee down. She began slowly kissing her neck, tugging on her earlobes, caressing her breasts. But most of her attention was on Olivia's neck – her soft, smooth neck, right at the base near the front._

" _Al…You're going to leave a mark," Olivia warned. "In case you forgot, we have to work tomorrow."_

" _You left a few marks on me," Alex mumbled, never really removing her lips._

" _In places no one else will see," Olivia protested._

" _I'll stop if you want," Alex said, then doubling down with her tongue, dragging it to what she knew was Olivia's sensitive zones._

 _Olivia didn't protest anymore, she just muttered something about how good it felt. By the time Alex was done, Olivia had shuffled them around so Alex was sitting and Olivia was in the floor, kneeling between her legs. Just one more time for them to enjoy each other with complete privacy._

"Olivia?"

Olivia heard Caroline's voice, pulling her out of her thoughts of their morning and just how she had gotten that "pinch" on her neck. Her face had turned red, but not Alex. Her wide eyes had turned to a smug look, staring at Olivia.

"Oh, um, yeah, I guess," Olivia said, trying to remember Caroline's question.

Caroline looked over at her daughter, smirking, and then rolled her eyes at her daughter. "Yeah, okay, I can tell by the look on Alex's face she's the responsible party," she said. "You two…." Caroline just shook her head and walked toward the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in few minutes if you can manage to keep your hands off each other."

#

As soon as they got home, the kids ran straight to their rooms and Olivia put Maggie down, who had fallen asleep on the drive home. Caroline had already made sure they had baths before they left, so Olivia and Alex decided to watch a few short cartoons with Addie and Noah while they tired out.

All four of them curled up on the couch with the kids climbing on top of Olivia and Alex. While the kids watched TV and slowly grew sleepy, Olivia and Alex exchanged glances. It was a picture-perfect scene, the kids sleeping in their moms' laps, all snuggled up together.

Eventually, they carried the kids to their rooms and put them to bed. As excited as the kids were, the ladies knew Monday would be challenging getting them back into routine. When the kids were down, Olivia grabbed two glasses of wine from the kitchen and joined Alex on the couch, returning to their cuddled up spots they had been with the kids.

"Back to work tomorrow?" Alex asked.

"Yeah," Olivia said. "I'm ready. Simon has been cleared. Fin's nephew is, well, free, but that trial is done. Elliot and Kathy are back together and having a baby. And…most importantly, I still have you, and the kids, and I've never been happier."

"Me either, Liv," Alex said. "I love you so much."

"I love you," Olivia said. "There is one more thing we need to talk about though."

"Oh yeah?" Alex furrowed her brow. She wasn't sure what they still had to talk about. They were still going to counseling, and planned to go for a while longer, but they had worked through a lot of issues.

"I proposed to you," Olivia said.

"You did," Alex said.

"You said no," Olivia said.

"Liv…you know why," Alex said.

"No, I do," Olivia said. "I just want to know, if I were to ask again, sometime down the road, would I get the same answer."

Alex took a deep breath. She hadn't thought about it much since that night.

"Well, I guess that depends on if this lasts," Alex said. "I mean, I know things aren't going to be perfect and smooth sailing, but the progress we've made, babe … we just can't go backwards again."

"Fair enough," Olivia said. "And that's what I was hoping you'd say. I don't want to go backwards either … but I do want to marry you."

"Then … sometime down the road … I'd suggest you ask me," Alex said, smiling and giving an eyebrow raise.

Olivia leaned forward and gave Alex a gentle kiss.

"Count on it."

* * *

 _A/N: Yes, we'll get to a proposal, but it'll be coming...just not right away. Okay, thinking of one-shot (or 2-3 shot) or heading back to Noah Fic...thoughts?_

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on Twitter -rileyclocks!_


	61. Black Dress

_Where we left off:_

 _Ages: Noah - Kindergarten (5/6 years old); Addie - 3+; Maggie - 1+_

 _The ladies had just picked up the kids from Alex's parents after they took them for 2 weeks so A/O could work on their relationship. If you remember, Alex was planning to leave Olivia. Left her, went to hotel. Olivia showed up, made some lame-ass proposal, Alex said no. But they decided to put it all on the line (Olivia had lied about a lot, primarily helping Simon flee - going to Dean the FBI guy for help instead of Alex, etc... - things were bad). So Cabot's take the kids so they can figure out what they're going to do and reconnect. And of course, they did._

 _In the last chapter, Olivia broached marriage again, down the road for when the time was right. Alex said as long as Olivia stayed committed to her promises of no lies, etc... then she wanted to marry her. (that's just kinda a recap)._

* * *

 **BLACK DRESS**

 _Several months down the road._

"Liv? Are you home?" Alex said as she came through the door. "I called the squad room, and Elliot said you left early. Something about taking the kids somewhere? Is everything ok?"

Alex hung up her jacket and continued through the apartment.

"Liv, are you here?" Alex said.

Olivia finally emerged from the bedroom.

"Alex, I didn't expect you home this early," Olivia said. "But I'm glad you're here." She walked over and gave her girlfriend, mother of her children, a kiss on the cheek.

"I finished a little early. I thought we could take the kids out for pizza tonight," Alex said. "I don't much feel like cooking, and we haven't taken them out in a while."

"Actually, the kids are with Kathy," Olivia said. "One of the girls wants to start babysitting, so Kathy asked if they could 'practice' on our kids – of course, under her strict supervision."

"Why didn't Elliot know about that?" Alex said. "He's the one that said you left early to get the kids somewhere."

"Because Elliot doesn't know everything Kathy and I talk about," Olivia said. "But I mean, if you'd rather I go get them…"

"Are you kidding?" Alex said. "I get a Friday night alone with my girlfriend? No way. How much time do we have."

"They're going to stay overnight," Olivia said.

"Overnight?!" Alex said. "That's a bit more than babysitting."

"Kathy suggested we take advantage and insisted it didn't make sense to drive all the way out to Queens tonight," Olivia said. "But again, if you'd rather …"

"Oh, no, I'm great," Alex said, leaning in to kiss Olivia. "So what exactly are we doing tonight?"

"That I haven't figured out yet," Olivia said. "We could still get pizza."

"Without the kids? Pass," Alex said. "Ooh, can we try that new restaurant on the upper East side?"

"The one owned by that arrogant TV chef?" Olivia said, scrunching her face.

"That's in midtown and ew. I hear he's an ass," Alex said. "No. It's the Indian place."

"Oh, ok, sure," Olivia said.

Olivia called to see if they could get a reservation on short notice and miraculously, they had a spot. Alex showered while Olivia got dressed. When Alex came out of the shower, she was surprised to see Liv in a purple and black dress.

"This place is nice, but I don't think it's that fancy, Liv," Alex said.

"I know, but how often do we get to dress up and go out anymore?" Olivia said. "Unless you're going to some work event."

"True," Alex said, as she began thumbing through her closet. Olivia knew Alex would never pass up and opportunity to get dressed up. "What do you think, Liv? Red?"

"You can wear what you want, Alex," Olivia said while slipping up behind her and sliding an arm around her waist. "But … you do look fabulous in that new black dress you bought."

Alex smirked. "Well, it sounds like I know what I'm wearing."

When they arrived at the restaurant, Olivia ordered a bottle of their favorite wine while Alex studied the food menu.

The waiter poured their glasses, and the two women toasted their night out.

"To us," Olivia said, with a big grin on her face.

"To us," Alex said.

Olivia grimaced a little as she sipped her wine slowly. The meal came and shortly after, when Alex was ready for her second glass, Olivia had barely drunk half.

"Something wrong with your wine?" Alex asked.

"Just tastes funny tonight," Olivia said. "But that's ok."

"Mine is fine," Alex said. "You love this wine. Let me have a taste."

Olivia handed over her glass and Alex took a sip. She shook her head. "Tastes good to me. Exactly like always."

"I don't know, maybe my taste buds are off," Olivia said.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Alex joked.

"Ha! Now that would be a miracle," Olivia said. "It's ok. I'll just have my water. Maybe it's just the pairing with the Indian food."

Alex shrugged. "Maybe. But then again, I shouldn't drink the entire bottle. Hopefully, we can get it re-corked."

Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand. "Sweetheart, drink as much as you want. There are no kids are home tonight, remember? And we took a cab, so we're good."

By the time dinner was done – and dessert – Alex had finished the entire bottle of wine, even what remained of Olivia's glass. Olivia was pleased as she intentionally dragged their meal out so Alex would subconsciously keep drinking.

Alex wasn't falling down or embarrassingly drunk, but she was just drunk enough for what Olivia had in store. When they left the restaurant, Olivia walked around the corner and found a cab pretty quickly. She exchanged a look with the driver then gave him their home address.

A few blocks later, after playing with her phone while Alex was being lovey-dovey on her, she asked the driver if he minded to drive them to Queens.

"Why are we going there?" Alex said, realize what Liv said as they started to head out of downtown.

"Seems Maggie is crying a lot," Olivia said. "I told Kathy we'd just come get them."

"But, we can't bring all three kids in a cab," Alex said. She was still drunk, but coherent enough to make some sense.

"It's ok. Kathy said we could drive her SUV home, it has the car seats anyway and Elliot can just get it tomorrow when he's in the city," Olivia said. "Don't worry. I got it figured out."

Alex nodded and laid her head on Olivia. "Looks like we'll need a raincheck for what I had in store for you tonight."

"I'm sure we'll get to it soon enough," Olivia said, grinning as the blonde closed her eyes for the ride to Queens.

Alex woke up when she heard the driver speak, but didn't open her eyes just yet.

"Ok, we're here detective," the driver said. It confused Alex as to how he knew Olivia was a detective, but she figured they must have chatted while she was sleeping. It felt like she had been asleep for longer than a ride to Queens.

"Thanks, Gary," Olivia said. "I owe you."

Gary gave Olivia a hand wave, as a "don't mention it."

"Alex," Olivia whispered. "Come on, we're here."

Alex opened her eyes and raised up. When she got out of the car, she started looking around. It didn't look like Elliot's house. In fact, it looked nothing like Queens.

"Liv, where…"

"Come on," Olivia said, grinning from ear to ear and taking Alex's hand.

They approached a large house surrounded by trees. Alex was trying to take everything in. She still felt a few effects of the alcohol, but a lot of it had worn off while she was sleeping.

As they took the first step up on the porch, Alex realized where they were.

"We're at a B&B," Alex said. "We've been here."

"We have," Olivia said. She led Alex into the house, which was mostly dark, but dimly lit inside. She pulled a key out of her purse and unlocked a door on the first floor – the room they had stayed in during their first trip away.

Once the door was unlocked, Olivia pushed it open and stood back. She motioned for Alex to step in.

Alex did and saw small electric candles lit, what looked like photos of Olivia, her and the kids, and a dozen roses on a desk with a card in front of them. Olivia closed the door behind them.

Alex looked slowly around the room, trying to take everything in. She looked at the roses and the card that had her name on it.

"Read it," Olivia said quietly.

Alex reached for it and opened it up, pulling out a notecard with Olivia's handwriting on it.

" _The first time I told you I loved you was inside this room. You told me you loved me, too. It wasn't when I realized it, but it was when I got brave enough to acknowledge to myself how much I wanted a future with you – how much I wanted a family with you._

 _This B &B. This room, Alex – this is where I KNEW you were my future, and that only you could give me a life I'd only dreamt about. I knew that no matter what life threw at us, no matter how many ups and downs, and no matter how long we had to keep our relationship hiding, you would be worth every single second of it._

 _I have never wanted or loved anything as much as I love you. You are my life, Alex. I want forever with you. I want to grow old with you. I can't wait to watch our children and grandchildren grow up with you._

 _You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and there are no proper words to even explain to you how much I love you and how my heart fills with so much joy thinking about our life together._

 _I love you. I'll always love you."_

Tears fell down Alex's face. She knew what was happening, but it didn't make it any less surreal or breathing any easier.

Alex turned around and Olivia was on her knees, ring box in hand and looking up at Alex.

"Alexandra Cabot, you make me happier than I ever hoped or believed I deserved. You've given me more than I ever imagined. You make me love in more ways I ever believed possible. Will you marry me, Alex?"

The tears turned to sobs as Alex nodded yes and met Olivia on the floor.

"Yes," Alex said through the tears. "Yes, I will marry you."

Olivia took the ring out of the box and slid it on Alex's finger. The detective had her share of tears too.

Alex put her hands on Olivia's cheeks and kissed her hard, desperately.

"Olivia Benson, I love you too. You have given me a world I never imagined and have shown me what true love is about. You have healed my wounds and broken heart, and even when it's been difficult, we have fought to heal together. I can't imagine spending a single second of my life without you and our family. And I can't wait to be your wife and make you mine!"

When they finally parted, they stood up and sat on the bed.

"I don't understand, though," Alex said. "How did you…all this? And how much was that cab ride?"

"Well, I have been planning this since … well, since the kids came home when we had our time together to get our priorities straight," Olivia said.

She continued. "So, when I thought about where and how, this place just kept coming to mind of the place where I just KNEW. So today, I took the whole day off work to drive up here, get the room and everything ready with the owners. Elliot and Cragen covered for me. Kathy agreed to take the kids. I knew you'd want to go to the Indian place because you've been talking about it for weeks. So, I made a reservation sometime last week."

"That's how we got in so easily," Alex said, understanding.

"Gary – the cab driver – is an acquaintance. I've known him for years and I knew you would get suspicious if I wanted to drive us out to dinner, since we rarely drive for things like that when it's no kids and just us. Oh, and I purposely let you drink that entire bottle of wine."

"See, and I thought you were just getting me drunk so I'd do bad things to you later tonight," Alex smirked.

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed to that," Olivia said. "Anyway, I paid Gary to drive us up here. He'll pick us up Sunday, too. I knew with that much wine, you'd fall asleep on a ride this long. There are clothes in the dresser and closet."

"You really have thought of everything, huh?" Alex said.

"Yes," Olivia said. "Even more wine for us." Olivia nodded to the bottle of wine on the dresser. "I mean, since I didn't get any of my favorite wine earlier because I had to have a clear mind. And I was nervous to death."

"Why were you nervous?" Alex said.

"I was hoping it wasn't too soon since…You know," Olivia said. "I mean, I've already been rejected once."

"That was different."

"It was," Olivia said. "Which is why I had to make sure this was perfect. But I was just hoping that you were ready to move forward, too."

"I'm ready. I've been ready," Alex said leaning forward to kiss Olivia.

"Well, then…how about we get a bit more comfortable," Olivia said, sliding her hand around Alex's waist, and then down her thigh over that stunning black dress. She leaned forward and whispered in Alex's ear. "Because, as good as you look in that dress…you'll look better out of it."

* * *

 _Ok, this will have one follow-up chapter (and I'll give you some smut). Then it's the end of this story. The proposal was always the plan on where to stop it...of course, this family's story continues in the Noah Series (if you haven't read). So, next up is to finish up Noah Series (tho I may throw a new fic in the between.)_

 _Hope you enjoyed the proposal! Twitter - rileyclocks_


	62. The End

_A/N: Smut warning - but it's not all smut. If you don't want to read it (for some reason) skip down to the break._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 63: THE END**

The following morning, Olivia laid on her side watching her beautiful fiancé sleep. She couldn't believe how lucky she was. Not just that Alex loved her - though she felt like she was lucky for that - but that Alex had given her another chance against what Olivia knew was Alex's better judgment all those months ago.

Alex made her happier than she had ever been in her entire life and she almost lost it all. Their family was perfect, the things Olivia only ever dreamed of. It hadn't been easy, but Liv knew whatever happened to them - the five of them - that nothing in life could ever compare to waking up next to Alex and hearing the pitter-patter of their children's feet in the morning.

Of course, this morning was different, it was special. It was the first morning Olivia woke up next to Alex as her fiancé.

Alex laid there peaceful. They spent a lot of energy overnight and Olivia didn't want to wake her up, but it was hard not to want to touch Alex. She was still naked - they both were - only covered by a sheet. Olivia reached up and brushed Alex's hair back out of her eyes, tucking the blonde strand behind her ears. Then she saw it - the biggest, most beautiful smile she'd ever seen.

"Good morning," Alex said sleepily forcing her eyes open.

Olivia leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. "Good morning, my future bride."

Alex blushed.

"I love you," Olivia said. "Thank you for making my life better and for being such a wonderful mother to our children."

"Well, I can say the same to you, but...also..." Alex got a mischievous grin.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for last night," Alex said. "I mean, the proposal was perfect, but afterward..."

Now it was Olivia's turn to blush.

"What time to we have to be up for breakfast?" Alex asked.

Olivia moved closer and draped her legs over Alex's. She slid her hand around Alex's waist.

"When we want," Olivia said.

"Don't they have certain times?" Alex said, confused.

"Usually, yes," Olivia said. "But, we're conveniently the only ones here. And so...we have free reign of the house and kitchen whenever we want all weekend long."

"How did you manage that?" Alex said. "I mean, we're the only people with reservations?"

"I may have rented the entire place," Olivia said. "I just wanted it to be special and us to have privacy."

"You really did think of everything," Alex said, again.

"That's to be seen, but I am thinking of something right now?" Olivia said raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, yea? And what's that?" Alex teased back.

Olivia pushed the sheet away and rolled on top of Alex. Like the first time they made love, she hovered over Alex, looking her in the eyes and pushing her hair back. Alex smiled back, her desire evident by the look in her eyes.

"I can't wait to marry you, Alex Cabot," she said.

Before Alex could respond, Olivia leaned down, letting her full body weight press against Alex as she pressed their lips together. Her hand slid down Alex's soft arms as her tongue probed farther into Alex's mouth, sliding in and out and her hands continued to wander farther down.

Alex loved it when she kissed her like that. It was less forceful and more desperate are feeling. When Olivia pulled Alex's thigh up on her, Alex wrapped her leg around the back of Olivia's. Her hands caressed Olivia's back and when the brunette's tongue made it's way to her neck, her nails dug in and she pulled Liv closer, needing to feel more of her, and desperate for more contact in her lower half.

Soon after, Alex felt Olivia sliding down her body, her hands on her breasts, lips on her collarbone. When Liv's lips touched Alex's breasts, she gasped at the contact from her tongue teasing her nipple with the tip. When Liv's teeth very gently tugged at her nipple, Alex became vocal.

"Fuck, Liv...so good," Alex gasped.

Olivia continued making her way down Alex's body letting her tongue trail down Alex's abdomen, stomach, inner thighs. "God, Liv..." Alex breathed when Liv's tongue slid between her. Alex's hands moved from Olivia's head and neck to the bed, where she found herself clutching the sheets as Olivia dug her hands into Alex's hips and began to work her tongue around Alex's clit.

Olivia knew just want Alex needed and more importantly, what she wanted. Her tongue slid inside Alex before twisting with the tip up to her clit, then back down.

Alex tilted her head back, feeling Olivia bringing her closer to orgasm, only to bring her back down and back up again. Olivia liked to tease her, but just until she knew Alex couldn't take it anymore.

Olivia finally spread Alex's legs farther apart, which naturally wanted to close in on her.

"Liv, please, I can't ... take...much...more..." Alex begged.

Finally, Olivia locked in, letting her tongue do it's magic as Alex fought to raise her hips, only to be pushed down by Olivia as Alex came beneath her.

"Liv...I love you so fucking much. You're amazing," Alex said, panting.

After a few minutes of catching their breath, Olivia looked at Alex.

"You ready for breakfast?" Olivia said. "I know I've worked up an appetite."

"I bet you have," Alex said. "Let me get cleaned up and I'll be right there...when I can walk."

A few minutes later, Olivia had bagels spread out on the table with a bowl of fresh fruit. Alex walked in, surprised to see so much.

"Fresh bagels?" Alex said.

"Yeah, delivered by the owners earlier this morning before you woke," Olivia grinned. "I thought we could make some eggs if you want."

"That sounds good," Alex said, wandering over to the fridge. "Scrambled ok?"

"If I said I wanted an omelet would it turn into the scrambled eggs anyway?" Olivia said.

"Probably," Alex said.

"Then scrambled eggs it is," Olivia said.

Alex began to cook the eggs as Olivia sat at the island bar watching. She looked around, remember they did have the place to themselves and had an idea.

She walked over and slid her hands around Alex's waist.

"What are you doing, Liv?" Alex said.

"I was just thinking...I mean, we're all alone..." Olivia said.

"Babe, after last night, and I literally still feel the effects of what you just did to me not that long ago," Alex said. "Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could..."

"Oh, really?" Olivia said. "Is that a challenge?"

Alex turned around and looked at her with a funny smile. "Are you serious?"

Olivia cocked her head and smirked. "Is that a no?" Her lips grazed Alex's neck under her ear as she asked.

Alex's entire body tingled again. She wasn't sure how Olivia did that to her.

"No...it's not a no..." Alex said, breathing slowly. "Just turn off..."

Before Alex could finish, Olivia reached behind the blonde and turned the stove off. Then she flipped her around against the open counter. She pressed up against Alex, holding her hands down on the counter as she kissed her.

She slid her hand down the front of Alex's pants and wrapped an arm around her back to support her.

"You're still wet?" Olivia said.

"Or wet again?" Alex smirked. "God, Liv, the things you do to me."

As Olivia slipped her hand between Alex's legs again, the blonde felt herself grasping onto the counters, knees buckling. This time, Olivia didn't tease. She knew Alex literally couldn't take it. She worked her fingers fast and hard, easing up only when she felt Alex whimper because she was still sensitive.

"Livvv...please...right there...don't stop..." Alex panted. Finally, her head went back and she lost all control of her body, Olivia feeling her knees collapse even more. "Fuck!"

Olivia grinned as she wrapped her arms around Alex to hold her up and pulled her close.

"How do you do that?" Alex said.

"It's easy when I want nothing more than to please you and make you happy for the rest of our lives," Olivia said. "And...you are pretty magical yourself."

"I definitely need breakfast now...I'm just not sure if I can stand to finish cooking it," Alex said.

"I have an idea," Olivia said. "You go clean up ... again. Get back in bed, and I'll make the eggs. We'll eat in bed."

"Liv..." Alex hugged Olivia. "This weekend has been amazing. You don't have to do all this...I know you love me."

"Alex, I want to," Olivia said. "I know that you know I love you, but I just want to show you, to have this special weekend for both of us. So when we're old and gray, we can look back on it and remember how special it was. Even if it's just little things like breakfast in bed."

"Or kitchen sex?" Alex smirked.

"Or kitchen sex," Olivia said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

#

Sunday afternoon, their weekend was coming to an end and they rode back into town with Gary feeling relaxed and happier than they had ever been. They were also looking forward to seeing the kids.

When they got back in the city, he dropped them in front of their apartment and helped get their bags out.

"Should we go get the kids now?" Alex said. "I'm sure Kathy and Elliot are ready to be done with them."

"Let's get our bags upstairs and then we'll figure it out," Olivia said.

When they arrived at their apartment, Olivia put the key in and fumbled with it for a bit, dropping her keys in the process and making a bit of a racket. She finally pushed the door open and let Alex go first.

"After you," she said.

Alex was welcome with a large homemade banner that said congratulations and was greeted by Noah and Addie jumping out and yelling surprise. Caroline and John Cabot were on the couch.

"What? How? I thought you all were with the Stablers?" Alex said to the kids, knowing they probably wouldn't answer.

"They were, but Kathy and Elliot just dropped them off a bit ago," Caroline said. "We tried to get them to stay, but they insisted on family time."

"Are you having a wedding?" Noah asked Alex.

Alex smiled big. "Yes, we are," she said. "How do you know about that?" She gave Olivia a loving glance.

"Well, they didn't until yesterday," Olivia explained. "I mean, I let Elliot and Kathy know my plans, but until I was sure you'd say yes, we kept them in the dark until I called and told them we were getting married and asked them to help with the surprise. Then the Stabler girls helped them with the banner."

"And you all just happened to show up?" Alex said to her parents.

"I asked them to be here," Olivia said. "They're family and they knew I was going to ask you because I asked your dad for permission."

"And I gave it to her, not that she actually needed my permission," John said.

"Well, blessing let's say," Olivia said. "Again, I didn't tell them exactly when I just made sure they were free today in case. I hope it's ok. I just...I wanted us to have our moment and time together, but it also felt right to include our kids...and our family." She glanced at the elder Cabots.

Alex was crying, again. She grabbed Olivia's faced and kissed her passionately, not caring that the kids and her parents were in the room.

"Ewwww!" Noah said, giggling, which also made Addie do the same, although she was too young to really know why.

"I love you, Olivia Benson," Alex said. "Or...should I say...the future Mrs. Benson-Cabot?"

* * *

 _A/N: It's been so much fun writing this couple that turned into this family. This portion of the story has come to an end, but of course, you know it continued in the Noah Series, that picks up when Noah turns 13. I'll be working on tying up some loose ends on that one next, but wanted to finish this. Thanks for reading, for the reviews, the ideas, and all the love._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


End file.
